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Saying Goodbye After a Visit: 6 Proven Ways to Make it Easier

If one of the best feelings is when the wait is finally over and you’re in each other’s arms.

Then, saying goodbye to your long distance partner after a visit has to be one of the worst.

But here’s the good news:

If goodbyes are heartbreaking, it means the love and emotional connection you have with each other is worth fighting for.

That doesn’t mean long distance relationship depression after a visit won’t kick in. But we can learn how to navigate it.

Here’s what will help before, during, and after saying goodbye in a long distance relationship.

How to Make Goodbyes Easier in a Long Distance Relationship

1.  try to keep your mind in the present before departure day.

The first time Mike and I met we spent two weeks together. Towards the end of that two weeks we were at the house of some mutual friends, in Melbourne, and both of us had an evening where we felt tired, quiet, and low. One of my friends looked at us that night and remarked, “you two are already saying goodbye, aren’t you?”

She was right, we were. We knew we’d be parting ways in 48 hours for an indefinite amount of time, and it was dragging us down.

So it can be hard to do this (I know!) but try to keep your mind in the present while you’re together. Don’t waste too much time and energy thinking about goodbyes or what will come next. Especially if you have less than a week together, focus on actually being together. You’ll have plenty of time to think or talk about what comes next after you say goodbye.

2.  Plan to do something that will be good for you after saying goodbye

Plan something that’s good for you after you bid farewell. This might not always be what you feel like doing in the moment, but you know yourself.

If going out for dinner with friends will be better for you than staying home alone watching TV and eating a whole container of Ben & Jerry’s (always my preferred method of dealing with goodbyes) then go out to dinner. Do this even if what you would rather do in the moment is stay at home with the TV and the ice cream.

Ask yourself what will be good for you, not just what may feel good in the moment (although sometimes they’re the same thing). When they’re not the same thing, though, do the thing that is good for you.

3.  Remember you’ll be on an emotional roller coaster for the next few days, in particular

Long distance relationships put everyone on an emotional roller coaster. Some weeks, however, the climbs and drops and loops are steeper and faster than usual.

In the first few days to a week after saying goodbye following a visit, you’ll probably be in a real up-and-down section.

The ups are really fun—and the happiness and energy you can get from looking at photos and reliving a visit usually feels awesome. But there will probably be some down times mixed in there, too—moments when you feel really depressed , or second-guess yourself or your relationship, or feel overwhelmed by wondering if you’ll ever be able to make it work.

During the down times it can help to remember that you’re on a roller coaster, and this section of the track will pass. Just hold on and hang in there.

4.  Do something nice for your significant other

After they’re gone, take some of that post-visit energy and do something nice for your significant other. Put together a care package, send them a postcard, or write them a write them a bunch of open when letters .

This is a great way to do something with all your pent-up emotions and give your partner a real boost when they receive it, a week or so later. Because, chances are, they’ll get your package right around the time they’re starting to hit a post-visit low.   

5.  Do all that life admin that needs doing

Look, I’m not saying that coming home from dropping your partner off at the airport and putting on two loads of laundry is fun. It’s not. But if you’re going to feel low you might as well feel low AND like you’ve taken care of some life admin “stuff” that needs doing.

So clean the bathroom, put the laundry on, do the grocery shopping and organize what you’re going to eat for the week, pay some bills, buy those things you never get around to picking up (hello, oven cleaner and paper towels). Do something that needs doing. That way you can feel like you’ve accomplished something, and that’s moving in the right emotional direction.

6. Start planning for the next hello

After the sadness of a goodbye, it can really help to start planning quickly for the next hello!

When will you be able to see each other again? It doesn’t matter how far into the future that’s going to have to be. Even if you know you’ll have to wait a year or more, start planning now for when and how you’ll be able to see each other next. It will give you something to start looking forward to, right when you’re probably feeling your most depressed.  

How Will You Deal With Saying Goodbye?

Remember, it’s totally normal to feel broken and even cry when saying goodbye to your long distance partner.

If they leave, or you come home from saying goodbye and the house (and your life) feels completely and unnaturally empty without them nearby, that means you care.

Let the heartache remind you that this whole long distance thing is worth it, and that you will see each other again.

How long the heartache continues is totally up to you. Learn what helps make them slightly easier for you, and lean into them when you start to struggle.

If you still find it hard, we recommend joining our free LDR Support Group where you can chat with other long distance couples that have had to navigate similar issues when it comes to saying goodbye and what they did to make it bearable.

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How Long-Distance Relationships Affect Your Mental Health

Barbara is a writer and speaker who is passionate about mental health, overall wellness, and women's issues.

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor at Yeshiva University’s clinical psychology doctoral program.

Phiromya Intawongpan / Getty Images

Long-distance relationships can be problematic for the growth of a healthy relationship. The ramifications can also affect your mental health in negative ways. But it's also possible to thrive in a long-distance relationship. Distance can indeed make the heart grow fonder.

What Being Apart Does to Your Brain

When you’re not living in the same household or near your partner, distance alone can increase your levels of stress . Results of one study indicated that being in a long-distance relationship was associated with more individual and relationship stress than being in a proximal relationship.

Because you are physically, mentally, and emotionally not as close to your partner, you might not get enough of the feel-good neurotransmitters or “happy hormones”: dopamine and serotonin. Both affect your gut health.

Dopamine also affects movement. This happy hormone is associated with pleasure and rewards. Substance abuse can, however, lower your levels of dopamine. Low levels of dopamine can adversely affect your neurocognitive functioning and is linked to major depressive disorder .

Here are common symptoms to let you know you might have inadequate levels of dopamine:

• Inattentiveness
• Lacking motivation or drive
• Inability to concentrate
• Difficulty sleeping
• Forgetfulness
• Lack of interest in sex

Serotonin is associated with feeling good, too. You can compensate for not seeing your partner regularly by adjusting your diet, exercising regularly, and spending time in the sunshine.   The Cleveland Clinic says serotonin plays a key role in the regulation of your mood, sleep, and sexual desire. 

Signs of serotonin deficiency you should pay attention to include:

• Mood fluctuations
• Disrupted sleep
• Appetite loss
• Problems with memory and learning

When you’re not residing in the same city and you can’t reach your significant other, your imagination might take over. Are they out with someone else? Are they being unfaithful ? Do they still care?

The physical distance between you both influences the development of romantic relationships or the demise of them according to one study . Scientists analyzed the partnership progression of couples in nonresidential relationships. Participants included couples aged 20-40 years old. They focused on the variable of distance in travel time between the partners’ homes.

Short-distance relationships meant the partners had to travel less than one hour. Long-distance relationships required travel of one hour or more.   Findings showed that couples in long-distance relationships were more likely to separate than those living a short distance away.  

Lack of trust might have contributed to the end of these relationships. Without trust, some people are filled with fear and anxiety. Just ask yourself if you’re suspicious about the other person, are you being reasonable? Or perhaps you might realize this lack of faith in your partner stems from your own low self-esteem , childhood trauma, or negative past dating experiences. 

Communication

Effective communication enables you both to feel seen and heard. Both people in a couple need to be on board with committing to and maintaining the relationship, especially when miles separate you.  It’s a good idea to plan regular times to catch up and share your experiences so you both feel secure in knowing when you’ll connect.

Using texts and Facetime can facilitate more communication and increase the odds that you will stay together. Good morning and good night texts are nice to receive, too. Based on a recent study, texting helps long-distance relationships by keeping both people in touch.

Be sure you don’t argue over texts and don’t rely solely on texts. Texts don’t replace hearing the other person’s voice and tone via phone. Nor does it take the place of reading their body language through video conferencing.

Here are some tips to enhance your communication when you’re dating long distance:

• Listen with empathy
• Validate your partner
• Eliminate defensiveness
• Don’t avoid difficult conversations
• Try not to be critical
• Remind yourselves of the positives in the relationship
• Hang out together when doing chores
• Send little gifts
• Plan times to be together

Physical Intimacy

Touch is critical to the health and well-being of human beings. Cuddling, holding hands and kissing are ways couples show affection to each other. Oxytocin, the cuddle hormone, helps bond us to each other in a relationship.

So, if your partner is living and working on the other side of the country, for the sake of your mental health and your relationship, be sure you get hugs from friends and family or book a massage. Physical touch is still super important for your well-being, even if it's not from your partner.

One of the most important factors in sustaining a healthy romantic relationship is healthy sex and physical intimacy . So if you can’t be together, you can text flirty messages or participate in phone sex. Be spontaneous . If you get yourself out of your comfort zone a little bit, you might be surprised by how it goes.

A Word From Verywell

  Relationships fail due to challenges with trust, communication and intimacy. If you’re having problems with these issues, turn to a trusted psychologist or online therapist and don’t give up. Long-distance relationships can thrive if you work together.

Be sure to also take care of your own needs and have an open mind. Safeguarding your mental health while participating in a long-distance dating relationship or a long-distance marriage is crucial.

Du Bois SN, Sher TG, Grotkowski K, Aizenman T, Slesinger N, Cohen M. Going the distance: health in long-distance versus proximal relationships.  The Family Journal . 2016;24(1):5-14.

Krapf S. Moving in or Breaking Up? The Role of Distance in the Development of Romantic Relationships.  Eur J Popul . 2017;34(3):313-336. Published 2017 May 24. doi:10.1007/s10680-017-9428-2

Holtzman S, Kushlev K, Wozny A, Godard R. Long-distance texting: Text messaging is linked with higher relationship satisfaction in long-distance relationships.  J Soc Pers Relat . 2021;38(12):3543-3565. doi:10.1177/02654075211043296

By Barbara Field Barbara is a writer and speaker who is passionate about mental health, overall wellness, and women's issues.

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Ask ammanda, my long distance partner has depression.

I'm 21 and a student at uni. I’ve been with my partner for six years. She’s doing a postgrad in Design Studies at Harvard.

Despite the long distance relationship for the past year, we text every day and support each other emotionally.  Recently she disclosed that she’s suffering from depression and clearly feels nobody sees or cares about her talent (which is considerable). Her self-esteem is very low and she has told me she hates herself. I have my own life and worries of course, but I love her and want to do right by her. She means a lot to me. 

But sometimes I think I may be making her depression worse. We get into heated discussions about abstract issues over text, she gets frustrated over not being able to express herself properly and even physically harms herself. I find the discussions stimulating, but I don't always realise when she's getting upset. Stupidly, I tend to assume she's feeling the same way as I am. 

Yesterday she said she needed some time off from talking to me because she's mentally ill and has to focus on her work - she says talking to me is making her feel worse. I'm really worried about her. If it's best for her that we stay apart, then I will do that. I love her and want her to be happy and if that means never talking to her again, or stepping back for a while, I'll do it. 

You’re certainly not stupid. What you are though is a concerned partner who is very worried about someone they care about yet doesn’t know what to do. Lots of people feel like this at some point in their relationships. It can make us feel helpless and useless in equal measure. Weirdly, we can also end up feeling just like the partner we’re worrying about. But here’s a suggestion for what you might do.

The first thing to recognise is that although I’m sure you want this more than anything else in the world right now – you can’t make this better for her. She has identified what she needs to do to help her recover or feel stronger – maybe it’s both of these things. Sad though it is, part of that journey for her is to focus on this rather than be distracted by you. I know this will seem very harsh but I think you should be guided by her wishes. Equally, let her know that if she wants to have contact then you’ll be there. Now the issue with this approach, of course, is that you too have a life that needs to be lived and sometimes it can be very difficult to know when to decide that a much loved relationship has run its course. This is particularly true if we’ve been with a partner who has withdrawn due to mental or physical health problems. Nobody really wants to think of themselves as the one who disappeared when their partner may have needed them most. Doing this is seriously not a good look - nonetheless at some point, it may actually be the right thing for both of you. But you’re not there yet.

Secondly, it might be helpful to reflect on how you may have both changed in recent times. From what you tell me, you’ve been together since you were fifteen. Regardless of the intensity of feeling, we change as we move through our teens into our early twenties. What seemed bright early on can start to dim as we embrace what’s ‘out there’. At the risk of being very challenging here, perhaps in one way your partner is trying to tell you she’s changed and needs to move on. It’s often really difficult to share this with someone you have loved and sometimes people become emotionally distressed – depressed or highly anxious - when the real issue is that they have something to say but can’t say it directly. I have no idea if this is the case here, but I think you’re showing me that you want to consider every possibility and that’s one for consideration. 

Equally, her mental health issues may come from somewhere completely different – perhaps work, fear of failure and so on. Most people experience feelings like this at some point. There’s nothing wrong with feeling like this and it’s a shame that such feelings often get labelled as ‘medical’ when in fact, they’re a normal response to feeling overwhelmed. Perhaps your partner has identified that she needs to take time away from things she knows and work out what’s going on for her. Obviously you’re not actually with her, but you can still encourage her to seek any help that she might find useful - just be careful not to crowd her out. This obviously isn’t helpful and can start to feel like additional pressure. 

Self-harming, however, always needs supportive help. I’m sure you’re concerned as you don’t know if she is talking with anyone about what’s going on for her. Counselling can really assist people to understand things differently and make changes, so if you were offering suggestions to her you could ask for reassurance that she is accessing help of some sort. 

I’m wondering, too, if her family is aware of her distress. Obviously in the absence of any information about your family relationships I can’t really comment, but there is a decision to be made by you as to whether to share your concerns with someone from her immediate family. This is a delicate issue because at the end of the day, people are entitled not to disclose information to others if they don’t want to. Often though, things can get worse when partners feel isolated. Linking this to her sense that no-one cares, it might be opportune to consider sharing what she has told you with her mum or dad, sibling or friend. Yes, it could backfire horribly and although telling tales out of school never goes down well, this is a different order of things and her welfare is very important as you have so clearly identified.

Thirdly, you’ve also been reflecting on how you approach conversation and debate with her. You’ve identified that you don’t always ‘get it’ by failing to notice when the conversation has become difficult or when she’s upset. This is something you could work on. While we all say things badly sometimes and cause unintentional hurt to partners, it’s important to recognise this and take steps to do things differently. Perhaps just listening to her might have made a difference, rather than having spirited debate. Although your shared debating might have seemed like good competitive fun when it started, it’s hard to feel ‘spirited’ when you’re very down, so maybe you may have enjoyed it a bit too much and as a result missed some cues here and just carried on regardless. Or perhaps you’re someone who finds it difficult to read other people’s emotions. This is the case for lots of people and the trick then is to acknowledge this and work out ways that you can each help each other to understand when conversations are going AWOL.

So finally, I’d suggest that you agree to what she is asking but make it clear that you’re concerned and there to listen if that would be helpful. Encourage her to get some help and see if it’s possible to occasionally check in together to see how she is – but remember – no spirited debate.

Maybe you’ll come through this together, maybe the relationship will end. But if that’s the case, what you’ve had has clearly been a very important, valued part of your lives together and that will always be something you can look back on and nurture. But risking that somewhat patronising stance of ‘you’re still very young’, you actually do have your whole life ahead of you and sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to acknowledge what we’ve had and move on. It’s painful, upsetting and can leave us with a sense of ‘what could I have done differently’. But here’s the thing … learning from relationships is one of the great pluses of being in one. We can take what we have learned into new ones and perhaps not make the same mistakes again. I hope you and she find a way forward together, but if that’s not the case then there will be new relationships waiting for you. You just have to realise that it’s OK to acknowledge this.

Ammanda Major is a sex and relationship therapist and our Head of Service Quality and Clinical Practice

If you have a relationship worry you would like some help with send a message to Ammanda.

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10 Stages of a Long Distance Relationship

Every relationship is beautiful in its own way. If you are living together, living in the same country, or a long-distance relationship. A long-distance relationship is falling for a person who lives far apart. A long-distance relationship is all about mutual understanding between the couple. It is about facing many challenges and still finding a way for love. There is a constant pattern in a long-distance relationship.

You have to face lots of hardships, lots of ups and downs, lots of problems. However, your trust in each other can solve any hurdles in a relationship if you want to know that your partner loves you. Then a long-distance relationship is one way to find it.

There may be a lot of obstacles, but in the end, only true love will find its way. You can always know about your partner’s personality through the type of movies they watch. Hence, you can opt for the cheapest spectrum cable packages and plan a virtual movie night.

10 stages in a long distance relationship

Here are some of the stages you will face while being in a long-distance relationship.

1. First meeting and desirability

The first stage of a long distance relationship is meeting each other. The first meeting is the most initial stage of every kind of relationship. In the meet-up, you may or may not fall in love at first sight, but you will never forget the charm of your first meeting.

The charm of the first meeting is pun intended for most people. The first meeting is all about observing each other’s style and personality, which is all about facing each other. It is all about how and in what way you deal with them.

In addition, the first meet-up in a long-distance relationship is so delightful for both of the partners because they cannot meet each other so casually and easily.

They might be meeting each other after a decade. In today’s era, social media takes over everything, and social media is a platform on which you find your true love and communicate with them. Nowadays, people, especially teenagers, prefer to find their love from social media, gaming platforms, or dating apps.

They talk to each other, and if they like each other, they start to date. Then their first meet-up is the glory for them. The desires they have for each other.

However, sometimes you just want to be their friend, or you do not want to commit to anything, so you start it by being friends and then when you feel like there is something in our bond and there is more than friendship, then you try to look forward and give a special name to your relationship.

2. Confronting the distance at starting of the relationship

The second of the stages of a long distance relationship is talking about the distance and what you will do about it. Starting a long distance relationship is tricky, and both partners should be on the same page.

While in a relationship, you have to be honest with your partner from day one. Moreover, you have to tell them about you being apart from your loved ones from the start.

Usually, a long-distance relationship begins when you have to move out due to your job, education, or any other financial reason. Be clear, be consistent and be communicative to your partner because you have to face so many problems communicating to each other to fill out the gap of not meeting face to face.

Being in a relationship, you have to take care of each other and care for each other’s feelings.

You have to be there for each other, and you have to free your time to talk to your loved ones. If you cannot physically be there for each other in a long-distance relationship, you should be there for your partner on face-times, calls, and texts.

You may even question whether your partner is loyal to you or are you fulfilling your commitments, but the only answer is that you have to trust your partner, and you have to keep in touch with your partner and communicate your problems as much as you can.

Read this paper to understand what it takes to make a long distance relationship work.

3. Building trust in the relationship

The third stage of a long distance relationship is to build qualities such as trust.

Trust is the key foundation of any relationship. The foundation of trust can be shaken in a long-distance relationship. You cannot understand the circumstances of your better half living in a different place. Full stop. It is entirely different from living in the same city.

You do not know where they are and what they are up to. The level of trust in a long-distance relationship should be top-notch. When you are not living together with your loved one, it is hard to control different scenarios. Negative emotions try to impact what you are thinking.

Sometimes you are not thinking straight because they are out with their friends. Anger and jealousy affect the bond you have with the other person. You have to ignore little things and build trust that is rock hard.

The emotion of possessiveness should not be confused with the emotion of trust. If you can ignore these things, you have a way ahead with your long-distance partner. Something’s just trying to kill their time by going out, so do not feel ignored as they are going through a lot too.

4. Checking up on each other and plan your long distance dates

The fourth stage of a long distance relationship is trying to make things work and ensuring you get to see each other as often as possible.

While in a long-distance relationship, you may be busy; your work schedule is not much. You may not be available for your loved ones at that moment. Nevertheless, planning can help you. You can plan when you are free and if your work schedule is free.

Therefore, you can plan your weekend and spend it with your loved ones. Try to connect yourself more often and delight each other with your presence. Checking up on each other, planning a date, and cherishing all the beautiful moments with each other.

Even the most extended call will be the shortest for you when your relationship begins, and you fall in love. However, in the end, you will get through it.

Plan something exciting like visiting a cinema hall, going to the hills for hiking, or trying different adventurous stuff with your partner. It will make you feel good about yourself, and you will love all the experience.

Plan vacations, go to your dream place, enjoy when you have time, and fill up all the gaps and things you had missed when you were apart.

5. The stress and anxiety in a long distance relationships

The fifth of the emotional stages of a long distance relationship is when one or both of you start to get anxious about the distance. Stress in long distance relationships about what will happen eventually can be challenging to deal with.

This is another stage in the long-distance relationship. When you are not living with your partner or physically distant, it influences your overall mental health. Little things like your partner putting up a happy Instagram post can affect what you are thinking. This is one of the early stages of long distance dating.

The negative emotions capture your mind differently. You feel like they are having all the fun, and you are being treated in the worst possible way. This is not a helping step in your long-distance relationship. Not every day is Sunday, and we have different emotions to cope with.

There are days when you are feeling low, and there are days when you are high on energy. It all depends on your equation with your partner. Overthinking can ruin a long distance relationship. Do not stress about little things.

Always trust your partner and believe their side of the story. Communication is the key. Try to communicate about little things. Tell them about your day, tell them you love them, and trust them.

6. Sending presents, flowers, and letters to your loved ones

The sixth stage of a long distance relationship is to send each other presents or notes to let them know they are loved, even from a distance. Efforts in long-distance relationships are critical.

While being in a long-distance relationship, you have to face so many things. You even have to enjoy your success solely, but sometimes if your partner is free, they will come and surprise you, but if they are busy, they may send you some gifts and love letters, which will be so special for you.

Writing for your loved one is one of the most beautiful ways of expressing your love . Your loved one will get so happy if he receives your cute beautiful love note when they are overburdened by the work pressure or burden of books on their shoulders.

Chocolates and flowers can help too. They can make it look more pleasing. In addition, a unique gift can be the subscription of reasonable spectrum cable packages.

Maybe you cannot hug your partner when you need him, but a letter can make them feel good about themselves and may feel the warmth of your love. Sending love and care packages maybe the beautiful memories of being in a long-distance relationship.

Sometimes putting effort into your relationship can make your partner feel more meaningful and special.

How different are long distance relationships from relationships where both people are located in the same geographical area? Read this research to find out.

7. Post-visit depression

The seventh stage of a long distance relationship is when you feel depressed and sad after you have just visited each other. Feelings of sadness and depression in long distance relationships can be very common.

It is hard for some people to accept the distance in their relationship. They might be depressed about it and have anxiety and question when we will meet them? Are they the right choice for us?

However, we have to overcome this feeling if we love our partner truly. Talk to them and clear out all the assumptions in your mind. You do not have to isolate yourself when in a long-distance relationship. Go out with friends and enjoy yourself often, have movie nights with your siblings, and talk to your parents.

Make yourself busy in other activities, and do not feel like you are alone. Talk to your loved ones about your day. Meanwhile, if you miss the love of your partner, then ask them if they are free. They can visit you, or you can go visit them.

In the meantime, plan different activities with your partner. Do them virtually, or if you are free, you can do it physically. Look out for special deals and discounts on things they like. You can also help them look for a reasonable cable package to fade away the feelings of loneliness.

8. Perceive your relationship differently

The eighth stage of a long distance relationship is when you may have differences of opinion, especially when it comes to your relationship.

You should always think about different ways of making your relationship strong. Think differently out of the box. Act mature adults who are deeply and madly in love. Do everything to strengthen your relationship. Think about your good days with your partner.

Always encourage the little things you both are doing. All the efforts matter a lot when you live away from your partner. Try to establish a connection with your partner emotionally or spiritually.

Put your heart and soul into your relationship. When you feel like things are slipping away, remember all the good memories with the other person. This way, in the heart, you will know that the other person is worthy enough to fight all these challenges.

Think ok about your future and that you people will be together again soon. These hardships will define you as a couple, so stay strong and stick together. It is like the couple who slay together and stay together, cherish the goods and enjoy little things. Ignore the negativity around you and enjoy the positives of life.

9. Moving forward

The ninth stage of a long distance relationship is understanding the way forward.

There may come the point in a long-distance relationship where you feel like it will not work. You tend to realize that it is irrational to maintain your relationship. You lack the feeling of physical connection you have with the other person.

You have certain regrets and doubts that are overpowering your relationship. I will tell you that letting go is a wise decision for the peers around you. Your family will give you the bright side of your future. You will think that it is better to end the relationship for the well-being of each other, and it is time to move forward.

10. Commitment in a relationship

The tenth stage of a long distance relationship is finally committing to each other.

Nevertheless, if you see the other side of the coin, you will see heartbreak. Deep inside, you will feel connected and committed to your better half. However, you will have your weak points, but letting go is not a choice.

Do not commit to a long-distance relationship because of any fear of breaking up. Commit only if you feel like committing to this relationship. If you both feel like staying together, you can work things out.

In the end, not every relationship is the same. Every couple feels and behaves differently. You might give some stages and encounter some of the stages. If you are more like friends, you tend to skip many stages because you know the other person inside-out.

You can view things out of a romance, but the level of trust in female arity will differ. A long-distance relationship requires a lot of time to mature into a long-term commitment. Every relationship’s end goal is to last until eternity or a lifetime stop.

Do not let any state overshadow your relationship. If you feel light staying in any relationship, make it happen. So tackle your relationship in a way you feel like it is right.

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Mike Jones is one of those people who loves to shed light on the dynamics of a long-distance relationship. He is a staunch supporter of the fact that if you want things to work out, the world will be on your side. He is of the point of view that long-distance relationships can work out through zest Read more and zeal. Through the spectrum internet , you can stay connected to transform your long-distance relationship into a healthy and happier one. A reliable connection through communication is the key to success. Read less

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HOW TO DEAL WITH LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP DEPRESSION

Mental Awareness Month has been observed in the United States since May of 1949. Approximately  20% of the American adult population suffers from a Mental health condition  in their lifetime. Every citizen is impacted by this and we each can do something to help those who are directly affected. 

It is easy for someone in a long-distance relationship to get lonely and depressed when they have to spend significant time apart from their partner. If you or your partner are in this situation you may want to know how to deal with long-distance relationship depression. It is common for people in long-distance relationships to report symptoms of mild depression such as difficulty concentrating, general disinterest in things, difficulty sleeping, and feeling blue. 

If you are in a long-distance relationship, you will without a doubt miss your partner every day. If you’ve never been in a long-distance relationship but have a pet, think about going on a trip outside the country and having to leave your pet. Yes, you will leave them in the care of someone you trust but you will miss their presence. When you are alone in bed cuddling a pillow instead of your puppy, how do you feel? You miss your pet and probably spend the majority of your time scrolling through their pictures. Being in a long-distance relationship is similar to that, except these are the feelings each partner encounters every day. 

Not all people will react to a long-distance relationship in this way. Some people need the separation and the miles and note that it makes their time together all the better. Some will miss their partners but still manage to stay above depression while others will just not be able to do so. 

There is of course a difference between missing your partner and feeling a little sad about it and depression. You can even cry about it and still not be depressed. It is true that even close distance couples get sad when they have to be apart from their partner. 

The real glue that holds it all together is communication. Communication is key in every relationship whether long distance, close distance, romantic relationship, or platonic relationship they all work better when people communicate. 

Here are a couple of ways that can help you and your partner get through depression brought on by the distance between you both. 

1. HAVE A VIRTUAL DATE

Video calls are a great way to feel better about your partner being so far away. You can set up a dinner date with your partner over a video call. There are a number of platforms available nowadays that can be used for video calls. Take the time to eat and talk about your day, even though you are not physically together you can plan the date so it is as close as possible to the real thing. Both of you can prepare the same meal or purchase the same bottle of wine so the date can feel closer to a real date than a virtual date. 

2. KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE 

When you have a support group of close friends and family members around you it will be easier to forget the sadness that being so far from your partner brings. Go out with your friends, spend time with them at their house and invite them over to yours. Engage in social activities that keep both of you positive, active, and happy. 

3. PLAY SOME MUSIC

Music can help to soothe the soul, as they say, it can be medicine. Music is known to help people clear their minds and to refocus their thoughts and energies. Choose upbeat songs that will cheer you up, no sad love songs as these will only increase your feelings of sadness.  

4. READ A BOOK

Choose a book that is inspiring or will otherwise bring you positive feelings. Some people may benefit from reading messages from their partners. 

5. SEND A CARE PACKAGE 

Do something nice for your partner by sending them a care package. Send them something they will really enjoy. It doesn’t have to be something you buy, it can be something you make. You can even simply write them a love letter and send it in an email. 

6. TALK ABOUT IT 

Let it all out, say how you feel even if there is no one to listen. While it can be really hard to talk about depression, it helps. If you feel like you don’t have anybody to talk to, you can always talk to a professional here at  ESTADT Psychological Services . For some, talking to a neutral non-judgemental party is the best option if you are worried about how the people around you will react. 

Do you struggle with depression? We have clinicians expert on depression, feel free to read about them , or book a free consultation to review your situation.

7. CREATE A ROUTINE 

Your days may feel like they are melting into each other when you are missing your partner and are feeling depressed. Especially if all you can think about is them. Creating a routine can help to remove the fixation you have on missing your partner. You don’t want to get stuck in a rut as this can eat away at your entire life structure and cause the depression to deepen to the point where you cannot function. 

When you create a structure and stick to it, your focus will be on the task at hand. This keeps your mind occupied so that negative thoughts can be kept at bay. 

8. STAY SOCIALLY INVOLVED

When one is suffering from any type of depression staying socially active is very important. Instead of becoming withdrawn from those directly around you, even though you are tempted to recluse, try to keep up with at least one social activity per week. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or anything that will cost a lot of money. You just have to engage with somebody else in person outside of regular work or school routines. 

The potential issues faced by those in long term relationships should not be taken lightly. Face-to-face interactions are important and since you can’t have these with your partner you will need to have them with someone else. 

9. EXERCISE

Physical activity has proven to have a  positive impact on mental health  and wellbeing. When you exercise your body releases endorphins which work as painkillers and mood boosters. As such, adding exercise to a depressed person’s lifestyle is a very common treatment tactic that is used by mental health practitioners and doctors across the globe. 

These are 9 tips on how to deal with long-distance relationship depression. And of course, if these are not providing you or your partner with the necessary help, you should reach out for professional help from a therapist. Sometimes with just a few  therapy sessions , the symptoms of depression can dissipate and you can learn how to cope and how to prevent the depressive episode from recurring. 

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Long Distance Relationships: Surviving the Post-Visit Depression

• Thread starter IAmTheSenate
• Start date Dec 26, 2017

IAmTheSenate

• Dec 26, 2017

Hey, guys I just finally got to seeing my guy of a little over a year (5 years crush) and I'm torn apart being away from him. I left yesterday morning and the tears just don't stop. What do you guys do to help with this? I have another trip planned to see him in February but it feels like February is still too far away... He's in the south eastern part of Canada and I in the south western United States. We see each other daily on Skype and sleep with it on. Its just being able to make him so happy then having to come back... It sucks. I have regular depression anyways so this is really not helping that too much. I guess I just need someone to talk to. Also, any tips for immigrating to Canada within a year? Edit: Moving to Canada has always been a dream of mine since I was a little girl so it isn't just for him. Everything about Canada is just so appealing to me and I know that if things didn't work out with me and my guy for whatever reason, that area is a place I could definitely see myself being happy in, alone or with him. I love the cultural differences, the way the government works, the way the city runs like clockwork, its just a place I've always been drawn to.  

Calling or texting helped me, but it can easily make it harder too. Find some things to do, play a game, watch a movie. Those things can help.  

Deleted member 18161

User requested account closure.

It's just something you have to deal with unfortunately. I've been in a long distance relationship for almost three years with a guy from Manchester and I'm up in Scotland (about a 4 hour train ride). I just appreciate the times we're together and feel lucky to have met someone not only to have a relationship with but who is worth doing it long distance for. I'm also personally grateful we live in an era of Skype (although I think sleeping with it on is a bit OTT not to mention dangerous :P).  

Rion said: It's just something you have to deal with unfortunately. I've been in a long distance relationship for almost three years with a guy from Manchester and I'm up in Scotland (about a 4 hour train ride). I just appreciate the times we're together and feel lucky to have met someone not only to have a relationship with but who is worth doing it long distance for. I'm also personally grateful we live in an era of Skype (although I think sleeping with it on is a bit OTT not to mention dangerous :P). Click to expand... Click to shrink...

Holy shit, for a second inthought you were my girlfriend. I'm in SE Canada, she's in SW USA... She's flying in today though lol.  

Prophet of Truth

do not immigrate to a whole new fucking country to be with someone you've only officially dated for a year. please.  

Skype, phonecalls helped. We actually started playing World of Warcraft together, helped to actually do something other than talk. Most helpful thing is to have some sort of end of the tunnel, a date when one person moves closer/moves in.  

Watched my best friend have this same dilemma. He was from the southeast, she was living in Toronto. Throughout college, they were almost constantly on chat with one another while he was at the house, and often when he was in class on his laptop. Obviously, when Skype came into the equation, they were on that almost all the time. She was like Jombi the Genie hanging out with us, which was good because it strengthened their respect for each others networks of friends, and let them be themselves together and apart. Didn't know about whether they slept with it on, but wouldn't have surprised me. I knew he was going to marry that girl. After college, he moved to Buffalo, NY, a city that was alien to him, but being close to the border meant that they could visit each other more often, and that was huge for them. Even if it was a two hour drive, those weekends took the edge off that depression because another visit was right around the corner. Getting into Canada is a gauntlet of pain, patience, and at least $10,000 in various fees and whatnot getting all the ducks in a row. Granted, not every situation is the same (my dude had made a mistake or two along the way that made things a little harder than they maybe needed to be), but for a very long time all they had to carry on was the plan, and the determination, to be together. He had to leave all his family far away, but he made it happen, and she endured her own toil to support him, but he made it. He has dual citizenship, they live in a happy suburb outside Toronto, and their son just turned two. I couldn't be prouder of them. Their boy will grow up with parents that will never divorce, not after the commitment they showed one another. Keep love alive, OP. Moving a little closer to the border could help, but in the end, your passion to be together no matter what is path to what you're looking for. Best of luck.  

For me the only thing that helped (sadly) is time. I was having dreams of her having to leave every night, lol. Needless to say it was rough, but hang in there it gets easier. The time will go by faster than you know it, I found focusing mostly on work helped speed things along.  

Deleted member 17990

Stay in as much contact as possible, it gets easier over time. Speaking from experience :)  

JoshimusPrime12

what helped me is video chatting and talking on the phone. It helps pass the time but we also managed to visit each other about once every two months, with each of us alternating who would go. It definitely helped for that year. We were about an 8 hour drive from each other so not too big of a distance.  

February is 5 weeks away, get a grip OP! Keep yourself busy and occupied, you're already talking every day so that's good, February will be here before you know it. I wouldn't advise moving country so soon.  

Long distance relationships are brutal, but never worse than dropping your person off at the airport after a visit. I have been there. I dated a girl in college and post-graduation for about five years, all of it long distance. The only thing that was as painful as seeing her go was getting my monthly phone bill in the days before unlimited long distance. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. But those weekends when we met up? Super great. We would meet up in random cities around the US once we both started earning money for romantic-type weekends. She just wasn't as into me as I was into her, and I met a girl locally and told her her either I moved to her or she moved to me, she refused to go along, so that was that with that. I was devasted. Good luck to you. Stay positive and try to keep your mind off it. You have Skype and text and other communication tools I would have killed for when I was in my LDR. So be thankful for that.  

Oh hey this sounds a lot like me except I just got back a couple weeks ago. It's tough, almost indescribably tough. All you can really do is talk every day, be in each other's lives as much as you can from a distance, and make concrete plans for the next time you'll be together. The last one is the most important since it gives you something to look towards.  

Deleted member 197

Nothing you can do, it sucks, i remember one time while going through the airport security i was a fucking mess, crying all over the place to the point that the person helping me told me "don't worry, you will be back!". I never did lol, so that stuck with me forever.  

i live in australia and have been in two LDRs: one with a girl in the US (we dated for years before she moved for work), and another with a girl in japan. as mentioned, the airport goodbye is always an emotional trainwreck. unfortunately like 95% of LDRs, both of mine were incredibly difficult and eventually ended in total disaster. i won't ever do it again. good luck - you will need it.  

There is no good advice. Long distance relationships are borderline impossible. Sure, there are a few stories that end in success, but more often than not, fail. You're talking about dropping your life, leaving family and friends behind and moving to an entirely different country to be with him. Well, is he willing to do the same? Why do you have to drop everything and leave everyone and a country behind? You need to find out if he is willing to do that before you do. Shit can go downhill real fast.  

How far is far enough to classify it as a LDR?  

ChrisBliss117

I got married after doing a LDR for two years, then two years living together. Here's what helped my wife and I. Always make the effort to communicate daily. Even the little things and moments matter. Communication is key. Try to keep yourself occupied during the day so you aren't constantly worrying or stressing over things. I was working full-time and she was in graduate school, so we were both pretty busy with our careers which helped the time go by. Also you have to trust each other. If you both love each other than move. People will say don't do it, but it's your life and you win some and you lose some. Either way it's an experience and you'll learn from it. I moved to another city to go to college for my ex-girlfriend in August 2011. She dumped me three months after and I was depressed and felt like an idiot for moving. But I made new friends and eventually met my now wife. If you both love each other you'll figure it out!  

Random Painted Highway

It's tough op. Not much you can do about that really. Have to have a long term plan in place to reunite. Pre Skype but post cell phone and instant messaging. Used a free VoIP called dialpad for a while. 3 years 8 hrs driving apart while in law school and she in college and then grad school. Dating a year before and both being very scholastically focused helped. Married nearly 15 years. Definitely not for everyone.  

I don't have any advice but I empathize, this is so hard to deal with. It just hurts a lot. Skype definitely helps but there's a comedown from visits that takes a bit to get past every time, or at least it did for me.  

Yourfawthaaa

I've been in a long distance relationship since April. We were friends for about 2 years prior to getting together though. My last time visiting here was recently in november (she lives in Arizona) and yeah it sucks to leave her every time. But we deal with it though. I've saved up all of last year and i'm doing the same this year to move out there and be with her to make it better for the both of us. We make sure our communication stays strong and i try to do little things randomly to give her a reason to smile everyday. We use the video app on the Note 8 i bought us to video chat as well. God willing everything works out until i move out there because she's been great about the distance between us ( i'm in new york).  

Technology helps, i met my wife via ffxi. She was in Thailand while I was in Singapore. I flew over every 3 to 4 months and we maintain contact via webcam back than. After 2 years or so we got tired of it and she decided to move over and we got married. Just maintain contact and have trust. Lots of it , it will be testing but it worked perfectly for me.  

My wife and I did long distance (her in Ohio, myself in London) for 5 years before I moved to the US. The days we had to say goodbye at the airport are some of the unhappiest moments of my life, but it gets better, especially if you reach the point of knowing you want to be together permanently. Just keep talking, every day. We talked on AIM (this was back in 2002-07) for hours, we would play MMO's together or really anything we could share a good time. And we talked about the future, whether it was the next visit or something more mundane, we just tried to look ahead. It's too easy to dwell on your time together in person and get lost in those memories. I lost night after night of sleep to those feelings. I'm in the boat with the others that say if you love each other, go for it! I can only imagine the regret I would have had if I had broken things off just because of the distance. We celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary this year.  

I saw this very thing crush people when I was in grad school. One friend of mine quit half way through her doctorate because she couldn't handle the bf's visit from Europe. Another convinced their partner to move only for it to go disastrously wrong. So don't be like them. Glad to help.  

• Dec 27, 2017

I feel ya girl. I used to cry every time, especially when things were not so great back at home. More visits always help. Skyping and staying in contact makes it easier too (me and my partner would sleep with Facetime Audio on). It's good you have a long term plan, just work towards making it a reality.  

ThanksVision

Alt account.

I'm in the same boat right now. I sorta mask the pain during the goodbyes but completely lose it after I am driving away. So brutal. There's no getting around that. Even better is the euphoric high of finally being around each other after a long time apart. We both feel crazy during those initial hours lol Anyways, here's some general advice: Best possible thing is to have an end date goal in mind. My so graduates school on Dec 14 2018 and will be moving up to be with me. Just having that in the back of my head at all times--knowing we just have a year to go and that we are both committed to our end goal of being with one another--alleviates so much stress. Know when you are going to see them next. Never leave a visit without knowing the exact date of the next trip. We try to map out our schedule of visits months ahead of time so that we can know when to expect one another. These help us get work done on time, gives us something to look forward to, have something to focus on, etc. Focus on the positives of a long distance relationship. Yes, I think there are positives. Notice that the successful LDRs listed above went on to celebrate 10 and 15 years of marriage. That's because this puts your relationship through the ultimate ringer of trust and communication. Hone your conversations, share new thoughts and ideas, detail exactly how you're feeling and why you think you're feeling that way. Just be transparent. The lack of physical presence means you have to bring intimacy forward in new ways. Your relationship will grow more than you can imagine if you put the work in. Also very important: use this time apart to work on yourself. You mentioned you struggle with depression. It's a cliche, but it carries merit for some relationships: you gotta build yourself up before you can build the relationship. Not saying that's true of your situation (some evolve via companionship) but using this alone time to work on yourself can really only benefit you. Find hobbies, push yourself to create something for yourself or for your SO. Workout. Idk. Anything you want. It's very easy to sulk around when you are without your half, but it's so much more rewarding if you can manage to accomplish things on your own and inevitably share those things with your partner. i.e. my partner's irl reaction to my gym progress after months apart made me feel incredible. Whatever works for you. Just try to get out there and find things that take away your attn from the LDR situation. Dwelling on it continuously accomplishes nothing. Good luck !  

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9 Proven Ways to Maintain a Long-Distance Relationship

Rituals, independence, and trust..

Posted January 2, 2024 | Reviewed by Ray Parker

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• Some key ingredients for success include communication, trust, and emotional reliability.

It's increasingly common for couples to be involved in long-distance relationships and even marriages. Long distance relationships happen because of many different situations, including but not limited to meeting in a neutral place, such as on a work trip or vacation, where neither person lives there and they wish to continue their relationship upon returning to their respective homes; meeting remotely via online apps and remaining at a geographical distance perhaps even long after meeting in person; and meeting locally and being together in relatively close proximity to each other or even living together or marrying when eventually one person needs to move for work, caregiving , or other reasons.

For the majority of individuals and couples, navigating distance is not the ideal choice for how to be in a relationship. And clearly it is not for everyone since many people flat out refuse to be in them, even turning their backs on promising romantic prospects because it's not something they want to deal with.

Others do it, hoping it's very temporary. This is because it's generally viewed as more of a burden, as something often tricky, troublesome, and testing a couple's strength. Often, people assume that not only will it be too much work, but it will also be work that lands in only one person's lap, with that person assuming the lion's share of making all the visits and plans.

Furthermore, people are soured on long-distance relationships because of the time, energy, and money involved in going back and forth to be together and concern or even dread related to issues of trust and infidelity . Those who have experienced a breakup from a significant distant relationship are often more apt to rule out this arrangement for the future, blaming the split on just what happens with distance, though, of course, that may be an incorrect attribution of the real failings of the union.

Here, I identify nine surefire ways to strengthen a long-distance relationship:

1. Communication is key. Each person needs to be able to articulate their needs and desires and feel heard and respected, especially regarding expectations of frequency for talking, messaging, and visiting.

2. Trust is built on good communication, and at the same time, effective communication is built on trust . For couples to function well at a distance, each person needs and deserves to be able to count on a comfortable rhythm of communication that enables them to feel cared for and loved.

3. Emotional reliability is an important building block of trust and communication. This involves each person being accountable and truly showing up, both literally and figuratively.

4. Long-distance relationships benefit from a healthy balance of planning, flexibility, and spontaneity . When couples communicate clearly about a framework for seeing each other that feels sustainable, they can more easily make plans with each other and socially with other couples, and they also know when they will have time for themselves and with their friends. Talking this out and exploring each person's expectations and ideas involves some creativity and emotional intelligence .

5. Striking a balance between independence and connection is key. Given all the things that can happen in life that might alter or prevent a visit, couples need to be understanding and flexible with each other; of course, this really involves trust and clear communication.

For example, weather or transportation problems and delays might prevent a visit, as might illness, a business trip, a work obligation, family responsibilities, children's activities, school responsibilities, an annual trip with old friends, or even simply feeling worn down and tired, and wanting to rest and be alone. Couples who can gracefully manage the three-ring circus of life and go with the flow on this usually feel more secure about their partnership.

This means cultivating a full life outside of the relationship. Individuals who are at ease being alone some or even most of the time fare better in a long-distance relationship, and then when they do come together, they have fresh energy and other rich experiences to bring to their moments together. The time apart can indeed deepen the relationship.

6. Resources are essential. For a long-distance relationship to work, people need to be able to communicate and see each other with some degree of regularity. This means each person needs access to phones, reliable Wi-fi, a good car, or other means of reliable transportation, which might involve having sufficient funds for plane travel, train travel, etc. As a long-distance relationship progresses and gets more serious, or as a couple cannot live together by choice or circumstance, it becomes more apparent that there are financial costs to sustaining the relationship, including managing two households.

7. Rituals help keep a couple grounded. These might be related to things a couple did in the early stages of dating that they enjoy continuing for and with each other. These are ways to bring playfulness and joy into the relationship.

8. Fighting fairly is an essential requirement. It is inevitable that, at certain points, a couple will disagree about things. That's perfectly normal. But a couple that sees each other less regularly has to find ways to convey their concerns, questions, disappointments, fear , pain, and vulnerability in ways that don't generate more woundedness.

Being passive-aggressive , withholding, giving silent treatment, or berating the other person are all toxic and deadly to relationships, especially so for long-distance relationships. Again, we come back to the cornerstones of communication and trust so that each person can come away from an argument feeling heard, held, and secure—even without the other person's physical presence.

9. Success with a long-distance relationship is based on the Buddhist thinking of "not too tight, not too loose." It's important to hold onto each other in ways that cultivate closeness and profound intimacy while simultaneously giving each other necessary breathing space.

As it turns out, the nine things I've outlined and discussed here are vital ingredients for any great relationship but are significant to amplify, especially when talking about long-distance relationships. When people are in the position to assess the future of an intimate relationship that has been unfolding at a distance, it is common to hear something along the lines of, "I need to know we would live together well," revealing a desire to halt the distance factor and to move in together.

Yet, therein lies an assumption that living together is what gives us the most important information about a partner and predicts future longevity. But long-distance relationships urge us to consider something else of at least equal importance: We can live apart well and still be fully, deeply in love and committed.

Facebook image: antoniodiaz/Shutterstock

Deborah J. Cohan, Ph.D., is a professor of sociology at the University of South Carolina-Beaufort where she teaches and writes about the intersections of the self and society.

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Understanding what emotional intelligence looks like and the steps needed to improve it could light a path to a more emotionally adept world.

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