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Adrift on the S.S. Gronk, where nothing bad can ever happen

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I’d like you to imagine something for a moment. I’d like you to imagine hundreds of people in matching zebra-stripe Zubaz headbands. I’d like you to imagine them on a tiny island in the Bahamas — a glorified sandbar, really — that hosts little beyond lizards, crabs, coconuts, and Bud Light, 50 miles from the next significant land mass. I’d like you to imagine them tanning and dancing and twerking and cradling bottles of Fireball, and at their center, surrounded by two brothers, a father, and an ever-adjusting wall of cameras straining to get a selfie with him: Rob Gronkowski, All-Pro New England Patriots tight end and designated party cruise captain.

These days, it often seems that Gronk, self-appointed party king of the NFL, is everywhere. He is in ads for the app Mobile Strike, for Nike, for JetBlue, for Madden, for Dunkin’ Donuts, for (of course) Zubaz. He is nude on the cover of ESPN the Magazine’s Body Issue, with a beer bong in the Entourage movie. He has his own brand of hot sauce. His own party bus.

So when the Atlanta-based event company Sixthman announced that Gronk would be hosting a cruise to the Caribbean two weeks after Super Bowl 50, no one was really surprised. It’s so perfectly Gronk, after all, so totally in line with the image he has come to embody that it’s almost as if it were dreamt up by a moony sports columnist.

Last year, Gronk released his autobiography, which was co-written by Jason Rosenhaus, the brother of his agent, Drew Rosenhaus. It’s Good To Be Gronk detailed, among other things: building an indoor slip and slide with his brothers and finding a turd of unknown provenance in a bag of potato chips.

"From day one," Gronk-slash-Rosenhaus writes, "all I ever wanted to do was have fun with my brothers."

That book features a quote from the New York Post at the very top of the book jacket in bolded letters, which reads, "This 25-year-old is one of the best tight ends the game has ever seen. And off the field, he’s unabashedly Gronk — the cruise director of the NFL."

I imagine Gronk reading this, smiling, and then thinking, Hey, wait, what if…?

For all its buzz, the Gronk Cruise didn’t go exactly as planned. Sixthman had trouble selling tickets, which started at $700, so the Norwegian Pearl — a Norwegian Cruise Lines vessel rechristened Gronk’s Party Ship for the weekend — was opened up to the general public. The Pearl has capacity for 2,300 passengers; just 700 of those leaving the Port of Miami were there for Gronk. The remainder booked a standard four-day cruise from Miami to the Bahamas, some paying as little as $200 a head for the privilege.

So on Feb. 19, 2016, we set sail from Miami at full capacity, accompanied by a dozen DJs, three Gronkowski brothers, at least two inflatable zebras, and an incalculable number of Solo cups, bound first for a private island (renamed, naturally, Gronk’s Island) and then for Nassau.

But here’s the thing: Norwegian didn’t tell the people booking the normal cruise that their ship would also host the Gronk Cruise. The first sign that something was seriously amiss came at the port, where an older couple dressed head to toe in purple and waiting to go through security stopped to look around as the woman gasped, "A football player?"

By the first morning, many of the regular cruise passengers had had enough. At the front desk, a duo from Saratoga lined up to complain. This was their platinum cruise — the highest honor in Norwegian’s rewards program, the result of somewhere north of 50 cruises — and they carried laminated key cards from past trips on lanyards around their necks. But they would never have booked this trip had they known it was the Gronk Cruise. They were saying the word "riffraff" over and over.

"They were throwing cigars onto our balcony last night," the man started.

"Which aren’t even allowed on board," his wife added. Riffraff .

But what can you do once you’re on Gronk’s Party Ship?

Everywhere Rob Gronkowski goes, he is followed: by people, by coos, by outstretched Sharpies, by raised iPhones, by calls of Raaahhhhhb! Raahhb, ovah heah! The cruise afforded an almost astonishing level of access to Gronk, his entourage, and the musicians booked to entertain the guests till 4 or 5 each morning: Waka Flocka Flame, Flo Rida, LMFAO’s Redfoo, and others. The VIPs were for the most part siloed in a section of suites on the ship’s top level, but they regularly strolled down the halls of the ship, popping up in elevators and outside the ship’s 13 restaurants and 16 bars. If you went on the Gronk Cruise with the explicit goal of talking to, requesting the signature of, or, as seemed to be the motivation of more than a few passengers, simply touching them, you could pretty much make it happen.

As part of the Gronk’s Party Ship package, each passenger was guaranteed an Exclusive Photo Op with Gronk. I spent most of the wait for mine stroking the fuzzy anti-seasickness patch behind my ear and wondering what would happen if I threw up on Rob Gronkowski.

A fact about me: I happen to come from a long line of sailors who lived long enough to produce heirs and then promptly died at sea. John McNear after John McNear was raised in Maine, wed, produced another John McNear, and then, having ensured the future of the bloodline, sailed straight into the Atlantic, never to be heard from again. The curse was finally broken when a John McNear gave up and decided to head to California in search of gold. He found none but remained landborne, which was all well and good for generations until Rob Gronkowski planned a cruise.

The ocean is my hell. Put me in a vessel, add waves, and misery ensues. As part of my seasickness preparation before the cruise, I spent a lot of time researching the optimal location on the boat: on the lowest decks, as close to the center of the ship as possible. The photoshoot took place on the top deck at the very front of the ship, i.e. the most turbulent place on the boat, and just so happened to occur during the one time the Pearl saw anything like rough seas. People grasped at the tequila shots being passed around and stumbled, bumping into furniture as the boat rolled. I began to sweat.

If I threw up on him, would I be punished? If so, how? The guys in line behind me assured me that there was definitely a jail on board, and they seemed like they would know — the day before, one of them was briefly detained in the Miami Airport’s jail for reasons neither seemed very keen on discussing. "He was released into my custody," said the non-detained one, six or seven times.

In the end, miraculously, I did not throw up on Gronk, and I was handed, along with everyone else, a complimentary pair of Zubaz shorts and matching fluorescent headband. Gronk spent the two-hour photo session gamely following the lead of each set of guests: flexing when people flexed, looking shocked as two girls kissed him on either cheek, letting people pull up his shirt and touch his horrifyingly well-defined abs. By the time I was called up, near the end of the session, he seemed bewildered, and very much like someone who has been asked to politely greet strangers for multiple hours as flashbulbs went off every 10 seconds. On the way out of the photoshoot, several women bragged about grabbing Gronk’s butt during their photos. I staggered out to the deck for fresh air, where a woman in a pink rhinestone Gronkowski shirt was thrusting to "Hollaback Girl," piña colada in hand.

The Brothers Gronkowski

The Pearl set sail with just three of five gigantic Gronkowski brothers. Glenn, the youngest brother, announced in January that he would forgo his senior year as fullback at Kansas State to declare for the NFL draft; while his brothers were at sea, he was back in Florida training for the combine. Dan, the second-oldest, had been planning for the cruise for a long time: he and his wife, Brittany, timed her pregnancy around it. She’s not due till June and was ready to set sail till Zika happened. Then it was just going to be Dan, but — wouldn’t you know it — the damn thing can be transmitted sexually, so Dan, Brittany, and the intact cerebellum of the world’s next Gronkowski stayed back in upstate New York.

So it came down to Rob, Gordie Jr., Chris, and their father, Gordon Sr., alias "The Creator," alias "Papa Gronk," alias "Big G," a former offensive guard at Syracuse who went on to raise a small army of boys in Buffalo. Those boys were: drafted by the Angels (Gordie Jr., in 2006, the lone Gronkowski not to take up football), drafted by the Lions (Dan, 2009), picked up by the Cowboys (Chris, 2010), and drafted by the Patriots (Rob, 2010). If things go well — which is to say, if they go as they are meant to — Glenn will make five-for-five, a clean sweep of this generation’s professional athleticism, a quintuplet of gigantic, buoyant, Polish-American boys barreling across yards and yards of our nation’s finest fields.

Big G is pretty pleased.

He runs an athletic equipment company out of a Buffalo suburb these days, filling homes and gyms and homes with gyms, like Big G’s, with the Precor EFX Precision Series and leg press machines. Gordie Jr. and Dan both help out now that their athletic careers are through. Business is booming, Big G says. Just booming .

Someone asks him where he got his sunglasses and he says he doesn’t know. "Oakley just sent them to me."

Big G calls Big G "Big G," too, as in, "Big G got nothing on Mojo Rawley," said, fawningly, to Mojo Rawley — WWE wrestler, friend of the family, and special guest on Gronk’s Party Ship. While his sons were backstage at the weekend’s various concerts and events, safe from grasping Patriots-themed fingernails, Gordy Sr. was mostly among the passengers, beaming, dancing, posing for selfies, and accepting congratulations on his brood from the many, many people eager to offer them.

Wouldn’t you want to throw a party like this for your family?

The narrative is that of the brothers Gronkowski, a clan of superhuman athletes. But in truth, the name "Gronk" refers to only one of them. In a Visa ad released last year, Gronk walks around town in his 87 jersey, receiving high fives, tables at fancy restaurants, cakes from elderly ladies, and general adulation — only to turn around and reveal himself to be Dan Gronkowski, not Rob. Rob Gronkowski’s memoir is titled It’s Good To Be Gronk . The reality is it’s good to be one Gronk in particular.

Take Chris Gronkowski, for example. A day after Rob was drafted by the Patriots, Chris was signed by Dallas, reportedly with a paltry $10,000 signing bonus. His brief career in the NFL had perhaps its most notable moment in October 2010, when Chris, then a fullback with the Cowboys, missed a block, allowing Giants linebacker Michael Boley to pummel into quarterback Tony Romo. Romo was leveled and immediately came up clutching his shoulder; hours later, the team announced he had fractured his clavicle, ending his season. It’s the same clavicle that was rebroken last year, twice, again relegating Romo to the sideline.

How many undrafted fullbacks who suited up for three different teams during a three-year career ever get the opportunity to autograph somebody’s back on a private island, as Chris Gronkowski did?

Gronk’s Island

On the small boat shuttle to the island, a very muscular man with no shirt on tried to convince the passengers around him that he was Glenn Gronkowski. "I got combine in one week," he slurred.

"SIDDOWN, CHRIS!" one of his friends yelled.

Mojo Rawley, head wrapped in a Zubaz headband, stood up, bouncing as the ship began to move. "TIP THE BOAT!" he screamed. "TIP THE BOAT!"

On Gronk’s Island, a group of men stood in a lagoon and pumped their fists to the bassline. A stage had been set up, and Gronk joined the DJs periodically. When he spied a couple making out at the front of the crowd, he screamed 15 words that a guest caught on camera, which made headlines around the web. Any other NFL star — any other star, period — might quickly have come to regret those words, have needed to apologize for them, but instead they made everyone shake their heads and say, Oh, Gronk…

"I’ll give you ten grand cash right now if you bang in front of everybody."

The couple declined.

The Sixthman promotional materials promised a particular kind of paradise on the island: "Bro’s and Babes line the beach of Gronk’s very own private island with the sole intention of livin’ it up!"

"If this doesn’t sound Gronk’d enough for you," they continued, "then you’re not ready to party with the big dogs."

Don’t you want to party with the big dogs?

The island’s main event was, ostensibly, a flip cup tournament, featuring teams with names like Gronkaholic, Gronk-meowski, and DTF. As the afternoon wore on, Gronk eventually joined in. Allow me to tell you something that you probably do not know for certain, but which deep down you have probably always known: this was clearly not Rob Gronkowski’s first game of flip cup. When his team — which included his father and his brother, Chris — inevitably won, he and his fellow victors huddled and cheered, and then Gronk started leaping, bouncing up and down, taking off on his surgically repaired ACL and MCL, pivoting, leaping again. Chris’ career ended after he tore his hamstring; after Rob’s knee surgery in 2013 and a string of operations and complications to a forearm injury, many speculated that his days of dominance had come to a close. Instead, he followed up with a career year that concluded with a Super Bowl victory. It’s good to be Gronk.

All around him, passengers on Gronk’s Party Ship clamored for autographs. He signed most everything that was offered to him: jerseys, hats, a woman’s right butt cheek. A second woman in a Patriots bikini showed off a signed breast.

"I was like, sign me anywhere!" she said by way of explanation.

"Some chicks backstage showed me their titties," Gronk told the crowd, climbing back onstage from the small VIP section security set up behind it. "So front stage…."

He trailed off suggestively, at which point the crowd, always willing to follow his lead, screamed "TITTIES!" at a trio of bikini-clad women sitting on people’s shoulders as they danced. Gronk slipped backstage again and as the moments ticked by, still with no titties shown, the DJ yelled, "Show your titties!" The women did not.

Nearby, a group of men bought a bottle of Fireball from a beachside bar. As they passed it among themselves, they chanted: GRONK! GRONK! GRONK!

The Gronk vintage of partying is a sort of platonic ideal of frat culture. Here, when you wake up with a hangover — which you will, often — you laugh as you remember, hazily, everything that happened. It’s a world where no matter how drunk you get, you make only silly decisions and never bad ones, and when you engage with the opposite sex — which you will, even more often — the sex will be fantastic, readily given, and enthusiastically, ecstatically consensual. Partying is only fun in Gronk’s world. Bad things don’t happen.

That doesn’t mean, of course, that Rob Gronkowski’s life, and specifically his partying, are as sunny as they’re portrayed to be. In May 2014, Gronkowski made headlines after he was photographed partying with Johnny Manziel in Las Vegas, the two of them surrounded by women in bikinis. Gronk was rehabbing an injury at the time, and critics accused him of not taking his training seriously. Here were two football stars who had adopted partying as part of their public brands — one already an All-Pro and AFC champion, the other the Heisman winner, freshly drafted by the Browns and certain to begin compiling his own NFL accomplishments soon. You know what happened next: the rehab, the alleged drinking during the season, the demotion by the Browns, the neighbor’s call to 911, the helicopter search for a man accused of hitting his girlfriend so hard she lost hearing in one ear.

Rob Gronkowski, for all his partying, has never been accused of any wrongdoing. But it’s hard not to look at the things he does in public and wonder where they will lead him once he’s no longer scoring touchdowns, once he’s too old to play the frat boy he makes himself out to be, once it’s not charming anymore, once he no longer receives the benefit of the doubt.

Gronk has built a brand where he can be filmed motorboating a woman in a bar shortly after judging a bikini contest, as he was in May, and instead of being castigated, face something that often seems eerily like praise. Through some combination of charisma, on-field talent, and more mysterious forces, including, one thinks not insignificantly, that he is a 6’7 white man from Buffalo, every salty thing he says is treated at worst as a benevolent quirk. Add to this that in spite of his self-stated propensity for hard liquor, he never seems out of control. As his party ship sailed out to sea, he occasionally hinted at some boundary he was mindful of: when Mojo Rawley bobbed toward him on stage late one night, fists raised as if to play-fight, Gronk gave a quick shake of his head and Rawley backed off.

For now, his fans just want to see him win, badly. They’ve seen a lot of it: in Arizona, at Foxborough, in Super Bowl XLIX. The last night on the ship, Gronk joined his brothers in a round of Family Feud against a group of passengers. Wearing matching cutoff jumpsuits, the Gronkowskis were aggressively terrible, rarely allowing the increasingly exasperated host to get more than a few words of a prompt out before guessing an answer, usually something drinking-related. The audience loved it.

"Chicks!" Gronk, who had by this point in the voyage lost his voice, rasped when asked to name something you wouldn’t want anyone to borrow. "I won again!" he wheezed into the microphone when "significant other" was revealed on the board.

But the Gronkowskis’ tactic proved less than successful, and when it came time for a bonus round, they were eliminated, leaving only the winning group of passengers to play. Gronk then feigned sadness, suggesting he was too disappointed to continue partying with passengers that night — at which point the winning team begged him to change his mind and forfeited the round to Team Gronk to keep them on the stage.

"He must be sooo drunk right now," a woman in the audience gushed admiringly.

On Monday, the ship returned to port, and passengers wobbled down the gangway, clutching their heads and wearing T-shirts that said "I PARTIED WITH GRONK."

"My niece asked me what getting gronkd meant," a passenger wrote in the cruise’s Facebook group a day after the trip ended. "I told her it was getting drunk but not fall down drunk. It was being the happiest you have ever been."

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Gronk Cruise: 700 Patriots Fans, 13 Bars and One Rob Gronkowski

By Victor Mather

Feb. 23, 2016

A three-day cruise to the Bahamas full of Patriots fans, with the fun-loving Rob Gronkowski as the star attraction. Who thought this was a good idea?

Apparently, the ship returned to port on Monday none the worse for wear. What happens on a cruise ship doesn’t stay on a cruise ship in the age of social media, and passengers and Gronkowski himself sent out running updates of the high jinks:

Insanity times this weekend on the cruise. Appreciate everyone for coming out! — Rob Gronkowski (@RobGronkowski) February 23, 2016

Appreciate the artist and DJ's for coming on and making this the most turnt up event ever. pic.twitter.com/NxwYLEu9mR — Rob Gronkowski (@RobGronkowski) February 23, 2016

(For those not in the know, “turnt” is a good thing.)

The ship was the Norwegian Pearl, a 965-footer with a spa, casino, bowling alley and, perhaps most important, 13 bars and lounges. The Gronk Cruise left Miami on Friday for the Bahamas with 2,300 passengers, 700 as part of the Gronk cruise and the other 1,600 apparently in for more than they bargained for.

Some reporters with indulgent editors were also on board. A comprehensive report in The Boston Globe — the paper that also brought you the Pulitzer Prize-winning series that turned into the film “Spotlight” — noted, “Festivities hit booze-addled, fist-pumping heights and carried on till nearly 4 a.m. each day.”

“Am I having a good time? Oh my God, yes! Although I kind of don’t remember last night. I might have blacked out,” The Globe quoted a woman who declined to be identified: “There’s absolutely no way I’m telling you my name.” Gronkowski posted several photos to Instagram , including one of him busting a move shirtless on stage as an appreciative crowd looked on.

Still photos not enough? Then enjoy a video. The cruise was run by the Atlanta company Sixthman , which will be offering excursions with Kid Rock, KISS and Pitbull in the near future. Neil Genzlinger of The New York Times took a Rock Cruise with the company in 2014 and gave it an enthusiastic write-up . Several of Gronkowski’s brothers made the Gronk Cruise even Gronkier, and at least one other celeb turned up.

In the end, the ribaldry seemed to stay all in good fun, revelers reported. The Globe said, “At press time, the fun never seemed to be excessive, nor was the ship turned upside down or trashed by rabid fans.”

And all good things must come to an end, which even Gronkowski knows:

Come Sail Away

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Dipping Their Toes: Younger generations of travelers are venturing onto ships for the first time . Many are saving money.

Cult Cruisers: These devoted cruise fanatics, most of them retirees, have one main goal: to almost never touch dry land .

Fun and games aboard Rob Gronkowski’s cruise

Rob Gronkowski in security at the start of the trip.

BAHAMAS — The night had all the trappings of an exceedingly well-executed fraternity rush party, right down to the beer funnels, inflatable zebras, and throngs of women egging on the men and their thrusting “Magic Mike” dance moves.

Reigning over the festivities was the guileless master of ceremonies, New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski. A Norwegian Cruise Line ship normally known as Pearl was re-christened Gronk’s Party Ship for the weekend, sailing from Miami to the Bahamas.

With nearly 700 fans on board with Gronk and some of his family members, the cruise pulled out Friday afternoon and returned Monday morning.

To answer the question before it’s asked, yes, the party ship lived up to its name. Festivities hit booze-addled, fist-pumping heights and carried on till nearly 4 a.m. each day, bolstered by an entertainment that included rappers, DJs, and comedians. Even Gronk’s dad, Gordon, got in on the action, jumping up and down onstage during a late-night set from rapper Waka Flocka Flame.

“Am I having a good time? Oh my God, yes! Although I kind of don’t remember last night. I might have blacked out,” said a Framingham woman who identified herself as “There’s absolutely no way I’m telling you my name.”

On Saturday night, Gronkowski joined Boston rapper Sammy Adams and, in the spirit of the weekend, essentially did whatever he wanted. That meant dancing, dropping his shorts, and hurling his 6-foot-6, 265-pound frame around the stage like a big kid without a care in the world. For a weekend, he was a king in a tank top — or, more often no top — as he partied with onboard entertainers.

The booze flowed freely, sometimes directly into the mouths of partiers as entertainers poured from bottles. And there was plenty of gyrating, twerking, and other dance moves probably unseen until this cruise.

Not everyone was a party animal on Gronk's Party Ship, though.

But it was also an opportunity for tamer Gronk fans to simply spend time in the substantial shadow of their hero. Most days the scene on the ship resembled any other Caribbean cruise. At press time, the fun never seemed to be excessive, nor was the ship turned upside down or trashed by rabid fans.

If anything, fans were respectful of Gronkowski, and not just because he was surrounded by his imposing entourage. There were requests for selfies, but passengers were mostly content to be in the presence of the Super Bowl champ, who was accessible and a near-constant presence at the parties.

Paul Vitiello, 29, of Somerville, had been skeptical about what might happen on the high seas. “I’m not going to lie: I thought it was going to be a hoax,” he said. “But I’m pleasantly surprised that everyone’s been so nice, and it’s so easy to get up close and personal with Gronk.”

Docked in Great Stirrup Cay on Saturday — a stunning beach that was dubbed Gronk Island for the weekend — Gronkowski waited in line for a boat ride back to the ship. Patriots fan Greg Amyx passed Gronk a football, which he tossed back.

“I went up to him afterward and said, ‘Hey, man, I’m sorry for that weak pass,’ ” said Amyx, a longtime Patriots supporter even though he lives in Michigan.

There were also plenty of cruisers who had no idea that good-time Gronkowski was among them. The Norwegian Pearl holds more than 2,300 passengers, but only 700 of them were part of Gronk’s cruise. The rest thought they were on the boat for an ordinary vacation to the Bahamas.

Non-Gronk fans interviewed said they were unfazed by the shenanigans; in fact, some of them enjoyed the additional color.

Visiting from Atlanta, Sue Fritz was on board with her husband and mother-in-law and admitted she wasn’t too interested in sports. “I’ve been telling my husband, ‘John, take a picture!’ ” Fritz said Friday afternoon. “Hey, the more drunk people there are to laugh at, the better for me.”

Rob Gronkowski on Gronk Island, a stop on his cruise.

To get his inaugural party ship afloat, Gronkowski enlisted Sixthman, an Atlanta-based travel company known for its music-themed cruises and festivals at sea featuring everyone from Kiss to Kid Rock. Another Sixthman client had suggested Gronkowski could host his own cruise, and the company worked with him to secure the entertainment lineup. Anthony Diaz, Sixthman’s chief operating officer, said Gronkowski was an obvious fit and likened the cruise to “a Vegas pool party that’s floating on the water.”

Diaz said the cruise’s demographics broke down evenly between men and women, with most of them in the 21-to-35 age range and hailing mainly from Massachusetts, Florida, and New York. Prices for the cruise started at $700 double occupancy.

As big of a presence as he was on board, Gronkowski wasn’t quite as active on social media. His Twitter and Instagram accounts were largely quiet over the weekend. His handlers told the Globe that the cruise was intended to be more of a private party for Gronkowski and his family and friends. They weren’t exactly seeking media attention, even though various attendees posted a surplus of eyebrow-raising videos and photos online.

Gronkowski declined an interview with the Globe but, through a representative, issued a statement to the paper Saturday night. “I am having the most amazing time on board the ship. Seeing fans from all [over] the country is awesome, and we are all party-rocking together to some of the most amazing music and DJs,” he said. “If you didn’t join us, you missed out on a great time.”

Even the ship’s mellow lounge pianist couldn’t resist the Boston spirit. He regaled cruisers, many of them donning Patriots attire, with a spirited rendition of “Sweet Caroline” with the refrains of “so good, so good, so good!” regularly heard at Fenway Park.

On vacation from Washington, D.C., Maggie Paulin and her friend Courtney Duffy grew up in Westborough and West Boylston, respectively.

“You can’t be a Patriots fan without loving Gronk,” said Paulin, 29. And did she and Duffy see the man of the hour in the flesh?

“Oh, we were partying and dancing with him last night!” Duffy, 25, said. “I took a selfie with him.” “I think this is as much of a party for him as it is for us,” added Paulin.

A Gronk fan from Kentucky used this Q&A with Gronk to propose to his girlfriend. She said yes. pic.twitter.com/V2lDCktwgP — James Reed (@jreedwrites) February 21, 2016

He's misunderstood! "I'm not stupid," says @RobGronkowski during a Q&A with fans on #GRONKSPARTYSHIP @BostonGlobe pic.twitter.com/WSPeqdywyV — Christopher Muther (@chris_muther) February 22, 2016

A true party. @Brookeevers and @WakaFlocka jam out. #GRONKSPARTYSHIP @jreedwrites @BostonGlobe @RobGronkowski pic.twitter.com/M4jNyaiWWp — Christopher Muther (@chris_muther) February 21, 2016

More Coverage:

• Can Gronk bench-press four women? Of course he can.

Photos: Grand adventures aboard Gronk’s Party Ship

Christopher Muther can be reached at [email protected] . Follow him on Twitter @chris_muther . James Reed can be reached at [email protected] . Follow him on Twitter @jreedwrites .

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Captain Rob moves the crowd on Gronk’s Island with two turntables and a microphone. / Photograph by Simon van Zuylen-Wood

I rush over to a security person to see if we’re in the right place. “The Pat-riots guy?” he says. He pronounces “Pat” like “Pat the Bunny.” Turns out we are. But so are the toddlers and the elderly. The embarrassing truth is that the Gronk ship was underbooked. Out of the 2,400 tickets Sixthman tried to sell, roughly 700 were bought. Norwegian Cruise Line then sold the remaining rooms to unsuspecting cruisers. (I heard rumors that ESPN later ran a segment called “Gronk Ruined My Vacation.” I couldn’t find the clip but that sounds about right.) “The Gronks aren’t going to make any money off this,” says a Sixthman mole I met on the boat. “It sold horribly. It was a massive failure.”

A Sixthman PR person declined to confirm or deny any ticket-sales figures, while Gronk’s public relations man, Jerry Shandrew, declined to comment on whether the Patriots star made or lost money. Shandrew, though, did make the technically true point that “the ship was sold out,” followed by the more dubious point that “everybody had a good time.”

What the Gronk cruisers lack in numbers they make up for in feverish devotion. At the port we meet Rob from West Roxbury, a solo-traveling middle-aged guy with a buzz cut and aviators, who confides to everyone within earshot that he has blown his last nickel on the trip. “I don’t even have a job,” he says. “I shouldn’t be doing this. What a way to go out.” He seemed at first to be under the influence of something powerful but was, in fact, just obsessed with Gronkowski. He spent the weekend wearing Day-Glo spandex and a drawstring backpack full of limited-edition “Gronk Flakes” cereal.

Charlie and I board the vessel, drop our bags off in our sad, windowless stateroom, and park ourselves at a bar located in a central area called the Atrium. Classiness-wise, the Norwegian Pearl falls somewhere between a honking Carnival-style shit show and one of those smooth Viking River Cruises boats they advertise before Downton Abbey . On the one hand, the Pearl features 13 separate watering holes, a Twin River–quality casino, and a louche club/bowling alley. On the other hand, guests can choose from several white-tablecloth restaurants and attend chapel the next morning. At the Atrium bar a similar dichotomy is at work. Older couples sip white wine and stare at a reeflike Dale Chihuly sculpture while Charlie tries to talk me into buying us all-you-can-drink booze packages.

He does the math: Three days of drinking at $59 per day + 18 percent gratuity and a “beverage service charge” equals unlimited wine and beer products for $209. At roughly $9 for each à la carte Bud Light Lime, the deal becomes worthwhile only if you can slug more than 23 green aluminum bottles of flavored beer over the course of 65 hours at sea. Charlie points out I’ve consumed two BLLs since boarding the Pearl and tells me at my current rate I’m just throwing dollar bills into the Atlantic Ocean. We buy the packages.

The plan is to sit at the Atrium bar until the first piece of official programming, a 5:45 p.m. photo shoot with Gronk. We make friends. There is Andrew, a stocky golf-playing Connecticut transplant who lives in Fort Lauderdale and seems to subsist on mimosas and bloodys, no matter the time of day. There is Paul from Davis Square, who wears a Julian Edelman jersey and blares air-horn noises at people using an app on his phone. There is Jodi/Jodie/Jody, an innocent non-Gronker who didn’t realize what she’d signed up for and now finds herself trapped on a party boat with her French husband and horrified French in-laws.

Rapper Waka Flocka Flame attends to a thirsty partygoer. / Boston Globe /Getty Images

As we kill time, Andrew clues us into some of the Norwegian Pearl ’s unfortunate history. A few months ago during an EDM cruise, a woman fell overboard and died. Concerts were canceled; the ship sailed back to Miami. Further research revealed that three years earlier—also aboard the Pearl —a woman died on a 311 cruise and was stashed inside an onboard morgue until debarkation. The Gronk Cruise may be less popular than other celebrity cruises, but at least no one died.

At 5:30 p.m. we ascend to a 13th-floor lounge for the photo op, where a massive queue has formed. At the door a smiling blond man hands us each a plastic shot glass filled with a cloudy tequila-and-something cocktail. Behind us in line is a group of four New England women whose accents carom off the walls of the ship, foretelling their presence wherever they go. And they go everywhere. One member will play Family Feud against the Gronks. Another will play flip cup against the Gronks. Still another will ask Gronk during a Q & A session to choose among Jennifer Lawrence, Mila Kunis, and Kate Upton in the age-old parlor game: “Fuck, Marry, Kill?” Gronk’s persistently drunken entourage—the “Hype Crew”—answers for him: “Bang ’em all!”

Pauline, the matriarch, manages a radio station in Salem. Her daughter, Madison, works in Foxboro for the Kraft family. There is also Jennifer, a cousin, and Mel, a friend. I ask them how they ended up here.

Jennifer: “I saw it and jokingly tagged them the minute I saw it on Facebook.”

Pauline: “Gronk, I would have to say, is my favorite player. Because I like the teddy-bear, party-but-nice persona that he has.”

Jennifer: “He’s not gross.”

Pauline: “My joke is: He’s a big redwood that I’d love to climb. But I can’t say that because I’m old enough to be his mother. But I give my daughter permission to say that.”

Madison: “I would climb the redwood.”

Speaking of redwood-climbing, Gronk was conspicuously lacking in female companionship during the cruise. Charlie brought this up several times. Last year Gronk was said to be dating former Patriots cheerleader Camille Kostek. Before that, he was “linked” to an adult-film professional named Bibi Jones. It’s unclear what went down, but she knew him well enough to disclose in a 2013 interview that “he’s obsessed with the music group LMFAO.… He is still constantly doing the Party Rock.” In any case, bedroom Gronk is perhaps best known for sexual exploits that never occurred, thanks to fan-fiction author Lacey Noonan’s novels A Gronking to Remember and A Gronking to Remember 2: Chad Goes Deep in the Neutral Zone .

Eventually we reach the threshold to a makeshift photo studio. Visible to us is the massive rectangular prism that is Gronk’s silhouette. The moment has arrived: Gronk, dressed in aquamarine tones, is wider than the two of us put together. It doesn’t help us on the tough-guy front that I’m wearing a Hawaiian shirt and that Charlie refuses to remove his fedora. Impressively, despite posing for 602 of these, Gronk never stops grinning. After the shoot, Charlie tells Gronk he knows a high school classmate of his. Gronk nods in recognition and tells him to relay the message that he “destroys” him at hockey. That’s the most one-on-one contact I’ll get until we meet again the next day in a public restroom on a place called “Gronk’s Island.”

On the way back to our stateroom we run into the uncomprehending elderly woman from the port. She tells me she’s since learned what a “Gronk” is. We make tentative plans to play bingo.

Pages: 1 2 3 4

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Rob Gronkowski's party ship: booze fuelled nightmare or NFL unifier?

The Patriots tight end may not be everyone’s cup of Twisted Tea but despite his antics he appeals to a broad spectrum of fans

T here are five months until NFL training camps open and nearly seven until any meaningful football will be played, but the highlight (or lowlight, depending on your viewpoint) of the 2016 NFL season may have already occurred on the high seas between Miami and the Bahamas. Rob Gronkowski’s fan cruise, official titled the Gronk Party Ship, gave 700 Gronk-loving bros and fe-bros the time of their lives. It could even unite NFL fans.

But we’ll get to the repercussions of this momentous event later. Now it’s time to dance:

The boat where that remarkable display of gyration took place set sail on Friday from Miami, Florida, with Flo Rida, Waka Flocka Flame, 3Lau, Gronkowski family members and hundreds of wannabe Gronks. The boat also had a large contingent of journalists, including not one but two reporters from the Boston Globe .

After dropping anchor in the Bahamas on “Gronk Island,” the boat returned on Monday with all of its passengers. Yes, in an upset bigger than the Giants over the Patriots in Super Bowl XLII, no one got so drunk that they fell off the ship. In fact, the boat even came back with more passengers than it left with, if you want to include the many lucky zygotes that were no doubt conceived upon Gronk Island.

The cost to participate in Sodom and Gronkmorrah began at $700, plus fees, but there were opportunities to make back that money and much more. Gronk himself offered one couple “10 grand cash right now if you bang in front of everybody.” Hopefully they got a receipt. It’s tax season, after all. And while paying people to “bang” in public may not seem especially wholesome or protective of Roger Goodell’s sacred “Shield,” Gronk’s ship was not made to be a family-friendly event ... save for playing Family Feud (and the option for guests to bring children ).

If you're not here you lost. #gronkspartyship #TeamJB #gronknation @wakaflocka pic.twitter.com/3Tb3LzhQBQ — Dante (@DanteTheDon) February 21, 2016

But the fun didn’t end there on the S.S.T.D. A Gronkite from Kentucky proposed to his girlfriend . Father Gronk took off his shirt and flexed . Take that, Archie Manning! Gronk gave piggyback rides to his performers . Women rode inflatable zebras . Gronk rode Waka Flocka Flame. Sounds like good, blackout, consensual fun for the kind of people whose idea of fun is blacking out.

Don’t believe me? Then ask a woman on the cruise who the Globe spoke to : “Am I having a good time? Oh my God, yes! Although I kind of don’t remember last night. I might have blacked out.”

It’s unlikely that everyone on the ship enjoyed themselves, however. The 700 Gronkophilies made up only 30% of the boat’s passengers. Another 1,600 people were just your average cruise-goers – snowbirds in Hawaiian shirts looking to relax – who found themselves unexpectedly dropped into three days and four nights of the very worst episode of Entourage. Imagine your poor grandmother being propositioned by a Gronk relative on the way to get more crab imperial at the dinner buffet. Awful. If travel agents still exist, these peoples’ are getting fired.

For those who specifically chose to pay for the Gronkanali, they no doubt got what they were looking for. It might not be everyone’s (including this writer’s) cup of Twisted Tea , but the Gronk Party Ship was probably tons of fun for anyone who views their years in university Greek life as the greatest (yet mostly forgotten due to heavy drinking) time of their lives. Everyone was a willing participant and it seems partcipation was high. But how does all of this heal NFL’s wounds?

Because Gronk is the great uniter among the football world’s warring hot take factions. On one side, we have your traditional, older NFL fans who despise Cam Newton’s celebrations and revel in the downfall of anyone who is less than perfect off the field. These are the people who claim to care only about hard-nosed play and production on the field. These are the people whose favorite sports term is the word “thug”. These are the people whose demand for “class” and “respect” being displayed at all times coincidentally peaked with the rise to prominence of a black quarterback. On the other side are those who believe there isn’t enough dancing and attitude in sports and feel Newton should be celebrated for walking out of his Super Bowl press conference because he was just living his truth of not feeling the need to be polite to the media ... or something.

Then there is Gronk. Beloved Gronk. Gronk is able to straddle the divide between the two sides (and then likely hump that divide while LMFAO plays in the background). He celebrates after touchdowns. He parties. He drinks. He takes his shirt off and shows his personality and his abs’ personality. He is everything the “let’s just have fun out there” crowd wants. He’s so unashamed of who he is (or so dumb, if you prefer), that his cruise didn’t even ban cell phones and the use of social media.

But like a Red Bull and vodka, Gronk is more than just one thing. If his bro-ness came at the expense of his playing career he would be easier to criticize. But the NFL’s premier party boy also has a championship ring. He is tough and physical on the field. His team-mates and coaches have never questioned his commitment. He’s not late for meetings. He has never been in trouble with the law. He saves his money . And unlike Cam Newton, for example, Gronk always fulfils his media obligations .

Gronk is all things to all people. He is the everybro. He is old school mixed with thrown-out-of-school. He’s half-Tebow, half-Manziel (although without the problems of the latter). If he can keep up this remarkable pace through the end of his career, if he can continue to show up on the field and in the dance club but never in the police blotter, he can be the shining, sweat and lipstick and Jell-o shot-covered example that athletes can have fun and still be great, no matter their race or shot of choice. He can maybe convince the hot take factions to end their war and remember that they’re on the most fun and drunken journey of all: a lifetime of being a sports fan.

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Rob gronkowski is hosting a cruise party called 'gronk's party ship', share this article.

Just 12 days after Super Bowl 50, the Gronkowski family will board a cruise ship in Miami along with 2,500 fans and sail to the Bahamas.

Come party with me and my bros on @Gronkspartyship next February! http://t.co/YIrpytmBvw Get Gronk’d! pic.twitter.com/jMyNdqN9lb — Rob Gronkowski (@RobGronkowski) June 9, 2015

The itinerary includes an island party with the Gronkowski family, a photo with Rob, and time to “catch some zzz’s.”

Via Gronk’s Party Ship :

“It’s the middle of February. Ditch winter and step on board Norwegian Pearl for the start of this 3 day vacay. Once on board grab a drink and prepare to get gronk’d by some of Rob’s Favorite DJs, bands, & comedians.”

Tickets for the three-night fiesta start at $925 per person including taxes and fees, which seems a little steep just to get “gronk’d.”

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In honor of Rob Gronkowski's impending TD record: The 69 best Gronk moments ever

Rob gronkowski is a touchdown away from scoring the most in patriots history, so let's celebrate.

I love Rob Gronkowski . Almost as much as he loves the number 69, which is saying a lot. Of course, Gronkowski loves a bunch of other things, like alcohol, dancing, partying, hosting his own party cruises, chugging alcohol, scoring touchdowns, and spiking the football super hard after touchdowns. But he also loves the number 69.

And I love Gronkowski. Mainly because he's part football player, part party boy, part stereotypical jock, a seemingly nice dude, and an unstoppable touchdown machine. If we could create the perfect player with Madden and import him into the NFL to play for our favorite team, we'd create something that looks like Gronkowski. He's perfect.

In 85 career regular-season games, Gronkowski has caught 397 passes for 5,930 yards, and 68 total touchdowns, which means he's averaging 4.67 catches, 69.76 receiving yards, and 0.8 touchdowns per game. I hope you didn't miss the part where I wrote Gronk is averaging SIXTY-NINE receiving yards per game in his career.

That's nuts.

Which brings me to the topic of this article. Gronkowski -- known as Gronk, which is how I'll refer to him from here on out -- scored his 68th touchdown from scrimmage Sunday. So, the next time he scores a touchdown, he'll break Stanley Morgan's record for the most touchdowns in the history of the New England Patriots . More importantly, his next touchdown will be the 69th touchdown of his career. Gronk, like all of us, has been looking forward to this moment for quite some time.

So, in honor of Gronk, his love of the number 69, and his 69th career touchdown, let's run through the top 69 moments of his career -- both on and, perhaps more importantly, off the field.

69. That time he scored his first career touchdown on his first career target.

That should look familiar. Some more examples of Gronk using his size in the red zone are coming.

68. That time he chugged Fireball at the Super Bowl parade.

Gronk drinking Fireball nip like a champ! #fireball #gronk #duckboat #patriots #parade #superbowl @fireballwhisky A video posted by @psaint22 on Feb 4, 2015 at 2:00pm PST

67. That time he judged a bikini contest .

66. That time he hosted a party cruise and 1,500 people unwittingly got stuck on board .

John Breech has more:

The Boston Globe put together a full write-up of the cruise, which you can read here , and in that story, the Globe notes that not everyone on the ship was there for the Gronk Cruise. The Norwegian Pearl can hold up to 2,300 passengers and since only 700 were on board for the Gronk Cruise, that means there were another 1,600 who booked their trip not knowing that Gronk and his hundreds of friends were going to be there drinking as much alcohol as humanly possible.

65. That time he explained why he drinks vodka-waters.

"My drink is usually vodka with water because it gets you hydrated and drunk at the same time," he said.

64. That time he explained why he doesn't like beer .

"That tastes weird," Gronk said. He added that he "sometimes" drinks beer, "depending on the mood." He then outlined a scenario that could get him to drink a beer. It involved a keg stand.

63. That time he claimed he doesn't drink alcohol often .

He drinks "not that often. Maybe once or twice a week -- depending. During the season, barely ever. Offseason, you get your workouts in, you do what you got to do, and then you can go have some drinks."

62. That time he killed the Steelers on opening day in 2015.

The Steelers had all offseason to prepare for the Patriots and they somehow forgot to account for Gronk in the red zone -- on three separate occasions.

Think you can tackle Gronk in the open field? Try again next time.

Think he's going to stay in to run block? Think again.

Think you can cover him with a linebacker? Hahahahaha.

And that's how the 2015 NFL season began.

61 . That time he hung out with BiBi Jones, a former porn star .

60. That other time he scored a hat-trick against the Steelers. As a rookie.

It's tradition. In five games against the Steelers, he's scored eight touchdowns.

59. That time he trash talked everyone's favorite linebacker, Vontaze Burfict .

58. That time he boxed out Brian Urlacher.

57. That time he burned K.J. Wright for a Super Bowl touchdown.

56. That time he created an Instagram .

55. That time he actually said, "Yo Soy Fiesta."

54. That time someone wrote a piece of erotica about him .

53. That time he read a portion of the erotica on "Jimmy Kimmel Live."

52. That time he said the last book he read was called "A Mockingbird to Remember"

Yes, he actually combined the movie, "A Walk to Remember" with the novel, "To Kill a Mockingbird." He really is that perfect.

51. That time he pretended to read .

50. That time he pretended to be a member of the police.

🚨🚔🚨 Bad Boyz- Bad Boyz whatcha gonna do when the #Gronk comes for you @miamibeachpd #support #the #police A video posted by Rob Gronkowski (@gronk) on Apr 6, 2016 at 11:16am PDT

49. That time he referenced being drunk on ESPN .

Potential quote of the year from Rob Gronkowski after winning Ron Burton Community Service Award (h/t @CSNNE ) pic.twitter.com/liZQbF50kE — Ryan Hannable (@RyanHannable) August 31, 2016

48. That time he actually said "it was very neat."

Rob Gronkowski transcript gold. "I was like, 'dang.'" pic.twitter.com/RtBcKjZVCV — Will Brinson (@WillBrinson) October 13, 2016

47. That time his rant about the grammar police included a typo.

pic.twitter.com/pwssOCBqy2 — Rob Gronkowski (@RobGronkowski) August 31, 2016

46. That time he was a Zumba instructor .

45. That time he talked about Tim Tebow .

44. That time he ended the Tebow miracle season with three touchdowns in the playoffs.

The other two also came in the first half. Gronk wasn't messing around.

43. That time he danced onstage with Flo Rida .

42. That time he played dodgeball on an ice rink .

41. That time a TV interview got weird .

40. That time he brushed Byron Jones away like a fly.

39. That time he twerked in Miami .

38. That time he twerked at a Clippers game.

37. That time he flexed at reporters instead of answering their questions.

36. That time Young Gronk smashed a piÃ±ata .

35. That time he hung out with a cute dog.

Gronkowski, The Gronk loving on my Sully #Charleston pic.twitter.com/W4lplGwBTo — Kathy (@kmc6pk) May 25, 2015

34. All those times he spiked stuff .

33. That time he rapped he was looking for "chicks as hot as crocodiles."

32. That time Bill Belichick let him throw the ball and it ended with an interception.

31. That time he almost got naked on a magazine cover .

30. That time he roasted the Colts defense.

"How the f--- did I do that? I don't even know how I did that," is what he said when he made his way back to the sidelines.

29. That time Bill Belichick called him a "coach's dream."

28. That time he rebounded from a torn ACL with a 82-catch, 1,124-yard, 12-touchdown year.

27. That time he needed only one hand against the Broncos.

Tom Brady responded by saying, "How the f--- did you catch that?"

26. That time he successfully blocked Von Miller while Aqib Talib spent the entire play watching him.

Brady hit Danny Amendola for a decent chunk of yards.

25. That time he scored a "rushing" touchdown .

24. That time he announced his arrival in 2016 with this .

NOPE. You're just not gonna stop GRONK. #NEvsCLE https://t.co/lKcSRK5hCo — NFL (@NFL) October 9, 2016

23. That time he single-handedly killed the Chiefs with two touchdowns in the playoffs.

Tom Brady in the red zone? You know how this ends. #GRONKSPIKE ! #KCvsNE #DoYourJob https://t.co/3WOFE4mq5N — NFL (@NFL) January 16, 2016

The Gronk shuffle pic.twitter.com/X08PFF0E5K — The Cauldron (@TheCauldron) January 16, 2016

22. That time he delivered a couch .

21. That time he hung out with Beast Mode and played video games .

20. That time he burned Julian Edelman on Instagram .

19. That time he gave Tinder advice.

18. That time he revealed just how smart of a football player he is.

Via the Monday Morning Quarterback's Andy Benoit:

"When I first get out wide, I see what type of defender is on me. If it's a linebacker or safety, you know right there it's man coverage. If it's a corner, you know it's going to be mostly zone, because the corner is just staying out there in that zone area that he had already. [Depending on if it's] man or zone, you can possibly have a different route." The chess match doesn't stop here. What matters next is how wide Gronkowski is split out all alone on that weak side. Let's say you're running a post route. If you're lined up "all the way out, you have to get inside the DB off the line," Gronkowski explains. "You also have to see where the safeties are playing. If they're far away, you have to keep your route skinny." Now, instead of being wide, say you're flexed just a few yards outside the offensive tackle. Here, "you have more field to work with. So if it's a post route from inside, you can possibly stem it a little outside now."

17. That time he single-handedly saved the Patriots against the Broncos .

16. That time he single-handedly saved the Patriots against the Broncos, again.

Rob Gronkowski makes an absolutely incredible TD catch on 4th down. #NEvsDEN https://t.co/ZoEPSaoBQV — NFL (@NFL) January 24, 2016

15. That time he really admired Martellus Bennett .

Gronk cannot believe Marty B. actually loves to read. Mark Daniels of the Providence Journal has more:

"Just about creativity. How he reads books," Gronkowski said. "I was just thinking, everyone that reads books says they love reading books. It got me thinking that I want to go down that path. It feels like it keeps your mind rolling with ideas. That's great to have. "It's neat. He's always thinking. His mind is always thinking. He's a very intellectual guy, that's very creative and smart. If you need any ideas, you just ask him and boom, he'll come up with it. You'll be like, 'Damn, that's right.'"

National treasure.

14. That time he talked about scrambled eggs.

Q: Does Jimmy Garoppolo scramble better than Tom Brady? Rob Gronkowski: "No one makes better scrambled eggs than me." — Ryan Hannable (@RyanHannable) July 28, 2016

13. That time he was a farting Lyft driver.

12. This photo.

11. That time he handed out free ice cream in downtown Boston.

When you're trying to get banh mi but Gronk keeps dancing in the streets and passing out ice cream. pic.twitter.com/xT7R7o4Ywx — Astead Wesley (@AsteadWH) July 21, 2016

10. That time he said, "Dude I got some goose you want some?" to a cop .

9. That time he ran all over the Bears .

Jay Cutler 's face says it all, really.

Someone give him a cigarette.

8. That time he carried Marcus Gilchrist .

7. That time he carried Marcus Gilchrist, again.

6. That time he scared Rex Ryan.

Rex Ryan: "If people want to show how tough they are, put the boxing gloves on and get in the ring. ... I don't want Gronk, by the way." — Mike Reiss (@MikeReiss) October 26, 2016

5. That time he scored his 68th career touchdown.

Brady hitting Gronk up the seam?

TB12 + @RobGronkowski = @Patriots TD! Unstoppable. #Patriots #NEvsPIT https://t.co/sdvAfPrI3U — NFL (@NFL) October 23, 2016

Sign me up 68 more times.

4. That time he briefly changed his jersey number to 69.

#BAE #gronk #69 #goon A photo posted by Molly Marie (@m_ollymarie714) on Feb 4, 2015 at 9:39am PST

3. That time he tried not to laugh at the number 69.

2. That time he talked about his 69th career touchdown.

Gronk on his next touchdown being the 69th of his career and he couldn't be more excited,.. @RobGronkowski #Patriots pic.twitter.com/w1KOfWhWy0 — Chad Amaral (@chad_amaral) October 24, 2016

Gronk forever.

1. His 69th career touchdown.

I can't wait.

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'That's What She Said' -- Sarah Spain Cruises With The Gronks

Sarah Spain, fresh off the Gronk cruise and a hoarse voice, shares her experiences while on the cruise. (1:16)

This past weekend Rob Gronkowski's inaugural Gronk Boat party cruise sailed from Miami to the Bahamas for three days of island-hopping, concerts and fun. Before the boat ever left port, the imaginations of intrigued landlubbers had already gone wild. Sex, drugs and body shots on the open seas! Creepy "bros," objectified women, players behaving badly! Once photos and videos from the cruise started to hit social media, those back on shore tried their best to spin them into something that might fit those expectations. Unfortunately, they didn't get much to work with, just scene after scene of people enjoying some good old fashioned (occasionally drunken) fun and displaying some incredibly entertaining dance moves.

From what I've read and heard since returning to shore, the narrative about the Gronk Boat seems to have been built entirely by people who weren't on it. Everybody from media hoping to expose some sort of wrongdoing by a famous NFL player to everyday people "concern trolling" over their imagined treatment of women on the boat. One tweeter said it was hypocritical for me to be a feminist and go on the Gronk Boat. Others asked why "any woman" would ever want to go on the trip.

What is it about a party cruise that's inherently "sexist?" I can't think of a damn thing. The insinuation that a woman going on a party boat is setting herself up for chauvinism is frankly insulting -- to both men and women. Frozen drinks, tropical weather, private beaches, intimate concert venues and dance parties are pretty universally liked; there's no reason why men should enjoy them freely while women are judged. Let's give all those "concerned" folks out there the benefit of the doubt that they don't believe that women just drinking and dancing is problematic. So if it's not the idea of a party cruise itself that's troubling, then it must be a party cruise with the Gronkowski family, right?

So what is it about the Gronks that makes some people imagine the worst? Is it just the neon outfits, the big muscles and the crazy amounts of energy? Part of the reason the Patriots' tight end is so beloved by fans is that he's fun-loving and down to party, but never comes across as mean-spirited, lascivious or creepy. He's perhaps the greatest tight end the game has ever seen, stays out of legal trouble and enjoys a good party in the offseason. Unless you're the kind of person who gets worked up over that one picture of him with a porn star a few years back, you'd be hard-pressed to find something he's done that's controversial. And while his Zubaz, tank tops and vocabulary ("chicks" and "bros" are two of his favorite words) might be a bit meatheaded, he's not someone who's earned a reputation for sexism or misogyny.

Men who like to work out, dance and party should not automatically be implicated as part of the "bro culture" that's become a talking point in recent years. Real, damaging "bro culture" excludes and alienates women and minorities, makes for an uncomfortable and sometimes hostile workplace or classroom, and isn't something to be taken lightly. It's unfair to point to the Gronkowski family as part of that problem, particularly when the Gronk Boat was remarkably inclusive and friendly to all.

From the two widows in their 60s who love the Patriots to the pre-teen boys who kept popping up at the concerts with their parents, everyone was invited to dance, jam out to the live performances and have fun. The concert stage wasn't restricted to "hot girls," there weren't VIP rooms where the celebrities disappeared all day and night, and there were no standbys of "Spring Break" culture like body shots, wet T-shirt contests or the like.

The boat seemed to take on the persona of its namesake, with everyone mirroring Gronk's innocent, fun-loving attitude. No fights, no name-calling and no cliques. Just people having fun, making new friends and partying together. I know that might sound impossible, but don't you think you'd be in a pretty good mood if you and your friends were partying with your favorite player and a handful of famous musicians on a beautiful ship in perfect weather?

Maybe it's more fun to hear people speculate about a nightmare scenario than believe someone who was actually there, but why hope for the worst? With our country perhaps more divided than ever, can't we celebrate the magical moments when people forget their differences and just embrace the good stuff? And if Gronk's ridiculous dance moves, an insanely entertaining Flo Rida concert, a couple of daiquiris and a 24-hour buffet are enough to get 750 people all jamming to the same beat, then I say "Where do I sign up for next year?"

clock This article was published more than 8 years ago

Rob Gronkowski calls his Party Ship ‘the most turnt up event ever’

Rob Gronkowski returned Monday from hosting a three-day Caribbean cruise, also known as “Gronk’s Party Ship.” To judge from first-hand accounts, photos and videos posted on social media, the Patriots star wasn’t exaggerating much when he described it as “the most turnt up event ever.”

Gronk’s Party Ship: What we learned

Appreciate the artist and DJ's for coming on and making this the most turnt up event ever. pic.twitter.com/NxwYLEu9mR — Rob Gronkowski (@RobGronkowski) February 23, 2016

For those in the need of some translation, “turnt up,” according to Urban Dictionary , means the following: “The act of getting drunk and high to the highest degree; getting loose {whether that be just being wild or engaging in sexual activity}.”

By that standard, Gronk’s Party Ship did not lack for “turnt up” moments. Here are just a few examples:

This is how you prepare for "Family Feud" on #GRONKSPARTYSHIP Richard Dawson style @BostonGlobe @RobGronkowski pic.twitter.com/xsi84GmAcS — Christopher Muther (@chris_muther) February 22, 2016

Little wonder, then, that even Gronkowski, arguably the NFL’s foremost party animal , was left to marvel at the “insanity times” aboard the boat and at the private locale in the Bahamas temporarily re-named “Gronk Island.” To judge from his tweets, the event constituted something of a career highlight.

Insanity times this weekend on the cruise. Appreciate everyone for coming out! — Rob Gronkowski (@RobGronkowski) February 23, 2016

Always been a dream of mine to turn up like no other on a big stage. Blessed to have this opportunity. Hard work sure pays off. — Rob Gronkowski (@RobGronkowski) February 23, 2016

But even Gronk can only go so hard, for so long. After quite the turnt weekend, he was feeling a strong need to turn in for the night before turning back into an all-pro tight end.

https://twitter.com/RobGronkowski/status/701942167296745473

Entertainment

You Can Join 'BB17's Meg On The Gronk Cruise

If you watch Big Brother , you know that CBS is pretty shameless when it comes to incorporating and promoting its other shows into the competition. Although I kind of admire this blatant self promotion because at least no one is pretending to make some attempt at subtlety. So, who better to bring more attention to its Thursday Night Football lineup than the NFL's favorite party boy and recent Super Bowl Champion Rob Gronkowski. In a shock to no one, Gronk's Big Brother twist had a party emphasis . He even got rid of the Have Nots, which was pretty cool and generous of him. Instead there were random parties all week, and one of them resulted in houseguest Meg Maley winning a cruise with Rob Gronkowski .

I'm not really sure what that means, but I am definitely curious. I have to assume that drinking and dancing would be involved, but I still want to know what's going on. Is it a one night booze cruise kind of situation or an actual vacation on a yacht-sized boat? What is the deal with this Rob Gronkowski cruise, and can I be invited? Please?

It seems that in some sort of alcohol-less jungle juice chugging competition — no, I'm not even kidding — Meg won a cruise on Gronk's party cruise line that sails from Miami to some sort of private island in the Bahamas that which is aptly named "Gronk Island."

The experience is known as Gronk's Party Ship and includes pretty much everything you would want in a party cruise. It's basically a floating frat party with beer, red cups, and an appearance from Waka Flocka Flame. The ship has 13 bars, plus hot tubs, a gym, a casino, and a spa for 2,500 passengers. It sets sail in February 2016, in case you want to buy tickets and hop on . Another cool perk is that the guests get to take photos with Rob Gronkowski, himself.

This sounds like every frat star's dream come true. I also secretly hope that Meg and Gronk make out during this cruise.

For all the up-to-date info on the Big Brother games and prizes, as well as everything else going on in the house, check out Bustle’s very own Big Brother podcast, The Diary Room . Listen to the latest episode below, and be sure to check out future episodes on Bustle’s SoundCloud page .

Want even more Big Brother? Bustle’s App has you covered. It’s THE go-to place for any BB fan looking for round-the-clock Season 17 updates. BUT FIRST, you need to download the app from iTunes.

Image: Robert Voets/CBS

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2 Gronk spikes! Rob Gronkowski steals show at Boston Marathon, Red Sox game

New England Patriots great Rob Gronkowski had himself quite the Patriots’ Day in Boston .

The full Gronk experience was on full display as the former superstar tight end served as the grand marshal for the Boston Marathon before throwing out the ceremonial first pitch before a game between the Boston Red Sox and the Cleveland Guardians at Fenway Park.

Gronkowski spiked a football on the finish line at the Boston Marathon, showcasing his outsized personality that fans across the region grew to love during his time in New England.

Gronkowski, a prolific touchdown scorer and a favorite target of Tom Brady, served up another spike for the first pitch of the Red Sox game.

An epic first pitch from Gronk 😤 pic.twitter.com/zRay6vA2D5 — MLB (@MLB) April 15, 2024

A big part of the Gronk experience was the forceful spikes he’d deliver after all of his touchdowns.

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IMAGES

Rob Gronkowski's Party Cruise to Bahamas is Insane
VIDEO: Rob Gronkowski offers couple $10K to 'bang in front of everybody
The Gronkiest Moments from Rob Gronkowski's Party Cruise
Get Gronk'd! All Aboard Rob Gronkowski's Party Ship
Fun and games aboard Rob Gronkowski’s cruise
Fun and games aboard Rob Gronkowski’s cruise

VIDEO

Rob Gronkowski
Jeff Gordon & Rob Gronkowski Race on Norwegian Encore
Rob Gronkowski Flexing on the Gronk Party Ship
Gronk's sex offer: '$10k if you bang right now' NFL's Rob Gronkowski tells cruise couple
Electric Ave (band)
Rob Gronkowski's POWERFUL Career Highlights!

COMMENTS

Behind the scenes of Rob Gronkowski's party ship
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Rob Gronkowski's Money, Endorsements, and How He Spends It
One infamous party cruise. Gronk may not spend a lot on himself, but he's not shy about showing his friends and fans a good time. In February 2016, the fun-loving party animal hosted a three-day cruise called Gronk's Party Ship for 2,500 fans. Tickets reportedly cost $225 each and cruise ship cabins ranged from $600 to $950. The Gronkowski ...
Why Did the NFL Decide Not to Investigate Rob Gronkowski's Party Cruise
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