the hobbit an unexpected journey movie script

An Unexpected Journey transcript

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Transcript for The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey . ' Note: Ian Holm portraying Bilbo will be referred to as "Older Bilbo Baggins" while Martin Freeman portraying bilbo will be referred to as just "Bilbo" or "Bilbo Baggins"

• Older Bilbo Baggins: My dear Frodo:You asked me once if I had told you everything there was to know about my adventures. And while I can honestly say I have told you the truth I may not have told you all of it. I am old now, Frodo. I'm not the same Hobbit I once was. I think it is time for you to know what really happened. It began long ago in a land far away to the east the like of which you will not find in the world today. There was the city of Dale. Its markets known far and wide. Full of the bounties of vine and vale. Peaceful and prosperous. For this city lay before the doors of the greatest kingdom in Middle-earth: Erebor. Stronghold of Thror, King Under the Mountain. Mightiest of the Dwarf Lords. Thror ruled with utter surety never doubting his house would endure for his line lay secure in the lives of his son and grandson.

Ah, Frodo. Erebor. Built deep within the mountain itself the beauty of this fortress city was legend. Its wealth lay in the earth in precious gems hewn from rock and in great seams of gold running like rivers through stone. The skill of the Dwarves was unequaled fashioning objects of great beauty out of diamond, emerald, ruby and sapphire. Ever they delved deeper, down into the dark. And that is where they found it. The Heart of the Mountain. The Arkenstone. Thror named it "The King's Jewel." He took it as a sign, a sign that his right to rule was divine. All would pay homage to him. Even the great Elven King, Thranduil. As the great wealth of the Dwarves grew their store of good will ran thin. No one knows exactly what began the rift. The Elves say the Dwarves stole their treasure. The Dwarves tell another tale. They say the Elf King refused to give them their rightful pay.

It is sad, Frodo, how old alliances can be broken. How friendships between peoples can be lost. And for what? But the years of peace and plenty were not to last. Slowly the days turned sour and the watchful nights closed in. Thror's love of gold had grown too fierce. A sickness had begun to grow within him. It was a sickness of the mind. And where sickness thrives bad things will follow. The first they heard was a noise like a hurricane coming down from the North. The pines on the mountain creaked and cracked in the hot, dry wind.

• Young Thorin Oakenshield: Balin, sound the alarm. Call out the guard. Do it now!
• Younger Balin: What is it?
• Young Thorin Oakenshield: Dragon. Dragon!
• Old Bilbo Baggins: He was a firedrake from the North. Smaug had come. Such wanton death was dealt that day. For this city of Men was nothing to Smaug. His eye was set on another prize. For dragons covet gold with a dark and fierce desire. For a dragon will guard his plunder as long as he lives.
• Young Thorin Oakenshield: Run for your lives! Ah! Help us!
• Old Bilbo Baggins: Thranduil would not risk the lives of his kin against the wrath of the dragon. No help came from the Elves that day nor any day since. Robbed of their homeland, the Dwarves of Erebor wandered the wilderness a once mighty people brought low. The young Dwarf prince took work where he could find it laboring in the villages of Men. But always he remembered the mountain smoke beneath the moon the trees like torches blazing bright. For he had seen dragon fire in the sky and a city turned to ash. And he never forgave and he never forgot.

That, my dear Frodo, is where I come in. For, quite by chance, and the will of a Wizard fate decided I would become part of this tale. It began... Well, it began as you might expect. In a hole in the ground there lived a Hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole full of worms and oozy smells. This was a Hobbit hole. And that means good food, a warm hearth and all the comforts of home. Thank you.

• Old Bilbo: Thank you.
• Frodo: What’s this?
• Old Bilbo: That is private. Keep your sticky paws off!
• Old Bilbo: It’s not ready yet.
• Frodo: Not ready for what?
• Old Bilbo: Reading.
• Old Bilbo: What on earth are these?
• Frodo: Replies to the party invitations.
• Old Bilbo: Ah! Good gracious! Is it today?
• Frodo: They all say they’re coming, except for the Sackville-Bagginses, who are demanding you ask them in person.
• Old Bilbo: Are they, indeed. Over my dead body.
• Frodo: They’d probably find that quite agreeable. They seem to think you have tunnels overflowing with gold.
• Old Bilbo: It was one small chest, hardly overflowing. And it still smells of troll.
• Frodo: What on earth are you doing?
• Old Bilbo: Taking precautions. You know I caught her making off with the silverware once.
• Frodo: Who?
• Old Bilbo: Lobelia Sackville-Baggins. She had all my spoons stuffed in her pockets. Dreadful woman. Make sure you keep an eye on her after I’m… When I’m…when…
• Frodo: When you’re…what?
• Old Bilbo: It’s nothing. Nothing.
• Frodo: You know, some people are beginning to wonder about you, uncle.
• Old Bilbo: Hmm?
• Frodo: They think you’re becoming odd.
• Old Bilbo: Odd?
• Frodo: Well, unsociable.
• Old Bilbo: Unsociable, me? Nonsense. Be a good lad and put that on the gate.
• Frodo: Do you think he’ll come?
• Old Bilbo: Who?
• Frodo: Gandalf.
• Old Bilbo: Oh, he wouldn’t miss a chance to let off his whiz poppers. He’ll give us quite a show, you’ll see.
• Frodo: Right then. I am off.
• Old Bilbo: Off to where?
• Frodo: Eastfarthing woods. I’m going to surprise him.
• Old Bilbo: Well, go on then. You don’t want to be late. [voice over] He doesn’t approve being late. Not that I ever was. In those days, I was always on time. I was entirely respectable, and nothing unexpected…ever happened.

Scene 2: Bilbo meeting Gandalf

Bilbo Baggins: Good morning. Gandalf: What do you mean? Do you wish me a good morning or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not? Or perhaps you mean to say that you feel good on this particular morning? Or are you simply stating that this is a morning to be good on? Hm? Bilbo Baggins: All of them at once, I suppose. Gandalf: Hmm. Bilbo Baggins: Can I help you? Gandalf: That remains to be seen. I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure. Bilbo Baggins: An adventure? No, I don't imagine anyone west of Bree would have much interest in adventures. Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things. Make you late for dinner. Heh, heh. Mm. Huh. Hmm. Oh. Ah. Good morning. Gandalf: To think that I should have lived to be "good morninged" by Belladonna Took's son as if I were selling buttons at the door. Bilbo Baggins: Beg your pardon? Gandalf: You've changed, and not entirely for the better, Bilbo Baggins. Bilbo Baggins: I'm sorry, do I know you? Gandalf: Well, you know my name, although you don't remember I belong to it. I'm Gandalf. And Gandalf means... ...me. Bilbo Baggins: Gandalf? Not Gandalf the wandering Wizard... ...who made such excellent fireworks? Old Took used to have them on Midsummer's Eve. Heh, heh. Ahem. No idea you were still in business. Gandalf: And where else should I be? Bilbo Baggins: Where else...? Ahem. Gandalf: Well, I'm pleased to find you remember something about me... ...even if it's only my fireworks. Yes. Well, that's decided. It'll be very good for you (Bilbo looks at Gandalf confused) and most amusing for me. I shall inform the others. Bilbo Baggins: Inform the who? What? No. No. No... Wait. We do not want any adventures here, thank you. Not today. Not... I suggest you try Over the Hill or Across the Water. Good morning.

Farmer(Mr. Worrywort): "Hello, Mr. Bilbo. Here. Have a feel of me tubers. Nice and firm, they are. Just come in from West Farthing." Bilbo Baggins: "Very impressive, Mr. Worrywort. Now, I don't suppose you've seen a Wizard lurking around these parts?" Mr. Worrywort: "A tall fellow? Long, gray beard? Pointy hat...? Can't say I have."

Bilbo is about to eat, but the doorbell rings before he begins to.

• Dwalin: Dwalin, at your service.
• Bilbo Baggins: Hm. Uh... Bilbo Baggins, at yours. Do we know each other?
• Dwalin: No. Which way, laddie? Is it down here?
• Bilbo Baggins: Is what down where?
• Dwalin: Supper. He said there'd be food and lots of it.
• Bilbo Baggins: He... He said? Who said?
• Dwalin: Mmm. Mmm. Very good, this. Any more?
• Bilbo Baggins: What? Oh, yes, yes. Ah. Help yourself. Hmm. It's just that, um, I wasn't expecting company.
• Dwalin: That'll be the door.
• Balin: Balin, at your service.
• Bilbo Baggins: Good evening.
• Balin: Yes. Yes, it is. Though I think it might rain later.
• Bilbo Baggins: Hm?
• Balin: Am I late?
• Bilbo Baggins: Late for what?
• Balin: Oh! Ha, ha! Evening, brother.
• Dwalin: By my beard... ...you're shorter and wider than last we met.
• Balin: Wider, not shorter. Sharp enough for both of us.
• Bilbo Baggins: Uh, excuse me? Sorry, I hate to interrupt. But the thing is, I'm not entirely sure you're in the right house.
• Balin: Have you eaten?
• Bilbo: It's not that I don't like visitors. I like visitors as much as the next Hobbit. But I do like to know them before they come "visiting".
• Dwalin: What is this?
• Balin: I don't know. I think it's cheese. Gone blue.
• Dwalin: It's riddled with mold.
• Bilbo: The thing is, I don't know either of you. Not in the slightest. I don't mean to be blunt, but I had to speak my mind. I'm sorry.
• Balin: You think...? Apology accepted.Now, fill it up, brother, don't stint.
• Dwalin: You wanna get stuck in?
• Balin: I could eat again if you insist, brother.
• Fili: Fili.
• Kili: And Kili.
• Fili and Kili: At your service.
• Kili: You must be Mr. Baggins.
• Bilbo: No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house.
• Kili: What?! Has it been canceled?
• Fili: No one told us.
• Bilbo: Can…! No, nothing’s been canceled.
• Kili: That’s a relief.
• Fili: Careful with these, I just had them sharpened.
• Kili: It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?
• Bilbo: Uh…no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?
• Dwalin: Fili, Ki­li, come on, give us a hand.
• Kili: Mr. Dwalin.
• Balin: Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in.
• Bilbo: Ev…everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If…if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!
• One of the Dwarves: Get off, you big lump!
• [Gandalf pokes his head through the door]
• Bilbo: Gandalf.
• Bilbo: Those are my… Excuse me, not my wine! Put that back. Put that back! Not the jam, please. Excuse me. Ex…Excuse me. A tad excessive, isn’t it? Have you got a cheese knife?
• Bofur: A cheese knife? He eats it by the block.
• Bilbo: No no, that’s Grandpa Mungo’s chair, no…uh, so is that. Take it back, please. Take it back, this is antique, not for sitting on. Thank you. That is a book, not a coaster. Uh…put that map down.
• Dori: Excuse me, Mr. Gandalf.
• Gandalf: Yes?
• Dori: May I tempt you with a cup of chamomile?
• Gandalf: Ooh, no thank you, Dori. A little red wine, for me I think.
• Gandalf: Uh..Fili, Kili. Uh…Oin, Gloin. Dwalin, Balin. Bifur, Bofur, Bombur. Dori, Nori.
• Bilbo: No, no. Not my prize winners, thank you.
• Gandalf: Ori!
• Gandalf: Yes, you are quite right, Bifur. We appear to be one dwarf short.
• Dwalin: He is late, is all. He traveled north to a meeting of our kin, he will come.
• Dori: Mr. Gandalf?
• Gandalf: Hmm?
• Dori: A little glass of red wine as requested, it’s got a fruity bouquet.
• Gandalf: Oh, cheers.
• Fili: Who wants an ale? There you go.
• Oin: Let me have another drink.
• Balin: Here you go.
• Bofur: Hey, on the count of three! One! Two! Come!
• Bilbo: Ex…excuse me, that is a doily, not a dish cloth.
• Bofur: But it’s full of holes!
• Bilbo: It’s supposed to look like that, it’s crochet.
• Bofur: Oh, and a wonderful game it is too, if you got the balls for it.
• Bilbo: Bebother and confusticate these dwarves!
• Gandalf: My dear Bilbo, what on earth is the matter?
• Bilbo: What’s the matter? I am surrounded by dwarves. What they’re doing here?
• Gandalf: Oh, they’re quite a merry gathering, once you get used to them.
• Bilbo: I don’t want to get used to them. Look at the state of my kitchen! There’s mud trod in the carpet, they…they’ve pillaged the pantry! I’m not even gonna tell you what they’ve done in the bathroom, they’ve all but destroyed the plumbing! I don’t understand what they’re doing in my house!
• Ori: Excuse me, I’m sorry to interrupt. But what should do with my plate?
• Fili: Here you go, Ori, give it to me.
• Bilbo: Excuse me! That’s my mother’s Westfarthing pottery, it’s over a hundred years old! And…and, ca…can you not do that, you’ll blunt them!
• Bofur: Ooh, d’you hear that, lads? He says we’ll blunt the knives!
• Kili: Blunt the knives, bend the forks
• Fili: Smash the bottles and bum the corks
• Other Dwarves join in:

Chip the glasses and crack the plates That's what Bilbo Baggins hates Cut the cloth, tread on the fat Leave the bones on the bedroom mat Pour the milk on the pantry floor Splash the wine on every door Dump the crooks in a boiling bowl Pound them up with a thumping pole When you're finished, if they are whole Send them down the hall to roll That's what Bilbo Baggins hates

• Gandalf: He is here.
• Thorin: Gandalf. I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way, twice. I wouldn't have found it at all had it not been for that mark on the door.
• Bilbo: Mark? There's no mark on that door. It was painted a week ago.
• Gandalf: There is a mark. I put it there myself. Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company: Thorin Oakenshield.
• Thorin: So... ...this is the Hobbit. Tell me, Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?
• Bilbo Baggins: Pardon me?
• Thorin: Ax or sword? What's your weapon of choice?
• Bilbo Baggins: Well, I do have some skill at conkers, if you must know... ...but I fail to see why that's relevant.
• Thorin: Thought as much. He looks more like a grocer than a burglar.
• Balin: What news from the meeting in Ered Luin? Did they all come?
• Thorin Oakenshield: Aye, envoys from all seven kingdoms.
• Dwalin: And what did the dwarves of the Iron Hill say? Is Dain with us?
• Thorin Oakenshield: They will not come. They say this quest is ours, and ours alone.
• Bilbo: You’re doing a quest?
• Gandalf: Bilbo, my dear fellow, let us have a little more light. Far to the East, over ranges and rivers, beyond woodlands and wastelands, lies a single solitary peak.
• Bilbo: The Lonely Mountain.
• Glóin: Aye, Oin has read the portents, and the portents say: it is time.
• Óin: Ravens have been seen flying back to the mountain as it was foretold. When the birds of the old return to Erebor, the reign of the beast will end.
• Bilbo: Uh…what beast?
• Bofur: Well that would be a reference to Smaug the terrible, chiefest and greatest calamity of our age. Airborne fire breather, teeth like razors, claws like meat hooks, extremely fond of precious metals.
• Bilbo: Yes, I know what a dragon is.
• Ori: I’m not afraid, I’m up for it. I’ll give him a taste of the dwarfish iron right up his jacksy!
• Glóin: Good lad, Ori!
• Dori: Sit down!
• Balin: The task would be difficult enough with an army behind us, but we number just thirteen, and not thirteen of the best, nor brightest.
• Ori: Hey! Who are you calling dim?
• Óin: Sorry, what did he say?
• Fili: We may be few in number. But we’re fighters, all of us! To the last dwarf!
• Kili: And you forget we have a wizard in our company, Gandalf will have killed hundreds of dragons in his time.
• Gandalf: Oh, well. No, uh, I…I wouldn’t say…
• Dori: How many then?
• Gandalf: What?
• Dori: Well, how many dragons have you killed? Go on, give us a number!
• Bilbo: Uh…Please. Please.
• Thorin Oakenshield: Enough! If we have read these signs, do you not think others will have read them too? Rumors have begun to spread. The dragon Smaug has not been seen for sixty years. Eyes look East to the mountain, assessing, wondering, weighing the risk. Perhaps the vast wealth of our people now lies unprotected. Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours? Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor?
• Balin: You forget, the Front Gate is sealed. (Thorin sits back down.) There is no way into the mountain.
• Gandalf: That, my dear Balin, is not entirely true. (produces a key and Thorin recognizes it)
• Thorin Oakenshield: How come you by this?
• Gandalf: It was given to me by your father. By Thrain. For safekeeping. It is yours now. (hands Thorin the key, who clutches onto it hard)
• Fili: If there is a key, there must be a door.
• Gandalf: (nods to affirm Fili's assumption) These runes speak of a hidden passage to the Lower Halls.
• Kili: There's another way in.
• Gandalf: Well, if we can find it, but Dwarf doors are invisible when closed. The answer lies hidden somewhere in this map...and I do not have the skill to find it. But there are others in Middle-earth who can. The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth... ...and no small amount of courage. But if we are careful and clever, I believe that it can be done.
• Ori: That's why we need a burglar.
• Bilbo: Hmm. And a good one too. An expert, I'd imagine.
• Óin: And are you?
• Bilbo: (looks behind him and notices that the dwarves are talking to him) (confused) Am I what?
• Óin: He said he's an expert. Hey.
• Bilbo Baggins: Me? No. No, no, no. I'm not a burglar.
• I've never stolen a thing in my life.
• Balin: Well, I'm afraid I have to agree with Mr. Baggins. He's hardly burglar material.
• Bilbo Baggins: Nope.
• Dwalin: Aye, the Wild is no place for gentle folk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves.
• Gandalf: Enough! If I say Bilbo Baggins is a burglar, then a burglar he is. Hobbits are remarkably light on their feet. In fact, they can pass unseen by most, if they choose. And, while the dragon is accustomed to the smell of Dwarf... ...the scent of a Hobbit is all but unknown to him... ...which gives us a distinct advantage. You asked me to find the 14th member of this company and I have chosen Mr. Baggins. There's a lot more to him than appearances suggest. And he's got a great deal more to offer than any of you know. Including himself. You must trust me on this.
• (Gandalf looks at Thorin, who reluctantly agrees with the wizard for once).
• Thorin Oakenshield: Very well. We will do it your way. Give him the contract.
• Glóin: We're in. We're off.
• Bilbo: Please.
• Balin: It’s just the usual summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth.
• Bilbo: Funeral arrangements? (opens the contract and realizes how long it is) Ooh.
• Thorin Oakenshield: I cannot guarantee his safety.
• Gandalf: Understood.
• Thorin Oakenshield: Nor will I be responsible for his fate.
• Gandalf: Agreed.
• Bilbo: [to himself] ‘Total’s cash on delivery, up to but not exceeding, one fourteenth of total profit if any.’ Seems fair. Uh…’The present company shall not be liable for injuries inflicted by or sustained as a consequence thereof, including, but not limited to…lacerations. Evisceration. (looks to the dwarves) Incineration?
• Bofur: Oh, aye, he’ll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye.
• Balin: You alright, laddie?
• Bilbo: Huh? Yeah, I fe…I feel a bit faint.
• Bofur: Think furnace, with wings.
• Bilbo: I…I…I need air.
• Bofur: Flash of light, searing pain, then poof! You’re nothing more than a pile of ash!
• Bilbo: No. (Bilbo faints)
• Gandalf: (sarcastically) Oh, very helpful, Bofur.
• Bilbo Baggins: I'll be all right. Just let me sit quietly for a moment.
• Gandalf: You've been sitting quietly for far too long. Tell me, when did doilies and your mother's dishes... ...become so important to you? I remember a young Hobbit who was always running off in search of Elves in the woods. Who would stay out late, come home after dark... ...trailing mud and twigs and fireflies. A young Hobbit who would have liked nothing better... ...than to find out what was beyond the borders of the Shire. The world is not in your books and maps. It's out there.
• Bilbo Baggins: I can't just go running off into the blue. I am a Baggins of Bag-end.
• Gandalf: You are also a Took. Did you know that your great-great-great-great-uncle Bullroarer Took was so large, he could ride a real horse?
• Bilbo Baggins: Yes.
• Gandalf: Yes, well, he could. In the Battle of Green Fields, he charged the Goblin ranks. He swung his club so hard, it knocked the Goblin king's head clean off... ...and it sailed 100 yards through the air and went down a rabbit hole. And thus, the battle was won. And the game of golf invented at the same time.
• Bilbo Baggins: I do believe you made that up.
• Gandalf: Well, all good stories deserve embellishment. You'll have a tale or two to tell of your own when you come back.
• Bilbo Baggins: Can you promise that I will come back?
• Gandalf: No. And if you do... ...you will not be the same.
• Bilbo Baggins: That's what I thought. Sorry, Gandalf, I can't sign this. You've got the wrong Hobbit.
• Balin: It appears we have lost our burglar. Probably for the best. The odds were always against us. After all, what are we? Merchants, miners, tinkers, toy makers. Hardly the stuff of legend.
• Thorin: There are a few warriors amongst us.
• Balin: Old warriors.
• Thorin: I would take each and every one of these dwarves over an army from the Iron Hills, for when I called upon them, they answered. Loyalty, honor, a willing heart. I can ask no more than that.
• Balin: You don’t have to do this. You have a choice. You’ve done honorably by our people. You have built a new life for us in the Blue Mountains. A life of peace and plenty. A life that is worth more than all the gold in Erebor.
• Thorin: From my grandfather to my father, this has come to me. They dreamt of the day when the dwarves of Erebor would reclaim their homeland. There is no choice, Balin. Not for me.
• Balin: Then we are with you, laddie. We will see it done.
• Thorin [singing] Far over the Misty Mountains cold. To dungeons deep and caverns old. We must away ere break of day. To find our long forgotten gold.
• Dwarves: [singing] The pines were roaring on the height, the winds were moaning in the night. The fire was red, it flaming spread. The trees like torches blazed with light.
• Bilbo: Hello!
• Hobbit: Here, Mr. Bilbo! Where are you off too?
• Bilbo: I can’t stop, I’m already late!
• Hobbit: Late for what?
• Bilbo: I’m going on an adventure!
• Wait! Wait! (Everyone stops. Bilbo happily hands it over to Balin) I signed it.
• Balin: Everything appears to be in order. Welcome, master Baggins, to the company of Thorin Oakenshield.
• Thorin: Give him a pony.
• Bilbo: No, no, no, no. That…that won’t be necessary. Thank you. I’m sure I can keep up on foot. Yeah, I…I’ve done my fair share of walking holidays, you know? Even got as far as Frog Morton once.
• Oin: Come on, Nori! Pay up!
• Bilbo: What’s that about?
• Gandalf: Oh, they took wagers on whether or not you’d turn up. Most of them bet that you wouldn’t.
• Bilbo: And what did you think?
• Gandalf: Well… (catches a sack of coin) My dear fellow, I never doubted you for a second.
• Bilbo: Oh, it’s horse hair. Having a reaction. Uh…wait, wait. Stop! Stop! We have to turn around.
• Gandalf: What on earth is the matter?
• Bilbo: I forgot my handkerchief.
• Bofur: Here! Use this.
• Thorin: Move on!
• Gandalf: You’ll have to manage without pocket handkerchiefs, and a good many other things, Bilbo Baggins, before we reach our journey’s end. You were born to the rolling hills and little rivers of the Shire. But home is now behind you. The world is ahead.
• (Bilbo cannot sleep because of Bombur's snoring. He gets up and smuggles an apple to Myrtle. He speaks to her gently. )
• Bilbo Baggins: Hello, girl. Who's a good girl? (feeds her) It's our little secret, Myrtle. You must tell no one. Shh, shh. (he smiles and pets her snout but there is a shriek in the air. He looks to Fili and Kili, who are already awake) What was that?
• Kili: Orcs.
• Bilbo Baggins" Orcs? (Thorin wakes up in alarm but sees that Fili and Kili are teasing Bilbo) .
• Fili: Throat-cutters. There'll be dozens of them out there.
• Kili: The lone-lands are crawling with them. They strike in the wee small hours when everyone's asleep. Quick and quiet, no screams. Just lots of blood.
• (The boys laugh when Bilbo looks panicked as if it were a joke)
• Thorin Oakenshield: (sternly) You think that's funny? You think a night raid by Orcs is a joke?
• Kili: We didn’t mean anything by it.
• Thorin Oakenshield: No you didn’t. You know nothing of the world.
• Balin: Don’t mind him, laddie. Thorin has more cause than most to hate orcs. After the dragon took the Lonely Mountain... ...King Thror tried to reclaim the ancient Dwarf kingdom of Moria. But our enemy had got there first. Moria had been taken by legions of Orcs... ...led by the most vile of all their race: Azog the Defiler. The giant Gundabad Orc... ...had sworn to wipe out the line of Durin. He began... ...by beheading the king. No! Thrain, Thorin's father, was driven mad by grief. He went missing. Taken prisoner or killed... ...we did not know. We were leaderless. Defeat and death... ...were upon us. That is when I saw him. A young Dwarf prince... ...facing down the pale Orc. He stood alone against this terrible foe. His armor rent... ...wielding nothing but an oaken branch as a shield. Azog the Defiler learned that day... ...that the line of Durin would not be so easily broken. Our forces rallied... wand drove the Orcs back. And our enemy... ...had been defeated. But there was no feast... ...nor song that night... ...for our dead were beyond the count of grief. We few had survived. And I thought to myself then... ...there is one who I could follow. There is one... ...I could call king.
• Bilbo Baggins: And the Pale Orc? What happened to him?
• Thorin Oakenshield: He slunk back into the hole whence he came. That filth died of his wounds long ago.
• Hunter Orc: Send word to the Master, we have found the Dwarf-scum.
• Dori: Here, Mr. Gandalf? Can’t you do something about this deluge?
• Gandalf: It is raining, master dwarf. And it will continue to rain until the rain is done! If you wish to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another wizard.
• Bilbo: Are there any?
• Bilbo: Other wizards?
• Gandalf: There are five us. The greatest of our order is Saruman, The White. Then there are the two blue wizards. Do you know, I’ve quite forgotten their names.
• Bilbo: And who is the fifth?
• Gandalf: Well, that would be Radagast, The Brown.
• Bilbo: Is he a great wizard or is he…more like you?
• Gandalf: I think he’s a very great wizard, in his own way. He’s a gentle soul who prefers the company of animals to others. He keeps a watchful eye over the vast forestlands to the East, and a good thing too, for always evil will look to find a foothold in this world.
• Radagast: Not good. Not good at all! Oh. Oh, no! Oh, Sebastian! Good gracious. Move back! Give him some air, for goodness sake! I don’t understand why it’s not working, it’s not as if it’s witchcraft! Witchcraft. Oh, but it is! A dark and powerful magic. Where on this good earth do those foul creatures come from? The old fortress? Show me.
• Thorin Oakenshield: We’ll camp here for the night. Fíli, Kíli, look after the ponies. Make sure you stay with them.
• Gandalf: (inspecting the ruined house) A farmer and his family used to live here.
• Thorin Oakenshield: Oin, Gloin.
• Thorin Oakenshield: Get the fire going.
• Oin: Right you are.
• Gandalf: I think it would be wiser to move on. We could make for the hidden valley.
• Thorin Oakenshield: But I’ve told you already. I will not go near that place.
• Gandalf: Why not? The Elves could help us, we could get food, rest, advice.
• Thorin Oakenshield: I do not need their advice.
• Gandalf: We have a map that we cannot read. Lord Elrond could help us.
• Thorin Oakenshield: Help? A dragon attacks Erebor. What help came from the Elves? Orcs plunder Moria, desecrate our sacred halls, the Elves looked on and did nothing! You ask me to seek out the very people who betrayed my grandfather, who betrayed my father.
• Gandalf: You are neither of them. I did not give you that map and key for you to hold on to the past.
• Thorin Oakenshield: I did not know they were yours to keep.
• Bilbo: (sees Gandalf storm off in frustration) Everything alright? Gandalf, where are you going?
• Gandalf: To seek the company of the only one around here who’s got any sense.
• Bilbo: And who’s that?
• Gandalf: Myself, mister Baggins! I’ve had enough of dwarves for one day.
• Thorin Oakenshield: Come on Bombur, we’re hungry.
• Bilbo: (to Balin) Is he coming back? (The dwarf looks unsure at Bilbo. At night time, Bilbo is still worrying because Gandalf has yet to return. He’s been a long time.
• Bofur: Who?
• Bofur: He’s a wizard! He does as he chooses. Here. Do us a favor, take this to the lads. (hands Bilbo the soup but stops Bombur from taking more.) Stop it, you’ve had plenty.
• Bilbo: What’s the matter?
• Kili: We’re supposed to be looking after the ponies.
• Fili: Only we’ve encountered a slight problem.
• Kili: We had sixteen.
• Fili: Now there’s fourteen.
• [as they look to see which ponies are missing]
• Kili: Daisy and Bungle are missing.
• Bilbo: What? Well, that’s not good. And that is not good at all. Shouldn’t we tell Thorin?
• Fili: Uh…no. Let’s not worry him. As our official burglar, we thought you might like to look into it.
• Bilbo: Well, uh…it looks as if something big uprooted these trees.
• Kili: That was our thinking.
• Bilbo: It’s something very big, and possibly quite dangerous.
• Fili: Hey! There’s a light.
• Fili: Over here!
• [they all move closer towards the light]
• Fili: Stay down.
• Bilbo: What is it?
• Kili: Trolls.
• Bilbo: He’s got Myrtle and Minty! I think they’re gonna eat them, we have to do something.
• Kili: Yes, you should. Mountain trolls are slow and stupid, and you’re so small. They’ll never see you.
• Bilbo: Me? Me? No. No. No.
• Kili: It’s perfectly safe!
• Fili: We’ll be right behind you. If you run into trouble hoot twice like a barn owl, once like a brown owl.
• Bilbo: Twice like a barn owl, hoot twice like a brown…hoots like a…like a… Uh, are you sure this is a good idea?
• William Troll: Mutton yesterday, mutton today. And blimey, if it don’t look like mutton again tomorrow.
• Bert Troll: Quit your griping. These ain’t sheep! These is West nags!
• Tom Troll: Oh! I don’t like horse. I never have. Not enough fat on them.
• William Troll: Well, it’s better than a leathery ol’ farmer. All skin and bone he was. I’m still pickin’ bits of him out o’ me teeth.
• Bert Troll: Well, that’s lovely, that is. A floater.hobbit-7
• William Troll: Oh! Might improve the flavor!
• Tom Troll: Ah! There’s more where that came from.
• Bert Troll: Oh, no you don’t!
• Tom Troll: Oww! Oww!
• Bert Troll: Sit down!
• Tom Troll: Well…I hope you’re gonna gut these nags? I don’t like the stinky parts.
• Tom Troll: Oww!
• Bert Troll: I said sit down!
• William Troll: I’m starving, are we having horse tonight or what?
• Bert Troll: Shut your cake hole! You’ll eat what I’ll give ya!
• William Troll: How come he’s the cook? Everything tastes the same, everything tastes like chicken.
• Tom Troll: Except the chicken.
• William Troll: What tastes like fish!
• Bert Troll: I’m just saying, a little appreciation would be nice. ‘Thank you very much, Bert. Lovely stew, Bert.’ How hard is that? Mmm. Just needs a sprinkle of squirrel dung. Here, that’s my grog!
• Tom Troll: Sorry. Oww!
• Bert Troll: Ooh. That is beautifully balanced, that is. Wrap your loganbie around that, mate. Huh? Good ain’t it? That’s why I’m the cook.
• William Troll: Me guts are grumbling, I’ve got to snaffle something. Flesh. I need flesh!
• Tom Troll: Aah! Blimey! Bert! Bert, look what’s come out of me hooter! It’s got arms and legs and everything!
• Bert Troll: What is it?
• Tom Troll: I don’t know, but I don’t like the way it wriggles around!
• Bert Troll: What are you then? An oversized squirrel?
• Bilbo: I’m a burglar…uh, hobbit!
• Tom Troll: A ‘burglar-hobbit’?
• William Troll: Can we cook him??
• Tom Troll: We can try!
• Bert Troll: He wouldn’t make more than a mouthful. Not when he’s skinned and boned!
• William Troll: Perhaps there’s more burglar-hobbits ’round these parts, might be enough for a pie! Grab him!
• Tom Troll: He’s too quick!
• William Troll: Oah, come here! you little…
• William Troll: Gotcha! Are there any more of you little fellas hiding where you shouldn’t?
• Tom Troll: He’s lying!
• Bilbo: I’m not!
• Tom Troll: Hold his toes over the fire. Make him squeal!
• (Kili rushes in and slashes one of the trolls' legs
• Kili: Drop him!
• William Troll: You what?
• Kili: I said, drop him. (The trolls toss Bilbo to Kili, who promptly catches the Hobbit, but both of them fall onto the ground) Bilbo!
• Thorin: No! (pulls Kili back to prevent him from getting hurt or Bilbo killed)
• William Troll: Lay down your arms! Or we’ll rip his off! Don’t bother cooking ’em! Let’s just sit on 'em and squash ’em into jelly!
• Bert Troll: They should be sauteed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage.
• Tom Troll: Oh, that does sound quite nice.
• William Troll: Never mind the seasoning, we ain’t got all night! Dawn ain’t far away, let’s get a move on! I don’t fancy been turned to stone.
• Bilbo: Wait! You are making a terrible mistake.
• Dori: You can’t reason with them, they’re half-wits!
• Bofur: Half-wits? What does that make us?
• Bilbo: I meant with the…uh, with the…with the seasoning.
• Bert Troll: What about the seasoning?
• Bilbo: Well, have you smelt them? You’re gonna need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up!
• William Troll: What do you know about cooking dwarf?
• Bert Troll: Shut up, and let the…uh, flurgerburbur-hobbit talk.
• Bilbo: Uh…the-the secret to cooking dwarf, is um…
• Bert Troll: Yes? Come on.
• Bilbo: It’s, uh…
• Bert Troll: Tell us the secret!
• Bilbo: Ye-yes, I’m telling you. The secret is…to…skin them first!
• Bert Troll: Tom, get me filleting knife.
• William Troll: What a load of rubbish! I’ve eaten plenty with their skins on. Scoff ’em I say, boots and all!
• Tom Troll: He’s right! Nothing wrong with a bit o’ raw dwarf. Nice and crunchy.
• Bilbo: Uh…not…not that one, he…he’s infected!
• Bilbo: Yeah he’s got worms in his…tubes.
• Tom Troll: Ooh!
• Bilbo: In-in fact, they all have. They’re infested with parasites, it’s a terrible business, I wouldn’t risk it, I really wouldn’t.
• Oin: Parasites? Did he say parasites?
• Kili: Yeah, we don’t have parasites! You have parasites!
• [Thorin realizes that Bilbo is trying to buy them time and kicks Kili and they realize what Bilbo is doing]
• Oin: I’ve got parasites as big as my arm!
• Kili: Mine are the biggest parasites, I’ve got huge parasites!
• Nori: We’re riddled!
• Ori: Yes, I’m riddled!
• Dori: Yes, we are, badly!
• William Troll: What would you have us do then? Let ’em all go?
• Bilbo: Well…
• William Troll: You think I don’t know what you’re up to. This little ferret is taking us for fools!
• Bilbo: Ferret?
• Bert Troll: Fools?
• (Gandalf comes from his hiding spot, with his staff in hand)
• Gandalf: The dawn will take you all!
• William Troll: Who’s that?
• Bert Troll: No idea.
• Tom Troll: Can we eat him too?
• Dwalin: Ooh, get your foot out of my back!
• Thorin: Where did you go to, if I may ask?
• Gandalf: To look ahead.
• Thorin: What brought you back?
• Gandalf: Looking behind. Nasty business. Still they all are in one piece.
• Thorin: No thanks to your burglar.
• Gandalf: He had the nous to play for time. None of the rest of you thought of that. They must have come down from the Ettenmoors.
• Thorin: Since when the mountain trolls venture this far south?
• Gandalf: Oh, not for an age. Not since a darker power ruled these lands. (Thorin and Gandalf look at each other in alarm)They could not have moved in daylight.
• Thorin: There must be a cave nearby.
• Bofur: Oh, what’s that stench?!
• Gandalf: It’s a troll hoard. Be careful what you touch.
• Bofur: Seems a shame just to leave it lying around. Anyone could take it.
• Gloin: Agreed. Nori, get a shovel.
• Thorin: These swords were not made by any troll.
• Gandalf: Nor were they made by any smith among men. These were forged in Gondolin, by the High Elves, of the First Age. You could not wish for a finer blade.
• Gloin: We’re making a long-term deposit.
• Thorin: Let’s get out of this foul place. Come on, let’s go. Bofur, Gloin, Nori.
• Gandalf: Bilbo.
• Gandalf: Here. This is about your size.
• Bilbo: I can’t take this.
• Gandalf: The blade is of Elvish make, which means it will glow blue when orcs or goblins are nearby.
• Bilbo: I have…I have never used a sword in my life.
• Gandalf: And I hope you never have to. But if you do, remember this: true courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one.
• Thorin: Something’s coming!
• Gandalf: Stay together! Hurry, now! Arm yourselves!
• Radagast: Thieves! Fire! Murder!
• Gandalf: Radagast. It’s Radagast the Brown!
• Gandalf: What on earth are you doing here?
• Radagast: I was looking for you, Gandalf. Something’s wrong. Something’s terribly wrong.
• Radagast: Just give me a minute. Um…Oh! I had a thought and now I’ve lost it. It was…it was was right there, on the tip of my tongue! Oh! It’s not a thought at all! It’s a silly old… stick insect. (Gandalf removes the stick bug from Radagast's mouth, earning disturbed looks from Bilbo, Fili and Oin)
• Radagast: The Greenwood is sick, Gandalf. A darkness has fallen over it. Nothing grows any more, at least nothing good. The air is foul with decay. But worst are the webs.”
• Gandalf: Webs? What do you mean?”
• Radagast: Spiders, Gandalf. Giant ones. Some kind of spawn of Ungoliant, or I am not a Wizard. I followed their trail. They came from Dol Guldur.”
• Gandalf: Dol Guldur? But the old fortress is abandoned.”
• Radagast: No, Gandalf, it is not. A dark power dwells in there... ...such as I have never felt before. It is the shadow of an ancient horror. One that can summon the spirits... ...of the dead. I saw him, Gandalf. From out of the darkness... ...a Necromancer has come. Radagast. Quick! Quick, quick! Quick, quick! Wait for me! Sorry.
• Gandalf: Try a little old Toby. It’ll help setting your nerves. In, and out. Now, the Necromancer. Are you sure?
• Radagast: That is not from the world of the living.
• Bilbo: Was that a wolf? Are there…are there wolves out there?
• Bofur: Wolves? No, that is not a wolf.
• Thorin: Warg scouts! Which means an orc pack is not far behind!
• Bilbo: Orc pack?
• Gandalf: Who did you tell about your quest, beyond your kin?
• Thorin: No one.
• Gandalf: Who did you tell?!
• Thorin: No one, I swear! What in Durin’s name is going on?
• Gandalf: You are being hunted.
• Dwalin: We have to get out of here.
• Ori: We can’t! We have no ponies. They bolted.
• Radagast: I’ll draw them off.
• Gandalf: These are Gundabad wargs. They will outrun you!
• Radagast: These are Rhosgobel rabbits. I’d like to see them try.
• Radagast: Come and get me!
• Gandalf: Come on! Stay together.
• Thorin: Move! (pulls ri back before the orcs see them) Ori, no! Come back.
• Gandalf: All of you, come on, come on! Quick!
• Thorin: Where are you leading us?
• Hunter Orc: The Dwarf-scum are over there! After them!
• Gandalf: Move! Run!
• Gloin: There they are!
• Gandalf: This way! Quickly!
• Kili: There’s more coming!
• Thorin: Kili! Shoot them!
• Fili: We’re surrounded!
• [Kili shoots one of the orcs with his bow]
• Fili: Where’s Gandalf?
• Dwalin: He’s abandoned us!
• Thorin: Hold your ground!
• Gandalf: This way, you fools!
• Thorin: Come on, move! Quickly! All of you! Go, go, go!
• [the dwarves all start jumping inside the underground tunnel and Gandalf counts the dwarves]
• Gandalf: …nine, ten…
• Thorin: Kili! Run! Elves.
• Dwalin: I cannot see where the pathway leads. Do we follow it or not?
• Bofur: We follow it, of course!
• Gandalf: I think that would be wise. The Valley of Imladris. In the common tongue, it’s known by another name.
• Bilbo: Rivendell.
• Gandalf: Here lies the last homely house, east of the sea.
• Thorin: This was your plan all along, to seek refuge with our enemy.
• Gandalf: You have no enemies here, Thorin Oakenshield. The only ill-will to be found in this valley is that which you bring yourself.
• Thorin: You think the Elves will give our quest their blessing? They will try to stop us.
• Gandalf: Of course, they will. But we have questions that need to be answered. If we are to be successful this will need to be handled with tact, and respect, and no small degree of charm, which is why you will leave the talking to me.
• [they start making their way towards Rivendell]
• [as they enter Rivendell they are met by some elves]
• Lindir: Mithrandir.
• Gandalf: Ah, Lindir.
• Thorin: (whispers to Dwalin) Stay sharp.
• [Lindir starts speaking in Elvish to Gandalf]
• Lindir: [subtitled] We heard you had crossed into the Valley.
• Gandalf: I must speak with Lord Elrond.
• Lindir: My Lord Elrond is not here.
• Gandalf: Not here? Where is he?
• [they hear the hunting horn and turn to see the returning elf war party]
• Thorin: Close ranks!
• [the elf war party surround the dwarves, we see Elrond is with the war party]
• Elrond: Gandalf!
• Gandalf: Lord Elrond.
• [Gandalf greets Elrond in Elvish]
• Gandalf: [subtitled] My friend! Where have you been?
• Elrond: [subtitled] We’ve been hunting a pack of Orcs that came up from the South. We slew a number near the Hidden Pass.
• [Elrond gets off his horse and embraces Gandalf]
• Elrond: Strange for orcs to come so close to our borders. Something or someone has drawn them near.
• Gandalf: Ah, that may have been us.
• (Thorin shows himself to Elrond, who gives him something of a genuine smile.)
• Elrond: Welcome, Thorin, son of Thrain.
• Thorin: I do not believe we have met.
• Elrond: You have your grandfather's bearing. I knew Thror when he ruled Under the Mountain.
• Thorin: Indeed? He made no mention of you.
• (Elrond speaks in Elvish, to which Gloin takes offense to.)
• Gloin: What is he saying? Does he offer us insult?
• Gandalf: No, Master Gloin, he's offering you food.
• (The dwarves talk amongst themselves before they all look at Elrond)
• Gloin: Well, in that case, lead on.
• Dwarf: Hey. Come on.
• Dori: (pressuring his brother to eat green leaf) Try it. Just a mouthful.
• Ori: I don't like green food.
• Nori: Where's the meat?
• Ori: Have they got any chips?
• Gandalf: Kind of you to invite us. Not really dressed for dinner.
• Elrond: Well, you never are.
• (Kili notices a girl elf and winks at her, but Dwalin is eyeing him.
• Kili: Can't say I fancy Elf maids myself. Too thin. They're all high cheekbones and creamy skin. Not enough facial hair for me. Although... That one there's not bad."
• Dwalin: That's not an elf maid.
• Elrond: (expecting both Glamdring and Orcrist) This is Orcrist, the Goblin-cleaver. A famous blade forged by the High Elves of the West, my kin. May it serve you well. And this is Glamdring, the Foehammer. Sword of the King of Gondolin. These were made for the Goblin Wars of the First Age.
• (Bilbo wonders about his own sword, looking down at it. Balin notices the hobbit's plight.)
• Balin: I wouldn't bother, laddie. Swords are named for the great deeds they do in war.
• Bilbo: What are you saying, my sword hasn't seen battle?
• Balin (in a regrettable voice): I'm not actually sure it is a sword. More of a letter opener, really.
• Elrond: How did you come by these?
• Gandalf: We found them in a Troll-hoard
• on the Great East Road...
• ...shortly before we were
• ambushed by Orcs.
• Elrond: And what were you doing
• on the Great East Road?
• Thorin Oakenshield: Excuse me.
• Elrond: "Thirteen Dwarves and a Halfling. Hm. Strange traveling companions, Gandalf."
• Gandalf, during Nori and Bombur misbehave: "These are the descendants of the house of Durin. They're noble, decent folk. And they're surprisingly cultured. They've got a deep love of the arts."
• Nori: "Change the tune, why don't you? I feel like I'm at a funeral."
• Oin: "Did somebody die?"
• Bofur: "All right, lads. There's only one thing for it. There's an inn, there's an inn.

There's a merry old inn Beneath an old gray hill The rest begin singing: And there they brew a beer so brown The Man in the Moon Himself came down One night To drink his fill - Oh - The ostler has a tipsy cat That played a five-stringed fiddle And up and down he saws his bow Now squeaking high Now purring low Now sawing in the middle - So - The cat on the fiddle Played hey-diddle-diddle A drink that'll wake the dead He squeaked and he sawed And he quickened The tune And the landlord Shook the Man In the Moon 'it's after Three!' he said.

• (Thorin, Bilbo, Balin, Elrond, and Gandalf are in Rivendell Library, but THorin is refusing for Elrond to see the map.)
• Thorin: (stubbornly) Our business is no concern of Elves.
• Gandalf: For goodness sake, Thorin, show him the map.
• Thorin Oakenshield: It is the legacy of my people. It is mine to protect, as are its secrets.
• Gandalf: Save me from the stubbornness of Dwarves. Your pride will be your downfall. You stand in the presence of one of the few in Middle-earth... ...who can read that map. Show it to Lord Elrond.
• (Bilbo looks between them, obviously annoyed by how this conversation went down. Thorin contemplates for a moment before giving the map to Elrond.

Balin: Thorin, no. (Thorin hands the map over to Elrond, despite Thorin's protests).

• Elrond: Erebor. What is your interest in this map?
• Gandalf: It's mainly academic. As you know, this sort of artifact sometimes contains hidden text. You still read ancient Dwarvish, do you not? Moon runes? Of course. (Bilbo looks at her.) An easy thing to miss.
• Elrond: Well, in this case, that is true. Moon runes can only be read by the light of a moon... ...of the same shape and season as the day on which they were written.
• Thorin: Can you read them?
• Elrond: These runes were written on a Midsummer's Eve by the light of a crescent moon nearly 200 years ago. It would seem you were meant to come to Rivendell. Fate is with you, Thorin Oakenshield. The same moon shines upon us tonight. (reads the map) "Stand by the gray stone when the thrush knocks and the setting sun with the last light of Durin's Day will shine upon the keyhole."
• Bilbo: (confused; to Balin) Durin's Day?
• Gandalf: It is the start of the Dwarves' new year, when the last moon of autumn, and the first sun of winter appear in the sky together.
• Thorin: (after thinking this through) This is ill news. Summer is passing. Durin's Day will soon be upon us.
• Balin: We still have time.
• Bilbo: Time? For what?
• Balin: To find the entrance. We have to be standing in exactly the right spot at exactly the right time. Then, and only then, can the door be opened.

Elrond: So this is your purpose, to enter the mountain?

• Thorin: What of it?
• Elrond: There are some who would not deem it wise.
• Gandalf: What do you mean?
• Elrond: You are not the only guardian to stand watch over Middle-earth.

(Dol Guldur)

(Bilbo goes on through Rivendell without his companions and stands on the balcony of his guest chambers. Elrond comes up next to him, surprising Bilbo completely.)

• Elrond: Not with your companions?
• Bilbo: No, I shan't be missed. The truth is that most of them don't think I should be on this journey."
• Elrond: Indeed? I've heard that Hobbits are very resilient.
• Bilbo: Really?
• Elrond: I've also heard they're fond of the comforts of home.
• Bilbo: (looks around and whispers) I've heard that it's unwise to seek the council of Elves. That they will only answer with 'Yes' and 'No'.
• (Elrond looks down at Bilbo with an unreadable expression as Bilbo dons on an insecure one. However, Elrond smiles. Bilbo looks at him, giving a small laugh)
• Elrond (places hand on his shoulder): You are very welcome to stay here, if that is your wish.
• Lindir (Elvish, subtitled): "The kitchen's under enormous strain, we are almost out of wine. How long do you think they will be with us?
• Elrond (Elvish, subtitled): "That has yet to be decided. (They turn and watch the Dwarves playing in the pools naked as Elrond and Lindir look at them)
• (The dwarves in their guest rooms are throwing stuff around and burning their furniture. Bofur sees his brother, Bombur sitting up there.)
• Bofur: Bombur. (He tosses the food into Bombur, causing the table to break underneath them. Everyone laughs. Bilbo continues walking through Rivendell.)
• Gandalf: Of course I was going to tell you. I was waiting for this very chance.
• (After approaching the steps, Bilbo catches the conversation between Elrond and Gandalf and can't help but listen.)
• Gandalf: (continued) And really, I think you can trust that I know what I am doing.
• Elrond: Do you? That dragon has slept for 60 years. What will happen if your plan should fail, if you wake that beast?"
• Gandalf: "What if we succeed? If the Dwarves take back the mountain our defenses in the east will be strengthened."
• Elrond: It is a dangerous move, Gandalf.
• (Bilbo looks to see Thorin behind him. However, the dwarf king looks at him, that just tells him to listen and not say another word. They continue listening.)
• Gandalf: It is also dangerous to do nothing. Oh, come, the throne of Erebor is Thorin's birthright. What is it you fear?
• Elrond: Have you forgotten? A strain of madness runs deep in that family. His grandfather lost his mind. His father succumbed to the same sickness. Can you swear Thorin Oakenshield will not also fall? (as Gandalf speaks, Thorin looks troubled as Bilbo looks at them with an understanding of Thorin more than he ever did. ) Gandalf, these decisions do not rest with us alone. It is not up to you or me to redraw the map of Middle-earth.
• Gandalf: With or without our help, these Dwarves will march on the mountain. They're determined to reclaim their homeland. I do not believe Thorin Oakenshield feels that he is answerable to anyone. Nor, for that matter, am I.
• Elrond: (looks at Gandalf) It is not me you must answer to. (Gandalf looks to see Lady Galadriel there.)
• Gandalf: Lady Galadriel.
• Galadriel: Mithrandir. It has been a long time.
• Gandalf: (in elvish) Age may have changed me, but not so the Lady of Lorien.
• (Galadriel smiles.)
• Gandalf: I had no idea Lord Elrond had sent for you. (A voice sounds out of the darkness.)
• Saruman: He didn’t. I did.
• (Gandalf turns and sees Saruman the White; he bows to him.)
• Gandalf: Saruman.
• Saruman: You’ve been busy of late, my friend.
• (The White Council, composed of Saruman, Elrond, Galadriel, and Gandalf, are in the pavilion. Gandalf and Saruman sit at a table; Elrond and Galadriel stand or walk about. Dawn is slowly breaking.)
• Saruman: Tell me, Gandalf, did you think these plans and schemes of yours would go unnoticed?
• Gandalf: Unnoticed? No, I’m simply doing what I feel to be right.
• Galadriel: The dragon has long been on your mind.
• Gandalf: This is true, my lady. Smaug owes allegiance to no one. But if he should side with the enemy, a dragon could be used to terrible effect.
• Saruman: What enemy? Gandalf, the enemy is defeated. Sauron is vanquished. He can never regain his full strength.
• Elrond: Gandalf, for four hundred years, we have lived in peace. A hard­won, watchful peace.
• Gandalf: Are we? Are we at peace? Trolls have come down from the mountains. They are raiding villages, destroying farms. Orcs have attacked us on the road.
• Elrond: Hardly a prelude to war.
• Saruman: Always you must meddle, looking for trouble where none exists.
• Galadriel: Let him speak.
• Gandalf: There is something at work beyond the evil of Smaug. Something far more powerful. We can remain blind, but it will not be ignoring us, that I can promise you. A sickness lies over the Greenwood. The woodsmen who live there now call it ‘Mirkwood’. and they say...
• Saruman: Well, don’t stop now. Tell us about the woodsmen say.
• Gandalf: They speak of a Necromancer living in Dol Guldur, a sorcerer who can summon the dead.
• Saruman: That’s absurd. No such power exists in the world. This...Necromancer is nothing more than a mortal man. A conjurer dabbling in black magic.
• Gandalf: And so I thought too. But, Radagast has seen­
• Saruman: Radagast? Do not speak to me about Radagast the Brown. He is a foolish fellow.
• Gandalf: Well, he’s odd, I grant you. He lives a solitary life.
• Saruman: It’s not that. It’s his excessive consumption of mushrooms. They’ve addled his brain and yellowed his teeth. I warned him, it is unbefitting of the Istari to be wander in the woods... (Saruman’s voice fades away as Galadriel focuses on Gandalf, and speaks to him in his mind.)
• Galadriel( telepathically): You carry something. It came to you from Radagast. He found it in Dol Guldur.
• Gandalf, telepathically: Yes.
• Galadriel( telepathically): Show me.
• (Gandalf lifts Radagast’s package, which he had in his lap, and places it on the table. It lets out a dull thud.)
• Saruman: …or I’d think I was talking to myself…
• Elrond:) What is that?
• Galadriel: A relic of Mordor.
• (Elrond, who was reaching out to unwrap the package, draws his hand back. He then reaches for it again and opens it, revealing the sword Radagast took from the spirit in Dol Guldur. The White Council members look upon it in shock.) (Elrond:) A Morgul blade.
• Galadriel: Made for the Witch­king of Angmar, and buried with him. When Angmar fell, men of the North took his body and all that he possessed and sealed it within the High­Fells of Rhudaur. Deep within the rock they buried them, in a tomb so dark it would never come to light.
• Elrond: This is not possible. A powerful spells lies upon those tombs; they cannot be opened.
• Saruman: What proof do we have this weapon came from Angmar’s grave?
• Gandalf: I have none.
• Saruman: Because there is none. Let us examine what we know. A single Orc pack has dared to cross the Bruinen. A dagger from a bygone age has been found. And a human sorcerer, who calls himself the Necromancer, has taken up residence in a ruined fortress. It’s not so very much, after all. The question of this dwarvish company, however, troubles me deeply. I’m not convinced, Gandalf; I do not feel I can condone such a quest. If they’d come to me, I might have spared them this disappointment. I do not pretend to understand your reasons for raising their hopes…
• (Saruman’s voice fades away as Galadriel again focuses on Gandalf. She speaks to him telepathically.)
• Galadriel( telepathically): They are leaving.
• (Gandalf, telepathically:) Yes.
• Galadriel( telepathically): You knew.
• Saruman: …I am afraid there is nothing else for it.

(Gandalf nods. Galadriel smiles slightly. A step is heard, and they all turn around; Lindir come up and bows.)

• Lindir: My Lord Elrond; the dwarves, they’ve gone.
• (Thorin and company are seen making their way up the path they came. However, Bilbo is the one who hesitates, and is looking back at Rivendell.)
• Thorin: (to the company) Be on your guard. We're about to step over the Edge of the Wild. Balin, you know these paths. Lead on.
• Balin: Aye.
• Thorin: (notices Bilbo is lagging behind) Master Baggins. (Bilbo looks to him.) I suggest you keep up.
• (Bilbo looks at the city one more time before turning around for the road ahead) .
• Galadriel: You will follow them.
• Gandalf: Yes.
• Galadriel: You are right to help Thorin Oakenshield. But I fear this quest has set in motion... ...forces we do not yet understand. The riddle of the Morgul Blade must be answered. Something moves in the shadows unseen, hidden from our sight. It will not show itself. Not yet. But every day it grows in strength. You must be careful. Mithrandir? Why the Halfling?
• Gandalf: I do not know. Saruman believes that it is only great power... ...that can hold evil in check. But that is not what I have found. I have found it is the small things... ...everyday deeds of ordinary folk... ...that keeps the darkness at bay. Simple acts of kindness and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? Perhaps it is because I'm afraid... ...and he gives me courage.
• Galadriel: Do not be afraid, Mithrandir. You are not alone.
• 1 Bilbo's Mithril Shirt
• 3 Biter and Beater

Lord of the Rings Scripts Collection: Screenplays Download

Here’s a collection of every Lord of the Rings screenplay available on-line. If you find any of his missing screenplays please leave the link in the comment section. I’ve included The Hobbit: There and Back Again , one screenplay for the entire trilogy.

When you are done reading take a listen to Apple’s #1 Screenwriting Podcast  The Bulletproof Screenwriting Podcast ,  with guest like  Oscar Winner Eric Roth , James V. Hart ,  David Chase ,  John August ,  Oliver Stone  and more.

Click below to download (NOTE:  For educational and research purposes only ).

The lord of the rings: the fellowship of the ring.

Screenplay by Fran Walsh, Peter Jackson, and Philippa Boyens

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

The lord of the rings: the return of the king, the hobbit: an unexpected journey.

Screenplay by Guillermo del Toro, Peter Jackson, Philipa Boyens, & Fran Walsh

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (Transcript)

Screenplay by Philipa Boyens, Guillermo del Toro, Peter Jackson, & Fran Walsh

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (Transcript)

The hobbit: there and back again (entire hobbit trilogy in one screenplay), the coen brothers scripts collection: screenplays download, want to read all the 2016-2022 tv pilots.

Learn from the best screenwriters working in Hollywood today!

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Read and Download 'The Hobbit' Trilogy Screenplays

Journey to middle-earth by reading and downloading the hobbit trilogy screenplays. .

The first Hobbit movie came out when I moved to Los Angeles, and I felt like Bilbo's journey mirrored mine. These are my comfort movies, I can put them on and be swept to a faraway place full of adventure. 

The Hobbit  is a series of three  high-fantasy   adventure films  directed by  Peter Jackson . The three films are subtitled  An Unexpected Journey  (2012),  The Desolation of Smaug  (2013), and  The Battle of the Five Armies  (2014).   They are all based on the 1937 novel  The Hobbit  by  J. R. R. Tolkien .

When expanding the movies, Peter Jackson, Philipa Boyens, and Fran Walsh used portions of the appendices to  The Return of the King , which expand on the story told in  The Hobbit . 

There's a ton to learn from these amazing screenplays. Go get reading. 

Read and Download The Hobbit Trilogy Screenplays 

• The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey  - Screenplay by Guillermo del Toro, Peter Jackson, Philipa Boyens, & Fran Walsh
• The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug  (Transcript) - Screenplay by Philipa Boyens, Guillermo del Toro, Peter Jackson, & Fran Walsh
• The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies  (Transcript) - Screenplay by Philipa Boyens, Guillermo del Toro, Peter Jackson, & Fran Walsh
• The Hobbit: There And Back Again (Entire Hobbit trilogy in one screenplay)  - Screenplay by Philipa Boyens, Guillermo del Toro, Peter Jackson, & Fran Walsh

Three DJI Gimbal Stabilizers for Shooting Video on the Run

For our " deals of the week ," we're looking at three affordable dji gimbal options to keep your videos smooth..

In the early days of digital video, if you wanted to shoot handheld you had to actually—you know—shoot handheld. There were various tricks to use to add stabilization, but for the most part any designed stabilizers were either home-made or expensive.

And while it was fun to rig up something yourself, the market for affordable and quality gimbal stabilizers is chock-full of great products that are easy to use. So, for our " Deals of the Week " this week, we're looking at three DJI gimbal stabilizers for your smartphones and mirrorless cameras that should give you smooth video in any shooting situation.

Check them out below.

Smartphone Gimbal

Let's start with a gimbal option for your smartphone videography. The DJI Osmo Mobile 6 Smartphone Gimbal stabilizer can mount any smartphone up to 3.3 inches wide in its phone cradle and features a magnetic phone holder for simple and fast mounting. It also includes a built-in battery runtime of over six hours and is a very easy-to-use upgrade for any iPhone filmmakers looking to provide better stabilization for their smartphone shots.

DJI Osmo Mobile 6 Smartphone Gimbal

www.bhphotovideo.com

Improving on the previous OM 5 gimbal stabilizer, the black DJI Osmo Mobile 6 Smartphone Gimbal stabilizer comes in an even more compact frame that's easier to balance and fold down, and it now features an extension rod that provides an additional 8.5" length to help design more creative shots.

Mini Gimbal

Moving up a level, we have the DJI RS 3 Mini to highlight which is designed for mirrorless cameras. The RS 3 Mini is small and lightweight and easy to use for a variety of video shoots as a go-to gimbal stabilizer. It weighs only 1.9 pounds itself, but can support up to 4.4 pounds of payload along with its wireless Bluetooth controls.

DJI RS 3 Mini Gimbal Stabilizer

Designed expressly for mirrorless cameras, the DJI RS 3 Mini is a lightweight single-handed gimbal stabilizer. It supports up to 4.4 lb payloads and features wireless Bluetooth control for select cameras and enhanced performance using the 3rd Gen RS stabilization algorithm.

Gimbal Stabilizer

Finally, while there are of course much higher end gimbal stabilizers offered by DJI, the DJI Ronin-SC Gimbal Stabilizer is a very solid choice for those looking to provide the smooth controls they're after for their mirrorless cameras. As an upgrade to the Ronin-S, the SC is smaller and offers more features, design enhancements and technology compared to its predecessor with an even more compact form.

DJI Ronin-SC Gimbal Stabilizer

The DJI Ronin-SC Gimbal Stabilizer brings many improvements over its predecessor, the Ronin-S, with this smaller and lighter stabilized, three-axis single-handle gimbal, designed for small mirrorless cameras under 4.4 lb.

The Ending of 'Challengers' Explained

How we made a feature film for $200, make your videos sharper, less blurry with adobe’s ai upscaling, the most important show on tv is on amazon, a complete list of hollywood slang, how to get a short film into sundance – and turn it into a feature, what sora ai-generated videos look like combined with real-world actors and locations, listen to some of the first single-text prompt ai-generated songs, what the tortoise and the hare can teach you about your filmmaking career, what is ethical ai in film and tv.

• Cast & crew
• User reviews

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

A reluctant Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, sets out to the Lonely Mountain with a spirited group of dwarves to reclaim their mountain home and the gold within it from the dragon Smaug. A reluctant Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, sets out to the Lonely Mountain with a spirited group of dwarves to reclaim their mountain home and the gold within it from the dragon Smaug. A reluctant Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, sets out to the Lonely Mountain with a spirited group of dwarves to reclaim their mountain home and the gold within it from the dragon Smaug.

• Peter Jackson
• Philippa Boyens
• Martin Freeman
• Ian McKellen
• Richard Armitage
• 1.5K User reviews
• 675 Critic reviews
• 58 Metascore
• 11 wins & 76 nominations total

• All cast & crew
• Production, box office & more at IMDbPro

More like this

Did you know

• Trivia The production team returned to the same shooting location for Hobbiton as they used in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. The land is part of a farm, which the owners allowed to be transformed into the Hobbiton set by The Lord of the Rings production crew in the late 1990s. After filming wrapped on the first trilogy, the farm's owners turned the land into a Tolkien tourism spot, offering guided tours of the Hobbiton set. With the crew from The Hobbit trilogy making improvements and additions to the aging Hobbiton set, the farm owners were happy to temporarily close down their tourism business, so filming could take place there again.
• Goofs When the party is captured by the Goblins and Bilbo crawls away, a Goblin's CGI foot passes through the bridge he's walking on.

Galadriel : Mithrandir? Why the Halfling?

Gandalf : I don't know. Saruman believes that it is only great power that can hold evil in check. But that is not what I have found. I've found it is the small things, everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay. Simple acts of kindness and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? Perhaps it is because I am afraid, and he gives me courage.

• Crazy credits Lists the publishers for all of The Hobbit in all the different languages.
• Alternate versions Also shown in a 3D and 48 fps version, but the content is the same.
• Connections Edited into The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey - Extended Edition Scenes (2013)
• Soundtracks Blunt the Knives Lyrics by J.R.R. Tolkien from "The Hobbit" Music composed by Stephen Gallagher (as Stephen Gallagher) Produced by Stephen Gallagher (as Stephen Gallagher) Performed by Jed Brophy , Adam Brown , John Callen , Mark Hadlow , Peter Hambleton , Stephen Hunter , William Kircher , Graham McTavish , James Nesbitt , Dean O'Gorman , Ken Stott , Aidan Turner

User reviews 1.5K

• Aug 24, 2020
• Why are the names of the blue wizards are not mentioned in this film?
• When Gandalf talks to Bilbo about Sting, he mentions that "Elvish blade glows blue when orcs or goblins are nearby", should this rule apply to the Foe-hammer and the Goblin-cleaver as well?
• Are the Goblins different from the Orcs?
• December 14, 2012 (United States)
• New Zealand
• United States
• arabuloku.com
• Official Facebook
• The Hobbit: Part 1
• Mangaotaki, Waikato, New Zealand
• Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM)
• New Line Cinema
• WingNut Films
• See more company credits at IMDbPro
• $180,000,000 (estimated)
• $303,030,651
• $84,617,303
• Dec 16, 2012
• $1,017,106,749

Technical specs

• Runtime 2 hours 49 minutes
• Dolby Atmos

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THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY

The Abridged Script

Alex W. and Alex L.

February 7, 2013

The Editing Room

https://the-editing-room.com/s#dmbtx

This script was featured on Cracked, so you can also read it there .

INT. IAN HOLM'S HOUSE

IAN HOLM sits down to write a book. Or if you're reading this in 48FPS, a GIANT IAN-HOLM-SHAPED BLOB OF MAKEUP sits down to write a book.

IAN HOLM (V/O)

Once upon a time, a city of dwarves built a completely unsustainable economy based on gathering precious raw materials and then keeping them. To avoid the debt ceiling they dug deep fiscal cliffs into the earth, until the city was finally conquered by the great and terrible dragon, Cleverdick Humphersnatch.

Or was it Smaug.

ELIJAH WOOD

(barging in)

HI UNCLE BILBO! Look kids, it's me, Frodo!

Um, yeah, trying to start an epic trilogy here. Did you stop by to do anything useful?

Not really, except to position this scene right before the beginning of Fellowship, which means we're about to take 9 hours of film to tell a story that you wrote down in about two. Better settle in and get fucking comfy.

The hell I will, I'm turning into Martin Freeman.

EXT. HOBBITON - YEARS EARLIER

MARTIN FREEMAN is practicing his puzzled-blinking skills when IAN MCKELLEN arrives.

IAN MCKELLEN

Hello! You may remember me as the old man who does fireworks at birthdays.

MARTIN FREEMAN

(hesitates, frowns)

Yeah, like in Fellowship. So do you just crash parties whenever you need only a handful of XP to level up?

Ha ha, of course not. Now prepare yourself, I've come to bring you on a thrilling adventure! Please don't let the fact that I perform 90% of this movie on a greenscreen make you feel like I'm phoning it in.

I decline your offer of adventure. There, all done, movie's over.

IAN announces a PARTY at MARTIN'S HOUSE on his DWARFBOOK PAGE and sets it to PUBLIC, causing the house to be instantly swarmed by DWARF PRINCE RICHARD ARMITAGE and his TRAVELLING CAVALCADE of RIDICULOUSLY-BEARDED WARRIOR-CALLIGRAPHERS.

Dick move, Ian. Dick move.

Lalala, I'm three studios away and I can't hear you.

The DWARVES act rudely and MARTIN stutters an objection. This repeats for roughly ETERNITY until finally IAN MCKELLEN throws a TANTRUM in EXACTLY THE SAME WAY as he did in FELLOWSHIP. It feels CHEAP and CONTRIVED. The AUDIENCE begins to sense a PATTERN developing.

RICHARD ARMITAGE

Okay everyone, settle down. Martin, we need your help to steal a jewel from the dragon who took my kingdom. And we must act soon, as there are rumours the dragon is gone, and others may try to seize our homeland.

I'm a bit confused. If the dragon's gone there's no problem. If we're just stealing a jewel from it, you don't get your kingdom back. And if the plan is to kill it, you don't need me to steal the jewel, instead you need about three thousand more dwarves.

Look, we need your help to sneak past the dragon that we're going to kill anyway that doesn't even exist! Is that so hard to understand?!

Well, you did a song about what an uptight asshole I am, so I was going to say no. But then you sang about being really sad, so okay. I'll go with you.

MARTIN takes ONE STEP FORWARD.

NO, NO FUCKING WALKING, STOP RIGHT GODDAMN THERE. For YEARS this franchise has taken NO END of shit about the walking. "Waah waah waah, they just walk everywhere, it's all walking, waaaah," in every single goddamn comment thread, every last fucking online forum. Well THAT ENDS NOW. If we're going to travel in THIS movie, it's going to be COOL and AWESOME and NOT AT ALL LEISURELY.

Now, choose your pony.

(excitedly)

Ooh, Rainbow Dash please!

EXT. FOREST

SYLVESTER MCCOY, nobody's favourite DOCTOR WHO, arrives as nobody's favourite wizard, PEDERAST THE BROWN. He demonstrates his wizardly prowess to the audience by having a FACE covered in BIRDSHIT.

SYLVESTER MCCOY

Some nefarious evil has arisen in Mirkwood! I must go warn Ian McKellen while still having SHIT ALL OVER MY FACE.

EXT. HILLSIDE

MARTIN has a word with GRIZZLED OLD DWARF KEN STOTT.

So what's the deal with Richard Armitage? Besides being our Viggo surrogate, I mean.

Hm? Is somebody about to relate my epic backstory? I'll go stare nobly into the distance while you do that, don't want to intrude.

Right then. Long ago, Richard and some of the dwarves from the prologue decided to retake the kingdom of Moria. You remember, from the other movies. However, they were thwarted by a computer-generated albino named Manu Bennett, but not before Richard cut off his hand, kind of like what happened to Sauron in the prologue to the other movies.

Don't worry though, I'm sure he won't show up later in a desperately transparent bid to give this movie its very own big bad.

Do the rest of you have backstories?

I dunno. Possibly. We're pretty bland actually, I mean three of us are doing double duty as evil trolls.

EVIL TROLLS

AS US! YOINK!

(grab Martin)

Now listen up, dwarves, three of whom are also us! If you fight, we'll kill Martin; but if you surrender, we'll eat all of you, including Martin.

Well that is the stupidest choice ever, no way will we...

(surrenders)

The TROLLS commence a display of COMIC BANTER and TROLL TAINT while the AUDIENCE struggles to decide which is more NAUSEATING.

God but this sucks. If I wanted to see ugly green monsters make jokes about bodily functions, I'd be watching Shrek.

Time to display the wits and cunning that justify making me the hero of this story!

But instead IAN MCKELLEN shows up in the NICK OF TIME and SAVES EVERYONE, a device which is already BEYOND OLD and isn't even the last time it happens IN THIS MOVIE. They prepare to move on when SYLVESTER MCCOY arrives with his SHIT FACE.

Look, Ian, I found this sinister necro-blade in my forest. Also, my face is covered in shit.

My word, this could be terribly important. I am in your debt and YOU HAVE SHIT ALL OVER YOUR GODDAMN FACE.

Uh-oh, wargs are attacking! Don't worry, I'll distract them and MY ENTIRE FUCKING FACE IS UTTERLY CRUSTED OVER WITH FUCKING BIRDSHIT.

SHITVESTER MCFACE gets on his MAGIC RABBIT SLED and attempts to re-enact RETURN OF THE JEDI.

Seriously. A fucking rabbit sled?

Yeah, it's part of a game we play to see who can piss off more people on the Internet.

That is the worst chase sequence I've ever seen. How is it possible for special effects to look less convincing than they did 10 years ago?

INT. RIVENDELL

MARTIN, IAN, RICHARD, KEN, and TEN OTHER CHARACTERS THAT WE HAVE HAD ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO EVEN MENTION THEIR NAMES YET AND GUESS WHAT, WE NEVER WILL, arrive to see HUGO WEAVING.

Hello Hugo. It turns out we need your help, because I just realized my entire plan hinges on a map I cannot even fucking read.

HUGO WEAVING

Ah, that's only because you don't have the latest touch-screen backlit RuneReader, as I do. Observe!

Wow, it shows where the secret door we need is, and that it can only be found during a stupidly long laundry list of circumstances, and guess what, they're all happening now! Thanks, Hugo!

(to camera)

Yes, it's the RuneReader Glow, only $149.99 at major retailers everywhere. Why not make this Christmas a special one? WE'RE sure as hell failing at it.

INT. RIVENDELL - MYSTICAL COUNCIL ROOM

The COUNCIL OF FAMOUS ACTORS gathers to DISCUSS SHIT.

CATE BLANCHETT

Welcome, Ian. Did you like how I turned in place, creating a pretty spiral pattern with my crazy long dress? If you missed it, don't worry, I do it in every fucking shot.

I have disturbing news. There is a shadowy threat that is manipulating events while remaining unseen.

CHRISTOPHER LEE

So you mean to tell me we're facing some kind of phantom mena...

Oh crap. Not again.

Hold on a moment, Ian. All we have to go on is the word of someone who's been smoking chronic and watching too much late night Marble Hornets. You really made Christopher Lee fly all the way to New Zealand at his age for this?

Actually, I filmed my scenes in London, to be composited in later.

Thus ruining my only chance at having one scene where I didn't have to act at tennis balls on a stick. Thanks, dickhole.

Well although we've all run out of information, I think we should discuss this further. In fact, I'll use my telepathic powers so that we can have TWO of the most excruciatingly boring conversations ever filmed, AT THE SAME TIME.

Excellent idea, Cate. Commence the droning!

The COUNCIL indulge in roughly NINE PAKISTANS WORTH of DRONING until everyone is COMATOSE.

Fuck it, we might as well walk now.

EXT. MISTY MOUNTAINS

MARTIN and the DWARVES get caught in a battle of GIANT ROCK'EM SOCK'EM STONE GIANTS!

STONE GIANT

WHY AM I FALLING IN SLOOOW MOOOOTIOOOOONNNN

You guys wouldn't even BE fighting if you knew how much butthurt this was going to cause amongst fans of the book.

Half the dwarves get BODYSLAMMED by TWENTY TONS OF ROCK but are FINE. Then they all trip a FLOOR TRAP and fall TEN MILES DOWN A JAGGED STONE PIT and are still TOTALLY FINE because Tolkien hadn't invented CRUSHING DAMAGE yet.

HUNDREDS OF GOBLINS capture the DWARVES but not MARTIN because he DUCKS. Then ONE GOBLIN finds MARTIN and they FIGHT!

Literally not one hour ago, I specifically mentioned that I've never handled a sword before, and I'm holding my own against a fucking monster. This is just lazy.

MARTIN and the GOBLIN fall ANOTHER TEN MILES DOWN A ROCKY CREVASSE but MARTIN lands on a TWO-INCH MUSHROOM and is ENTIRELY, UTTERLY, NOT EVEN A FUCKING SCRATCH, FINE.

INT. ANDY SERKIS'S CAVE

MARTIN finds THE ONE RING in a manner COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from how we saw it happen in FELLOWSHIP.

The one time it would be a good idea to imitate that movie, and we DON'T do it. Right.

ANDY SERKIS

Greetings, hobbits! We challenges you to a battle of questionses! Smssh fplssh GOLLUM, ssghsss indecipherables gibberishes preciousnesses!

Ah, FINALLY, I can display the wits and cunning that justify making me the hero of this story!

Except that I'll have all my answers spoon-fed to me by our surroundings, or your own words. And I'll stumble onto the winning question entirely by accident.

That's okay, it's still the best scene in the movie. HOBBITS-EATING TIME!!!

But thanks to the ONE RING and a SILLY 3D EFFECT, MARTIN ESCAPES and finds his way OUT OF THE MOUNTAIN even though the WHOLE POINT of the question game was to get ANDY to show him the way OUT OF THE MOUNTAIN.

INT. ELSEWHERE IN THE CAVE

Just as all seems hopeless for the DWARVES they are rescued by IAN MCKELLEN, in the NICK OF TIME, YET A-FUCKING-GAIN, and begin fighting their way out of the mountain in a CHASE SEQUENCE copied FRAME-BY-FRAME from PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN 2. However, their way is blocked by the enormous, hideous DAME EDNA GOBLIN KING!

GOBLIN KING

Not so fast! You must first defeat ME, a villain not one-tenth as scary as the Balrog that we've already seen you defeat!

IAN MCKELLEN, with all the collected writings of Middle-Earth at his command, decides to KILL the GOBLIN KING using a joke stolen from JASON X, the FRIDAY THE 13TH IN SPACE movie.

CORPSE OF J.R.R. TOLKIEN

(vomits blood)

Then everyone falls ANOTHER THIRTY MILES and the twelve-ton GOBLIN KING falls ON TOP OF THEM and THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING TOO, WHY THE FUCK NOT.

EXT. BASE OF THE MOUNTAIN

The COMPANY regroups.

There you are, Ian! Did everybody get out safely?

(shakes head)

Alas, we have paid a high price for our freedom. Prepare thy tears as I relate the noble sacrifice of... wait a minute...

(looks around)

...holy fuck, ALL the dwarves are still alive. All goddamn twelve of them. Do I have to start putting red shirts on these assholes?

Ian, thank God you only show up exactly when we need you.

I am a Knight of the fucking Realm, and if I want to sit out all the parts where you're just walking to places, I will sit those parts out, dammit.

MANU BENNETT

Howdy everyone! I'm here to take my revenge on Richard.

I'm surprised it took you until now. I mean, how long does it take to shove a barbecue fork through your forearm?

Everyone runs up a TREE the way HEROES DO until IAN remembers he can SET FIRE TO SHIT, except they waste it on PINECONES. MANU hacks down the TREES so now our heroes are dangling over a CLIFF!

Oh no, he's threatening us with falling. Has he not been paying attention?

That does it Manu, I'm challenging you! There's no way we'd do an entire movie without accomplishing SOME benchmark, so either YOU'RE gonna die, or I'M gonna die, or at least SOMEONE will ACTUALLY ACHIEVE SOMETHING!

(is defeated)

Hey check this out guys, now that the trees are flat, we can walk off them.

WALKING! How the fuck did we not think of THAT?!

MARTIN walks off the TREE and SAVES RICHARD. Meanwhile IAN summons the EAGLES the EXACT SAME GODDAMN WAY HE DID IN THE OTHER MOVIES.

Somebody should really tell Peter Jackson that all of these allusions aren't making this movie more resonant, they're just robbing the originals of a lot of their impact.

PETER JACKSON

(curled up half-asleep on giant pile of money)

GEORGE LUCAS

It's okay, Peter. Go back to sleep.

The COMPANY is flown out of DANGER and left at the TOP of a TALL NARROW PEAK, instead of at, oh let's say, the BOTTOM, because EAGLES ARE ASSHOLES.

Martin, you showed great courage, and I now respect you.

Meaning both of our character arcs have been compressed into one film. You would think, with TWO MORE TO GO, they could've given that a little more time to develop.

Well we still have to get all the way to the Lonely Mountain...

Hey, there it is.

• ABBREVIATIONS
• BIOGRAPHIES
• CALCULATORS
• CONVERSIONS
• DEFINITIONS

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Page #3

- Nope! You can't come in. - You've come to the wrong house. - What? - Has it been canceled? - No one told us. - No, nothing's been canceled. - That's a relief. Careful with these. I just had them sharpened. - It's nice, this place. - Yeah. - Did you do it yourself? - What? No, it's been in the family for years. That's my mother's glory box. Can you please not do that? Fili, Kili. Come on, give us a hand. Mr. Dwalin. Ha, ha. Shove this in the hallway. Otherwise we'll never get everyone in. "Everyone"? How many more are there? - Where do you want this? - Oh, no. - It's really heavy. - No. No. There's nobody home! Go away and bother somebody else. There's far too many Dwarves in my dining room as it is. If this is some clot-head's idea of a joke... ...I can only say it is in very poor taste. Get off, you big lump! Gandalf. Those are my pri...! Excuse me, not my wine. Put that back. Put that back. Not the jam, please. Excuse me. Excuse me. It's a tad excessive, isn't it? Have you got a cheese knife? - "Cheese knife"? He eats it by the block. - Ugh. No, that's Grandpa Mungo's chair... No, so is that. Take it back, please. - I cannot hear what you're saying. BILBO: - It's an antique. Not for sitting on. That is a book, not a coaster. And put that map down. - Excuse me, Mr. Gandalf? - Yes? May I tempt you with a cup of chamomile? Oh, no, thank you, Dori. A little red wine for me, I think. - Whoop! Mind out. - Yes. Ah. Uh, Fili, Kili. Uh... Oin, Gloin. Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur... - ...Dori, Nori. Ori! - No. Not my prizewinners, thank you. No, thank you. Yes, you're quite right, Bifur. We appear to be one Dwarf short. He is late, is all. He traveled north to a meeting of our kin. He will come. Mr. Gandalf? A little glass of red wine, as requested. It's got a fruity bouquet. Oh. Cheers. Bombur's on his second leg of lamb already. Hmm. No chance. Not from that distance. Wanna bet? Bombur, catch! I'll help you with that. Oh, you great galumphing git! - Who wants an ale? There you go. - Over here, brother. I said have another drink. Here you go. Ale on the count of three! One, two... Up! I knew you had it in you! Excuse me, that is a doily, not a dishcloth. But it's full of holes. It's supposed to look like that. It's crochet. And a wonderful game it is too, if you've got the balls for it. Be bother and confusticate these Dwarves! My dear Bilbo, what on earth is the matter? What's the matter? I'm surrounded by Dwarves. What are they doing here? Oh, they're quite a merry gathering once you get used to them. I don't want to get used to them. Look at the state of my kitchen. Rate this script: 4.0 / 4 votes

Fran Walsh was born on January 10, 1959 in Wellington, New Zealand. She is known for her work on The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003), The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) and The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002). She has been married to Peter Jackson since 1987. They have two children.  more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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• ABBREVIATIONS
• BIOGRAPHIES
• CALCULATORS
• CONVERSIONS
• DEFINITIONS

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Gandalf: I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure.

Thorin Oakenshield: [singing] Far over the misty mountains cold / To dungeons deep and caverns old

Dwarves: [singing] The pines were roaring on the height / The winds were moaning in the night / The fire was red, it flame spread / The trees like torches blazed with light...

Thorin Oakenshield: I cannot guarantee his safety.

Gandalf: Understood.

Thorin Oakenshield: Nor will I be responsible for his fate.

Gandalf: Agreed.

Bilbo Baggins: My name is Bilbo Baggins!

Gollum: Baggines? What is Bagginses?... Precious.

Gandalf: You will have to do without pocket handkerchiefs, and a great many other things, before we reach our journey's end, Bilbo Baggins. You were born to the rolling hills and little rivers of the Shire, but home is now behind you. The world is ahead.

Gandalf: Far to the east, over ranges and rivers lies a single solitary peak.

Thorin Oakenshield: So this is the Hobbit.

Bilbo Baggins: Why don't we have a game of riddles... Just, just you and me.

Gollum: [comes towards Bilbo; as Friendly Gollum] Just... Just us?

Bilbo Baggins: Yes... Yes! And if I win, you...

Bilbo Baggins: ...You show me the way out, yes?

Gollum: [nods] Yes, Yes...

[Gollum's pupils narrow as he becomes Treacherous Gollum. He growls as he back into the shadows; Bilbo looks uneasy]

Gollum: [sinister whisper] And if it loses... what then?

[Gollum blinks; as Friendly Gollum]

Gollum: Well... if it loses, Precious. then we EATS it!

[Gollum giggles sinisterly; then he turns to Bilbo]

Gollum: [casually] And if Baggins loses, then we eats it whole.

[Gollum smiles and shrugs]

Bilbo Baggins: [after a long pause] Fair enough.

[from trailer]

Gandalf: You asked me to find the fourteenth member of this company and I have chosen Mr. Baggins.

Bilbo Baggins: Me? No! No No No!

Gandalf: Hobbits can pass unseen by most if they choose, which gives us a distinct advantage.

Thorin Oakenshield: Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor?

Elrond: So this is your purpose, to enter the mountain?

Thorin Oakenshield: What of it?

Elrond: There are some who would not deem it wise.

Bilbo Baggins: I am surrounded by dwarves! What are they doing here?

Gandalf: Oh, they're quite a merry gathering. Once you get used to them.

Hobbit: You! Mr. Bilbo where're you off to?

Bilbo Baggins: I'm already late.

Hobbit: Late for what?

Bilbo Baggins: I'm going on an adventure.

Radagast: A dark power has found its way back into the world.

Bilbo Baggins: I have... I have never used a sword in my life.

Gandalf: And I hope you never have to. But if you do, remember this: true courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one.

Dori: Mr. Gandalf, can't you do something about this deluge?

Gandalf: It is raining, Master dwarf, and it will continue to rain until the rain is done. If you wish to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another wizard.

Bilbo Baggins: Are there any?

Gandalf: What?

Bilbo Baggins: Other wizards?

Gandalf: There are five of us. The greatest of our order is Saruman the White. And then there are the two Blue Wizards... You know, I've quite forgotten their names.

Bilbo Baggins: And the fifth?

Gandalf: Well, that would be Radagast the Brown.

Bilbo Baggins: Is he a great wizard, or is he more like you?

Gandalf: Well, I think he is a very great wizard... in his own way. He's a gentle soul who prefers the company of animals for others. He keeps a watchful eye over the vast forest lands to the East, and a good thing too. For always evil will look to find a foothold in this world.

Balin: It's just the usual; summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth.

Bilbo Baggins: Funeral arrangements?

[reads contract]

Bilbo Baggins: Oh, up to but not exceeding one fourteenth total profit if any. Seems fair. Present company shall not be liable for injuries including but not limited to laceration, evisceration... incineration?

Bofur: Oh, aye. He'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye.

Balin: You all right, laddie?

Bilbo Baggins: Yeah, I'll be. Feel a bit faint

Bofur: Think furnace, with wings.

Bilbo Baggins: Yeah, I-I-I need air

Bofur: Flash of light, searing pain, then poof, you're nothing more than a pile of ash.

Bilbo Baggins: [long pause] Nope.

Gandalf: Very helpful, Bofur.

Gollum: Is he lost?

Bilbo Baggins: Yes, yes, and I want to get unlost... as soon as possible!

Gollum: Oh! We knows! We knows safe paths for hobbitses! Safe paths in the dark... SHUT UP!

Bilbo Baggins: I didn't say anything...

Gollum: Wasn't talking to you!

Bilbo Baggins: Can I help you?

Gandalf: That remains to be seen.

Bilbo Baggins: Good morning.

Gandalf: What do you mean? Do you mean to wish me a good morning or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not? Or perhaps you mean to say that you feel good on this particular morning. Or are you simply stating that this is a morning to be good on?

Bilbo Baggins: All of them at once, I suppose.

Thorin Oakenshield: Where did you go, if I may ask?

Gandalf: To look ahead.

Thorin Oakenshield: And what brought you back?

Gandalf: Looking behind.

Galadriel: Mithrandir... why the Halfling?

Gandalf: ...I don't know. Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check. But that is not what I have found. I've found it is the small things, everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay. Simple acts of kindness and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? Perhaps it is because I am afraid... and he gives me courage.

Bilbo Baggins: I just need to sit quietly for a moment.

Gandalf: You've been sitting quietly for far too long!

Gandalf: When did doilies and your mother's dishes become so important to you?

Bilbo Baggins: [to the trolls, about cooking the dwarves] Well, I mean, have you smelled them? You're going to need something a lot stronger than sage before you can plate this lot up!

Oin: I've got parasites the size of me arm!

Great Goblin: You thought you could escape *Me*?

[He swings his mace, knocking Gandalf backwards; the dwarves stop Gandalf from toppling]

Great Goblin: [mockingly] What are you going to do now, wizard?

[Gandalf pokes the Great Goblin in the eye with his stick, then cuts straight through his large belly with his sword]

Great Goblin: [his last words before Gandalf cuts his throat]... That'll do it...

Thorin Oakenshield: And I am sorry for doubting you.

Bilbo Baggins: No, it's fine. I would have doubted me too. I'm not a hero, or a warrior... [looks up at Gandalf]... Not even a burglar.

Radagast: I'll draw them off.

Gandalf: These are Gundabad wargs. They will outrun you!

Radagast: These are Rhosgobel rabbits. I'd like to see them try.

Gandalf: The world is not in your books and maps. It's out there.

Bilbo Baggins: I can't just go running off into the blue! I am a Baggins of Bag End!

Gandalf: You are also a Took. Did you know that your Great-Great-Great-Great Uncle Bullroarer Took was so large he could ride a real horse?

Bilbo Baggins: Yes.

Gandalf: Well he could! In the Battle of Greenfields, he charged the Goblin ranks. He swung his club so hard it knocked the Goblin King's head cleaned off and it sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit hole. And thus the battle was won and the game of golf invented at the same time.

Bilbo Baggins: I do believe you made that up.

Gandalf: Well, all good stories deserve embellishment. You'll have a tale or two to tell of your own when you come back.

Bilbo Baggins: ...Can you promise that I will come back?

Gandalf: No. And if you do... you will not be the same.

[Bilbo attempts to sneak out of the cave while the company sleeps but is stopped by Bofur]

Bofur: Where do you think you're going?

Bilbo Baggins: Back to Rivendell.

Bofur: No. No. You can't turn back now. You're part of the company. You're one of us.

Bilbo Baggins: I'm not now, am I? Thorin said I should have never have come and he was right. I'm not a Took, I'm a Baggins. I don't know what I was thinking. I should never have run out my door.

Bofur: You're homesick. I understand.

Bilbo Baggins: No you don't. You don't understand. None of you do. You're Dwarves. You're use to this life, to living on the road, never settling in one place, not belonging anywhere!

Bilbo Baggins: [Bofur's expression falls and immediately Bilbo realizes he has gone too far] I'my sorry, I didn't...

Bofur: [Bofur nods his head and looks around at the sleeping company] No you're right. We don't belong anywhere.

Bofur: I wish you all the luck in the world. I really do. [He smiles and pats Bilbo's arm]

[last lines]

Bilbo Baggins: You're right, I do believe the worst is behind us now.

Thorin Oakenshield: You! What were you doing? You nearly got yourself killed! Did I not say that you would be a burden, that you would not survive in the wild and that you have no place amongst us? I've never been so wrong in all my life. [Thorin embraces Bilbo]

Ori: Have they got any chips?

[Lord Elrond arrives at Rivendell. He greets the Dwarves, speaking in Elvish]

Gloin: What does he say? Does he offer us insult?

Gandalf: No Master Gloin, he's offering you food.

[the Dwarves quickly have a quiet discussion amongst themselves]

Gloin: Very well then. Lead on!

Gandalf: Here lies the Last Homely House East of the Sea.

Thorin Oakenshield: This was your plan all along - to seek refuge with our enemy?

Gandalf: You have no enemies here, Thorin Oakenshield. The only ill will to be found in this valley is that which you bring yourself.

Thorin Oakenshield: You think the Elves will give our quest their blessing? They will try to stop us.

Gandalf: Of course they will. But we have questions that need to be answered. If we are to be successful this will need to be handled with tact, and respect, and no small degree of charm, which is why you will leave the talking to me.

Gandalf: Well, why does it matter? He's back!

Thorin Oakenshield: It matters. I want to know - why did you come back?

Bilbo Baggins: Look, I know you doubt me, I know you always have. And you're right... I often think of Bag End. I miss my books, and my armchair, and my garden. See, that's where I belong, that's home. That's why I came back... 'cause you don't have one, a home. It was taken from you. But I will help you take it back if I can.

Balin: Don't mind him, laddie. Thorin has more cause than most to hate Orcs. After the dragon took the Lonely Mountain, King Thror tried to reclaim the ancient dwarf kingdom of Moria... but our enemy had got there first. Moria had been taken by legions of Orcs, led by the most vile of all their race, Azog the Defiler. The giant Gundabad Orc had sworn to wipe out the line of Durin. He began by beheading the King. Thrain, Thorin's father, was driven mad by grief. He went missing, taken prisoner or killed; we did not know. We were leaderless, defeat and death were upon us. That is when I saw him; the young dwarf prince facing down the Pale Orc. He stood alone against this terrible foe, his armour rent, wielding nothing but an oaken branch as a shield... Azog the Defiler learned that day that the line of Durin would not be so easily broken. Our forces rallied and drove the Orcs back; our enemy had been defeated... but there was no feast or songs that night, for our dead were beyond the count of grief. We few had survived and I thought to myself then 'There is one I could follow. There is one I could call King'.

Bofur: [after falling] Well, that could have been worse...

[Great Goblin falls on the dwarves]

Dwalin: Oh you've got to be joking!

Thorin Oakenshield: Rumors have begun to spread, The dragon Smaug has not been seen in many years... Perhaps the vast wealth of our people lies unprotected... perhaps it is time to take back Erebor!

Galadriel: The dragon has long been on your mind.

Gandalf: This is true, my lady. Smaug owes allegiance to no one, but if he should side with the Enemy... A dragon could be used to terrible effect.

Saruman: What enemy? Gandalf, the Enemy is defeated. Sauron is vanquished. He can never regain his full strength.

Elrond: Gandalf, for four hundred years, we have lived in peace - a hard-won, watchful peace.

Gandalf: Are we, are we at peace? Trolls have come down from the mountains, they are raiding villages, destroying farms. Orcs have attacked us on the road!

Elrond: Hardly a prelude to war.

Saruman: Always you must meddle, looking for trouble when none exist...

Galadriel: Let him speak.

Gandalf: There is something at work beyond the evil of Smaug. Something far more powerful. We could remain blind to it but it will not be ignoring us, that I can promise you. A sickness lies over the Greenwood. The Woodsmen who live there now call it Mirkwood and, uh, they say...

Saruman: Well, don't stop now. Tell us what the Woodsmen say.

Gandalf: They speak of a Necromancer living in Dol Guldur, a sorcerer who could summon the dead.

Saruman: That's absurd. No such power exists in this world. This "Necromancer" is nothing more than a mortal man, a conjurer dabbling in black magic.

Gandalf: And so I thought too, but Radagast had seen...

Saruman: Radagast? Do not speak to me of Radagast the Brown. He is a foolish fellow.

Gandalf: Well, he's odd, I'll grant you. He lives a solitary life...

Saruman: It's not that. It's his excessive consumption of mushrooms! They've addled his brain and yellowed his teeth!

[Bilbo opens the door]

Dwalin: Dwalin, at your service.

Bilbo Baggins: Um... [bows] Bilbo Baggins, at yours.

Gandalf: I am Gandalf, and Gandalf means me.

Radagast: The Greenwood is sick, Gandalf. A darkness has fallen over it. Nothing grows anymore, at least nothing good. The air is fouled decay, but worst are the webs.

Gandalf: Webs? What do you mean?

Radagast: Spiders, Gandalf. Giant ones. Some kind of spawn of Ungoliant or I'm not a wizard. I followed their trail, they came from... Dol Guldur.

Gandalf: Dol Guldur? But the old fortress is abandoned.

Radagast: No, Gandalf, 'tis not. A dark power dwells in there. Such as I have never felt before. It is the shadow of an ancient horror. One that can summon the spirits of the dead. I saw him, Gandalf, from out of the darkness. A Necromancer has come!

Necromancer: [whispers in an unknown language]

Great Goblin: Well, well, well... look who it is! Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, King Under the Mountain!

[bows mockingly]

Great Goblin: Oh, but I'm forgetting, you don't have a mountain, and you're not a king, which makes you nobody, really.

Dori: [regarding a piece of lettuce] Try it. Just a mouthful.

Ori: I don't like green food.

Dwalin: Where's the meat?

Elrond: This is Orcrist, the Goblin Cleaver, a famous blade. Made by the High Elves of the West, my kin. [hands it back to Thorin] May it serve you well. [unsheathes Gandalf's sword] And this is Glamdring, the Foe-Hammer, sword of the King of Gondolin. These swords were made for the Goblin Wars long ago...

[Bilbo curiously looks at his own sword's blade]

Balin: Wouldn't bother, lad. Swords are named for the great deeds they do in war.

Bilbo Baggins: What are you saying? That my sword hasn't seen battle?

Balin: Not actually sure it is a sword. More of a letter opener, really.

Balin: [after overhearing Bilbo tell Gandalf he will not join the Dwarves on their journey] It appears we have lost our burglar. Probably for the best. The odds were always against us. After all, what are we? Merchants, miners, tinkerers, toy-makers. Hardly the stuff of legend.

Thorin Oakenshield: There are a few warriors amongst us.

Balin: Old warriors.

Thorin Oakenshield: I would take each and every one of these Dwarves over an army from the Iron Hills. For when I called upon them, they answered. Loyalty. Honor. A willing heart... I can ask no more than that.

Balin: You don't have to do this. You have a choice. You've done honorably by our people. You have built a new life for us in the Blue Mountains, a life of peace, and plenty. A life that is worth more than all the gold in Erebor.

Thorin Oakenshield: [He holds up the key Gandalf has given him] From my grandfather to my father, this has come to me. They dreamt of the day when the Dwarves of Erebor would reclaim their homeland. There is no choice Balin. Not for me.

Balin: Then we are with you, laddie. We will see it done.

Balin: What news from the meeting in Ered Luin? Did they all come?

Thorin Oakenshield: Aye, envoys from all seven kingdoms.

Balin: Ah, all off them!

Dwalin: And what did the Dwarves of the Iron Hills say? Is Dain with us?

Thorin Oakenshield: They will not come. They say this quest is ours and ours alone.

Great Goblin: [singing] Bones will be shattered, necks will be wrung! You'll be beaten and battered, from racks you'll be hung! You will die down here and never be found, down in the deep of Goblin Town!

Great Goblin: [as Gandalf attacks] He wields the Foe-Hammer! The Beater! Bright as daylight!

Kili: [the ground suddenly begins to split beneath them during the thunder battle, with each brother jumping to a different side of the crack as it widens] What's happening?

Fili: [Reaches desperately towards his brother] Kili, grab my hand! Ki...

Kili: [a look of terror cross his face as the cliff face his brother is on moves further away] Fili!

Yazneg: [in Black Speech] The Dwarf-scum, Master... we lost them. Ambushed by Elvish filth, we were...

Azog: I don't want excuses. I want the head of the Dwarf-king!

Yazneg: There was nothing we could do! I barely escaped with my life!

Azog: Far better you had... paid with it.

[throws him into the Wargs' den, and they tear him to pieces]

Azog: [in Black Speech] Do you smell it? The scent of fear? I remember your father reeked of it... Thorin, son of Thrain.

Thorin Oakenshield: Azog the Defiler is no more. He was slain in battle long ago!

Great Goblin: So you think his defiling days are done, do you?

Balin: Ohhh! Evening Brother.

Dwalin: By my beard, you're shorter and wider than last time we met.

Balin: Wider, not shorter. But sharp enough for the both of us.

Ori: That's why we need a burglar!

Bilbo Baggins: hmmm, and I good one too I would say. An Expert

Gloin: And are you?

Bilbo Baggins: [looks behind him then back] am I what?

Oin: He said he's an expert! hey hey!

Balin: I have to agree with Mr. Baggins, he is hardly burglar material.

Dwalin: Aye, the wild is no place for gentle folk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves.

Dwalin: I thought we had lost our burglar.

Thorin Oakenshield: He's been lost ever since he left his home. He should not have come, he has no place among us.

[as the trolls are roasting half a dozen of the dwarves on a spit over a fire]

Bilbo Baggins: Wait, wait! You are making a terrible mistake!

Bert Troll: Eh?

Dori: You can't reason with them, they're half-wits!

Bofur: Half-wits? What does that make us?

Bilbo Baggins: [as Dwarves start musically banging cutlery on the tables] Careful! You'll blunt them!

Bofur: [Amused] Oh, did you hear that, lads? He says we'll blunt the knives!

Dwarves: [Gleefully Start Singing] Blunt the Knives! Bend the Forks! Smash the Bottles and Burn the Corks! Chip the glassed and crack the Plates! That's what Bilbo Baggins Hates!

Bilbo Baggins: [griping about the dwarves] They pillaged the pantry. I'm not even going to tell you what they've done to the bathroom, they all but destroyed the plumbing. I don't understand; what are they doing in my house?

[first lines]

Old Bilbo: My dear Frodo, you asked me once if I had told you everything there was to know about my adventures. And while I can honestly say I've told you the truth, I may not have told you all of it. I am old, Frodo. I am not the same hobbit as I once was. It is time for you to know what really happened.

Old Bilbo: It began long ago in a land far away to the east, the like of which you will not find in the world today. There was the city of Dale, its markets known far and wide, full of the bounties of vine and vale, peaceful and prosperous. For this city lay before the doors of the greatest kingdom in Middle-Earth: Erebor, stronghold of Thr?r, King under the Mountain and mightiest of the Dwarf-Lords. Thr?r ruled with utter surety, never doubting his house would endure, for his line lay secure in the lives of his son and grandson. Ah, Frodo, Erebor! Built deep within the mountain itself, the beauty of this fortress city was legend. Its wealth lay in the earth in precious gems hewn from rock and in great seams of gold running like rivers through stone. The skill of the Dwarves was unequalled, fashioning objects of great beauty out of diamond, emerald, ruby, and sapphire. Ever they delved deep, down into the dark and that is where they found it, the Heart of the Mountain... the Arkenstone. Thr?r named it the King's Jewel, he took it as a sign, a sign that his right to rule was divine. All would pay homage to him, even the great Elven King Thranduil. But the years of peace and plenty was not to last. Slowly the days turned sour and the watchful nights closed in. Thr?r's love of gold grown too fierce and sickness had begun to grow within him. It was a sickness of the mind. And where sickness thrives, bad things will follow...

Old Bilbo: The first they heard was a noise like a hurricane coming down from the North. The pines on the mountain creaked and cracked in the hot, dry wind. It was a fire-drake from the North. Smaug had come! Such wanton death was dealt that day, for this city of Men was nothing to Smaug. His eye was set on another prize. For dragons covet gold with a dark and fierce desire. Erebor was lost - for a dragon will guard his plunder as long as he lives. Thranduil would not risk the lives of his kin against the wroth of the dragon. No help came from the Elves that day... or any day since. Robbed of their homeland, the Dwarves of Erebor wandered the wilderness, a once mighty people brought low. The young Dwarf prince took work where he could find it, labouring in the villages of Men. But always he remembered the mountain smoke beneath the moon, the trees like torches blazing bright, for he had seen dragon fire in the sky and a city turned to ash. And he never forgave... and he never forgot.

[Radagast endeavors to cure an ailing hedgehog]

Radagast: I don't understand why it's not working! It's not as if it's witchcraft! [pause]

Radagast: Witchcraft... Oh, but it IS. A dark and terrible magic...

Radagast: [shows Gandalf a Morgul-blade] That thing is not from the world of the living...

Frodo: [finds a manuscript] What's this?

Old Bilbo: That is private, keep your sticky paws off! It's not ready yet!

Frodo: Not ready for what?

Old Bilbo: Reading!

Galadriel: You carry something. It came to you from Radagast. He found it in Dol Guldur.

Gandalf: Yes.

Galadriel: Show it to me. [Gandalf takes out a package]

Elrond: What is that?

Galadriel: A relic... of Mordor.

Elrond: A Morgul-blade!

Galadriel: Made for the Witch-king of Angmar and buried with him. When Angmar fell, the Men of the North took his body and all that he possessed and sealed it within the High Fells of Rhudaur. Deep within the rock, they buried him. In a tomb so dark, it would never come to light.

Elrond: This is not possible. A powerful spell lies upon those tombs, they can NOT be opened.

Saruman: What proof do we have this weapon came from Angmar's grave?

Gandalf: I can find none.

Saruman: Because there IS none! Let us examine what we know: A single Orc pack has dared to cross the Bruinen, a dagger from a bygone age has been found and a human sorcerer who calls himself the Necromancer has taken up residence in a ruined fortress. It's not so very much. After all, the question of this Dwarvish company, however, troubles me deeply. I'm not convinced, Gandalf. I do not feel I can condone such a quest. If they had come to me, I might have spared them from this disappointment...

Galadriel: [while Saruman talks] They are leaving.

Galadriel: [smiles] You knew.

Old Bilbo: In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole full of worms and oozy smells. This was a hobbit-hole and that means good food, a warm hearth, and all the comforts of home.

Kili: [Kili is gently flirting with an Elf maid when he catches Dwalin glaring at him] I can't say I fancy Elves myself, too thin. They're all high cheekbones and creamy skin. Not enough facial hair for me. [He motions to an Elf walking behind him] Although, that one there's not bad.

Dwalin: That's not an Elf Maid. [the Elf turns around, revealing that he is indeed a male]

Kili: [the Dwarves burst out laughing at Kili's "mistake"] That's funny.

Thorin Oakenshield: Out of the frying pan...

Gandalf: ...and into the fire.

[as the dwarves are disarmed, Grinnah partially unsheathes Thorin's sword, and throws it away in horror]

Great Goblin: [recoils] I know that sword! It is the Goblin Cleaver! The Biter! The blade that sliced a thousand necks! Slash them! Beat them! Kill them! Kill them all! Cut off his head!

Thorin Oakenshield: Tell me, Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?

Bilbo Baggins: Pardon me?

Thorin Oakenshield: Axe or sword, what's your weapon of choice?

Bilbo Baggins: [proudly] Well I do have some skill at conkers, if you must know.

Gandalf: Of course I was going to tell you, I was waiting for this very chance. And really, I think you could trust that I know what I am doing.

Elrond: Do you? That dragon has slept for 60 years. What will happen if your plan should fail? If you wake that beast...

Gandalf: But if we succeed. If the Dwarves take back the mountain, our defenses in the East will be strengthened!

Elrond: It is a dangerous move, Gandalf.

Gandalf: It is also dangerous to do nothing or cut the throne of Erebor, it's Thorin's birthright. What is it you fear?

Elrond: Have you forgotten? A strain of madness runs deep in that family. His grandfather lost his mind, his father succumbed to the same sickness. Can you swear Thorin Oakenshield will not also fall? Gandalf, these decisions do not rest with us alone. It is not up to you or me to redraw the map of Middle-earth.

Gandalf: Does it not worry you that the last of the Dwarf-rings should simply vanish along with its bearer? Of the Seven Dwarf-rings, four were consumed by dragons, two were taken by Sauron before he fell in Mordor... the fate of the last Dwarf-ring remains unknown, the ring that was borne by Thrain.

Saruman: Without the Ruling Ring of Power, the Seven are no value to the Enemy. To control the other Rings, he needs the One. And that Ring was lost long, long ago. It was swept out to sea by the waters of the Anduin.

Oin: Ive got parasites as big as my arm.

Kili: Mine are the biggest parasites. I've got huge parasites.

Bilbo Baggins: [as four dwarves start rearranging his kitchen, his doorbell rings again] Oh no. No. There's nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There're far to many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If this is some cluthead's idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in VERY poor taste! [He opens the door, and eight dwarves fall in a heap in front of him]

Dori: Excuse me, Mr. Gandalf?

Gandalf: Yes?

Dori: May I tempt you with a cup of chamomile?

Gandalf: Oh, no, thank you, Dori. A little red wine for me, I think.

Dori: Mr. Gandalf? A glass of red wine as requested. It's got a fruity bouquet.

Gandalf: Ah, cheers.

Gandalf: [counting on his fingers] Fili, Kili... Oin, Gloin... Dwalin, Balin... Bifur, Bofur, Bombur... Dori, Nori, Ori...

Bifur: [grunts something in Khazdul and slaps his elbow]

Gandalf: Yes, you're quite right, Bifur. We appear to be one dwarf short.

Frodo: They're all coming. Except for the Sackville-Bagginses, who are demanding you ask them in person.

Old Bilbo: Are they indeed? Over my dead body.

Frodo: They'd probably find that quite agreeable. They're convinced you have tunnels overflowing with gold.

Old Bilbo: It was one small chest - hardly overflowing. And it still reeks of troll!

Bilbo Baggins: [Bilbo interrupts as Tom the troll about to eat Bombur] Uh... no, no, not... not that one, he... he's infected!

William Troll: [taken aback] You what?

Bilbo Baggins: Yes, he's got worms in his... tubes.

Tom Troll: Ooh!

[Tom throws down Bomber in disgust]

Bilbo Baggins: In-in fact, they all have. They're infested with parasites, it's a terrible business, I wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't.

Oin: Parasites? Did he say parasites?

Kili: Yeah, we don't have parasites!

Kili: You have parasites!

[Thorin realizes that Bilbo is trying to buy them time and kicks Kili and they realize what Bilbo is doing]

Oin: I've got parasites as big as my arm!

Kili: Mine are the biggest parasites, I've got huge parasites!

Nori: We're riddled!

Ori: Yes, I'm riddled!

Dori: Yes, we are, badly!

Gandalf: All good stories deserve embellishment.

Bilbo Baggins: [1st riddle] Thirty white horses, on a red hill; First, they champ. Then they stand; the, they stand still.

[Gollum pauses; thinking]

Gollum: [unsure] Uh... Teeth?

[Bilbo looks defeated]

Gollum: [excitedly] TEETH!

[Gollum laughs; Bilbo smiles half-heartedly]

Gollum: Yes! my precious!

[inhales deeply]

Gollum: [very serious] But we, we... we only have... NINE.

[He bares his nine, crooked, yet sharp teeth; to show emphasis]

Gollum: [searching for "his precious"; the one ring; wails in despair] Lost! My precious is LOOOOSSST!

[Gollum lets out a gasping sob; Bilbo takes the One Ring out of his pocket and hides it behind his back]

Bilbo Baggins: [concerned] What have you lost?

Gollum: [crying] Mustn't ask us! Not its business! Noooo... Gollum! Gollum!

[Gollum sobs softly]

Bilbo Baggins: [swinging his sword at Gollum] *Keep* your distance! *I'LL* use this... if I have to!

[Gollum discovers that Bilbo has the One Ring in his possession]

Gollum: [horrified whisper] He stole it.

[Bilbo stands there; holding Sting out in front of him]

Gollum: [anger rising] He Stole it!

[Gollum's face contorts with rage; then he lets out a scream of extreme fury]

Gollum: [shouts] AAAAARRRRAAAAHHHHH! He *STOLE* it!

[as he says this, Gollum throws a stone at Bilbo, who blocks it with his sword. The rock hits and bounces off the sword with a "clang". Bilbo immediately bolts for his life. Gollum screams in fury as he chases after him]

Bilbo Baggins: [feeling the One Ring in his pocket; to himself] What... have I got... in my pocket?

[Gollum; who is crouching on a stalagmite, holding a rock he is meaning to throw at Bilbo, scowls, thinking Bilbo's question as a riddle]

Gollum: That's not fair... That's not fair! It's against the *rules*!

[In a hissy fit, Gollum throws the rock down. Bilbo looks on in amazement]

Gollum: [pouting] Ask us another one!

Bilbo Baggins: [points his sword at Gollum] No, no. You said, "ask me a question." Well, *That* is MY question. "What Have I Got In My Pocket?"

[Gollum growls in reluctance as he jumps down from his stalagmite perch and crouches on the floor beside his hideout]

Gollum: [holding up only two fingers] It must give us three guesses, precious! It must give us *Three*!

Bilbo Baggins: Three guesses, very well. Guess away!

Gollum: [holds up his hands] Handses!

Bilbo Baggins: [shows Gollum that his left hand is out of the pocket] Wrong. Try again.

[Gollum groans in frustration]

Gollum: [rummaging through his belongings in his hole; to himself] I've got Fishses bones, Goblinses bones, Bat's wings, food...

[He growls; thinking hard; he slaps his hands down repeatedly when... ]

Gollum: [shouts] *KNIFE*! Oh, Shut up!

Bilbo Baggins: Wrong again. Last guess.

Gollum: String... or Nothing!

Bilbo Baggins: Two guesses at once. Wrong both times.

Gollum: [groans; defeated] Ooooooohhh...

Gollum: [as he groans; Gollum flops on his side. He lies in a fetal position as he sobs softly]

Gollum: [to Bilbo;sweetly] Ask us.

[a moment's pause]

Gollum: [harshly] ASK US!

Gollum: [to Bilbo; after answering the first riddle] Our turn...

[reciting riddle; as he recites, Gollum menacingly creeps around a rock, not taking his eyes off of Bilbo, who slowly and cautiously steps away from him]

Gollum: Voiceless it cries; Wingless flutters; Toothless bites; Mouthless mutters.

[he glares at Bilbo deviously]

Bilbo Baggins: Just a minute...

[Bilbo walks away to think]

Gollum: [his pupils widen; as Friendly Gollum] Ooo, Ooo! We knows! We knows!

[as treacherous Gollum]

Gollum: Shut up!

Bilbo Baggins: [Bilbo sees ripples in the lake, made by the wind; he smiles] Wind...

Bilbo Baggins: [turning to Gollum] It's wind, 'course it is.

[Gollum growls]

Gollum: [prowling towards Bilbo] Very clever, hobbitses... VERY CLEVER...

Bilbo Baggins: [holds out his sword towards Gollum, stopping him; reciting] A... A box without hinges, key, or-or lid... and yet, golden treasure inside is... hid.

Gollum: [Gollum creeps away to think; as he is thinking, he begins to mutter and whisper to himself] Box... um uh... Box... lid... and a key...

Bilbo Baggins: Well?

Gollum: [annoyed; pointing at Bilbo] It's nah-stee.

[He continues to whisper to himself]

Bilbo Baggins: Give up?

Gollum: [strained] Oh, give us a chance, precious! Give us a CHANCE!

[Gollum continues to groan, growl, grunt and hiss in frusteration. As he thinks, he makes faces; making "oo" sounds and blowing raspberry sounds with his lips stretched when suddenly, his eyes open wide and his mouth is agape]

Gollum: *EGGSES!*

[Gollum chuckles as Bilbo shakes his head, dismayed]

Gollum: Eggses! Wet, crunchy little eggses! Grandmother taught us how to suck them, yes! heh, heh...

[Gandalf and the dwarves have survived the fall in the underground Goblin Town]

Bofur: Well, *THAT* could've been worse.

[a second later, the corpse of the Great Goblin lands heavily on the dwarves, who groan in pain and chagrin under the goblin's wieght]

Dwalin: [through his teeth] You've *GOT* to be *JOKING*!

[Bilbo is trying to escape Gollum and gets stuck in a crevice. Gollum sees him. With an angry screech, Gollum prowls towards him]

Gollum: [ferociously] It's ours... It's...

Gollum: OURS!

[as Gollum shrieks, Bilbo unsticks himself; his brass buttons from his vest pop and fly. Gollum looks on startled as one of the buttons bounces off his nose]

Gollum: [having discovered Bilbo; maliciously gleeful] Bless us and splash us, precious! THAT'S a meaty mouthful. ah...

[Gollum creeps forward; Bilbo lifts up his sword so that it's tip touches Gollum's throat. Gollum gawks at the blade, taken aback]

Gollum: Ah... Gollum, Gollum! Ack!

[He glares at Bilbo fearfully and slowly backs away]

Great Goblin: [about his "Goblin Town" song] Catchy, isn't it? It's one of my own, personal compositions.

Balin: [appalled] That's not a song...

Balin: It's an ABOMINATION!

[the other dwarves shout and jeer in angry agreement]

Great Goblin: Abominations, disfigurations, mutilations, and repulsions... That's all you're going to find down here.

Frodo: [finds a sketch of a younger Bilbo] What's this?

Old Bilbo: That is private. Keep your sticky paws off. [Frodo start to look at the book, Bilbo hides the text] It's not ready yet.

Old Bilbo: Reading. [notices a bundle of envelopes] What on earth are these?

Frodo: Replies to the party invitations.

Old Bilbo: [excited] Good gracious. Is it today?

Frodo: They all said they are coming. Except for the Sackville-Bagginses, who demand that you ask them in person.

Old Bilbo: Really... Over my dead body.

Frodo: They'd probably find that quite agreeable. They seem to think you have tunnels overflowing with gold.

Old Bilbo: It was one small chest; hardly overflowing. [whispers] And it still smells of troll! [Hides some gold cups]

Frodo: [notices Bilbo's behavior] What on earth are you doing?

Old Bilbo: Taking precautions! You know, I caught her making off with the silverware once.

Frodo: Who?

Old Bilbo: Lobelia Sackville-Baggins. She had all my spoons stuffed in her pockets! Ha! Dreadful woman! Make sure you keep an eye of her after I, um, I... When I'm...

Frodo: When you're what?

Old Bilbo: [not wanting to tell] It's nothing, nothing...

Frodo: You know, some people are beginning to wonder about you, uncle. They think you are becoming...odd.

Old Bilbo: "Odd"?

Frodo: Hmm, unsociable.

Old Bilbo: "Unsociable"? Me? Nonsense! [Hands Frodo a sign] Be a good lad and put that out at the gate.

[The sign reads "No admittance; Except on party business."]

Bilbo: Good morning.

Gandalf: What do you mean? Do you mean to wish me a good morning, or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not? Or perhaps you mean to say that you feel good this particular morning? Or are you simply stating that it is a morning to be good on?

Bilbo: ...All of them at once, I suppose. [long pause] Can I help you?

Gandalf: That remains to be seen. I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure.

Bilbo: [Bilbo stares at Gandalf] An adventure?... Well, I don't imagine anyone west of Bree would have much interest in adventures. Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things. Make you late for dinner! [When Gandalf still doesn't leave, Bilbo awkwardly goes to his mail, pretending to pay no attention to him. Finally, he clears his throat.] Good morning! [Heads for his front door]

Gandalf: To think that I should have lived to be "good morninged" by Belladonna Took's son as if I were selling buttons at the door!

Bilbo: [stops] Beg your pardon?

Gandalf: You've changed. And not entirely for the better, Bilbo Baggins.

Bilbo: I'm sorry, do I know you?

Gandalf: Well, you know my name although you don't remember I belong to it; I am Gandalf! And Gandalf means... me.

Bilbo: Not Gandalf, the wandering wizard who made such excellent fireworks. Old Took use to have them on Mid-summer's Eve. [chuckles] No idea you were still in business.

Gandalf: And where else should I be? [Bilbo continues to smoke his pipe] All the same, I'm pleased to find you remember something about me, even if it's only my fireworks. Well, that's decided. It will be very good for you... and most amusing for me. I shall inform the others.

Bilbo: [startled] Inform who? Wait, wha- no! No. No, wait. We do not want any adventures here, thank you- not today! Not-- I suggest you try over the Hill or across the Water. Good morning! [hurries inside and shuts the door]

[The doorbell rings; Bilbo goes to answer it and finds a dwarf.]

Dwalin: [Bows] Dwalin, at your service.

Bilbo: Uh, Bilbo...Baggins. At yours. [Dwalin walks in] Do we know each other?

Dwalin: No. Which way, laddie? Is it down here?

Bilbo: Is what down where?

Dwalin: Supper. He said there'd be food and lots of it.

Bilbo: He said? Who said?

[Dwalin proceeds to the kitchen and eats Bilbo's dinner]

Dwalin: Very good, this. Any more?

Bilbo: What? Oh, uh, yes, yes. [finds a jar of seed-cakes] Help yourself. [pauses as Dwalin eats away] It's just that, um, I wasn't expecting company.

[The doorbell rings]

Dwalin: That'll be the door.

[Bilbo opens the door, the dwarf smiles and bows]

Balin: Balin, At your service.

Bilbo: [blankly] Good evening.

Balin: Yes, it is. Though I think it might rain later. Am I late?

Bilbo: Late for what?

Balin: [catches Dwalin trying to get more scones out of another jar]OH! Evening, brother!

Dwalin: [sets down the jar and smiles] Ho ho, by my beard! You are shorter and wider than last we met.

Balin: Wider, not shorter. Sharp enough for both of us.

[Dwalin and Balin laugh and butt heads. They proceed to raid Bilbo's pantry while talking with each other]

Bilbo: Excuse me? Sorry, I hate to interrupt, but the thing is I'm not entirely sure you're in the right house. It's not that I don't like visitors. I-I like visitors as much as the next hobbit, but I do like to know them before they come visiting. The thing is...uh...the thing is, I don't know either of you, not in the slightest. I don't mean to be blunt, but I had to speak my mind. I'm sorry.

Balin: [suddenly noticing that Bilbo was talking] Apology accepted. [smiles, to Bilbo's growing confusion]

Fíli: Fíli.

Kíli: And Kíli.

Fíli and Kíli: [bowing] At your service.

Kíli: You must be Mr. Boggins!

Bilbo: Nope! You can't come in; you've come to the wrong house.

[Bilbo tries to shut the door, but Kíli pushes it open]

Kíli: [deflated] What? Has it been cancelled?

Fíli: No one told us.

Bilbo: Ca-? No, nothing's been cancelled.

Kíli: [smiles] That's a relief!

[They walk in as if they had been expected.]

Fíli: Careful with these. I just had 'em sharpened. [tosses Bilbo their blades]

Kíli: It's nice, this place. You do it yourself?

Bilbo: Well, no, it's been in the family for years- [Sees Kíli rubbing his shoes on the furniture] That's my mother's glory box! Could you please not do that?

Dwalin: Fíli, Kíli, come on. Give us a hand.

Kíli: [smiling at the sight of Dwalin] Mr. Dwalin.

[Dwalin leads Fíli and Kíli into the dining room.]

Balin: [about the table] Let's shove this in the hallway. Otherwise, we'll never get everyone in.

Bilbo: [surprised] He-- "Everyone"? How many more are there? [doorbell rings again, Bilbo is getting rather cross as he heads for the door.] Oh no. No, no. [louder, tossing the knives to the floor] There's nobody home! Go away and bother somebody else! There's far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is! I-i-if this is some... clot-head's idea of a joke... [chuckles sarcastically] ...I can only say. It is in very poor taste! [opens the door and eight dwarves (Dori, Nori, Ori, Óin, Glóin, Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur) fall down on top of each other. Gandalf stands behind looking at Bilbo.] [with an irritated look on his face] Gandalf.

[Bilbo sees Bombur walk from the pantry holding several cheese wheels]

Bilbo: A tad excessive, isn't it? Have you got a cheese knife?

Bofur: "Cheese knife?" He eats it by the block.

Bilbo: [grabbing a doily from Nori] Excuse me, that is a doily, not a dishcloth.

Bofur: But it's full of holes!

Bilbo: It's supposed to look like that, it's crochet.

Bofur: Oh, and a wonderful game it is too, if you've got the balls for it. [laughs]

Bilbo: [annoyed] Bebother and confusticate these dwarves!

Gandalf: My dear Bilbo, what on earth is the matter?

Bilbo: What's the matter? I am surrounded by dwarves! What are they doing here?

Gandalf: Oh, they're quite a merry gathering, once you get used to them.

Bilbo: I don't want to get used to them! The state of my kitchen! There's mud trod into the carpet! They pillaged the pantry. I'm not even gonna tell you what they've done in the bathroom. They've all but destroyed the plumbing! I don't understand what they're doing in my house! [Ori walks up]

Ori: 'Scuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?

Fíli: Here you go, Ori, give it to me. [Fíli takes the plate and tosses it to Kíli, who throws it across the hall; Bifur catches it, while not looking]

Bilbo: [mortified] Excuse me! That's my mother's West Farthing pottery, it's over 100 years old! [to the other dwarves clashing the cutlery together] And can you not do that? You'll blunt them!

Bofur: Oh, did you hear that, lads? He says we'll blunt the knives!

Kíli: [singing] Blunt the knives, bend the forks!

Fíli: [singing] Smash the bottles and burn the corks!

Dwarves: [singing] Chip the glasses and crack the plates... That's what Bilbo Baggins hates! Cut the cloth, tread on the fat! Leave the bones on the bedroom mat! Pour the milk on the pantry floor! Splash the wine on every door! Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl! Pound them up with a thumping pole! And when you're finished, if they are whole... Send them down the hall to roll! That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!

Bilbo: "Funeral arrangements"? [reads contract] Oh...

Thorin: [whispering to Gandalf] I cannot guarantee his safety.

Thorin: Nor will I be responsible for his fate.

Gandalf: [hesitates] Agreed.

Bilbo: Uh, "Terms: cash on delivery, up to but not exceeding one fourteenth total profit, if any." Seems fair... Uh, "Present Company shall not be liable for injuries inflicted by, or sustained as a consequence thereof, including, but not limited to...la-ce-ra-tions..." "Evisceration"?... "Incineration"?

[Bilbo starts to look shaky]

Bilbo: Huh? Yeah, I'm okay. [trying to take it in] Feeling a bit faint.

Bofur: [not noticing] Think "furnace with wings."

Bilbo: Yeah, I... I... I need air.

Bofur: Flash of light, searing pain, then poof! You're nothing more than a pile of ash.

Bilbo: ...Nope. [faints]

Gandalf: [sarcastic] Oh, very helpful, Bofur.

Bilbo: I'll be alright. Just let me sit quietly for a moment.

Gandalf: You've been sitting quietly for far too long! Tell me, when did doilies and your mother's dishes become so important to you? I remember a young hobbit who was always running off in search of Elves in the woods. He'd stay out late, come home after dark, trailing mud and twigs and fireflies. A young hobbit who would've liked nothing better than to find out what was beyond the borders of the Shire. The world is not in your books and maps. It's out there.

Bilbo: I can't just go running off into the blue! I am a Baggins...[whimpers]...of Bag End!

Gandalf: You are also a Took. Did you know that your great-great-great-great Uncle Bullroarer Took was so large he could ride a real horse?

Bilbo: Yes.

Gandalf: Well, he could! At the Battle of Greenfields, he charged the Goblin ranks. He swung his club so hard, it knocked the Goblin King's head clean off and it sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit hole. And thus the battle was won, and the game of golf invented at the same time.

Bilbo: I do believe you made that up.

Bilbo: Can you promise that I will come back?

Bilbo: That's what I thought. Sorry, Gandalf. I can't sign this. You've got the wrong hobbit.

Master Worrywort: You! Mr. Bilbo, where're you off to?

Bilbo: Can't stop! I'm already late.

Master Worrywort: Late for what?

Bilbo: [excited] I'm going on an adventure!

Gandalf: I think it would be wiser to move on. We could make for the Hidden Valley.

Thorin: I told you already. I will not go near that place.

Gandalf: Why not? The Elves could help us. We could get food, rest, advice.

Thorin: I do not need their advice.

Gandalf: We have a map that we cannot read. Lord Elrond could help us.

Thorin: "Help"? A dragon attacks Erebor. What "help" came from the Elves? Orcs plunder Moria, desecrate our sacred halls, the Elves looked on and did nothing! And you ask me to seek out the very people who betrayed my grandfather who betrayed my father.

Gandalf: You are neither of them. I did not give you that map and key for you to hold on to the past.

Thorin: I did not know they were yours to keep. [frustrated, Gandalf walks off]

Bilbo: Everything all right? Gandalf, where are you going?

Gandalf: To seek the company of the only one around here who's got any sense!

Bilbo: Who's that?

Gandalf: MYSELF, Mr. Baggins! I've had enough of dwarves for one day!

Thorin: Come on, Bombur, we're hungry.

Bilbo: [to Balin] Is he coming back?

[While looking through a troll hoard, Gandalf and Thorin come across two swords of exceptionally fine craftsmanship.]

Thorin: These swords were not made by any troll.

Gandalf: Nor were they made by any smith among men. These were forged in Gondolin by the High Elves of the First Age.[Thorin sets aside the weapon.] You could not wish for a finer blade.

[in the troll hoard, Gandalf steps on a small Elf-made sword; he goes out of the cave and walks up to Bilbo]

Gandalf: Bilbo.

Bilbo: Hmm?

Gandalf: Here. [gives Bilbo the sword] This is about your size.

Bilbo: I can't take this.

Gandalf: The blade is of Elvish-make, which means it will glow blue when orcs or goblins are nearby.

Bilbo: I have... I have never used a sword in my life.

Gandalf: And I hope you never have to. But if you do, remember this: true courage lies in knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one.

[While talking with Radagast, the company finds themselves beset by wargs]

Radagast: I'll draw them off!

Gandalf: These are Gundabad Wargs! They will outrun you.

Radgast: [confident] These are Rhosgobel rabbits! I'd like to see them try.

Elrond: Welcome, Thorin, son of Thrain.

Thorin: I do not believe we have met.

Elrond: You have your grandfather's bearing. I knew Thrór when he ruled under the mountain.

Thorin: Indeed? He made no mention of you.

Elrond: [responds in Elvish]

Gloin: What is he saying? Does he offer us insults?!

Gandalf: No, Master Gloin, he's offering you food. [pause]

Gloin: Well, in that case, lead on.

Elrond: Stand by the grey stone when the thrush knocks, and the setting sun with the last light of Durin's Day will shine upon the key-hole.

Bilbo: Durin's Day?

Gandalf: It is the start of the Dwarves' new year when the last Moon of Autumn and the first Sun of Winter appear in the sky together.

Thorin: This is ill news. Summer is passing, Durin's Day will soon be upon us.

Balin: We still have time.

Bilbo: Time for what?

Balin: To find the entrance. We have to be standing in exactly the right spot, at exactly the right time. Then... and only then can the door be opened.

Elrond: So this is your purpose? To enter the mountain?

Thorin: What of it?

Gandalf: Who do you mean?

Elrond: You are not the only guardian to stand watch over Middle-earth.

[Dialogue for this scene in Black Speech. At Weathertop, a band of Orcs arrive to report to their leader]

Yazneg: The Dwarves, Master, we lost them. Ambushed by Elven filth, we were-

Azog: [furious] I don't want excuses! I want the head of the Dwarf King!

Yazneg: We were outnumbered, there was nothing we could do. I barely escaped with my life!

Azog: [seizes Yazneg by the throat] Far better you had paid with it! [Azog throws Yazneg aside to be torn apart by Wargs]

Galadriel: You will follow them.

Galadriel: You are right to help Thorin Oakenshield, but I fear this quest has set in motion forces we do not yet understand. The riddle of the Morgul-blade must be answered. Something moves in the shadows, unseen, hidden from our sight. It will not show itself, not yet...but every day it grows in strength. You must be careful. [Gandalf nods and turns to leave] Mithrandir, why the halfling?

Gandalf: I don't know. Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I've found it is the small things; everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay... simple acts of kindness, and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? Perhaps it is because I am afraid... and he gives me courage.

Galadriel: [takes his hands] Do not be afraid, Mithrandir. You are not alone. [in Elvish] If you ever need my help, I will come.

Great Goblin: Who would be so bold as to come armed into my kingdom? Spies? Thieves? Assassins?!

Grinnah: Dwarves, your Malevolence.

Great Goblin: Dwarves?

Grinnah: We found them on the front porch.

Great Goblin: Well, don't just stand there, search them! Every crack, every crevice!

[the Goblins search the dwarves, including squashing Oin's ear trumpet]

[the goblins empty a sack of objects from Rivendell, stolen by Nori]

Grinnah: It is my belief, your great protuberance, that they are in league with Elves!

Great Goblin: [looks at the bottom of a golden candelabra] "Made in Rivendell". Bah! Second Age, couldn't give it away. [tosses it aside]

[Dori looks at Nori, who has a guilty expression on his face]

Nori: Just a couple of keepsakes.

Bilbo Baggins: That, my dear Frodo, is where I come in, for quite by chance and the will of a Wizard, fate decided I would become part of this tale. It began...well, it began as you might expect. In a hole in a ground, there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole full of worms and oozy smells. This was a hobbit-hole and that means good food, a warm hearth, and all the comforts of home.

Bilbo Baggins: I'm going on an adventure!

Gandalf The Grey: THE DAWN WILL TAKE YOU ALL!

Gandalf The Grey: Erebor, the Lonely Mountain. The last of the great Dwarf kingdoms of Middle-earth.

Gandalf The Grey: Enough! If I say Bilbo Baggins is a burglar, then a burglar he is!

Thorin Oakenshield: If we have read these signs, do you not think others will have read them too? Rumors have begun to spread. The dragon Smaug has not been seen for 60 years... Eyes look east to the mountain assessing, wondering, weighing the risk... Perhaps the vast wealth of our people now lies unprotected. Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours? Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor?!

Thorin Oakenshield: Loyalty, honor, a willing heart, I can ask no more than that.

Thorin Oakenshield: I would take each and every one of these dwarves over an army from the Iron Hills.

Thorin Oakenshield: [about the Key to the Hidden Door] From my grandfather to my father, this has come to me. They dreamt of the day the Dwarves of Erebor would reclaim their homeland. There is no choice, Balin. Not for me.

Gollum / SméAgol: What has it got in its nasty little pocketses?

Gollum / SméAgol: Baggins! Thief! Curse it and crush it! We hates it FOREVER!!!

Gollum / SméAgol: Gollum! Gollum!

Thorin: Warg-Scouts! Which means an Orc pack is not far behind!

Bilbo Baggins: Orc pack?

Gandalf: Who did you tell about your quest, beyond your kin?

Thorin: No one.

Gandalf: Who did you tell?!

Thorin: No one, I swear. What in Durin's name is going on?

Gandalf: You are being hunted.

Dwalin: We have to get out of here.

Ori: We can't! We have no ponies; they bolted.

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The Hobbit collection is a three-part epic fantasy-adventure film directed and produced by Peter Jackson and based on J. R. R. Tolkien's fantasy novel of the same name. The trilogy of films are set in Middle-earth 60 years before "The Lord of the Rings", and will act as a prequel to Jackson's The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

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Peter jackson working on new ‘lord of the rings’ films for warner bros., targeting 2026 debut.

The first film, which will center on the character of Gollum, has Andy Serkis set to star and direct.

By Alex Weprin

Alex Weprin

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Warner Bros. has made it official: It will be returning to Middle-earth.

On Warner Bros. Discovery’s first-quarter earnings conference call on Thursday, CEO David Zaslav said that the company is “now in the early stages of script development” for new Lord of the Rings movies, which he says they “anticipate releasing in 2026” and will “explore storylines yet to be told.”

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Zaslav says that director Peter Jackson and his longtime writing partners Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens “will be involved every step of the way.” Boyens and Walsh will write the screenplay. The deal covers two films in the franchise.

“It is an honor and a privilege to travel back to Middle-earth with our good friend and collaborator, Andy Serkis, who has unfinished business with that stinker — Gollum!,” Jackson, Boyens and Walsh said in a statement. “As life long fans of Professor Tolkien’s vast mythology, we are proud to be working with [WBD film chiefs] Mike De Luca, Pam Abdy and the entire team at Warner Bros. on another epic adventure!”

“Yesssss, Precious. The time has come once more to venture into the unknown with my dear friends, the extraordinary and incomparable guardians of Middle-earth Peter, Fran and Philippa,” added Serkis. “With Mike and Pam, and the Warner Bros team on the quest as well, alongside WETA and our film making family in New Zealand, it’s just all too delicious… .” 

“ Lord of the Rings is one of the most successful and revered franchises in history and presents a significant opportunity for our theatrical business,” Zaslav said.

Warners first said that it was developing new LOTR movies a little over a year ago, cutting a deal with rights holders Embracer Group AB to develop new films based on J.R.R. Tolkien’s book series.

As The Hollywood Reporter noted at the time , Amazon is also developing its own larger TV universe for the franchise, potentially leading to the two competitive visions. Jackson and his co-writers were said to be frustrated that many people thought they were involved in the Amazon shows, when they were not.

The news that Jackson, Boyens and Walsh will be involved in the new film franchise is sure to calm any concerns from loyal fans.

The original film trilogy, which won a slew of Oscars, will be returning to theaters this summer, remastered and extended.

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Andy Serkis to Direct New 'Lord of the Rings' Movie 'The Hunt for Gollum,' 2026 Release Set

T he first of the new "Lord of the Rings" movies in the works at Warner Bros. will be released in 2026, Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav announced on Thursday, adding that script development is underway. Tentatively titled "The Lord of the Rings: The Hunt for Gollum," the film will be directed by Andy Serkis, who played Gollum in the original trilogy and "Hobbit" films and will reprise the role in this new film.

Original "Lord of the Rings" masterminds Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens will be producing "and will be involved every step of the way," according to Zaslav. Walsh and Boyens are writing the script alongside Phoebe Gittins and Arty Papageorgiou ("Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim").

In a statement, Serkis said, "Yesssss, Precious. The time has come once more to venture into the unknown with my dear friends, the extraordinary and incomparable guardians of Middle Earth Peter, Fran and Philippa. With Mike and Pam, and the Warner Bros team on the quest as well, alongside WETA and our film making family in New Zealand, it's just all too delicious..."

In addition to playing Gollum in the groundbreaking "LOTR" trilogy, Serkis directed second unit on the "Hobbit" films and made his feature directorial debut with 2017's drama "Breathe" and 2018's performance capture "Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle." Serkis most recently directed the "Venom" sequel "Venom: Let There Be Carnage."

Said Jackson, Walsh and Boyens, "It is an honour and a privilege to travel back to Middle-earth with our good friend and collaborator, Andy Serkis, who has unfinished business with that Stinker – Gollum! As life long fans of Professor Tolkien's vast mythology, we are proud to be working with Mike De Luca, Pam Abdy and the entire team at Warner Bros. on another epic adventure!"

Warner Bros. Motion Picture Group's Michael De Luca and Pam Abdy said, "For over two-decades, moviegoers have embraced the Lord of the Rings film trilogy because of the undeniable devotion Peter, Fran and Philippa have shown towards protecting the legacy of Tolkien's works, and to ensure audiences could experience the incredible world he created in a way that honors his literary vision. We are honored they have agreed be our partners on these two new films. With Andy coming aboard to direct Lord of the Rings: The Hunt for Gollum (*WT), we continue an important commitment to excellence that is a true hallmark of how we all want to venture ahead and further contribute to the Lord of the Rings cinematic history."

The film will be executive produced by Ken Kamins, with Serkis and The Imaginarium's Jonathan Cavendish.

Jackson, of course, directed the original "Lord of the Rings" trilogy as well as a trilogy of films based off of earlier J.R.R. Tolkien novel "The Hobbit," the last of which was released in 2014.

Zaslav did not reveal who's working on the script for the new movie, but Jackson, Walsh and Boyens wrote the original "Lord of the Rings" movies and the prequel trilogy "The Hobbit."

This winter, Warner Bros. will release "The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim," an animated feature whose visual style takes its cues from the live-action films. It stars Brian Cox and Miranda Otto, who is reprising her role from the "Lord of the Rings" film series. The movie is set 200 years before "The Hobbit" and 261 years before "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring."

Jackson's "Lord of the Rings" trilogy began in 2001, with "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring." It was a huge commercial and critical juggernaut, grossing over $883 million worldwide and earning thirteen Academy Award nominations, including Best Picture and Best Director. It would win Oscars for its score, cinematography, make-up and visual effects.

"The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers" would follow in 2002 and "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" in 2003.  The third film will win Best Picture and earn Peter Jackson a Best Director Academy Award, plus Oscars for adapted screenplay, original song, score, sound mixing, art direction, make-up, costume design, editing and visual effects.

"The Hobbit" trilogy, initially developed by Guillermo del Toro (who would wind up with a writing credit), was ultimately taken over by Jackson, with "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey" in 2012, "The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug" in 2013 and "The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies" in 2014.

Amazon also premiered "The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power," a lavish new series for their Prime Video streaming service, in 2022. The anticipated second season is scheduled to be released sometime this year.

The post Andy Serkis to Direct New 'Lord of the Rings' Movie 'The Hunt for Gollum,' 2026 Release Set appeared first on TheWrap .