cruise ship at sea at night

Crying Myself to Sleep on the Biggest Cruise Ship Ever

Seven agonizing nights aboard the Icon of the Seas

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Updated at 2:44 p.m. ET on April 6, 2024.

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MY FIRST GLIMPSE of Royal Caribbean’s Icon of the Seas, from the window of an approaching Miami cab, brings on a feeling of vertigo, nausea, amazement, and distress. I shut my eyes in defense, as my brain tells my optic nerve to try again.

The ship makes no sense, vertically or horizontally. It makes no sense on sea, or on land, or in outer space. It looks like a hodgepodge of domes and minarets, tubes and canopies, like Istanbul had it been designed by idiots. Vibrant, oversignifying colors are stacked upon other such colors, decks perched over still more decks; the only comfort is a row of lifeboats ringing its perimeter. There is no imposed order, no cogent thought, and, for those who do not harbor a totalitarian sense of gigantomania, no visual mercy. This is the biggest cruise ship ever built, and I have been tasked with witnessing its inaugural voyage.

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“Author embarks on their first cruise-ship voyage” has been a staple of American essay writing for almost three decades, beginning with David Foster Wallace’s “A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again,” which was first published in 1996 under the title “Shipping Out.” Since then, many admirable writers have widened and diversified the genre. Usually the essayist commissioned to take to the sea is in their first or second flush of youth and is ready to sharpen their wit against the hull of the offending vessel. I am 51, old and tired, having seen much of the world as a former travel journalist, and mostly what I do in both life and prose is shrug while muttering to my imaginary dachshund, “This too shall pass.” But the Icon of the Seas will not countenance a shrug. The Icon of the Seas is the Linda Loman of cruise ships, exclaiming that attention must be paid. And here I am in late January with my one piece of luggage and useless gray winter jacket and passport, zipping through the Port of Miami en route to the gangway that will separate me from the bulk of North America for more than seven days, ready to pay it in full.

The aforementioned gangway opens up directly onto a thriving mall (I will soon learn it is imperiously called the “Royal Promenade”), presently filled with yapping passengers beneath a ceiling studded with balloons ready to drop. Crew members from every part of the global South, as well as a few Balkans, are shepherding us along while pressing flutes of champagne into our hands. By a humming Starbucks, I drink as many of these as I can and prepare to find my cabin. I show my blue Suite Sky SeaPass Card (more on this later, much more) to a smiling woman from the Philippines, and she tells me to go “aft.” Which is where, now? As someone who has rarely sailed on a vessel grander than the Staten Island Ferry, I am confused. It turns out that the aft is the stern of the ship, or, for those of us who don’t know what a stern or an aft are, its ass. The nose of the ship, responsible for separating the waves before it, is also called a bow, and is marked for passengers as the FWD , or forward. The part of the contemporary sailing vessel where the malls are clustered is called the midship. I trust that you have enjoyed this nautical lesson.

I ascend via elevator to my suite on Deck 11. This is where I encounter my first terrible surprise. My suite windows and balcony do not face the ocean. Instead, they look out onto another shopping mall. This mall is the one that’s called Central Park, perhaps in homage to the Olmsted-designed bit of greenery in the middle of my hometown. Although on land I would be delighted to own a suite with Central Park views, here I am deeply depressed. To sail on a ship and not wake up to a vast blue carpet of ocean? Unthinkable.

Allow me a brief preamble here. The story you are reading was commissioned at a moment when most staterooms on the Icon were sold out. In fact, so enthralled by the prospect of this voyage were hard-core mariners that the ship’s entire inventory of guest rooms (the Icon can accommodate up to 7,600 passengers, but its inaugural journey was reduced to 5,000 or so for a less crowded experience) was almost immediately sold out. Hence, this publication was faced with the shocking prospect of paying nearly $19,000 to procure for this solitary passenger an entire suite—not including drinking expenses—all for the privilege of bringing you this article. But the suite in question doesn’t even have a view of the ocean! I sit down hard on my soft bed. Nineteen thousand dollars for this .

The viewless suite does have its pluses. In addition to all the Malin+Goetz products in my dual bathrooms, I am granted use of a dedicated Suite Deck lounge; access to Coastal Kitchen, a superior restaurant for Suites passengers; complimentary VOOM SM Surf & Stream (“the fastest Internet at Sea”) “for one device per person for the whole cruise duration”; a pair of bathrobes (one of which comes prestained with what looks like a large expectoration by the greenest lizard on Earth); and use of the Grove Suite Sun, an area on Decks 18 and 19 with food and deck chairs reserved exclusively for Suite passengers. I also get reserved seating for a performance of The Wizard of Oz , an ice-skating tribute to the periodic table, and similar provocations. The very color of my Suite Sky SeaPass Card, an oceanic blue as opposed to the cloying royal purple of the standard non-Suite passenger, will soon provoke envy and admiration. But as high as my status may be, there are those on board who have much higher status still, and I will soon learn to bow before them.

In preparation for sailing, I have “priced in,” as they say on Wall Street, the possibility that I may come from a somewhat different monde than many of the other cruisers. Without falling into stereotypes or preconceptions, I prepare myself for a friendly outspokenness on the part of my fellow seafarers that may not comply with modern DEI standards. I believe in meeting people halfway, and so the day before flying down to Miami, I visited what remains of Little Italy to purchase a popular T-shirt that reads DADDY’S LITTLE MEATBALL across the breast in the colors of the Italian flag. My wife recommended that I bring one of my many T-shirts featuring Snoopy and the Peanuts gang, as all Americans love the beagle and his friends. But I naively thought that my meatball T-shirt would be more suitable for conversation-starting. “Oh, and who is your ‘daddy’?” some might ask upon seeing it. “And how long have you been his ‘little meatball’?” And so on.

I put on my meatball T-shirt and head for one of the dining rooms to get a late lunch. In the elevator, I stick out my chest for all to read the funny legend upon it, but soon I realize that despite its burnished tricolor letters, no one takes note. More to the point, no one takes note of me. Despite my attempts at bridge building, the very sight of me (small, ethnic, without a cap bearing the name of a football team) elicits no reaction from other passengers. Most often, they will small-talk over me as if I don’t exist. This brings to mind the travails of David Foster Wallace , who felt so ostracized by his fellow passengers that he retreated to his cabin for much of his voyage. And Wallace was raised primarily in the Midwest and was a much larger, more American-looking meatball than I am. If he couldn’t talk to these people, how will I? What if I leave this ship without making any friends at all, despite my T-shirt? I am a social creature, and the prospect of seven days alone and apart is saddening. Wallace’s stateroom, at least, had a view of the ocean, a kind of cheap eternity.

Worse awaits me in the dining room. This is a large, multichandeliered room where I attended my safety training (I was shown how to put on a flotation vest; it is a very simple procedure). But the maître d’ politely refuses me entry in an English that seems to verge on another language. “I’m sorry, this is only for pendejos ,” he seems to be saying. I push back politely and he repeats himself. Pendejos ? Piranhas? There’s some kind of P-word to which I am not attuned. Meanwhile elderly passengers stream right past, powered by their limbs, walkers, and electric wheelchairs. “It is only pendejo dining today, sir.” “But I have a suite!” I say, already starting to catch on to the ship’s class system. He examines my card again. “But you are not a pendejo ,” he confirms. I am wearing a DADDY’S LITTLE MEATBALL T-shirt, I want to say to him. I am the essence of pendejo .

Eventually, I give up and head to the plebeian buffet on Deck 15, which has an aquatic-styled name I have now forgotten. Before gaining entry to this endless cornucopia of reheated food, one passes a washing station of many sinks and soap dispensers, and perhaps the most intriguing character on the entire ship. He is Mr. Washy Washy—or, according to his name tag, Nielbert of the Philippines—and he is dressed as a taco (on other occasions, I’ll see him dressed as a burger). Mr. Washy Washy performs an eponymous song in spirited, indeed flamboyant English: “Washy, washy, wash your hands, WASHY WASHY!” The dangers of norovirus and COVID on a cruise ship this size (a giant fellow ship was stricken with the former right after my voyage) makes Mr. Washy Washy an essential member of the crew. The problem lies with the food at the end of Washy’s rainbow. The buffet is groaning with what sounds like sophisticated dishes—marinated octopus, boiled egg with anchovy, chorizo, lobster claws—but every animal tastes tragically the same, as if there was only one creature available at the market, a “cruisipus” bred specifically for Royal Caribbean dining. The “vegetables” are no better. I pick up a tomato slice and look right through it. It tastes like cellophane. I sit alone, apart from the couples and parents with gaggles of children, as “We Are Family” echoes across the buffet space.

I may have failed to mention that all this time, the Icon of the Seas has not left port. As the fiery mango of the subtropical setting sun makes Miami’s condo skyline even more apocalyptic, the ship shoves off beneath a perfunctory display of fireworks. After the sun sets, in the far, dark distance, another circus-lit cruise ship ruptures the waves before us. We glance at it with pity, because it is by definition a smaller ship than our own. I am on Deck 15, outside the buffet and overlooking a bunch of pools (the Icon has seven of them), drinking a frilly drink that I got from one of the bars (the Icon has 15 of them), still too shy to speak to anyone, despite Sister Sledge’s assertion that all on the ship are somehow related.

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The ship’s passage away from Ron DeSantis’s Florida provides no frisson, no sense of developing “sea legs,” as the ship is too large to register the presence of waves unless a mighty wind adds significant chop. It is time for me to register the presence of the 5,000 passengers around me, even if they refuse to register mine. My fellow travelers have prepared for this trip with personally decorated T-shirts celebrating the importance of this voyage. The simplest ones say ICON INAUGURAL ’24 on the back and the family name on the front. Others attest to an over-the-top love of cruise ships: WARNING! MAY START TALKING ABOUT CRUISING . Still others are artisanally designed and celebrate lifetimes spent married while cruising (on ships, of course). A couple possibly in their 90s are wearing shirts whose backs feature a drawing of a cruise liner, two flamingos with ostensibly male and female characteristics, and the legend “ HUSBAND AND WIFE Cruising Partners FOR LIFE WE MAY NOT HAVE IT All Together BUT TOGETHER WE HAVE IT ALL .” (The words not in all caps have been written in cursive.) A real journalist or a more intrepid conversationalist would have gone up to the couple and asked them to explain the longevity of their marriage vis-à-vis their love of cruising. But instead I head to my mall suite, take off my meatball T-shirt, and allow the first tears of the cruise to roll down my cheeks slowly enough that I briefly fall asleep amid the moisture and salt.

I WAKE UP with a hangover. Oh God. Right. I cannot believe all of that happened last night. A name floats into my cobwebbed, nauseated brain: “Ayn Rand.” Jesus Christ.

I breakfast alone at the Coastal Kitchen. The coffee tastes fine and the eggs came out of a bird. The ship rolls slightly this morning; I can feel it in my thighs and my schlong, the parts of me that are most receptive to danger.

I had a dangerous conversation last night. After the sun set and we were at least 50 miles from shore (most modern cruise ships sail at about 23 miles an hour), I lay in bed softly hiccupping, my arms stretched out exactly like Jesus on the cross, the sound of the distant waves missing from my mall-facing suite, replaced by the hum of air-conditioning and children shouting in Spanish through the vents of my two bathrooms. I decided this passivity was unacceptable. As an immigrant, I feel duty-bound to complete the tasks I am paid for, which means reaching out and trying to understand my fellow cruisers. So I put on a normal James Perse T-shirt and headed for one of the bars on the Royal Promenade—the Schooner Bar, it was called, if memory serves correctly.

I sat at the bar for a martini and two Negronis. An old man with thick, hairy forearms drank next to me, very silent and Hemingwaylike, while a dreadlocked piano player tinkled out a series of excellent Elton John covers. To my right, a young white couple—he in floral shorts, she in a light, summery miniskirt with a fearsome diamond ring, neither of them in football regalia—chatted with an elderly couple. Do it , I commanded myself. Open your mouth. Speak! Speak without being spoken to. Initiate. A sentence fragment caught my ear from the young woman, “Cherry Hill.” This is a suburb of Philadelphia in New Jersey, and I had once been there for a reading at a synagogue. “Excuse me,” I said gently to her. “Did you just mention Cherry Hill? It’s a lovely place.”

As it turned out, the couple now lived in Fort Lauderdale (the number of Floridians on the cruise surprised me, given that Southern Florida is itself a kind of cruise ship, albeit one slowly sinking), but soon they were talking with me exclusively—the man potbellied, with a chin like a hard-boiled egg; the woman as svelte as if she were one of the many Ukrainian members of the crew—the elderly couple next to them forgotten. This felt as groundbreaking as the first time I dared to address an American in his native tongue, as a child on a bus in Queens (“On my foot you are standing, Mister”).

“I don’t want to talk politics,” the man said. “But they’re going to eighty-six Biden and put Michelle in.”

I considered the contradictions of his opening conversational gambit, but decided to play along. “People like Michelle,” I said, testing the waters. The husband sneered, but the wife charitably put forward that the former first lady was “more personable” than Joe Biden. “They’re gonna eighty-six Biden,” the husband repeated. “He can’t put a sentence together.”

After I mentioned that I was a writer—though I presented myself as a writer of teleplays instead of novels and articles such as this one—the husband told me his favorite writer was Ayn Rand. “Ayn Rand, she came here with nothing,” the husband said. “I work with a lot of Cubans, so …” I wondered if I should mention what I usually do to ingratiate myself with Republicans or libertarians: the fact that my finances improved after pass-through corporations were taxed differently under Donald Trump. Instead, I ordered another drink and the couple did the same, and I told him that Rand and I were born in the same city, St. Petersburg/Leningrad, and that my family also came here with nothing. Now the bonding and drinking began in earnest, and several more rounds appeared. Until it all fell apart.

Read: Gary Shteyngart on watching Russian television for five days straight

My new friend, whom I will refer to as Ayn, called out to a buddy of his across the bar, and suddenly a young couple, both covered in tattoos, appeared next to us. “He fucking punked me,” Ayn’s frat-boy-like friend called out as he put his arm around Ayn, while his sizable partner sizzled up to Mrs. Rand. Both of them had a look I have never seen on land—their eyes projecting absence and enmity in equal measure. In the ’90s, I drank with Russian soldiers fresh from Chechnya and wandered the streets of wartime Zagreb, but I have never seen such undisguised hostility toward both me and perhaps the universe at large. I was briefly introduced to this psychopathic pair, but neither of them wanted to have anything to do with me, and the tattooed woman would not even reveal her Christian name to me (she pretended to have the same first name as Mrs. Rand). To impress his tattooed friends, Ayn made fun of the fact that as a television writer, I’d worked on the series Succession (which, it would turn out, practically nobody on the ship had watched), instead of the far more palatable, in his eyes, zombie drama of last year. And then my new friends drifted away from me into an angry private conversation—“He punked me!”—as I ordered another drink for myself, scared of the dead-eyed arrivals whose gaze never registered in the dim wattage of the Schooner Bar, whose terrifying voices and hollow laughs grated like unoiled gears against the crooning of “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.”

But today is a new day for me and my hangover. After breakfast, I explore the ship’s so-called neighborhoods . There’s the AquaDome, where one can find a food hall and an acrobatic sound-and-light aquatic show. Central Park has a premium steak house, a sushi joint, and a used Rolex that can be bought for $8,000 on land here proudly offered at $17,000. There’s the aforementioned Royal Promenade, where I had drunk with the Rands, and where a pair of dueling pianos duel well into the night. There’s Surfside, a kids’ neighborhood full of sugary garbage, which looks out onto the frothy trail that the behemoth leaves behind itself. Thrill Island refers to the collection of tubes that clutter the ass of the ship and offer passengers six waterslides and a surfing simulation. There’s the Hideaway, an adult zone that plays music from a vomit-slathered, Brit-filled Alicante nightclub circa 1996 and proves a big favorite with groups of young Latin American customers. And, most hurtfully, there’s the Suite Neighborhood.

I say hurtfully because as a Suite passenger I should be here, though my particular suite is far from the others. Whereas I am stuck amid the riffraff of Deck 11, this section is on the highborn Decks 16 and 17, and in passing, I peek into the spacious, tall-ceilinged staterooms from the hallway, dazzled by the glint of the waves and sun. For $75,000, one multifloor suite even comes with its own slide between floors, so that a family may enjoy this particular terror in private. There is a quiet splendor to the Suite Neighborhood. I see fewer stickers and signs and drawings than in my own neighborhood—for example, MIKE AND DIANA PROUDLY SERVED U.S. MARINE CORPS RETIRED . No one here needs to announce their branch of service or rank; they are simply Suites, and this is where they belong. Once again, despite my hard work and perseverance, I have been disallowed from the true American elite. Once again, I am “Not our class, dear.” I am reminded of watching The Love Boat on my grandmother’s Zenith, which either was given to her or we found in the trash (I get our many malfunctioning Zeniths confused) and whose tube got so hot, I would put little chunks of government cheese on a thin tissue atop it to give our welfare treat a pleasant, Reagan-era gooeyness. I could not understand English well enough then to catch the nuances of that seafaring program, but I knew that there were differences in the status of the passengers, and that sometimes those differences made them sad. Still, this ship, this plenty—every few steps, there are complimentary nachos or milkshakes or gyros on offer—was the fatty fuel of my childhood dreams. If only I had remained a child.

I walk around the outdoor decks looking for company. There is a middle-aged African American couple who always seem to be asleep in each other’s arms, probably exhausted from the late capitalism they regularly encounter on land. There is far more diversity on this ship than I expected. Many couples are a testament to Loving v. Virginia , and there is a large group of folks whose T-shirts read MELANIN AT SEA / IT’S THE MELANIN FOR ME . I smile when I see them, but then some young kids from the group makes Mr. Washy Washy do a cruel, caricatured “Burger Dance” (today he is in his burger getup), and I think, Well, so much for intersectionality .

At the infinity pool on Deck 17, I spot some elderly women who could be ethnic and from my part of the world, and so I jump in. I am proved correct! Many of them seem to be originally from Queens (“Corona was still great when it was all Italian”), though they are now spread across the tristate area. We bond over the way “Ron-kon-koma” sounds when announced in Penn Station.

“Everyone is here for a different reason,” one of them tells me. She and her ex-husband last sailed together four years ago to prove to themselves that their marriage was truly over. Her 15-year-old son lost his virginity to “an Irish young lady” while their ship was moored in Ravenna, Italy. The gaggle of old-timers competes to tell me their favorite cruising stories and tips. “A guy proposed in Central Park a couple of years ago”—many Royal Caribbean ships apparently have this ridiculous communal area—“and she ran away screaming!” “If you’re diamond-class, you get four drinks for free.” “A different kind of passenger sails out of Bayonne.” (This, perhaps, is racially coded.) “Sometimes, if you tip the bartender $5, your next drink will be free.”

“Everyone’s here for a different reason,” the woman whose marriage ended on a cruise tells me again. “Some people are here for bad reasons—the drinkers and the gamblers. Some people are here for medical reasons.” I have seen more than a few oxygen tanks and at least one woman clearly undergoing very serious chemo. Some T-shirts celebrate good news about a cancer diagnosis. This might be someone’s last cruise or week on Earth. For these women, who have spent months, if not years, at sea, cruising is a ritual as well as a life cycle: first love, last love, marriage, divorce, death.

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I have talked with these women for so long, tonight I promise myself that after a sad solitary dinner I will not try to seek out company at the bars in the mall or the adult-themed Hideaway. I have enough material to fulfill my duties to this publication. As I approach my orphaned suite, I run into the aggro young people who stole Mr. and Mrs. Rand away from me the night before. The tattooed apparitions pass me without a glance. She is singing something violent about “Stuttering Stanley” (a character in a popular horror movie, as I discover with my complimentary VOOM SM Surf & Stream Internet at Sea) and he’s loudly shouting about “all the money I’ve lost,” presumably at the casino in the bowels of the ship.

So these bent psychos out of a Cormac McCarthy novel are angrily inhabiting my deck. As I mewl myself to sleep, I envision a limited series for HBO or some other streamer, a kind of low-rent White Lotus , where several aggressive couples conspire to throw a shy intellectual interloper overboard. I type the scenario into my phone. As I fall asleep, I think of what the woman who recently divorced her husband and whose son became a man through the good offices of the Irish Republic told me while I was hoisting myself out of the infinity pool. “I’m here because I’m an explorer. I’m here because I’m trying something new.” What if I allowed myself to believe in her fantasy?

“YOU REALLY STARTED AT THE TOP,” they tell me. I’m at the Coastal Kitchen for my eggs and corned-beef hash, and the maître d’ has slotted me in between two couples. Fueled by coffee or perhaps intrigued by my relative youth, they strike up a conversation with me. As always, people are shocked that this is my first cruise. They contrast the Icon favorably with all the preceding liners in the Royal Caribbean fleet, usually commenting on the efficiency of the elevators that hurl us from deck to deck (as in many large corporate buildings, the elevators ask you to choose a floor and then direct you to one of many lifts). The couple to my right, from Palo Alto—he refers to his “porn mustache” and calls his wife “my cougar” because she is two years older—tell me they are “Pandemic Pinnacles.”

This is the day that my eyes will be opened. Pinnacles , it is explained to me over translucent cantaloupe, have sailed with Royal Caribbean for 700 ungodly nights. Pandemic Pinnacles took advantage of the two-for-one accrual rate of Pinnacle points during the pandemic, when sailing on a cruise ship was even more ill-advised, to catapult themselves into Pinnacle status.

Because of the importance of the inaugural voyage of the world’s largest cruise liner, more than 200 Pinnacles are on this ship, a startling number, it seems. Mrs. Palo Alto takes out a golden badge that I have seen affixed over many a breast, which reads CROWN AND ANCHOR SOCIETY along with her name. This is the coveted badge of the Pinnacle. “You should hear all the whining in Guest Services,” her husband tells me. Apparently, the Pinnacles who are not also Suites like us are all trying to use their status to get into Coastal Kitchen, our elite restaurant. Even a Pinnacle needs to be a Suite to access this level of corned-beef hash.

“We’re just baby Pinnacles,” Mrs. Palo Alto tells me, describing a kind of internal class struggle among the Pinnacle elite for ever higher status.

And now I understand what the maître d’ was saying to me on the first day of my cruise. He wasn’t saying “ pendejo .” He was saying “Pinnacle.” The dining room was for Pinnacles only, all those older people rolling in like the tide on their motorized scooters.

And now I understand something else: This whole thing is a cult. And like most cults, it can’t help but mirror the endless American fight for status. Like Keith Raniere’s NXIVM, where different-colored sashes were given out to connote rank among Raniere’s branded acolytes, this is an endless competition among Pinnacles, Suites, Diamond-Plusers, and facing-the-mall, no-balcony purple SeaPass Card peasants, not to mention the many distinctions within each category. The more you cruise, the higher your status. No wonder a section of the Royal Promenade is devoted to getting passengers to book their next cruise during the one they should be enjoying now. No wonder desperate Royal Caribbean offers (“FINAL HOURS”) crowded my email account weeks before I set sail. No wonder the ship’s jewelry store, the Royal Bling, is selling a $100,000 golden chalice that will entitle its owner to drink free on Royal Caribbean cruises for life. (One passenger was already gaming out whether her 28-year-old son was young enough to “just about earn out” on the chalice or if that ship had sailed.) No wonder this ship was sold out months before departure , and we had to pay $19,000 for a horrid suite away from the Suite Neighborhood. No wonder the most mythical hero of Royal Caribbean lore is someone named Super Mario, who has cruised so often, he now has his own working desk on many ships. This whole experience is part cult, part nautical pyramid scheme.

From the June 2014 issue: Ship of wonks

“The toilets are amazing,” the Palo Altos are telling me. “One flush and you’re done.” “They don’t understand how energy-efficient these ships are,” the husband of the other couple is telling me. “They got the LNG”—liquefied natural gas, which is supposed to make the Icon a boon to the environment (a concept widely disputed and sometimes ridiculed by environmentalists).

But I’m thinking along a different line of attack as I spear my last pallid slice of melon. For my streaming limited series, a Pinnacle would have to get killed by either an outright peasant or a Suite without an ocean view. I tell my breakfast companions my idea.

“Oh, for sure a Pinnacle would have to be killed,” Mr. Palo Alto, the Pandemic Pinnacle, says, touching his porn mustache thoughtfully as his wife nods.

“THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S your time, buddy!” Hubert, my fun-loving Panamanian cabin attendant, shouts as I step out of my suite in a robe. “Take it easy, buddy!”

I have come up with a new dressing strategy. Instead of trying to impress with my choice of T-shirts, I have decided to start wearing a robe, as one does at a resort property on land, with a proper spa and hammam. The response among my fellow cruisers has been ecstatic. “Look at you in the robe!” Mr. Rand cries out as we pass each other by the Thrill Island aqua park. “You’re living the cruise life! You know, you really drank me under the table that night.” I laugh as we part ways, but my soul cries out, Please spend more time with me, Mr. and Mrs. Rand; I so need the company .

In my white robe, I am a stately presence, a refugee from a better limited series, a one-man crossover episode. (Only Suites are granted these robes to begin with.) Today, I will try many of the activities these ships have on offer to provide their clientele with a sense of never-ceasing motion. Because I am already at Thrill Island, I decide to climb the staircase to what looks like a mast on an old-fashioned ship (terrified, because I am afraid of heights) to try a ride called “Storm Chasers,” which is part of the “Category 6” water park, named in honor of one of the storms that may someday do away with the Port of Miami entirely. Storm Chasers consists of falling from the “mast” down a long, twisting neon tube filled with water, like being the camera inside your own colonoscopy, as you hold on to the handles of a mat, hoping not to die. The tube then flops you down headfirst into a trough of water, a Royal Caribbean baptism. It both knocks my breath out and makes me sad.

In keeping with the aquatic theme, I attend a show at the AquaDome. To the sound of “Live and Let Die,” a man in a harness gyrates to and fro in the sultry air. I saw something very similar in the back rooms of the famed Berghain club in early-aughts Berlin. Soon another harnessed man is gyrating next to the first. Ja , I think to myself, I know how this ends. Now will come the fisting , natürlich . But the show soon devolves into the usual Marvel-film-grade nonsense, with too much light and sound signifying nichts . If any fisting is happening, it is probably in the Suite Neighborhood, inside a cabin marked with an upside-down pineapple, which I understand means a couple are ready to swing, and I will see none of it.

I go to the ice show, which is a kind of homage—if that’s possible—to the periodic table, done with the style and pomp and masterful precision that would please the likes of Kim Jong Un, if only he could afford Royal Caribbean talent. At one point, the dancers skate to the theme song of Succession . “See that!” I want to say to my fellow Suites—at “cultural” events, we have a special section reserved for us away from the commoners—“ Succession ! It’s even better than the zombie show! Open your minds!”

Finally, I visit a comedy revue in an enormous and too brightly lit version of an “intimate,” per Royal Caribbean literature, “Manhattan comedy club.” Many of the jokes are about the cruising life. “I’ve lived on ships for 20 years,” one of the middle-aged comedians says. “I can only see so many Filipino homosexuals dressed as a taco.” He pauses while the audience laughs. “I am so fired tonight,” he says. He segues into a Trump impression and then Biden falling asleep at the microphone, which gets the most laughs. “Anyone here from Fort Leonard Wood?” another comedian asks. Half the crowd seems to cheer. As I fall asleep that night, I realize another connection I have failed to make, and one that may explain some of the diversity on this vessel—many of its passengers have served in the military.

As a coddled passenger with a suite, I feel like I am starting to understand what it means to have a rank and be constantly reminded of it. There are many espresso makers , I think as I look across the expanse of my officer-grade quarters before closing my eyes, but this one is mine .

A shocking sight greets me beyond the pools of Deck 17 as I saunter over to the Coastal Kitchen for my morning intake of slightly sour Americanos. A tiny city beneath a series of perfectly pressed green mountains. Land! We have docked for a brief respite in Basseterre, the capital of St. Kitts and Nevis. I wolf down my egg scramble to be one of the first passengers off the ship. Once past the gangway, I barely refrain from kissing the ground. I rush into the sights and sounds of this scruffy island city, sampling incredible conch curry and buckets of non-Starbucks coffee. How wonderful it is to be where God intended humans to be: on land. After all, I am neither a fish nor a mall rat. This is my natural environment. Basseterre may not be Havana, but there are signs of human ingenuity and desire everywhere you look. The Black Table Grill Has been Relocated to Soho Village, Market Street, Directly Behind of, Gary’s Fruits and Flower Shop. Signed. THE PORK MAN reads a sign stuck to a wall. Now, that is how you write a sign. A real sign, not the come-ons for overpriced Rolexes that blink across the screens of the Royal Promenade.

“Hey, tie your shoestring!” a pair of laughing ladies shout to me across the street.

“Thank you!” I shout back. Shoestring! “Thank you very much.”

A man in Independence Square Park comes by and asks if I want to play with his monkey. I haven’t heard that pickup line since the Penn Station of the 1980s. But then he pulls a real monkey out of a bag. The monkey is wearing a diaper and looks insane. Wonderful , I think, just wonderful! There is so much life here. I email my editor asking if I can remain on St. Kitts and allow the Icon to sail off into the horizon without me. I have even priced a flight home at less than $300, and I have enough material from the first four days on the cruise to write the entire story. “It would be funny …” my editor replies. “Now get on the boat.”

As I slink back to the ship after my brief jailbreak, the locals stand under umbrellas to gaze at and photograph the boat that towers over their small capital city. The limousines of the prime minister and his lackeys are parked beside the gangway. St. Kitts, I’ve been told, is one of the few islands that would allow a ship of this size to dock.

“We hear about all the waterslides,” a sweet young server in one of the cafés told me. “We wish we could go on the ship, but we have to work.”

“I want to stay on your island,” I replied. “I love it here.”

But she didn’t understand how I could possibly mean that.

“WASHY, WASHY, so you don’t get stinky, stinky!” kids are singing outside the AquaDome, while their adult minders look on in disapproval, perhaps worried that Mr. Washy Washy is grooming them into a life of gayness. I heard a southern couple skip the buffet entirely out of fear of Mr. Washy Washy.

Meanwhile, I have found a new watering hole for myself, the Swim & Tonic, the biggest swim-up bar on any cruise ship in the world. Drinking next to full-size, nearly naked Americans takes away one’s own self-consciousness. The men have curvaceous mom bodies. The women are equally un-shy about their sprawling physiques.

Today I’ve befriended a bald man with many children who tells me that all of the little trinkets that Royal Caribbean has left us in our staterooms and suites are worth a fortune on eBay. “Eighty dollars for the water bottle, 60 for the lanyard,” the man says. “This is a cult.”

“Tell me about it,” I say. There is, however, a clientele for whom this cruise makes perfect sense. For a large middle-class family (he works in “supply chains”), seven days in a lower-tier cabin—which starts at $1,800 a person—allow the parents to drop off their children in Surfside, where I imagine many young Filipina crew members will take care of them, while the parents are free to get drunk at a swim-up bar and maybe even get intimate in their cabin. Cruise ships have become, for a certain kind of hardworking family, a form of subsidized child care.

There is another man I would like to befriend at the Swim & Tonic, a tall, bald fellow who is perpetually inebriated and who wears a necklace studded with little rubber duckies in sunglasses, which, I am told, is a sort of secret handshake for cruise aficionados. Tomorrow, I will spend more time with him, but first the ship docks at St. Thomas, in the U.S. Virgin Islands. Charlotte Amalie, the capital, is more charming in name than in presence, but I still all but jump off the ship to score a juicy oxtail and plantains at the well-known Petite Pump Room, overlooking the harbor. From one of the highest points in the small city, the Icon of the Seas appears bigger than the surrounding hills.

I usually tan very evenly, but something about the discombobulation of life at sea makes me forget the regular application of sunscreen. As I walk down the streets of Charlotte Amalie in my fluorescent Icon of the Seas cap, an old Rastafarian stares me down. “Redneck,” he hisses.

“No,” I want to tell him, as I bring a hand up to my red neck, “that’s not who I am at all. On my island, Mannahatta, as Whitman would have it, I am an interesting person living within an engaging artistic milieu. I do not wish to use the Caribbean as a dumping ground for the cruise-ship industry. I love the work of Derek Walcott. You don’t understand. I am not a redneck. And if I am, they did this to me.” They meaning Royal Caribbean? Its passengers? The Rands?

“They did this to me!”

Back on the Icon, some older matrons are muttering about a run-in with passengers from the Celebrity cruise ship docked next to us, the Celebrity Apex. Although Celebrity Cruises is also owned by Royal Caribbean, I am made to understand that there is a deep fratricidal beef between passengers of the two lines. “We met a woman from the Apex,” one matron says, “and she says it was a small ship and there was nothing to do. Her face was as tight as a 19-year-old’s, she had so much surgery.” With those words, and beneath a cloudy sky, humidity shrouding our weathered faces and red necks, we set sail once again, hopefully in the direction of home.

THERE ARE BARELY 48 HOURS LEFT to the cruise, and the Icon of the Seas’ passengers are salty. They know how to work the elevators. They know the Washy Washy song by heart. They understand that the chicken gyro at “Feta Mediterranean,” in the AquaDome Market, is the least problematic form of chicken on the ship.

The passengers have shed their INAUGURAL CRUISE T-shirts and are now starting to evince political opinions. There are caps pledging to make America great again and T-shirts that celebrate words sometimes attributed to Patrick Henry: “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people; it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government.” With their preponderance of FAMILY FLAG FAITH FRIENDS FIREARMS T-shirts, the tables by the crepe station sometimes resemble the Capitol Rotunda on January 6. The Real Anthony Fauci , by Robert F. Kennedy Jr., appears to be a popular form of literature, especially among young men with very complicated versions of the American flag on their T-shirts. Other opinions blend the personal and the political. “Someone needs to kill Washy guy, right?” a well-dressed man in the elevator tells me, his gray eyes radiating nothing. “Just beat him to death. Am I right?” I overhear the male member of a young couple whisper, “There goes that freak” as I saunter by in my white spa robe, and I decide to retire it for the rest of the cruise.

I visit the Royal Bling to see up close the $100,000 golden chalice that entitles you to free drinks on Royal Caribbean forever. The pleasant Serbian saleslady explains that the chalice is actually gold-plated and covered in white zirconia instead of diamonds, as it would otherwise cost $1 million. “If you already have everything,” she explains, “this is one more thing you can get.”

I believe that anyone who works for Royal Caribbean should be entitled to immediate American citizenship. They already speak English better than most of the passengers and, per the Serbian lady’s sales pitch above, better understand what America is as well. Crew members like my Panamanian cabin attendant seem to work 24 hours a day. A waiter from New Delhi tells me that his contract is six months and three weeks long. After a cruise ends, he says, “in a few hours, we start again for the next cruise.” At the end of the half a year at sea, he is allowed a two-to-three-month stay at home with his family. As of 2019, the median income for crew members was somewhere in the vicinity of $20,000, according to a major business publication. Royal Caribbean would not share the current median salary for its crew members, but I am certain that it amounts to a fraction of the cost of a Royal Bling gold-plated, zirconia-studded chalice.

And because most of the Icon’s hyper-sanitized spaces are just a frittata away from being a Delta lounge, one forgets that there are actual sailors on this ship, charged with the herculean task of docking it in port. “Having driven 100,000-ton aircraft carriers throughout my career,” retired Admiral James G. Stavridis, the former NATO Supreme Allied Commander Europe, writes to me, “I’m not sure I would even know where to begin with trying to control a sea monster like this one nearly three times the size.” (I first met Stavridis while touring Army bases in Germany more than a decade ago.)

Today, I decide to head to the hot tub near Swim & Tonic, where some of the ship’s drunkest reprobates seem to gather (the other tubs are filled with families and couples). The talk here, like everywhere else on the ship, concerns football, a sport about which I know nothing. It is apparent that four teams have recently competed in some kind of finals for the year, and that two of them will now face off in the championship. Often when people on the Icon speak, I will try to repeat the last thing they said with a laugh or a nod of disbelief. “Yes, 20-yard line! Ha!” “Oh my God, of course, scrimmage.”

Soon we are joined in the hot tub by the late-middle-age drunk guy with the duck necklace. He is wearing a bucket hat with the legend HAWKEYES , which, I soon gather, is yet another football team. “All right, who turned me in?” Duck Necklace says as he plops into the tub beside us. “I get a call in the morning,” he says. “It’s security. Can you come down to the dining room by 10 a.m.? You need to stay away from the members of this religious family.” Apparently, the gregarious Duck Necklace had photobombed the wrong people. There are several families who present as evangelical Christians or practicing Muslims on the ship. One man, evidently, was not happy that Duck Necklace had made contact with his relatives. “It’s because of religious stuff; he was offended. I put my arm around 20 people a day.”

Everyone laughs. “They asked me three times if I needed medication,” he says of the security people who apparently interrogated him in full view of others having breakfast.

Another hot-tub denizen suggests that he should have asked for fentanyl. After a few more drinks, Duck Necklace begins to muse about what it would be like to fall off the ship. “I’m 62 and I’m ready to go,” he says. “I just don’t want a shark to eat me. I’m a huge God guy. I’m a Bible guy. There’s some Mayan theory squaring science stuff with religion. There is so much more to life on Earth.” We all nod into our Red Stripes.

“I never get off the ship when we dock,” he says. He tells us he lost $6,000 in the casino the other day. Later, I look him up, and it appears that on land, he’s a financial adviser in a crisp gray suit, probably a pillar of his North Chicago community.

THE OCEAN IS TEEMING with fascinating life, but on the surface it has little to teach us. The waves come and go. The horizon remains ever far away.

I am constantly told by my fellow passengers that “everybody here has a story.” Yes, I want to reply, but everybody everywhere has a story. You, the reader of this essay, have a story, and yet you’re not inclined to jump on a cruise ship and, like Duck Necklace, tell your story to others at great pitch and volume. Maybe what they’re saying is that everybody on this ship wants to have a bigger, more coherent, more interesting story than the one they’ve been given. Maybe that’s why there’s so much signage on the doors around me attesting to marriages spent on the sea. Maybe that’s why the Royal Caribbean newsletter slipped under my door tells me that “this isn’t a vacation day spent—it’s bragging rights earned.” Maybe that’s why I’m so lonely.

Today is a big day for Icon passengers. Today the ship docks at Royal Caribbean’s own Bahamian island, the Perfect Day at CocoCay. (This appears to be the actual name of the island.) A comedian at the nightclub opined on what his perfect day at CocoCay would look like—receiving oral sex while learning that his ex-wife had been killed in a car crash (big laughter). But the reality of the island is far less humorous than that.

One of the ethnic tristate ladies in the infinity pool told me that she loved CocoCay because it had exactly the same things that could be found on the ship itself. This proves to be correct. It is like the Icon, but with sand. The same tired burgers, the same colorful tubes conveying children and water from Point A to B. The same swim-up bar at its Hideaway ($140 for admittance, no children allowed; Royal Caribbean must be printing money off its clientele). “There was almost a fight at The Wizard of Oz ,” I overhear an elderly woman tell her companion on a chaise lounge. Apparently one of the passengers began recording Royal Caribbean’s intellectual property and “three guys came after him.”

I walk down a pathway to the center of the island, where a sign reads DO NOT ENTER: YOU HAVE REACHED THE BOUNDARY OF ADVENTURE . I hear an animal scampering in the bushes. A Royal Caribbean worker in an enormous golf cart soon chases me down and takes me back to the Hideaway, where I run into Mrs. Rand in a bikini. She becomes livid telling me about an altercation she had the other day with a woman over a towel and a deck chair. We Suites have special towel privileges; we do not have to hand over our SeaPass Card to score a towel. But the Rands are not Suites. “People are so entitled here,” Mrs. Rand says. “It’s like the airport with all its classes.” “You see,” I want to say, “this is where your husband’s love of Ayn Rand runs into the cruelties and arbitrary indignities of unbridled capitalism.” Instead we make plans to meet for a final drink in the Schooner Bar tonight (the Rands will stand me up).

Back on the ship, I try to do laps, but the pool (the largest on any cruise ship, naturally) is fully trashed with the detritus of American life: candy wrappers, a slowly dissolving tortilla chip, napkins. I take an extra-long shower in my suite, then walk around the perimeter of the ship on a kind of exercise track, past all the alluring lifeboats in their yellow-and-white livery. Maybe there is a dystopian angle to the HBO series that I will surely end up pitching, one with shades of WALL-E or Snowpiercer . In a collapsed world, a Royal Caribbean–like cruise liner sails from port to port, collecting new shipmates and supplies in exchange for the precious energy it has on board. (The actual Icon features a new technology that converts passengers’ poop into enough energy to power the waterslides . In the series, this shitty technology would be greatly expanded.) A very young woman (18? 19?), smart and lonely, who has only known life on the ship, walks along the same track as I do now, contemplating jumping off into the surf left by its wake. I picture reusing Duck Necklace’s words in the opening shot of the pilot. The girl is walking around the track, her eyes on the horizon; maybe she’s highborn—a Suite—and we hear the voice-over: “I’m 19 and I’m ready to go. I just don’t want a shark to eat me.”

Before the cruise is finished, I talk to Mr. Washy Washy, or Nielbert of the Philippines. He is a sweet, gentle man, and I thank him for the earworm of a song he has given me and for keeping us safe from the dreaded norovirus. “This is very important to me, getting people to wash their hands,” he tells me in his burger getup. He has dreams, as an artist and a performer, but they are limited in scope. One day he wants to dress up as a piece of bacon for the morning shift.

THE MAIDEN VOYAGE OF THE TITANIC (the Icon of the Seas is five times as large as that doomed vessel) at least offered its passengers an exciting ending to their cruise, but when I wake up on the eighth day, all I see are the gray ghosts that populate Miami’s condo skyline. Throughout my voyage, my writer friends wrote in to commiserate with me. Sloane Crosley, who once covered a three-day spa mini-cruise for Vogue , tells me she felt “so very alone … I found it very untethering.” Gideon Lewis-Kraus writes in an Instagram comment: “When Gary is done I think it’s time this genre was taken out back and shot.” And he is right. To badly paraphrase Adorno: After this, no more cruise stories. It is unfair to put a thinking person on a cruise ship. Writers typically have difficult childhoods, and it is cruel to remind them of the inherent loneliness that drove them to writing in the first place. It is also unseemly to write about the kind of people who go on cruises. Our country does not provide the education and upbringing that allow its citizens an interior life. For the creative class to point fingers at the large, breasty gentlemen adrift in tortilla-chip-laden pools of water is to gather a sour harvest of low-hanging fruit.

A day or two before I got off the ship, I decided to make use of my balcony, which I had avoided because I thought the view would only depress me further. What I found shocked me. My suite did not look out on Central Park after all. This entire time, I had been living in the ship’s Disneyland, Surfside, the neighborhood full of screaming toddlers consuming milkshakes and candy. And as I leaned out over my balcony, I beheld a slight vista of the sea and surf that I thought I had been missing. It had been there all along. The sea was frothy and infinite and blue-green beneath the span of a seagull’s wing. And though it had been trod hard by the world’s largest cruise ship, it remained.

This article appears in the May 2024 print edition with the headline “A Meatball at Sea.” When you buy a book using a link on this page, we receive a commission. Thank you for supporting The Atlantic.

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Seven of the best after-dark adventures at sea

Ships by night aren’t all cocktails and casinos — from camping in antarctica to illuminated venice, these incredible cruise experiences only happen once the sun sets.

T here’s more to evenings on a cruise than cocktails, casinos and crooners. Whether it’s a private view of St Mark’s Basilica in Venice or camping on the Antarctic ice that floats your boat, here are seven evening cruise activities that might surprise you.

This article contains affiliate links, which can earn us revenue

1. Sleep under the stars on deck in the Med

The ultra-luxurious SeaDream Yacht Club encourages guests to try a night under the stars on deck, with duvets, pillows and even monogrammed pyjamas provided. The best spot is the oversized lounger on the foredeck, completely private and roped off from the rest of the ship once you’ve retired. Scattered rose petals and chilled champagne add to the romance — and if the wind picks up you can always retreat to your cabin. Details Seven nights’ all-inclusive from Athens to Valletta from £5,354pp, departing on August 3 (seadream.com). Fly to Athens

2. See Ephesus in Turkey without the crowds

Imagine wandering around the 3,000-year-old ruins of Ephesus in Turkey when the hordes have gone, the ancient stones still reflecting the day’s heat as the light fades. This after-hours exclusive experience, which includes cocktails and a magical choral recital under the stars in the Roman theatre, is one of Azamara’s “AzAmazing Evenings” special cultural events on every cruise. Details Ten nights’ all-inclusive from Athens to Istanbul from £1,471pp, departing on July 31 (azamara.com). Fly to Athens

3. Camp on the ice in Antarctica

Snuggling up under canvas in a sleeping bag is such a popular activity on Hurtigruten’s Antarctic expeditions that you have to enter a lottery to secure your place for camping on the ice. After dinner on board an expedition team sets forth to put the tents up. Once you’re installed, sit and listen to the sounds of nature; the gentle crackling of the ice, the whisper of the wind and the chatter of nearby penguin colonies. Make sure you’re up to watch the sunrise before heading back to the ship for breakfast. Details Eleven nights’ all-inclusive from £7,1725pp, departing on November 27 (travelhx.com). Fly to Buenos Aires

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4. chase the aurora in norway with an astronomer.

This year and next are peak times for viewing the northern lights. Havila Voyages is offering 11-night astronomy cruises to take advantage of the increased solar activity, with Ian Ridpath, editor of the Oxford Dictionary of Astronomy , escorting the October departure. He will deliver lectures on the aurora, constellations, comets and the moon landings as the ship sails a round-trip from Bergen to Kirkenes in the far north of Norway, with the crew on constant lookout for those dancing lights in the night sky. Details Eleven nights’ full board from £1,308pp, departing on October 30 (havilavoyages.com). Fly to Bergen

• 12 best northern lights cruises for a spectacular adventure

5. Watch fruit bats in Indonesia

When the luxurious superyacht Aqua Blu is anchored off the Indonesian island of Mioskon on its cruises around jungly Raja Ampat, passengers can witness an extraordinary event. As darkness falls, thousands of fruit bats launch themselves from the trees, twittering as they stream across the fading sunset and filling the sky overhead. Marvel at this spectacle from one of the ship’s tenders, complete with cocktails and canapés, before heading back on board for dinner. Details Seven nights’ all-inclusive from £7,444pp, including all activities, departing on December 21 (aquaexpeditions.com). Fly to Sorong

6. Have St Mark’s in Venice to yourself

Imagine seeing the golden mosaics and exquisite marble of St Mark’s Basilica after sunset, without a selfie stick in sight. Uniworld has after-hours access to this glorious 11th-century cathedral for its cruises from Venice, and you’re in for a treat. Once the day trippers have left you’ll sit in a pew in front of the gleaming golden altar, before the lights are switched off and you’re plunged into darkness; one by one they come on again, illuminating the exquisite detail of the interior — it’s a true goose-bump experience. Details Seven nights’ all-inclusive from £2,799pp, departing on September 8 (uniworld.com). Fly to Venice

7. Toast marshmallows around a campfire in Mexico

On an UnCruise expedition around the Sea of Cortez off Mexico you’ll spend most of your time spotting super-pods of whales and dolphins and hiking the cactus-strewn mountains that frame this sheltered sea. But one of the best moments is when the crew head ashore to build a beach bonfire. After dinner you’re ferried across in darkness to sit around the fire, toasting marshmallows, drinking rum-laced hot chocolate, looking at the canopy of glittering stars and listening to the crackling of the flames. Details Seven nights’ all-inclusive from £6,770pp, including flights and a night at a Los Angeles hotel pre-cruise, departing on January 17 (mundyadventures.co.uk)

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I spent $2,000 for 7 nights in a 179-square-foot room on one of the world's largest cruise ships. Take a look inside my cabin.

• I booked a stateroom on Royal Caribbean's Wonder of the Seas, one of the biggest cruise ships.
• For $2,000 a week, the 179-square-foot cabin had a private bathroom, a king-size bed, and a view.
• I thought I'd feel cramped in the room, but it had everything I needed and left no space unused.

In April 2022, I cruised on board Royal Caribbean's Wonder of the Seas . At the time, it was the largest cruise ship in the world , but the title has since been replaced by Royal Caribbean's Icon of the Seas .

During my voyage, the ship sailed to Roatán, Honduras; Cozumel and Costa Maya in Mexico; and Royal Caribbean's private island in the Bahamas .

For $2,000, I spent seven nights in an ocean-view stateroom on deck eight. The cruise was on sale, as it was originally priced at $3,000. Take a look inside the 179-square-foot space.

My room was a mid-tier cabin at the front of deck eight.

I booked a mid-tier room — a step above interior staterooms , which have no window. It's a category below staterooms with a balcony , and two steps below a suite.

My cabin was on the same deck as Central Park, an outdoor space with 20,000 plants.

I thought it was the most relaxing area on the ship, so I enjoyed being close by.

When I stepped inside my stateroom, I was surprised at how big it felt.

Right away, I thought the cabin made great use of a small space.

To operate most of the electricity in the room, I had to insert my room key into a slot on the wall.

I appreciated the energy-saving system.

On one side of the room, I had a mirror and a desk with several outlets to charge electronics with USB, American, and European ports.

I thought the desk was useful for eating, as well as storing daily flyers about the day's events.

Next to the desk, a set of drawers included a cabinet with a minifridge inside.

The desk drawers were mostly empty aside from a hair dryer, which I didn't end up using.

Across from the desk, I had a couch positioned in between two closets.

Inside each closet, I found a rack of hangers, shelving, and a small safe. I thought it was plenty of space for a weeklong journey

Next to the couch and desk area, a small bathroom used clever storage hacks, like placing the trash can and toilet paper under the counter.

In the bathroom, there were two glasses, a bar of soap, and a two-in-one hair and body wash.

At the top of the shower, a pullout clothing line was useful for drying my bathing suits.

Each night, my stateroom attendant replenished towels and brought flyers and schedules for the next day.

Sometimes, the towels were folded creatively to look like animals.

I noticed that my king-size bed at the back of the room was actually two twin beds pushed together.

All Royal Caribbean cabins come with this configuration, according to its website , so they may be separated for additional guests. I often woke up in the crevice.

A large flat-screen TV was mounted across from the bed with storage hooks below.

Skinny nightstands on either side of the bed held lamps, charging ports, and a room phone on one side.

Because I booked an ocean-view room, I was able to look out over the front of the ship from a window above my bed.

The window was equipped with an electronic shade that could be opened during the day for grand views and closed when I was ready to sleep.

While I thought the room might have been a tight space for a couple with a lot of luggage or a family, it was just right for me.

And watching the sun rise over the Caribbean Sea from the comfort of my room was the best part.

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Overnight Cruises: Where to Go, What to See

Last updated: September 25th, 2023

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Overnight cruises are a great way to experience the best a destination has to offer. You can take your time exploring your favorite ports and discovering the vibrant nightlife of a city. Often, staying the night is a chance to see a completely different face of a destination, sample its cuisine, and check out local bars, pubs, and cultural performances.

Whether you’re hoping to see the sunset in the Mediterranean, sample sizzling street food in Asia, or dance the night away in the Caribbean, here’s everything you need to know about cruises with overnight stays.

What’s it like being on overnight cruises?

On a cruise with an overnight stay, you’ll feel as if you’re spending the night in a luxurious floating hotel. You can come and go as you please throughout the evening.

At your overnight port stops, you can go sightseeing during the day, come back to the ship to change and relax, and then head back out and enjoy the city’s restaurants and nightlife.

You can also spend the day exploring the port, come back for dinner in one of our onboard restaurants , then head back out into the city to enjoy a night excursion or a cocktail.

Which cruises stay in port overnight?

Cruises with overnight stays are available in over 40 ports of call on Celebrity Cruises in each major destination we cruise to .

Sometimes, overnights will occur during the middle of a cruise. Other times, overnight stays are offered at a cruise’s embarkation port just after you board, or at a ship’s last port before you disembark the following day.

Here are some of the exciting overnight cruises you can experience on Celebrity Cruises:

Overnight Cruise Ports in Europe & Africa

Lisbon, Portugal

On a cruise to Europe , you’ll have the opportunity to stay overnight in multiple cities. There’s Lisbon in Portugal, beautiful Dubrovnik in Croatia, or in Italy, La Spezia, gateway to both Florence and Pisa. Voyages to the Eastern Mediterranean stop for the night in Athens, Greece, or exotic Istanbul, Turkey.

Further north, Celebrity’s ships overnight in Reykjavik, Iceland; the elegant French city of Bordeaux; and Copenhagen, Denmark, all famed for their after-dark scene.

Cruises to Egypt and Israel , meanwhile, overnight at both Ashdod, the gateway to historic Jerusalem and cutting edge Tel Aviv, and Alexandria, Egypt, giving you more time to immerse yourself in some of the most spectacular sites of the ancient world.

At an overnight stop in Lisbon, Portugal, board a funicular to the top of Bairro Alto, where you’ll enjoy unparalleled views of the city’s landmarks and have a chance to enjoy authentic Fado music.

Florence, Italy

While in Italy, the overnight stay in La Spezia gives you a chance to explore historic Florence or Pisa after sunset, joining locals for their evening stroll and aperitivo hour.

Bordeaux, at the heart of one of France’s greatest wine regions, is a wonderful place to spend an evening, the lights of the city reflected in the curve of the Garonne River and pretty, flower-filled squares lined with outdoor cafés and bistros.

Blue Lagoon in Reykjavik, Iceland

Take advantage of your two days in Iceland to sample the nightlife of Reykjavik, and explore the country’s thrilling natural wonders, including Godafoss waterfall, the famous Blue Lagoon, and the lava fields of Dimmuborgir.

Sultanahmet Square, Istanbul

Explore the magnificent sites of Jerusalem over two days on a cruise to Israel; you’ll need this time as there’s so much to see here.

Some cruise itineraries to Turkey and the Greek Islands include a night in Istanbul , where you can tour famous landmarks like the Blue Mosque and shop for local goods at its famous Grand Bazaar. Watch the minarets of the city fall into silhouette at sunset as you stroll along the Golden Horn.

Temple of Poseidon in Athens, Greece

If your ship is in Athens for the night, take a trip to Cape Sounion to admire the dreamy sunset and explore the elegant Temple of Poseidon before heading back to the capital for dinner with a view of the floodlit Acropolis.

On a cruise around the Baltic Sea , stay for a night in Copenhagen, Denmark or Oslo, Norway, and discover the design and culinary treasures of these Scandinavian cities. Copenhagen in particular is known for its cutting-edge culinary scene.

Even if you don’t have dinner ashore, the pubs and bars along the waterfront of colorful Nyhavn are buzzing late into the night. Visit either city in summer and you’ll enjoy long, light-filled evenings.

Overnight Ports on Bermuda Cruises

During a cruise to Bermuda , spend two nights at the historic Royal Naval Dockyard, famed for its restaurants and nightlife. Take time for an evening catamaran cruise to enjoy the glorious sunset and a rum swizzle. If you’re looking to sample the local bar scene, sign up for a guided pub crawl.

If you’re in port on a Wednesday, join the locals at the exuberant Harbor Nights Street Festival in downtown Hamilton. After dark, Front Street is a whirl of color, music, street food, and dancing, as everybody embraces the party spirit.

Because the two nights give you so much time in port, you can really get to know Bermuda, whether you’re sunbathing on pale pink beaches, enjoying a round of golf, taking in some of the historical sights, or cycling and hiking the scenic Railway Trail.

Overnight Cruise Ports in the Caribbean

On a Caribbean cruise , experience a unique overnight stay in Aruba’s Oranjestad; Willemstad in Curaçao; historic Cartagena, Colombia; or sultry New Orleans.

After spending the day lounging on one of Aruba’s white-sand beaches, cap off the day by boarding a catamaran and sipping a cocktail as you enjoy a breathtaking view of the sunset.

Willemstad, Curacao

On your overnight stay in Willemstad , there’s plenty to do. Admire the brightly colored buildings all lit up at night, or head to popular Mambo Beach, where the party starts before sunset and carries on late into the night.

Cartagena has one of the most magnificent examples of Spanish colonial architecture, with lively local bars and classy restaurants to try after dark.

The Big Easy, meanwhile, needs little introduction; an overnight stay is the perfect opportunity to listen to live jazz or do something offbeat like take a ghost tour.

Overnight Cruise Ports in Asia

Bangkok, Thailand

Our Asia cruise itineraries include overnight stays in multiple cities, from Bangkok and Phuket in Thailand to glittering Hong Kong and bustling Hanoi.

In India, you can delve deeper into the local culture in Cochin and Mumbai, while there are also overnights in Colombo, Sri Lanka; Penang, Malaysia; Kyoto, Japan; and Benoa, Bali.

On a Southeast Asia cruise , you’ll have extra time to discover Phuket’s famous nightlife or head to a romantic beach restaurant for dinner.

During your night in Bangkok, the famous night markets are a must for jewelry, clothing, and handicrafts, with sizzling street food on hand if you feel like a snack and an ice-cold beer.

In Hong Kong, take in the iconic skyline and enjoy a primetime view of its famous Symphony of Lights show in Victoria Harbour, one of the city’s highest viewing platforms.

Penang, too, has some fantastic rooftop bars from which you can take in the sparkling lights of the city—perhaps after browsing the bustling Batu Ferringhi Night Market. The Old Quarter in downtown Hanoi , meanwhile, is enchanting after dark, and perfect for a nighttime stroll.

Kyoto, Japan

If you’re sailing on a cruise around Japan , an overnight in Kyoto is the ideal opportunity to enjoy a traditional shabu-shabu dinner followed by a Marko performance.

Voyages to India, meanwhile, are a chance to photograph the famous Chinese fishing nets at sunset in Cochin or take in a spellbinding Kathakali dance performance. In Mumbai, experience the buzz of the night markets, or head out for dinner for classy and classic Indian cuisine.

Overnight Cruise Ports on the East Coast

Chateau Frontenac in Quebec City, Canada

One of the best places in North America to experience the atmosphere after dark is elegant Quebec City, Canada , known for its French-influenced chic culture, European architecture, fine dining, and state-of-the-art museums.

Take a night cruise on the St. Lawrence River, stroll the old city, and stop in at a local pub—and round off the evening with a snack of poutine, the local specialty of fries, cheese curds, and gravy.

Read: Best East Coast Cruises

Overnight Cruise Ports in California & Hawaii

On the West Coast, enjoy an overnight in San Francisco, where you can visit landmarks like the Golden Gate Bridge, discover its countercultural history in neighborhoods like Haight-Ashbury, and experience the city’s legendary nightlife.

Hula performance in Hawaii

Meanwhile, cruises around Hawaii include overnight stays in Honolulu, Kailua-Kona, and Hilo. By day, hike, explore the lush volcanic scenery, or lounge on the beach, leaving evenings free to marvel at the dazzling sunsets, taste traditional island cuisine, and enjoy a hula ceremony.

Overnight Cruise Ports in South America

Buenos Aires, Argentina

On cruises to South America , you might spend a night or two in Buenos Aires, Argentina, where you can take in a sensual tango show or dine at one of the world-famous steakhouses with a chance to taste the country’s legendary red wines.

There’s also an opportunity to fly inland to the spectacular Iguazu Falls, straddling the border of Brazil and Argentina, where some 275 massive cascades of the Iguazu River plunge over the edge of the Paraná plateau. You can do this either as a day trip or an overnight, returning to Buenos Aires the following day.

Overnight Cruise Ports in Australia, New Zealand, & the South Pacific

Sydney, Australia

Australia cruises include overnight stops in Sydney, where you can hop on a dinner cruise and enjoy fresh seafood while admiring the magical sights of Sydney Harbour, the famous bridge, and the Opera House illuminated after dark.

From Cairns, you’ll have the incredible opportunity to sleep under the stars while camping on a special pontoon in the middle of the Great Barrier Reef—a real once-in-a-lifetime experience.

In Hobart, Tasmania, explore the exciting art scene and sample craft beers and street food at the Franklin Square Night Market. There are live music venues and stand-up comedy all over town, too.

Book your next cruise with an overnight stay and reserve your evening shore excursions today. To start planning your dream cruise that includes an overnight in port, browse cruise itineraries on our website and get ready for the exciting places you’ll visit after dark.

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Sailing at Night: Can You See in the Dark?

• By Teresa Carey
• Updated: October 16, 2014

The sun is just about to touch the horizon and you’ve spent the last hour setting up extra safety precautions for night sailing. You’ve connected a strobe light to your MOB ring. Every crew member on deck is wearing a harness and PFD with a light and whistle. And you’re showing the proper navigation lights to comply with the rules of the road. Every chart you’ll need this evening has been pulled from the locker, your course is plotted and lights you’ll see along the way have been listed. With your hand bearing compass and parallel rules, now you’re prepared to navigate — but under the dark cloak of night, how will you see?

At night, when visibility is compromised, sailors rely on all their senses to understand where they are and how the boat is moving. While we tune in our ears to listen for bells, breaking waves and horns, we sometimes forget that with an understanding of our vision and how it works at night, we can use techniques to help us adapt to the dark and see more than we thought possible.

Developing Night Vision When we step outside our door at night and gaze up at the sky, we first notice the brightest stars, but as our eyes adjust, we can see more of them. The typical person needs 12 to 40 minutes for their eyes to adapt and fully employ night vision. There are a few things you can do to decrease that time and maintain good vision throughout the night.

Preparing your eyes for night begins hours before the sun even touches the horizon. During the brightest part of the day, your eyes are overwhelmed with light. Start preparing early by wearing sunglasses and a sun hat all day. This will ease the transition into night and also protect your eyes from getting sunburned.

Exposure to light at night will interrupt your vision and require more time to readapt. Bright navigation instruments can be more than a nuisance for anyone serious about maintaining night vision. Be aware that frequent use of a chart plotter with a lit screen at night will impair your night vision, even on the dimmest setting. To best maintain night vision, first dim the lights on navigation instruments. Then turn off all the nonessential instruments. You can turn them on again in an urgent situation and they will already be programmed to a dim-light setting.

Your eyes adopt their night vision more quickly after exposure to red light instead of yellow or white. Use flashlights that have red bulbs in them. When you are using a spotlight to see shapes on the water, extend your arm outboard to prevent light shining on the boat or rig from reflecting back into your eyes.

Using Your Peripheral Vision Knowledge of ships’ light patterns is essential during night travel. Still, a lot remains unlit and hard to find and identify. Take this scenario as an example: Off the starboard quarter, you notice a dark form. But when you stop scanning and look back in its general direction, you can no longer see it. It’s as if it was there and disappeared, and your eyes are playing tricks on you. This is a common mistake resulting from being unfamiliar with scanning techniques that utilize the features of your eyes.

When light enters the eye it passes through the cornea to the retina. The retina has cone cells at the center, surrounded by rod cells. Rods function in low light because they are much more sensitive to light than cones. Because of the rods’ location, they are also used for peripheral vision. Therefore, oddly enough, your peripheral vision is better suited for finding forms on the horizon at night. Train yourself to mentally focus a few degrees on the periphery while still looking ahead. It seems odd not to look directly at what you want to see, but with practice this technique becomes second nature.

Scanning the Horizon at Night Without full understanding of the limitations of our eyes, scanning the horizon effectively can be impeded. Eyes have a difficult time focusing on objects when you’re in motion. Even though we often scan the horizon in a sweeping motion, it’s better to scan slower and stop at regular intervals along the way. Your eyes must move from point to point, stopping each time to focus.

Central vision is what we use to focus on reading, driving a car or seeing things directly in front of us. It only encompasses 3 to 15 degrees of the field of view, and is surrounded by the peripheral vision. For a thorough scan of the horizon, pause every 5 to 10 degrees so you don’t miss anything due to your narrow field of view.

One way to measure degrees is to use your body as a measuring tool. Raise your fist in front of you with an outstretched arm. The width of your fist is about 10 degrees. You can verify this by resting your vertical fist on the horizon and stacking one fist over another, hand over hand, counting each time. When you reach nine fists tall, theoretically it is 90 degrees, and you should be looking at a 90-degree angle from the horizon, or at your zenith.

Recognizing and Reducing Eye Fatigue Standing night watches is a tiring job, and fatigue will affect your ability to spot objects in the dark. Your eyes work best when looking straight ahead. While scanning, keep your eyes fixed ahead and rotate your head instead. This will reduce fatigue. It will also provide the clearest view. Even if you don’t notice it, your nose blocks some of your vision when you look to the sides by turning your eyes instead of your head.

Have you ever noticed colorful blobs that start to dance through your vision if you stare at one place long enough? This is a sign of tired eyes. Keep moving your eyes regularly through your scanning pattern. Your eyes are working much harder when they’re stationary for long periods. They also strain when they’re trying to see things that are far away. One way to rest your eyes as you systematically scan the horizon is to stop occasionally and focus on a close object in the boat.

When you’re standing watch at night, the things you’re looking for are small and hard to see. A dim blinking light, a dark spot in the sky or a gray form in the distance could inform you of shoals, approaching storms or even land. As prudent sailors, we do everything we can to ensure we are prepared for any situation. All too often, eye care, scanning techniques and maintaining night vision are subjects that get pushed to the bottom of our list and designated as low priority. However, because of the inherent challenges that nightfall brings, it becomes even more important to prepare properly. Understanding the abilities and limitations of your eyes at night, and developing techniques that will help maximize what you can see, could be the difference between avoiding a dangerous situation or sailing straight into it.

Quick Guide to Night Vision

• Wear sunglasses and sun hat during the day.
• Use red light bulbs in flashlights and cabin lights at night.
• Dim screens on navigation instruments and turn off unnecessary electronics.
• Allow up to 40 minutes for your eyes to adapt to night vision before setting sail in the dark.
• Practice making conscious use of your peripheral vision.
• Allow a moment for your eyes to focus by scanning slowly and stopping every 5 to 10 degrees along the way.
• While scanning, keep your eyes facing forward and rotate your head instead.
• Keep moving your eyes regularly through your scanning pattern.
• Stop scanning occasionally to rest your eyes by focusing on a close object in the boat.
• Practice using techniques for scanning and maintain night vision every time you go outside at night.

This article first appeared in the July 2014 issue of Cruising World. Teresa Carey and her husband, Ben Eriksen, offer sail-training expeditions aboard their Norseman 447. For more information or to read other articles by Teresa, visit her website .

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The 9 best Bahamas cruises for every type of traveler

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Editor’s note: This is a recurring post, regularly updated with the latest information.

The best Bahamas cru ises take you away from the daily grind, transporting you to theme park-like private islands and beach-lined paradises. Cruise choices include new and jazzed-up ships sailing an array of short and weeklong Bahamas itineraries. Cruising to the Bahamas is so easy you may even be able to go without a passport .

Family-friendly lines, such as Royal Caribbean, Disney Cruise Line and Carnival Cruise Line, offer cruises focused on the Bahamas all year. So do newcomers Virgin Voyages, with its adults-only sailings, and Margaritaville at Sea, offering short two-night hops and longer cruise-and-stay packages. The winter and early spring seasons bring a handful of itineraries on premium lines like Celebrity Cruises and Holland America.

The only cruise lines that don’t regularly offer Bahamas cruises are the luxury lines. But don’t worry, luxe lovers: Many of the ships we included on our list of the best Bahamas cruises offer suites that come with concierge services, private enclaves or special spa privileges. If a luxury cruise to the Bahamas is your goal, look at the top suite options on a mainstream or premium line.

For more cruise news, reviews and tips, sign up for TPG’s cruise newsletter .

Whether you’re looking for a quick and cheap getaway or a week at the beach, here are the best Bahamas cruise itineraries to start your search, in order from shortest to longest.

2-night cruises on Margaritaville at Sea Paradise from Palm Beach, Florida

Though cruising is relatively new to the Margaritaville travel and hospitality franchise, cruise line Margaritaville at Sea is essentially a rebranding of the old Bahamas Paradise Cruise Line. Its refurbished ship, Paradise, originally debuted in the 1990s for Costa Cruises.

One Jimmy Buffett-themed makeover later, the ship is a perfect fit for the laid-back vibe of the Bahamas. Grab a drink or a bite to eat from the 5 o’Clock Somewhere Bar & Grill, try your luck at the Par-A-Dice Casino and enjoy plenty of entertainment, including the musical production, “Tales from Margaritaville: Jimmy’s Ship Show.” There’s a kids club, a teen club, a spa and two pools stocked with beach balls and inflatable parrots.

The two-night cruise itinerary includes one day in Freeport, where you can shop, hit the casino, enjoy water sports or chill on the beach. The ship offers shore excursions, or you can explore independently. Margaritaville at Sea also offers cruise-and-stay itineraries of either four or six nights (including the two nights onboard the ship). These packages let you choose between two partner hotels in Freeport, where you’ll stay two or four nights on land, then hop back on the ship for your return night at sea.

Margaritaville at Sea Paradise carries around 1,300 passengers in an assortment of inside and ocean-view cabins, all around 176 square feet, which is larger than the average for those categories on most mainstream ships. Ten suites with balconies are also available, with 524 square feet of space.

Who should go? Obviously, Parrotheads are gonna want to try this ship, with all its Jimmy Buffett-inspired themes and decor, but it’s also a good trial run for anyone on the fence about cruising. Pricing makes this a great cruise to enjoy an escape without spending a fortune. We found weekday sailings that begin at $99 per person based on double occupancy for an inside cabin.

Related: Best Bahamas cruise tips for first-timers and repeat visitors alike

3- or 4-night cruises on Royal Caribbean’s Freedom of the Seas from Miami

This itinerary may be the best overall short Bahamas cruise. Both the three- and four-night cruises have stops at Nassau and Royal Caribbean ‘s massive private island — Perfect Day at CocoCay . Those two stops combined give cruisers the opportunity to enjoy water sports, spend some time at the beach and experience a bit of Bahamian culture.

Freedom of the Seas has plenty of onboard fun to occupy travelers of all ages on sea days. It’s loaded with top-deck slides and water features, specialty restaurant choices and more entertainment options than you can take in on a short cruise. Carrying around 4,000 cruise guests, Freedom of the Seas is big enough to impress without being overwhelming.

Plus, logistics for cruising out of Miami are simple enough for even first-time cruisers. From flight choices to pre- or post-cruise hotels, it’s a city that caters to tourists, especially the cruising ones.

Who should go? From first-timers to veteran cruisers, anyone looking for a short but fun-filled hop to the Bahamas should give Freedom of the Seas a look. Families looking for a quick escape will find entertainment and activities for toddlers to teens. The ship is also ideal for family reunions, bachelorette parties and birthday cruises. Couples will love the adults-only Solarium with its extra-large hot tubs looking out over the sea.

Related: Bahamas cruise packing list: What to pack for the islands

3- or 4-night cruises on Royal Caribbean’s Utopia of the Seas from Port Canaveral, Florida

When Royal Caribbean’ s giant Utopia of the Seas debuts in July 2024, it will offer a bevy of short sailings, including three- and four-night sailings from Port Canaveral, Florida. The 236,860-ton, 5,669-passenger vessel will be the second-largest cruise ship in the world and offer more exciting amenities than any other cruise ship sailing short itineraries in North America.

Why? The newest, biggest ships in the world typically sail longer cruises. Offering short cruises on its humongous Oasis Class ships is new for Royal Caribbean; sister ship Allure of the Seas will test out the concept before Utopia launches.

Families with kids will definitely go bananas over the choices on board the new ship. The top deck alone will feature three separate pool areas, a surfing simulator, a kiddie splash zone, a basketball court, two rock walls, a miniature golf course and even a zip line.

The ship will also boast an extensive selection of restaurants, bars, lounges and shops. Additionally, there will be an indoor skating rink, a spa and a showroom with Broadway-style shows.

Utopia of the Seas’ inaugural voyage is set for July 22, 2024, and will be a four-night cruise to Nassau and the line’s private island, Perfect Day at CocoCay. The second sailing will be a three-night cruise to the Bahamas that departs on July 26, 2024.

Who should go?  Short sailings on this new ship will appeal to all sorts of cruisers. Historically, new ships are reserved for longer itineraries, so this is a fantastic opportunity to enjoy a snack-size sampling of a brand-new ship without spending the money on a longer sailing.

Families craving a quick getaway where the entire brood is satisfied will not be disappointed. In addition to seemingly endless kid-friendly amenities and top-notch children’s programming, Utopia of the Seas will feature a casino and adults-only spaces.

Related: These 2 cruise lines are building new private destinations in the Bahamas

3- or 4-night cruises on Disney Wish from Port Canaveral, Florida

Disney waited a decade to build its next new ship, but Disney dreamers had their wish granted in 2022. Even better, the new Disney Wish cruises to the Bahamas. Designed to be the perfect complement to a visit to Orlando’s Disney theme parks, these short cruises visit Nassau and Disney’s private island, Castaway Cay. The four-night itinerary adds a sea day to enjoy the ship.

Disney Wish is designed to immerse cruisers in the various Disney worlds through technology. An onboard augmented reality game turns the Disney Cruise Line Navigator smartphone app into a virtual spyglass that lets cruisers participate in a fantasy adventure with Disney and Pixar characters. The AquaMouse waterslide combines a splashy tube ride in a two-seater raft with a pre-adventure tale told through screens at the beginning of the ride. Diners at the Worlds of Marvel restaurant take part in an interactive Avengers-themed experience through videos and special effects.

Wish carries 4,000 passengers in cabins and suites designed to simplify cruising with kids. But never fear, adult Disney fans; you’ll also find your spot on board. From the “Star Wars”-themed Hyperspace Lounge to the Quiet Cove adults-only sun deck, Disney manages to cater to grownups as well as kids.

Who should go ? This is obviously the best Bahamas cruise for lovers of all things Disney, including “Star Wars” and Marvel fans.

Related: Best shore excursions for Bahamas cruises

3- or 4-night cruises on Celebrity Reflection from Fort Lauderdale

Beginning in April 2024, Celebrity Cruises will sail three- and four-night voyages round-trip from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, year-round.

The 3,046-passenger Celebrity Reflection will offer a consistent rotation of three-night weekend cruises (departing each Friday and returning each Monday morning) and four-night weekday sailings (departing each Monday and returning each Friday morning).

Itineraries will include stops at Key West in Florida and Nassau and Bimini in the Bahamas.

Celebrity appeals mostly to the 40-plus set sans small children. It’s light on the kid-centric attractions (such as waterslides, go-karts and laser tag) that other big-ship lines include. The line offers instead lots of quiet and relaxing pool and lounge areas. (If you do have kids in tow, you can take advantage of the extensive children’s program, Camp at Sea. It provides supervised activities daily for children ages 3-12 in dedicated spaces.)

Celebrity Reflection is the line’s last and largest Solstice Class cruise ship. The Solstice C lass ships feature some of the most stylish outdoor pool decks at sea, with indoor, adults-only pool areas that, notably, are topped with glass panels embedded with solar panels that contribute to the ship’s power grid. You’ll also find large spas, casinos, showrooms and a nice selection of restaurants on board.

This ship also boasts one of the most spectacular suites in the cruising world — the 1,646-square-foot Reflection Suite. It was the first two-bedroom suite on a Celebrity Cruises vessel.

Who should go? This an ideal cruise for older travelers who are new to cruising and want to sample one or frequent cruisers who might prefer a shorter time at sea. Although Celebrity doesn’t draw many families with young children, the shorter Bahamas itineraries are also perfect for multigenerational family groups seeking an affordable cruise that appeals to all ages.

4-night cruises on Virgin Voyages’ Scarlet Lady from Miami

Virgin Voyages aimed to be a disrupter in the cruise market from the beginning — creating a product designed to please even those who claim they would never set foot on a cruise ship. Yet the itinerary for this four-night Bahamas cruise on Scarlet Lady is fairly ordinary. Ports of call include Key West and a private beach club on the Bahamian island of Bimini.

It’s the ship itself that sets this cruise apart from the pack. You’ll find unique cabins (with balcony hammocks), brash red livery and one-of-a-kind onboard activities, such as tattoo parlors, drag shows and ‘80s-themed fitness classes, to keep its 2,700 sailors (as Virgin calls its passengers) entertained.

Who should go ? This is the best Bahamas cruise for the non-cruiser who is either young at heart or young and eager to party aboard this glitzy ship. If you’re easily offended by loud music, round-the-clock partying or sexual innuendo, this is not your Bahamas cruise.

4-day cruises on Norwegian Jade from Miami

Norwegian Cruise Line offers four-day sailings from Miami aboard Norwegian Jade. Ports of call include Key West and Great Stirrup Cay, the line’s private island.

Port diversions consist of touring the Key West Shipwreck Treasures Museum and the Key West Aquarium, shopping along Nassau’s Bay Street and exploring the white-sand beaches and pristine waters on Great Stirrup Cay.

The 2,402-passenger vessel is part of the line’s Jewel class of ships. Though the ship launched in 2006, it received a substantial refurbishment in 2017 that included a cabin remodel, new and expanded dining and a design overhaul.

Norwegian Jewel might not have the extensive top-deck attractions of newer ships, like Norwegian Prima, or as many restaurants and bars. However, passengers will find plenty to occupy their time onboard with scheduled activities, a casino, spa and pool areas.

Who should go? Families, couples and friend groups will appreciate the unstructured nature of a Norwegian cruise. The line’s “freestyle cruising” mantra — cruising without rigid dining schedules, dress codes and formal nights — is perfectly suited for short sailings. With a wide range of eateries and no assigned seating times, passengers have lots of flexibility for their limited time at sea.

Related: Best time to cruise to the Bahamas

5-night cruises on Carnival Sunshine from South Carolina

I am a huge lover of five-night sailings. They are long enough to scratch the cruise itch and short enough to account for travel time to and from the port without adding any extra vacation days. Plus, the slightly longer itineraries are less popular with hard partiers who can be disruptive on shorter Bahamas cruises.

Carnival Cruise Line offers 10 different five-night sailings from Charleston, South Carolina, aboard the 3,002-passenger Carnival Sunshine. It’s currently Carnival’s oldest ship (it debuted in 1996 under the name Carnival Destiny). However, in 2013, the line gave it a $200 million bow-to-stern glow-up and renamed it Carnival Sunshine. The overhaul produced a new top-deck WaterWorks water park, a comedy club and several bars, lounges and restaurants.

Depending on which itinerary you choose, you can chill out on the beaches of Bimini, shop Nassau’s iconic straw market or go horseback riding by the shore of Carnival’s private island, Half Moon Cay. Consider a pre- or post-cruise stay in Charleston to take in the city’s historic landmarks, epic dining and charming cobblestone streets.

Who should go? These cruises are the best Bahamas sailings for those who prefer the intimacy of an older ship and don’t care about flashy amenities and onboard attractions on newer vessels. Plus, they’re ideal for travelers who live north of Florida and are looking for a more convenient drive-to departure port.

8-night cruises on Carnival Venezia from New York City

The 4,090-passenger Carnival Venezia is a bit of an outlier in Carnival Cruise Line’s fleet. Originally built for Italy-based Costa Cruises and launched in 2019, it joined the Carnival family in May 2023. (Carnival Corporation is the parent company of both Costa and Carnival.)

The ship was renovated to add many of Carnival’s signature venues. However, many of its Costa-aligned, Italian-themed designs remain, including a real gondola “sailing” down the middle of its main dining room and a pool deck built to look like a Venetian boulevard.

Guests might feel like they’ve been whisked away to Italy thanks to regional touches like the handmade Italian gelato at JavaBlue Cafe and the Italian liqueur-infused concoctions found at many bars.

Two eight-night voyages out of New York City include stops at Freeport, Nassau and Half Moon Cay.

Who should go? This Bahamas cruise is ideal for anyone looking for a different Carnival experience during a weeklong cruise. It’s almost like traveling to Italy and the Bahamas in one trip.

Bottom line

The best Bahamas cruises offer something cruisers can’t quite get enough of — whether it’s beach time or party time. While short sailings are still the most popular Bahamas itineraries, you can find options for almost every cruising style. The key is identifying the cruise that fits your style, preferred activities and vacation budget.

Planning a cruise? Start with these stories:

• The 5 most desirable cabin locations on any cruise ship
• A beginners guide to picking a cruise line
• The 8 worst cabin locations on any cruise ship
• A quick guide to the most popular cruise lines
• 21 tips and tricks that will make your cruise go smoothly
• 15 ways cruisers waste money
• 15 best cruises for people who never want to grow up
• The ultimate guide to what to pack for a cruise

SPONSORED:  With states reopening, enjoying a meal from a restaurant no longer just means curbside pickup.

And when you do spend on dining, you should use a credit card that will maximize your rewards and potentially even score special discounts. Thanks to temporary card bonuses and changes due to coronavirus, you may even be able to score a meal at your favorite restaurant for free. 

These are the best credit cards for dining out, taking out, and ordering in to maximize every meal purchase.

Editorial Disclaimer: Opinions expressed here are the author’s alone, not those of any bank, credit card issuer, airlines or hotel chain, and have not been reviewed, approved or otherwise endorsed by any of these entities.

More From Forbes

7 things to do as soon as you board a cruise ship.

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Making the most of embarkation day can set you up for an enjoyable cruise vacation.

If you’ve never cruised before, embarking a modern vessel for the first time can be truly overwhelming. You don’t know what you don’t know, but by not doing certain things within the first hours, you risk spoiling your dream vacation.

The embarkation day process for a cruise is like a streamlined airport experience. Cruise lines provide a time window, usually from late morning to mid-afternoon, for arrival at the port.

Upon arrival, keep your boarding documents and ID ready. Once you’ve dropped off your luggage, cruise staff guide you to check-in where you'll present your ID, complete a health form, and receive your cruise card or wristband.

This card acts as a boarding pass, room key, and payment card onboard. Some lines offer keyless embarkation, allowing direct access to rooms and cards collected at the cabin. Before boarding, you'll go through a security line, albeit less rigorous than at an airport.

Once onboard, make sure to do these seven things as soon as you can. From checking your accommodations to enjoying the iconic sailaway, these steps ensure you maximize your onboard experience right from the start.

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The top 10 richest people in the world (may 2024), toyota s suv lineup is new and refreshed which one is right for you, check your accommodation thoroughly.

As soon as you enter your cabin, inspect everything to ensure it meets your expectations and everything is in working order. Check that all facilities, such as the shower, toilet flush, lights, and electrical outlets, function properly.

If there is anything amiss, this is the time to contact guest services. You should expect a long queue on embarkation day, but the sooner you identify an issue, the higher the chance of a quick resolution, especially if an alternative cabin may be required.

You should check your cruise ship cabin and meet your room steward as soon as you can on embarkation ... [+] day.

This time also gives you an opportunity to stow your valuables in the cabin safe, and freshen up if desired.

Meet Your Cabin Steward

Introduce yourself to your cabin steward . They are key to ensuring your stay is comfortable, and will most likely call on you as soon as they realize you have arrived.

Discuss any specific preferences or needs you might have, such as extra pillows or allergies, or mention if you are late sleepers, for example. If you have any queries about room service or laundry options, now is the time to ask.

Cabin stewards are always professional, but getting to know yours early can enhance your onboard experience significantly.

Book Everything

Modern cruise ships are home to a dazzling range of entertainment and dining options. Early booking is crucial for popular onboard activities, dining reservations, and shore excursions.

In some cases, popular activities may have sold out prior to the cruise. For those that need to be booked on board, visit the relevant information desk or use the onboard app to make all your bookings as soon as possible.

You should also check your allocated dining time, if you are on a ship that operates a fixed dining concept. If you’re unhappy with the allocation, visit the maitre’d to request a change.

Attend Muster

The only absolute must-do on the first day is the muster drill. Prior to the pandemic, many cruise lines still required physical attendance in the theater or other large venue to go through the cruise safety procedures .

Nowadays, almost all cruise lines offer a virtual muster experience. Typically, a safety video is available on the cabin TV (which must be watched before accessing other functions) or even on the cruise line app.

You may still need to attend your designated lifeboat station to have your name taken, but this is straightforward and takes mere minutes.

Take Advantage Of Ship Tours

When you arrive in your cabin, check your daily planner to see if there are any introductory tours or sessions offered by the cruise line.

Embarkation day can be hectic and overwhelming. Join a guided tour to get your bearings.

Ship tours are ideal for first-time cruisers unfamiliar with the ship’s layout and generally how things work on board.

Keep an eye out for embarkation day tours or introductory sessions at the spa, fitness center, or casino. These often include special promotions or offers to kickstart your cruise experience.

Airplane Mode

To avoid hefty roaming charges, switch your phone to airplane mode. While at sea, your device could inadvertently connect to a cellular maritime network , which incurs high costs or data.

Even if you don't actively use your phone, you might accrue a significant bill from background data usage by your apps before you even receive an SMS notification—if you receive one at all.

Most cruise ships offer Wi-Fi packages, so consider purchasing one if you need to stay connected. Remember, cruise line apps typically require connection to the ship’s Wi-Fi network, but you can use them without buying an internet package.

Alternatively, use this time to disconnect and enjoy the break from constant connectivity. If so, use the time before sailaway to send some farewell messages.

Enjoy Sailaway

The sailaway party is a cruise tradition not to be missed. On many lines, the top decks will host live music and festivities as the ship departs.

It’s the perfect time to grab a drink, meet other travelers, and take in the stunning views as you set sail on your adventure. If you want to toast the sailaway, be sure to get a drink in good time, as the bars will all be busy.

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CRUISE NIGHTLIFE

Adventures after hours.

Every Night

When you cruise with us, the thrills keep coming strong long after the sun sets. Discover a cruise nightlife filled with live concerts, dancing, karaoke, late-night laughs and bar-raising cocktails at entertainment venues and lounges that never come with a cover charge. It's the ultimate night out on the town – and you never have to leave the cruise ship to experience the best nightlife.

SPOTLIGHT KARAOKE

Sing along to your favorite show tunes, pop hits and rock ballads at Spotlight℠ Karaoke, an all-new venue where all eyes — and ears — are on you. Belt it out on the main stage in front of a crowd or host your own performance in a private room.

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At Music Hall, every evening highlights a different headliner. Rock out on the dance floor to some of the industry’s best cover bands or enjoy the show from the bar or one of the intimate lounge tables at this multi-level music venue.

starts here

Bionic Bar ®

Let robot bartenders code the perfect cocktail for you.

Vintages wine bar is where wine lists and to-do lists overlap.

The Hideaway Bar

Catch up with friends over craft cocktails with a view at Hideaway Bar.

Schooner Bar

Come for a cocktail, stay for a song at this lively late-night spot.

Trellis Bar

Enjoy your favorite drinks in Central Park®.

Playmakers℠ Bar & Arcade

It’s always game on at Playmakers℠ Sports Bar & Arcade.

The Lime and Coconut ®

Get your fill of sun-soaked sips and Caribbean cool at The Lime & Coconut®.

Pair your mojito with some live merengue at Boleros.

North Star Bar

Soak up the views, then savor the sips at North Star Bar.

Rising Tide Bar

Toast to a great getaway as you glide between decks at the Rising Tide Bar.

Solarium Bar

Savor all your favorite cocktails at this tranquil poolside retreat.

Suite Lounge

This lounge serves up serenity with a twist of lime.

Pool Bar & Sand Bar

Enjoy all your favorite drinks at one poolside spot.

Sunshine Bar

Grab a glass of fresh fruit juice or your favorite fruity cocktail at this Quantum Class go-to.

English Pub

Laughs, libations, and live music served here.

Toast to vintage vibe with classic cocktails at R Bar.

Take a sip and get to stepping on the dance floor.

Wipe Out Bar

Follow up your surf lesson with a sip session.

The Bamboo Room

Savor island-inspired drinks at this tropi-cool cocktail bar.

Two70® delivers imaginative artistry with your favorite cocktail.

Champagne Bar

Pop a bottle, raise a glass, and elevate your getaway at the Champagne Bar.

The Overlook℠ Bar & Pods

Level up your night at The Overlook lounge and The Overlook Pods.

Desserted℠ Milkshake Bar

Treat your whole crew to over-the-top milkshakes, including boozy adults-only options at Desserted.

1400℠ Lobby Bar

Mix it up with upscale cocktails and a vintage vibe at 1400℠ Lobby Bar.

Point and Feather℠

Always score a good time at Point & Feather, an English pub pouring up pints and spirits.

Dueling Pianos℠

Dueling Pianos brings a new scale of sing-alongs with high-energy performances.

Viking Crown Lounge ®

Come for the cocktails, stay for the views.

Add a little sparkle to your day at Bubbles, a champagne bar that’s always poppin’.

Lou’s Jazz ‘n Blues℠

Jive to the house band’s sweet, soulful beats at Lou’s Jazz ’n Blues.

Cantina Fresca℠

Enjoy the boldest Mexican cocktails at sea all day long.

High above the sea, Vue Bar offers refreshing drinks and awe-inspiring views on deck.

Pesky Parrot℠

This exotic enclave is the perfect tropical spot for fruit-based cocktails and spirited concoctions.

The Lemon Post℠ Bar

Cool down from your Surfside℠ adventures at this hangout mixing up drinks from two menus. One for grownup drinks with a fun twist, and one for kid-approved sips.

Rye & Bean℠

Rye & Bean serves the perfect caffeine fix to perk up your day or night.

DISCOVERIES FROM

DAY TO NIGHT

The boldest cruise ships in the world are filled with memory maxing thrills and unforgettable experiences that keep the adventure going from day to night. These deckside hotspots and onboard attractions are open all day — but come back after dark and you’re in for a totally different vibe full of celebration and the hottest bars.

CARIBBEAN COOL

Get ready for sun-soaked lounging and tropical sips at the coolest island bar at sea. The Lime and Coconut℠ dials up the vacay vibes with DJs, live music and two bars slinging drinks all day and night.

GRAVITY DEFYING FUN

Feel your adrenaline pumping as you float weightless in the air on the only skydiving simulator at sea. At night, Ripcord® by iFly® glows with dazzling neon lights, creating a whole new thrilling experience after dark.

TAKE THE PLUNGE

Get ready to earn some serious bragging rights when you conquer the tallest slide at sea, Ultimate Abyss℠. It’s a twisting, turning adrenaline-charged ride down ten stories — and it’s even more thrilling at night.

VIRTUAL THRILLS

What do you get when you combine a bungee trampoline with virtual reality? A one-of-a-kind, out-of-this-world experience. Strap in, put on your virtual reality headset, and spring into a new world of adventure on the Sky Pad®.

SKY’S THE LIMIT

The tallest viewing deck on a cruise ship, North Star® is a great spot to enjoy views during the day — but it’s just as magical at night. Score dazzling views of the night sky, then raise at glass at the North Star® Bar.

UNWIND AFTER DARK

After a day packed with adventure, wind down in one of the whirlpools at the adults-only Solarium. They’re open even after the sun sets, so you can kick back beneath a sky full of stars.

SURPRISE & DELIGHT ON EVERY DECK

One of the best things about cruising with our cruises is that each day — and night — is full of wow-worthy surprises, imaginative events and unexpected ways to play, from impromptu parades and themed parties on the Royal Promenade, to inventive cocktails at The Bamboo Room and captivating views from the pool deck.

TOTAL TIME WARP

Whether it’s a mystery masquerade, a traditional toga party, a disco-themed boogie brigade or an ‘80s-inspired extravaganza, you never know what kinds of surprise events and activities might pop up on the day’s itinerary.

IT’S TIKI TIME

This tiki-chic lounge buzzes from afternoon until late at night, transporting you to a Polynesian paradise with every sip. Feeling adventurous? The talented bartenders here will be happy to recommend an island-inspired cocktail with your tastes in mind.

LATE-NIGHT FLICKS

Rally up your besties and settle in on some lounge chairs — we are taking movie night poolside. From current flicks to much-loved classic films, you’re in for a blockbuster evening at sea under the dazzling night sky.

GET YOUR GAME ON

If you’re looking for a classic sports bar experience, this is your spot. Come for the signature Playmakers burger, tasty buffalo wings, icy-cold draughts and the massive four-scoop Touchdown Sundae. Then stay for the classic arcade games and all your favorite sports showcased live on dozens of screens. Whether you stop in for lunch, dinner, or late-night bites and brews, it’s always game on at Playmakers℠ Sports Bar & Arcade.

GOOD TIMES ON TAP

Nearly every cruise ship in our fleet has an English pub. From the Crown & Kettle onboard Explorer of the Seas®, to the Bow & Stern onboard Allure of the Seas®, each one of these UK-inspired taprooms will transport you across the pond to lively Portsmouth or vibrant Liverpool. Order a pint of your favorite brew or enjoy some whiskey or gin as you listen to live music at this fan-favorite hangout.

 EXPLORE MORE

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Ukraine-Russia war latest: 'Large fire' as Russia hits port city with ballistic missile

A Russian ballistic missile struck a postal depot in the Ukrainian port of Odesa and injured 14 people. Meanwhile, drone attacks have targeted Russian energy infrastructure, according to officials. Listen to a Daily podcast on whether the UK should send troops to Ukraine as you scroll.

Thursday 2 May 2024 09:11, UK

• 'Large fire' in Ukrainian port city after missile strike
• Drone attacks 'damage Russian energy infrastructure'
• Your questions answered: Why can't Ukraine destroy key Crimean bridge?
• Listen to the Sky News Daily above and  tap here  to follow wherever you get your podcasts
• Live reporting by Lauren Russell  and (earlier)  Bhvishya Patel 

As we have been reporting, 14 people were injured after a Russian ballistic missile struck a postal depot in the Ukrainian port of Odesa late last night. 

It was the third missile attack on the city in three days, according to regional governor Oleh Kiper.

The head of the Nova Poshta postal and courier company, Volodymyr Popereshniuk, said on Facebook that all 18 employees on duty had made their way safely to a bomb shelter before the missile hit a loading section of the depot. 

Watch below as firefighters tackled the huge blaze caused by the strike.

Ukraine is working on seven new bilateral agreements, including with the US, Volodymyr Zelenskyy has said.

In his evening address last night, the president said he was working with a team on the "specific details" of the documents and said some preliminary texts had already been finalised.

Kyiv has already signed agreements with the UK, Germany, France, Denmark, Canada, Italy, the Netherlands, Finland, and Latvia since January.

The agreements are aimed at providing support and security assurances to Ukraine while it awaits NATO membership, Mr Zelenskyy said.

"Obviously, any means of increasing our protection against Russian terror are given special priority," he said in his address.

In one day on the frontline, there were 121 combat engagements, according to the general staff of the armed forces of Ukraine. 

Russia launched a total of five missiles, 63 airstrikes and 72 multiple launch rocket system attacks on 1 May, targeting positions of Ukrainian troops and various settlements, the force said in a statement on Facebook.

It said Ukrainian troops repelled around 59 Russian attacks in the eastern region of Dontesk - 39 in the direction of Avdiivka, and 20 towards Bakhmut.

This is important to note as yesterday we reported that Russia's focus on the battlefield may be shifting north of Avdiivka, towards Chasiv Yar.

If captured, Chasiv Yar would be of strategic importance to Russia, making it easier for them to advance further in the east, leading thinktank Institute for the Study of War said.

Following on from our last post, we have the latest images from the scene in Odesa after 14 people were injured in a strike on a postal depot.  

Regional governor Oleh Kiper said a large fire broke out after the ballistic missile strike, causing severe damage to what looks like a warehouse. 

Firefighters were pictured this morning continuing to spray water on the area to ensure the blaze was out.

We have more now on reports we brought you last night on missile strikes in Odesa.

A Russian ballistic missile struck a postal depot in the Ukrainian port and injured 14 people.

Regional governor Oleh Kiper said it had also triggered a large fire. 

Mr Kiper, writing on Telegram, said one of the injured required hospital treatment.

The head of the Nova Poshta postal and courier company, Volodymyr Popereshniuk, said on Facebook that all 18 employees on duty had made their way safely to a bomb shelter before the missile hit a loading section of the depot.

Odesa is a frequent target of Russian attacks and missiles have hit sites in the city over the past two days, killing eight people.

Drone attacks have damaged energy infrastructure in Russian regions overnight, according to officials. 

In western Russia's Smolensk, governor Vasily Anokhin said on Telegram  drones had "attacked" the area.

"The enemy attempted to cause damage to a civilian energy infrastructure facility. There were no casualties. Emergency and law enforcement services are at the scene," he said.

He did not say what particular facilities had been targeted.

Elsewhere, Ukrainian drones damaged energy infrastructure and caused power cuts in Russia's central Oryol region, the regional governor said this morning. 

Andrei Klychkov wrote on Telegram the damage was caused as air defence units intercepted the drones over the Glazunovsky and Sverdlovsky districts. 

He made no mention of casualties.

Many drone attacks in recent months have targeted oil refineries and depots.

Welcome back to our coverage of the war in Ukraine.

Russia attacked the southern Ukrainian city of Odesa last night in what marked its third strike on the port this week.

Missiles hit a depot belonging to postal and courier company Nova Poshta, causing a large fire to erupt. The firm said there were no casualties among its staff.

Before we start bringing you live updates today, here's a brief rundown of the other key events of the past 24 hours:

• Two people died and six people were injured - including an 11-year-old boy - after Russian guided bombs struck the region of Kharkiv;
• Volodymyr Zelenskyy formally dismissed the Ukrainian security service's cybersecurity chief;
• Military analysts said Russia's focus on the battlefield may be shifting north of Avdiivka, with troops appearing to be concentrating more in the direction of Chasiv Yar;
• Keeping on Chasiv Yar, drone footage released by Ukraine's police patrol showed the scale of bombardment in the city. Russian aggression is thought to be focusing there due to its potential to lead to cities further in the east;
• The US imposed new Russia-related sanctions on hundreds of individuals and entities, including three people linked to the death of Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny.

The map below shows the territorial picture in Ukraine...

We're wrapping up our live updates of the Ukraine war for this evening, but will be back soon with more updates.

In the meantime, scroll through the blog below to catch up on the latest events.

A Ukrainian drone attack has  damaged power lines in southern Russia's Kursk region, the local governor has said. 

The attack has left the village of Ponyri without power. 

Regional governor Roman Starovoit said the drone had been downed and repair crews are on site to restore power. 

As we reported earlier, tonight's missile attack on Odesa is the third reportedly carried out by Russian forces since Monday.

The city, particularly its port infrastructure, has been a frequent target of Moscow's during the war.

On 29 April, a Russian missile struck an educational institution in a seafront park in the port city, killing at least five people and injuring 32 others.

Among the wounded were eight people in a serious condition, including a four-year-old child, regional governor Oleh Kiper said. A pregnant woman was also hurt.

He said that in addition to those killed in the attack, a man later died after suffering a stroke related to the strike.

Footage showed the roof of the ornate building destroyed by fire.

Mr Kiper said another Russian missile attacked killed three people and injured three others in Odesa overnight on Tuesday.

He said the strike was carried out by a ballistic missile but didn't provide further details.

The attack also damaged civilian infrastructure, he said.

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