hookup travel japan

Tokyo's Trendy Hookup Hangouts

Tokyo, a bustling prefecture in Japan, stands as one of the most renowned destinations, closely followed by Osaka and Kyoto. Offering a plethora of attractions, from bars and nightclubs to unique adult entertainment venues like the soaplands in the famed Yoshiwara brothel district. On the other hand, there are many opportunities to meet women in general, and it's a lively place. In many areas, the sight of men picking up women can be observed. This time, knowledge worth knowing for succeeding in hookups in Tokyo will be shared.

Navigating Tokyo's Hookup Scene

In Tokyo, the art of hooking up, known as "nanpa," is a culturally accepted practice where individuals may engage in casual conversations with strangers on the streets, potentially leading to shared meals or other activities together.  Here, tips for successfully picking up will be introduced.

Cleanliness

Maintaining cleanliness is paramount, especially when interacting with Japanese women who often prioritize appearance and notice even the smallest details. While men may not always notice these nuances among themselves, women tend to have higher standards and pay attention to factors like clean nails, fresh breath, and overall hygiene. Failing to address these aspects can be off-putting, particularly if you're attempting to lean in for a kiss or engage in close conversation. Ensure you shower and thoroughly clean yourself before heading out for the night and attempting to connect with local Japanese women.

In Japan, having a sense of style is highly valued and admired. Both men and women embrace a wide array of fashion trends and styles, with many individuals dedicating considerable effort to maintaining their appearance. Tokyo, in particular, is known for its fashion-forward culture, where girls often opt for high-end brand items, aiming for a cute yet sophisticated look. Sporting overly casual attire, such as t-shirts and shorts or ripped jeans paired with a baggy hoodie, may not be well-received and some establishments may turn you away if your attire is too casual.

Whether to maintain or shave facial hair is a personal choice, but there's a clear distinction between sporting a well-groomed beard or mustache and allowing facial hair to grow unkempt. Similarly, whether you have long, short, or no hair, it's essential to consider the preferences of the person you're talking to. Messy hair, such as bedhead, can detract from your appearance, so ensure your hair is brushed, untangled, and styled appropriately using products like a hair iron or gel. Taking these grooming steps is basic maintenance for your appearance in Japan.

Japanese Speaking Level

While English education is compulsory in Japanese high schools, many individuals feel hesitant to speak English with fluent speakers unless they are particularly confident or have a desire to learn the language. However, having basic conversational skills in Japanese is usually sufficient for engaging in conversations with girls and enjoying a pleasant evening together.

If you lack conversational proficiency in Japanese, it's advisable to familiarize yourself with some basic phrases that you can use when conversing with girls and inviting them to spend time alone together. While fluency may not be required, a genuine attempt to bridge the language barrier can significantly improve your chances of connecting with Japanese women.

Communication

Even if you're not proficient in Japanese, learning and memorizing just one or two phrases can make a positive impression when interacting with girls. Alternatively, you can rely on non-verbal communication through hand gestures and convey your bright and charming personality. Remember, genuine enthusiasm and a friendly demeanor can often transcend language barriers and foster meaningful connections. So, don't hesitate to engage with Japanese women, even if your language skills are limited.

Cautionary Notes for Foreigners Hooking Up with Japanese Girls

Here are some guidelines to consider when seeking to hook up with Japanese girls. While it is best to be careful ultimately, hooking up should be an enjoyable experience. Approach interactions with Japanese girls while being a gentleman, and focus on having fun and building connections.

Age Restrictions

The establishments mentioned in this guide are exclusively for adults. It is common for staff at nightlife spots, such as nightclubs, to request identification upon entry to verify age. Additionally, if you appear particularly youthful and are out late at night, you may attract attention from law enforcement who could ask for identification and inquire about your occupation. Therefore, it's essential to carry your passport or ID with you at all times to avoid any issues.

Language Barrier

One of the primary challenges when pursuing relationships with Japanese women is the language barrier. While multilingualism can be an attractive trait, if you're unable to converse fluently in Japanese, it may hinder initial interest from potential partners. Learn basic Japanese phrases and use translation devices to communicate.

It's imperative to prioritize safe sex practices and utilize protection to minimize the risk of sexually transmitted infections or diseases.

It's important to be cautious of individuals who appear overly eager to engage in sexual activities, as they may be attempting to deceive you. Some individuals may claim to be of legal age but are actually underage, seeking to extort money from you to avoid involving the authorities. Additionally, be wary of individuals who attempt to separate you from your valuables, as they may intend to steal from you and leave you alone in your hotel room.

Furthermore, be wary of individuals soliciting paid sexual services on the streets, a practice known as "tachinbo." Engaging in such activities is illegal under Japan's anti-prostitution laws, and both you and the soliciting individual could face legal consequences if caught.

Tokyo Hookup Spots

Image Source: Google Maps

Introduced below are some specific shops and areas within Tokyo where you can increase your chances of walking home or a hotel with a beautiful lady for an enjoyable night.

Nightclubs found in Roppongi and Shibuya are recommended as prime locations for hitting on girls and hooking up for several reasons. Firstly, the lively and energetic atmosphere in nightclubs creates a sense of excitement and spontaneity, making people more open to social interactions and new connections. Additionally, the dim lighting and pulsating music provide a conducive environment for flirting and building rapport. Moreover, the social nature of nightclubs encourages mingling and dancing, allowing for natural opportunities to initiate conversations and showcase one's personality. Overall, the dynamic atmosphere of nightclubs lends itself well to the thrill of flirting and the potential for memorable hookups.

Recommended Nightclubs in Tokyo

1. v2 tokyo.

Welcome to V2 Tokyo, a premier nightclub offering a luxurious experience like no other. They have strict ID checks and dress code so make sure to dress up. With multiple lounges available for reservation, you can indulge in drinks while showcasing your attractiveness to any potential ladies you encounter. The VIP booths exude an exclusive atmosphere, enhancing the mood and setting the scene for an unforgettable night out.

• 106-0032 Tokyo, Minato Ward, Roppongi, 7-13-7, Tower of Vabel 1F/B1F

[Entry Fee]

• Weekday: From 2,000 JPY for 1 drink ticket
• Ladies: Free Admission
• Weekend: From 4,000 JPY for 2 drink tickets

[Opening Hours]

• 9:00 pm - 5:00 am

Website: https://www.v2tokyo.com/

Since its establishment in 1997, Harlem has been a stalwart supporter of the hip-hop scene in Japan, earning recognition as the "holy land of hip-hop." Over the years, it has grown into a renowned name domestically and internationally. Harlem's allure, drawing over 160,000 visitors throughout its existence, provides ample opportunities to meet numerous ladies.

• 150-0044 Tokyo, Shibuya Ward, Maruyama-Cho, 2-4, Dr. Jeekahn’s 2F & 3F

*Price changes depending on the event.

• Monday - Saturday: 10:00 pm - 5:00 am
• Sunday: Closed

Website: http://www.harlem.co.jp/  

Bars are often recommended for hookups due to their conducive environment for socializing and forging connections. Unlike nightclubs, bars offer a more relaxed atmosphere where individuals can engage in casual conversations and get to know each other over drinks. Whether in bustling areas like Shibuya, Shinjuku, and Roppongi the dim lighting and cozy setting provide a sense of intimacy, fostering a comfortable space for flirting and building chemistry. Moreover, the diverse clientele in bars provides ample opportunities to meet new people with varying interests and backgrounds, enhancing the chances of finding a compatible partner for a memorable hookup.

Recommended Bars in Tokyo

1. cocoro dokoro.

Immerse yourself in the inviting ambiance of this cozy establishment, offering an atmosphere reminiscent of a club with a more intimate feel. While weekdays offer the usual bar atmosphere, weekends feature special DJ events where you can sip on your favorite drinks while enjoying music and lively vibes. The shop has some English menus making it a relatively foreigner friendly place with ladies wanting to meet people from overseas so it is a great place to meet potential dates.

• 150-0042 Tokyo, Shibuya Ward, Udagawa-Cho, 10-1, Park Bldg. 3F

[Price Range]

• Drinks from 660 JPY

*Free entry

• Monday - Thursday: 5:00 pm - 11:00 pm
• Friday - Saturday: 7:00 pm - 5:00 am

Website: https://www.cocorodokoro.tokyo/  

2. HUB Shibuya Center-Gai Store

HUB is a highly popular and renowned British-themed pub, celebrated for its nostalgic ambiance and sense of familiarity, making it a hub for foreign patrons. Japanese locals frequenting this establishment often seek interaction with overseas visitors. With both bar stools and standing tables available, customers find it effortless to mingle and engage in conversation.

• 150-0042 Tokyo, Shibuya Ward, Udagawa-Cho, 22-2, Shibuya Nishimura Sohonten Bldg. B1F
• Drinks from 460 JPY
• Monday - Thursday: 4:00 pm - 2:00 am
• Friday: 4:00 pm - 4:00 am
• Saturday: 2:00 pm - 4:00 am
• Sunday: 2:00 pm - 1:00 am

Website: https://www.pub-hub.com/index.php/shop/detail

Aisekiya shops, including those in Shibuya and Roppongi, are excellent places to meet women for several reasons. Firstly, these establishments are specifically designed for social interaction, providing a comfortable and casual environment conducive to meeting new people. The setup encourages patrons to engage in conversation with each other, making it easier to strike up a dialogue with women. Additionally, the relaxed atmosphere of aisekiya shops allows individuals to let their guard down, fostering a more open and approachable demeanor.

1. Aiseki-ya Shibuya

Image Source: Google Map

Aiseki-ya is a highly popular aiseki establishment with numerous branches across Japan. Featuring a diverse menu of meal options and drinks, conveniently ordered via a tablet at your seat, this venue offers a unique experience akin to speed dating in a restaurant setting. It serves as a social hub for meeting new people, allowing you to engage in conversation with various individuals while sharing a meal or drink together.

• 150-0041 Tokyo, Shibuya Ward, Jinnan, 1-22-10, Minagawa Bldg. 5F

[Service Fee]

• Monday - Thursday: 715 JPY for 10 minutes
• Friday - Sunday (Public Holidays): 825 JPY for 10 minutes

*Entry fee 605 JPY for men only.

• Saturday - Wednesday: 5:00 pm - 5:00 am
• Thursday - Friday: 5:00 pm - 6:00 am

Website: https://aiseki-ya.com/shop/shibuya2/  

2. W The Lounge Shibuya Store

W The Lounge is an upscale lounge designed for men to socialize and potentially connect with new women. The men are billed based on the duration of their stay, which includes access to unlimited drinks, allowing them to indulge in a wide selection of beverages while engaging in conversations with various women. Although not guaranteed, the staff will make efforts to accommodate seating preferences and facilitate interactions between others.

• 150-0042 Tokyo, Shibuya Ward, Udagawa-Cho, 13-8, Chitose Kaikan, 5F
• Weekdays: from 500 JPY
• Weekends: from 600 JPY

*Due to changes in prices for shared seating depending on the time of entry, the actual cost may vary from the prices mentioned above.

*Prices include tax and all you can drink for 10 minutes.

*Entry fee 550 JPY for men only.

• 6:00 pm - 5:00 am

Website: https://double-the-lounge.com/  

Street Nanpa

Finding hookups on the streets of Tokyo requires confidence, approachability, and respect for boundaries. Shibuya Hachiko, a bustling spot where people gather and wait, offers ample opportunities for chance encounters. It's not uncommon to find individuals, including some girls dressed to impress, waiting for potential nanpa opportunities.

However, it's essential to exercise caution in certain areas like Kabukicho, known for its nightlife but also for its potential dangers. In such places, there's a risk of encountering individuals who may be underage or involved in illegal activities. It's crucial to prioritize safety and be vigilant of your surroundings.

On the other hand, Ikebukuro is another bustling area teeming with people, offering promising prospects for finding hookups. With its vibrant atmosphere and diverse crowd, your chances of meeting someone compatible are relatively high.

As you navigate the streets of Tokyo, maintain an open and friendly demeanor, strike up conversations with those you find attractive, and be respectful of personal boundaries. By following these guidelines and exercising caution in certain areas, you can increase your chances of finding hookups while enjoying your time in Tokyo.

Shibuya: Front of Hachiko Statue

Image Source: https://blog.goo.ne.jp/keelongkeelong/e/ea3a00aad26583c4d2903fc578ed086f

Shibuya, the youth heartland, is buzzing with fashion-forward individuals. The area around the Hachiko Statue is not only a popular rendezvous point but also a melting pot of trends and styles. To blend in and catch someone's eye, dressing fashionably can make a significant difference. The constant flow of people offers endless chances to strike up a conversation, but doing so with a sense of style enhances your appeal.

Ginza: Corridor Street

Image Source: https://korido-navi.com/#google_vignette

Ginza's Corridor Street, adorned with luxury brands, exudes sophistication. Here, the crowd is mature, favoring refined tastes and conversations. Adopting an elegant dress code and a respectful manner of speech is key to making a good impression. The adult ambiance calls for a polished approach, where quality interactions can lead to meaningful connections.

Ikebukuro: Sunshine Street

Image Source: https://wacca.tokyo/tsunagari/ikebukuro-night/

Sunshine Street in Ikebukuro is a hub of activity, attracting students and office workers alike. Its lively atmosphere is best matched with a casual, friendly approach. Dressing in a relaxed yet presentable manner and engaging in cheerful conversations can open doors to new friendships. The area's diverse attractions provide plenty of topics to talk about, from shopping to entertainment.

Shinjuku: Near Shinjuku Station and Kabukicho

Near Shinjuku Station and Kabukicho lies a dynamic mix of nightlife, entertainment, and urban culture. This district's variety demands adaptability, dressing according to the Time, Place, and Occasion (TPO), and tailoring your approach to the person you're meeting. Kabukicho, in particular, is a microcosm of Tokyo's diverse population, offering a chance to meet an array of individuals if one navigates the scene wisely.

Merging these insights, Tokyo's landscape emerges as a playground for social adventurers. Each district presents a unique set of unwritten rules influenced by its predominant crowd and culture. Adapting your style, conversation, and mannerisms to fit the vibe of each location not only respects the local ambiance but also significantly increases your chances of a successful encounter. Whether you're drawn to the chic streets of Ginza or the eclectic alleys of Kabukicho, Tokyo is a city that rewards those who are mindful and adaptable in their approach to meeting new people.

In Tokyo, there are numerous venues where you can seek out a partner for a one-night stand. Take the time to explore the diverse array of options available, and enjoy your experiences without appearing overly desperate for a sexual encounter. By maintaining a fun and enjoyable atmosphere, you'll naturally attract women who are drawn to your positive energy. Engage in conversation and connections organically, and you may find yourself successfully hooking up later in the evening. Remember to prioritize enjoyment and mutual respect in all interactions so you can enjoy your unique time in Japan.

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Best Apps for Hooking Up in Tokyo

Our favorite dating apps to use for meeting new people in tokyo..

by The Tokyo Night Owl 219.5k Views 2 Comments

You have arrived in Tokyo, single and ready to mingle. You know the popular dating apps back at home, but what apps do the Japanese use? And which apps have users that can speak English?

Well, Japan is no stranger to dating apps and services. Often referred to as “deai-kei ” (online dating) or “konkatsu” (looking for a marriage partner), Japan has plenty of dating services available.

However, when it comes to apps with an English interface and real Japanese users, only a few mobile apps are worth downloading.

Here are our favorite dating apps available in English with both active Japanese and foreign users that are looking to date or just to hook up!

Tinder needs no introduction, its simple swipe left or right function has made it a must download dating app worldwide.

Since making its official debut in Tokyo in early 2015, Tinder has become the definitive app for meeting both traveling foreign users and English speaking Japanese users.

What we like:

• There are loads of active users in Tokyo.
• With the Tinder Plus features, users can start making matches before they arrive in Japan.
• A decent option for gay or bisexual users.
• An excellent app for making quick “friends.”
• The interface is easy to navigate.

What we don’t like:

• Male users spam the ladies.
• Loads of sketchy users, and prostitutes.

Download the App: https://tinder.com/

Bumble’s unique feature that puts women in control of initiating the conversation after a match provides a far less sleazy environment. The app isn’t quite as popular as Tinder though, so the number of English speaking users are less. Best stick to this app if you are strictly looking for foreigners living in Tokyo.

• Plenty of foreign female users
• The quality of the users are higher than most dating apps
• Women must message first
• Not nearly as much spam as Tinder
• Few active Japanese users
• For the ladies, if you are shy, this may not be the app for you.

Download the App: https://bumble.com/

Hatch is a newcomer to the dating app scene in Japan. It has already seen a boost in usage with the young Japanese university and the foreign crowd.

Similar to Bumble, Hatch requires the female users to message first after a match. But, unique to Hatch is its Stop Light Color status system. Green = Up for some fun, serious relationships or whatever. Yellow = Only looking for serious relationships. Red = Just friends, please.

Also, a particularly unique feature of Hatch is that user profiles display what language they speak. You can even filter your search by language, making it even easier to find your match in Tokyo.

What we like :

• Young and energetic user base.
• The unique Stop Light Color System
• Language filters
• Hatch is throwing loads of branded parties around Tokyo. Follow their socials https://www.facebook.com/canwehatch/
• It is a new app, so the user count is less than other mainstream apps.

Download the App: https://canwehatch.com/en/index.html

Click the NEXT BUTTON for more Dating Apps

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City Guide: Tokyo, Japan

The following (epic) city guide was contributed by Tim from  Tokyo Night Owl .

Tokyo in a word: Yabai!

Chance of Hooking up: 3/ 5 Quality of Girls: 5/5 [author might have yellow fever bias.] Nightlife: 5/ 5 Smoking tolerance: 1/ 5 

Drinks: $7 (700 yen) or higher for a pint of beer in most bars/clubs outside of Happy Hour.

Hotel (with your own room/privacy): $100 USD and up near a good location like Shibuya or Roppongi.

While it may sound like romanticism, Tokyo is a koan in motion. It’s one of the most chaotic and stimulating places on the planet and the largest metropolitan area in the world. And yet, through all the people, energy, and noise, the city is interspersed with moments of silence, serenity, and zen.

Skyscrapers next to zen gardens, mass conformity alongside technological innovation, chaotic stations with silent passengers… If you don’t feel the contradiction on first arrival, you definitely will when the first seductive woman strolls past with a Hello Kitty purse.

Looks and Personality:

While there’s beautiful girls all over Japan, nowhere else in the country will you find a comparable congregation like you will in Tokyo. Many girls from outside of Tokyo will also have vacations in the city at various times of the year. In general, the girls in Tokyo are incredibly fashion/appearance conscious and relatively Westernized compared to other parts of Japan.

Physically, Japanese women are not as curvaceous and voluptuous as women in other parts of the world, but they take great care in their appearance and the overwhelming majority are thin. They show off their legs at any time of the year (even in the depths of winter).

Personality wise, many of the girls may seem to exude a high level of naiveté, but rest assured, they know what’s up. “Girls don’t always mean what they say” is an understatement in Japan, it’s even more pronounced. The Japanese even have a phrase for it: honne (true feelings) and tatamae (the “façade” ). Make sure you hit those honne buttons !

Being a foreigner with decent game/confidence might get you 5s and 6s right off the bat, but if you are aiming for the stunners (8,9,10), you need a bit of language (Naughty Nomad has always hammered this point home!) You don’t need to be fluent in Japanese, but at least read up on a few lines before you start approaching girls in rapid speed English.

Tip: Eigo daijobu deska? (Do you speak English?/ Is English ok?) She’ll probably say no (even if she might know some ), but it’s about making the effort, having fun with it, and, at the very least, speaking slowly.

If you are in Japan for more than a week, you are also bound to hear of “gaijin hunters” (gaijin is the Japanese word for foreigners). These are girls with a preference for foreigners, and while a few can be found at international parties (these parties will also be home to some foreign girls too), don’t go expecting multiple renditions of Maria Ozawa. You can find the full list of parties here .

If you’re looking for wingmen, or just online discussion with guys who are also dating Japanese women, Japan Lair recently re-launched (after closing down for months to disassociate with RSD).

As far as online dating, Tinder just entered the Japanese market in 2014. Tinder Premium would allow you to Swipe Yes or Swipe No before you even arrive.

Facial composite of average Japanese female.

And finally, if you are a single guy headed to Tokyo, then here is mandatory reading: Japanese Girls: The Guide . It’s a bit pricey, but the information is invaluable, and the book will save you a ton of time if you read it before arrival.

Demographics:

13.22 million people in Tokyo with 8.996 million living within Tokyo’s 23 wards as of 2005 (it’s surely more now). The most common foreign nationalities (as of 2005) found in Tokyo are Chinese (123,661), Korean (106,697), Filipino (31,077), American (18,848), British (7,696), Brazilian (5,300) and French (3,000).

In a word: homogenous.

Drugs and Tattoos:

The drug scene in Tokyo is incredibly hush-hush and extremely strict. It is a drinking culture and drugs are extremely taboo and associated with organized crime. Clubs can deny you entry if you have an exposed tattoo, even if it’s Buddha, so cover up if you are unsure.

Keep in mind, you can be detained for 21 days guilty until proven innocent for minor possession.

And with more contradictions…there are a load of “legal” shops that offer very potent (and possibly dangerous) alternatives to common drugs such as marijuana and cocaine. But be warned: (1) there is no way to know how safe the substances you buy at these shops and (2) some of this will knock you on your ass far more than a joint would. Tread with caution.

The Nightlife

The two epicenters are Shibuya and Roppongi: both with different vibes. Sure, you can find parties in Shinjuku and bars in Akasaka, but this is typically not where the masses go for nightlife.

Tokyo parties last from evening until dawn (and then some).

Bars tend to bustle from 6 pm – last train ( 1 am). Peak time in clubs is 1 am – 3 am. Clubs tend to steadily die down until about 5 am- 6 am depending on the club. Afterhours tends to extend from 6 am onward. Most after-hours are in Roppongi, many lasting until far into the next day.

Much more foreigner friendly; and tends to have girls that are a bit more curious too.

• Jumanji (low budget all night)
• Greenland (low budget all night)
• Feria (high budget)
• Color (high budget)
• Brand Tokyo (high budget, tends to be fewer foreigners but expect less English)
• Camelot (low budget, if early)
• Atom (low budget, if early)
• Harlem (low budget, if early)
• Vision (high budget)
• Womb (high budget)
• Ageha (Shuttle Bus)- actual club is in Shin Kiba about a 25 minute bus ride away.
• Club Axciss (last resort option if stuck in Shinjuku)
• Gatsby House (high budget)

For more in-depth info, please join the Tokyo Night Owl newsletter . There will be plenty of tips, news, and discounts within it.

This is the Japanese for karaoke (KA-RA-O-KE):

Karaoke in Japanese

• Hub $ ( www.hubtokyo.com ) – The Hub here is one of the busiest in the city. Definitely worth a stop by and a drink.
• Bar Quest $ (quasi club, but also plenty of spots to sit and cheap/usually no entry charge)
• A971 $$- Classy and professional.
• Rigoletto Roppongi $$$ – Actually a restaurant but the bar is always packed. Older and professional crowd.
• R2 $$$$- Classy and professional, but tends to be older and or working girls here (high end working girls).
• Console $$$$$- Girls bar where all the girls have at least a moderate level of English.
• Hub $ ( www.hubtokyo.com )- Typical mock British Pub. There are three in Shibuya.
• Coins Bar $ – Most drinks are around 300 yen. There is usually a minor table charge per guest as well. Really casual place, good projector to watch sports, some hip hop nights, and overall, a good mix of cool chicks and people.
• Dubliners, Irish Pub $$- I’m only mentioning this for the Nomad. Talent in here is pretty low, but little to no Japanese required and it’s Irish.
• Dubliners $$- Yes, there’s another one of these here as well.
• There’s also plenty of “Girl’s Bars” in Shinjuku. They can be a good laugh and warm up/close out for the night. I’d recommend Tank Girls ( http://tank-girls.com , but you’ll need someone who speaks Japanese to get in).

If you’d like a fully customizable nightlife experience, please use the contact form on Tokyo Night Owl and I (or another member of the site) can advise you.

Where and when to go?

I’d highly suggest Yoyogi Park; Sundays are jam-packed with all sorts of characters, especially with good weather. Great for a date or for meeting its nearby Shibuya and Shinjuku (see train map below). The shopping areas in Shinjuku and the streets of Shibuya are also where a lot of girls spend their time when they aren’t at work or in university.

• Omotosendo (Classy girls shopping, home to many high-end brands)
• Shinjuku (Classy girls shopping, students, etc. It’s the busiest train station in Japan)
• Shibuya (Younger/Mix, Shopping/Club girls, Busiest pedestrian crossing in Japan)
• Roppongi (Mix/Older, Shopping/Club girls)
• Hiroo (Upscale, Good for Dates)
• Nakameguro* (Upscale, Good for Dates)- Beautiful river.
• Asakusa (Fellow tourists from all over the world; it’s the traditional aspect of Tokyo- worth a visit and you may meet a like-minded tourist)

* If it’s sakura season (that one magical week a year, usually falling on the last week of March or first week of April), these spots take precedence over everything – even nightlife. Everyone is getting drunk in the day time with sakura petals flying through the wind. Very friendly atmosphere, great vibes, and much more openness (the coming of spring + alcohol does that).

Nampa (Street/ Day Time):

Pretty girls in Tokyo are well used to nampa, or street pick up. It’s basically walking up to a girl and speaking your piece about her, to her, and about you, just as you would in any country. All Japanese men know of “nampa” even if they do not partake.

Girls may flat out ignore you (even more likely if you start a monologue in English). Just keep in mind you aren’t the first guy to street talk them and respect their personal space. The Japanese Girls Guide has an entire chapter on this topic from men who have quite a bit of experience (and success) on these types of approaches.

Date spots :

• Yoyogi Park (mentioned before) is a brilliant spot on a summer day as there are cafes nearby too.
• Nakameguro- Beautiful river and stroll; just a stop away from Shibuya.

As an additional tip: public displays of affection are taboo in Japan so tread lightly during the first interaction and the start of a first date.

Personal Experience

I initially visited Tokyo for 5 days as a vacation from my job in South Korea- and simply witnessing the Shibuya pedestrian scramble made my jaw drop. That, combined with my travel around Japan, lit the fire to live in Tokyo.

Thereafter I spent quite a few months traveling through Asia, assessing which cities matched my goals and personality. In my eyes, Tokyo was incomparable. So in 2012, I came back for the long haul with no Japanese knowledge, no job lined up, and a 30L backpack with all my belongings.

I chose to live in Ebisu due to it being one stop away from both Shibuya and Roppongi, however, there are many great locations you can stay and/or live in. My weekends were usually spent DJing in the various clubs of Tokyo and/or dating.

Tim is an aspiring artist-entrepreneur. He is the founder of Tokyo Night Owl , co-founder of the bass music collective Bassick , and an active producer and DJ of electronic music. You can follow his adventures, trials, and tribulations on his personal blog, Love Travel Bass .

Other Resources

Why not check out more cheeky City Guides ?

For more info on Tokyo, or if you have any questions, check out the links below or leave a comment.

Tokyo Night Owl (Tokyo Nightlife Blog, newsletter sign up here )

Japanese Girls: The Guide (Comprehensive Guide to Japanese Women)

Tokyo Cheapo (Budget Tips)

Japan Lair (Wingmen and dating advice)

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40 Responses to City Guide: Tokyo, Japan

I haven’t been in Tokyo but I hit Osaka on my previous trip. To tell you the truth I got impression that the city I mentioned may be done… on budget. Have no idea about Tokyo but for sure Osaka may not be as expensive as people think. The only reason why it set me back a bit is that I spent roughly 75% of my money for partying. While I was in Osaka I slept few nights in hotel near Shinimaniya. For cold, tiny room I paid per around 7 EUR night.

Personally I would recommend to see Japan to literally EVERYONE. Not just Hentai lovers but to… nature seekers, museum fans, electronic gadgets freaks, crazy party ravers, car tunning amateurs, foodies travellers.

Great city guide!

Hi Mateusz, thanks for checking out the guide. Partying will easily make a traveler (or even a resident) go bankrupt. Happened to me. Twice.

Key is getting in on a discount (or even free). Feel free to shoot me a message on Tokyo Night Owl if you ever get to Tokyo again. I’m sure I can put you on a few parties and a much cheaper price.

I only spent 2 nights in Osaka; Club Circus was pretty sweet though. Any places you’d recommend?

Well.. was long time ago and I am not sure but I hit one of 100yen shots for start nearly every time.

I have been staying in Hotel Diamond near Shinimaniya. It’s very good value to price but do not expect nothing fancy. This place is creepy but gather so many of young travellers. I met a nice clique and we hit bars together.

I reckon you should have graspo of japanese as not so many of gals would speak nice english… Do you agree?

I have a good grasp of basic Japanese, but nothing exceptional (far from fluency). But yes, I’d say lower intermediate. Although just completing one book (called Genki 1 if you are interested) is what started giving me massive results. I also used a variety of translation helps to help with texting.

Hey Tim, me and my mates are off to japan in less than a week any events you can hook us up with? would love to see all of japan.

I have always wanted to go to Japan but it sounds so expensive and without knowing the language I think it would be extremely hard…. maybe one day though

A guy who looks like that should do well anywhere even with very basic game. Great guide btw!

Haha thanks for the compliment Ali. Although I will say that I got schooled relentlessly until I got my confidence and language up to par.

awesome guide. now that u mention it wonder how dark skinned men do there.

Hey Splooge (nice name),

Thanks for reading/enjoying. Naughty Nomad has a podcast of a Stefhen Bryan (originally from Jamaica): https://soundcloud.com/hangoverradio/ep-7-sex-in-japan-pussy-burnout-end-game-an-interview-with-stefhen-bryan

In addition to this, http://www.thejapanguy.com is an African-American living over there.

Not sure about Indian, African, or Middle Eastern authors living over there- although I met guys from all over the world there – many of which were married to Japanese women.

great. What about your experiences with jap. girls?

I had a Jap gf for a year. Great pets.

Hi Tim, please rewrite this word because it’s a bit wrong “tatamae”. It should be “tatemae” instead of “tatamae”. By the way, nice post! Greetings! 🙂

Nice catch there! Damn those romaji!

Post is in the Nomad’s hands as of now, so perhaps an edit can happen in the future.

great guide. relevant for visitors and residents. going to have to inspect all of your suggested bar spots in tokyo. looking forward to it. thanks for the post.

Hey Mike, great blog you got there yourself- a lot of good information on dating Korean girls. Maybe a Seoul Guide is in order?

Tim, Is their a City in Asia that’s a budget version of Tokyo (tons of fine women and good nightlife)?

How many dates do most guys need to bang a fine Tokyo girl?

What’s it cost you to live in Tokyo/month?

Hi Turn Up,

I would say, on the lowest end (living in a share house, bulk cooking for the week, etc.) would be 150,000 yen per month. If you stay further outside the city, you could lower this to the extreme minimum of 130,000 (in the far boonies without sex, love, or attention). Keep in mind that living extremely cheap on everything (transport, food, not going out, etc.) can turn into a very unenjoyable lifestyle.

Other cities in Japan are cheaper than Tokyo, but if you are talking Asia, you may like Ho Chi Minh. Ho Chi Minh has a budding club scene and is much cheaper to live in, but it depends on your personal preferences.

How many dates? It’s very situational, so I can’t say “most guys get it in after X amount of dates”. A “fine” Tokyo girl has many options. I would really recommend the book, Japanese Girls: The Guide. It lays out how long it takes most men and gives you some tips that help gauge how much the girl is interested in you.

Wish I had this on my trip last year. My friend and I managed to get our japanese flag on the last day of our journey – daygaming in Shibuya. But I remember it was difficult for us to find decent bars with quality girls … managed to find something on townadvisor.net … next time we’re bringing this guide:)

Glad it helped James. Check out the Tokyo Night Owl newsletter as well, will be posting some general tips on there in the coming months ( http://www.tokyonightowl.com/email-landing-page/ ).

I lived there for 8 years, watch out for those tough wire like pubes, know a couple of lads almost had their eyes popped out going down

8 years, what a champ.

That be true, still going through my second set of cataracts. Damn them.

Well some articles about Africa in NN site are great but this one are bullshit even if I was not in JP. But you can have ratting on the net selling fairy tales to the people. To give japanese girls 5/5 in a country where almost all the girls look like a chihuahua dog and in a city where you need 100$/night in a regular hotel and probably 5000$ to live decent in Tokyo/ month..well give me a break with that city (I know prices there is not your fault of course). Tokyo girls “5/5” https://www.google.ro/search?q=girls+of+tokyo&sa=X&biw=853&bih=528&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&ei=A39gVfaMPMr-ygOW5YDIBQ&ved=0CB8QsAQ

and Belgrade girls “5/5” (NN site) https://www.google.ro/search?q=girls+of+belgrade&sa=X&biw=853&bih=528&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&ei=NX9gVdL7AeL9ywP5soG4Cg&ved=0CB8QsAQ

or Kiev girls also 5/5 NN site https://www.google.ro/search?q=kiev+girls&espv=2&biw=853&bih=528&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=bn9gVeeOEPHG7AbgvICgBw&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ

Like I said never was in Tokyo and will never go (only maybe I will win to the lottery), but for example in Beograd and Kiev I was few times and really have doubts about Tokyo as a really competitor. Be honest with us it is not so hard..and if you can’t have a correct appreciation let someone else…

The 5/5 is not my personal rating, it’s the author’s

As Mark said, it’s not his, but my rating. Obviously not every Tokyo girl is a 5/5, so I should probably round it down to 4.9/5.

If you are worried about money, Tokyo Cheapo has a book coming out that might assist you: https://publishizer.com/tokyo-cheapo/

Ok Tim, I know was not Mark rating and article, was yours sorry because wasn’t specified in my comment, well tnx for your work and keep the good work. We take what is useful. So, tnx for the cheap version of Tokyo :P. Also…to put a rating about some city, obvious must give a general rating for all girls, not a rating for few top girls, because in this situation all the cities deserve 5/5 – everywhere we can find few stunning. In what I saw on the net Tokyo receive 3/5 in y opinion,if someone are not obsessed about asian girls style.

I didn’t read any guides and scored like a champion in Tokyo. I didn’t have time to learn Japanese with only being there 3 days so simply went to where the ESL schools were and waited for qt girls to come out of classes and approached them, Hey, let’s go practice English and party it up.

The 2 Japanese girls I met were incredibly direct, after laughing and drinking at a restaurant they’d say “Ok, let’s go back to your place now”. Wait.. what? … awesome!

I didn’t read anything about Japanese sexual culture since the whole point of a girl being with me is that I’m different than the local fare, so she obviously doesn’t want what a local would do. One of the girls I took back to my apartment we cracked a bottle, put on some Enrique Iglesias party music and dirty danced with her into the bedroom and fucked her like I fuck any other girl. 10/10 would repeat. Another girl I went back to her place which was awkward because she had roomates, so I jumped on airbnb got a playboy condo a block away and ferried her there in under 20 minutes to bang her twice once on the couch and on the roof patio later while sipping drinks.

I found the Japanese generally don’t like any foreigners, especially Koreans for some reason, but they will tolerate you if you remain a foreigner and don’t try to emulate/imitate them. If you go full out weaboo or try to act too much like them then they want nothing to do with you and you get the fake politeness and brush off, but if you just act your western self and show enough respect to not embarrass anybody, and can spit some game you’re in easily.

Great guide! Man Tokyo looks like a fascinating city and the women are so fine… Bookmarked this for my upcoming trip this year!

Great guide! I’ll be in Tokyo for 4 days (14-18/08/15). Any veterans with great tips for clubbing without ending up broke after the first night? I’ll be staying in Roppongi. I have decent game but not much experience with Japanese women but very intrigued what all the fuzz is about.

Since Japanese girls are so uptight I had another way of looking at this and would really appreciate an opinion from the author or others who’ve lived in Tokyo. There are several women who travel to Tokyo for work or holiday from around Asia and southeast Asia. Do these women end up with the same attitude as the Japanese women? Any personal experiences with women from South Korea, India, China? They are the bulk of foreign population in Tokyo for work/vacation.

Its simple: Either you are in or not. If you are the japanese tpye for the grils there you are picked quick by the girls. I had 2 J-GFs. Both of them were great. Smart, educated and easy maintance. Non of them would ask me money – rare in Asia. The society is homogenic and its hard to break in as outsider – good so. Best chance i figured out is to meet the jap chicks outside there country. Also if you are there, try to ask questions and directions. I was picked up from the street and given a free nite. Btw i had a one nite stand with a chick in Switzerland, picked her up in a hostel. Be carefull, y might fall in love and get married.

i want to go Japan but its bit little expensive to live there if we are not known as Japan language i think so. But would be chanced to go this season vacation for hooking up ha ha.

Tokyo is amazing!!

Tim is the man. I recently post on his site about hooking up at all hours of the night in Tokyo. You can see it here: http://www.tokyonightowl.com/late-night-hookups-tokyo-ultimate-guide/

I’m sad to see Tim move away from Tokyo but I know the legacy of picking up in Japan continues.

Sinapse! What’s up dude? And thanks for the compliments. I’m sad to have departed as well, but for me, my time to move on came. You created a bad ass article with the late-night focus.

You know I’ll be hitting you up when I visit!

And for anyone coming to Tokyo, Sinapse has absolute top form. Definitely better than me when it comes to understanding, meeting, and having lots of uh…*intimacy*..with Japanese women! Make sure you check out his site, Attraction Japan.

tokyo is a weird place, so much to offer but if you are gaijin it can be hard

Hello I’m Chris, I run masculineprofiles.com, We found your awesome site and we are intrigued. You have some related content and I though some of our content from Masculineprofiles.com might be a great fit. I know we have interest in using some of your content in our articles. We are hoping to share some links with you to help us both out. You have a fabulous website and we hope to collaborate soon. We are including a couple links here that might work well for your site. https://masculineprofiles.com/hooking-up-in-tokyo-japanese-girl-japan-xxx/ https://masculineprofiles.com/tokyo-girls-casual-sex-tokyo/ https://masculineprofiles.com/japan-sex-japanese-girls-tokyo/ https://masculineprofiles.com/best-cities-visit-japan/

Thanks for your time, Chris, MP

Thinking about Tokyo for 2020 Olympics… Tired to order a copy of the book Japanese Girls – The Guide, however the order links no longer work. Anyone have a copy? It may have been an ebook (Not sure). Willing to pay for copy.

Surely I will come to tokyo and check out the night clubs out there

Japan is a best place and I would definitely look forwardn to enjoy the night life. I am coming Tokyo

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Ultimate Guide to Dating in Japan

By The Japan Switch Team | November 3rd, 2023 

Dating in Japan (or otherwise) makes up a major aspect of day-to-day life. If you’re planning on traveling in Japan or relocating there, it’s important to take a moment to understand how dating is perceived in Japanese culture. How are customs and values different from where you are, right now?

When traveling or moving to a foreign country, it’s common to make a list of tourist attractions, useful routes, and so on. But one aspect that receives little consideration, perhaps mistakenly, when traveling abroad, is the different social culture you’ll be immersing yourself into.

It’s perfectly possible, when experiencing a different culture, to also experience a different response to an action than what you’re used to. So in the interest of meeting new people, having a great time, and a fun dating experience, we recommend that you prep ahead.

Our guide below looks at all aspects of dating in Japan, both from a male and a female perspective, and aims to help you achieve long-term happiness in your travels.

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Dating in Japan: Customs

Dating in Japan can be considered quite conservative, particularly by Western standards. In some ways, dating represents more of a social contract in Japan than it does in the U.S.

It’s not uncommon (and actually quite expected) for a person to express their desire to date another quite clearly before the actual dating can begin. It is also important that the other person agrees to date the first.

Confessing your interest

Before the actual dating can begin, it’s paramount that there be a clear declaration of intent (and a clear acceptance from the other person!). Why? In the West, we’re accustomed to practicing a little guesswork. Decoding the subtle hints of another person’s accepting to go out for coffee with us.

In Japan, though, people will often go out to dinner, lunch, or coffee as just friends. Here, you may well go to dinner regularly as pals, yet without a declaration of intent or of romantic feelings, that might be all it is. Grabbing coffee together may look like a gesture of romantic potential to you, but to a Japanese person, it often won’t.

Bear that in mind, as to avoid unpleasant mix-ups.

The act of confession ( kokuhaku, 告白 ) may strike foreigners as a little odd at first but is actually pretty expected in Japan. The dating norm here typically means that someone will come forward and “confess” their feelings to the other person. They may say I like you, or I am interested in you, and I would like to begin dating you.

Note that “begin”. In Japan, dating is often a less casual, more secure affair, in that once you start going on dates with someone, it’s considered a sort of unspoken social contract.

While you may be used, where you come from, to go on a date with somebody and not have it “be a big thing”, that’s not how it works in Japan. In a way, this can be refreshing, since it eliminates a lot of the murkiness and common gray areas of Western dating.

How many times have you wondered, a little miffed, if that great coffee date you had last week was actually a date? What if you’re just friends? What if the other person isn’t actually romantically interested in you? The list of questions can go on and on, often leading to “situationships” and casual dating.

Our friends over at BFF Tokyo interviewed three Japanese women about their experiences and beliefs when it comes to dating in Japan - read What You Should Know Before Dating a Japanese Girl.

Or if you're interested in the other side, check out the Ultimate Guide to Japanese Men !

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Our Ultimate Guide to Japanese Customs is a must-read; impress your date by actually knowing how things work over here!

Is casual dating in Japan a “thing?”

While the rise of Tinder, Bumble, and other dating apps has seen an immense surge in casual dating in the West, Japan retains some more traditional dating standards.  Generally, casual dating is considered taboo by Japanese standards. When going out on a first date, it’s considered appropriate to hold hands, maybe. Jumping into bed with an unknown person, as you can imagine, is considered by some to be quite dirty and promiscuous, and thus discouraged.

Hook-up culture, while tolerated (and even celebrated) by some, is also looked down on by many in Japan. By the conservative Japanese dating standards, two people ought to be in an acknowledged, an official relationship before they can even kiss, let alone have sex.

This is actually really useful, especially if you’re coming from a place where casual dating is no big thing. While you may not consider it particularly forward in your culture, it’s likely that kissing, touching, or other similar behaviors may be considered presumptuous and inappropriate for a first date in Japan.

Keep in mind that dating in Japan is evolving in its own way much as it is and has in the West. Many people are very open to ‘something casual’ and hook-ups but there is a huge social pressure on people to ‘get married and settle down.’ As such, after a certain age, many do place a greater emphasis on ‘something serious’ instead of ‘something fun for Friday night.’

If apps are your go-to for dating in Japan, check out BFF Tokyo's Ultimate Guide to Japanese Dating Apps .

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So, what is acceptable/expected on a first date?

When venturing out on a first date with a Japanese person, you might be a little confused on how far to go (or not to go). As we’ve already mentioned Japanese dating can be quite conservative, in that sex is pretty much off-the-table on the first date, so don’t go in with such expectations, or you risk ruining your own chances.

What about kissing?

Well, to answer that, we need to first understand how Japanese people regard public displays of affection (PDAs). Since you’re on a first date, you might think it appropriate to kiss your date at the restaurant, or after walking her home / to her train station.

Don’t. Probably. Read the room first, you know?

While in the West, it’s not entirely uncommon to kiss on a first date, if it’s going well, Japanese culture is very delicate when it comes to PDAs. They are generally not well-received, so even if your date might like you, they will still be embarrassed/bothered by a kiss in a public place.

If you’re looking at dating in Japan, this is worth keeping in mind. While some people may look askance at public displays of affection in the US or UK, it is generally well-tolerated by society. In Japan, however, it is considered taboo, not just for first dates, but also for people in a relationship, as they are expected to reserve their physical affection for more private settings.

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Holding hands is A-okay.

It is actually expected, if the first date is going well, to hold hands with your romantic interest. This will not be considered an inappropriate PDA, nor does it risk upsetting your date.

In-Person vs Online Dating in Japan

Since we mentioned dating apps a little earlier, it’s worth touching on that. Are dating apps or online dating sites a big business in Japan? While we can’t give you the numbers for these apps/websites, we can safely say most Japanese people will prefer in-person dates over online dating.

While you may meet someone online or through an app, and that’s alright, you will be expected to move on from the online world and into real life (rather than just keep texting forever).

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Dating in Japan: Where to Meet People

Matchmaking events are an option.

It’s quite common in Japan for singles with romantic intentions to gather at konkatsu parties (婚活パーティー), also known as matchmaking parties. These are typically organized by official matchmaking agencies and firms, which often adds a layer of trust and security to the whole event.

The organizers are in charge not only of putting the event itself together, but also of advertising for it, and vetting applicants. Because of that, you’re looking at a higher likelihood of meeting someone safe, and with serious intentions. Many of these organizers also take note of the participants’ age, financial background, and occupation, which increases your chances of meeting someone you connect with.

While many of these events will allow you to mingle freely with the other participants, others may follow a more rigorous structure (similar to speed-dating) and assign a limited time to talk to each person.

Note: People who go to these types of events are expected to have serious matrimonial intentions. Yes, they’re here to meet someone new, but it’s generally angled towards serious relationships, usually with an eye towards marriage. We could write a full article about the social attitudes towards marriage here so we'll save that for another day. 

Unofficial group dates may help

While konkatsu parties are a great, official way to meet a potential love interest, they are not your only option. In Japanese culture, group dates - goukon (合コン) - are also quite common. It may sound strange to a foreigner, but Japanese groups of friends will frequently organize these group dates.

Only single people will go on these dates, and like with the matchmaking events, they will be expected to have serious intentions. While it’s typical for friends to come along, unknown people (colleagues, acquaintances, etc.) may also be invited, to broaden the group’s chance of success.

Generally, the people organizing these group dates will try to keep things balanced, inviting the same number of participants of either sex (so as not to exclude anyone).

#UNOFFICIAL DATING APPS FOR FOREIGNERS

Don't miss our Ultimate Guide to Japanese Language Exchange to find people who speak (or are learning) English or your native language!

You could go on a marriage interview

It may sound a little presumptuous, particularly if you’re coming from a casual dating background, but then again, remember dating is more serious in Japan. Typically, you enter a relationship with an eye toward marriage, not just fun.

This is perhaps why marriage interviews, the age-old tradition of omiai (お見合い), are still observed in Japan to this day. In the past, as the name suggests, these used to carry a lot more weight, in the sense that they actually moved on to marriage. In the past, omiai  was also typically arranged by the families, with a view to the profession, wealth, and all the other “advantages” of an arranged marriage.

Nowadays, an omiai is simply an arranged meeting between a man and a woman, often organized by matchmaking agencies, to help them get to know one another. If the marriage interview goes well, the two parties are then encouraged to spend more time together, begin a relationship, and yes, eventually marry.

Okay, so now that presumably you’ve met someone and have started dating them… what do you need to know?

11 Surprising Facts about Dating in Japan!

1. you may not hear from your partner for days..

The truth is, we’ve developed an almost addictive form of partner communication in the West. It’s not uncommon for Western couples to be texting or calling each other constantly throughout the day. Particularly when the relationship is just starting, we tend to take it as something wrong if the other person doesn’t reply for hours. We immediately think they don’t like us, may be ghosting us, or cheating.

Things work a little differently in Japan. You may have heard that Japanese people are very work-oriented, and tend to take their careers quite seriously. That was not an exaggeration.

Japanese people will seldom reply instantly to a text, or return a call. During work hours, particularly, it’s quite uncommon for a Japanese person to text back or engage in back-and-forth chit-chat with their significant other. This is not considered a mark of disrespect, nor should it be interpreted as the waning of interest. Rather, it’s the social custom for one to focus on their work, and reserve dating and relationship activities for their spare time.

The same may also apply during social gatherings, as it’s considered rude for a person to be always on their phone (something we in the West could certainly do with!).

2. You may be expected to schedule your dates.

This is something that can be quite shocking for foreigners when they first start dating a Japanese person but know it’s not uncommon (or in poor taste) to schedule dates weeks ahead.

This, again, ties back to the importance of work in Japanese culture. People will prioritize their work, and schedule their dates around their work schedule, which brings us to an even more interesting “oddity” in the realm of dating in Japan.

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3. Dating is considered more superficial here.

While you may place crucial value on dating, you need to understand that the whole concept of dating is still somewhat foreign to Japan. Much of what we perceive as Japanese culture nowadays is actually a mash-up of the East and West. Following their defeat in World War Two, Japan underwent several years of American occupation, during which time things changed drastically in the country.

Even before WWII, adopting Western customs and norms was important to Japan, it became a non-negotiable during the US occupation in the late 1940s. As such, dating is an imported concept in Japan. It’s considered cute, and even pleasurable, but overall, a pretty superficial endeavor.

For Japanese people, dating is more of a “vanity thing”, one with a focus on securing marriage.

4. In-between dates, you are still a couple.

Seeing your partner isn’t responding, or seems distant, you may be tempted to pack up and move on (e.g. start dating new people). If you went on one date and it went well, but the next date is in another three weeks, you may be wondering what kind of loyalty you owe this person.

This is different in Japan than in the West. Since you agreed to start dating them, you will be expected to stay loyal. You are considered part of a couple, or at least a dating arrangement, and dating outside of that is not typically encouraged. That’s because, while couples in the West work up a gradual definition of a “relationship” over several dates, this is kind of self-understood when you start dating someone in Japan.

5. People in a relationship shouldn’t hang out with the opposite gender.

No one’s saying you need to cross to the other side of the street if you see an acquaintance of the opposite gender. You can still hang out with your friends, regardless of sex, but you will be expected to do so in group/public settings if you are in a relationship.

6. There is a focus on “me time”.

Many couples in the US struggle with finding an appropriate balance between time spend with their significant other, and personal time. In Japan, however, it’s understood that you will retain some time for personal activities, even in a relationship. Here, you don’t need to “negotiate” your spare time, nor do you need to worry your partner will think you’re choosing whatever personal activity over them.

That, however, is a double-edged sword. Because dating is awarded less importance here, it may take couples a lot longer to reach a level of deep intimacy. Speaking of…

7. Being invited back home almost always means sex.

Almost. Almost. ALMOST.

We cannot understate this. We're not responsible if your date genuinely wants to see your vintage Reservoir Dogs poster because they're also a Tarantino fan. But if they agreed to come over, they probably do want to see more than Mr. Pink and Mr. Black. Anyway...

Being invited home like anything, again, represents a minefield for foreigners. Maybe in your country of origin, it’s customary for people to spend time together in one’s home without getting intimate. Whether you’re chilling together at home, or you’re letting them crash at your place, this may seem like no big deal. However, in Japan, being invited to a romantic interest’s home is often code for getting intimate.

Site note: It also means that you may have to get the ball rolling once your date is in the door - respectfully.

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8. Foreign men are expected to be more romantic.

This may well be a misconception based on a lot of Western rom-coms, but it’s quite a popular belief in Japan that foreign men will be, on average, more romantic than Japanese boys.

In some ways, foreign men may be expected to be less interested in sex, or face higher expectations when it comes to organizing dates.

9. Dates are typically organized by the guy.

Because of the way that Japanese culture has assimilated dating, it’s often regarded as something superficial “for the girls”. In that sense, Japanese men aren’t going in expecting to have a good time. Rather, they’re expected to provide the lady with an experience, choosing a place, buying flowers, taking her for a show. Generally, taking initiative, which is typically the “man’s thing” in Japanese dating culture.

10. You may or may not go Dutch.

This is actually a little confusing. Whereas going Dutch (e.g. splitting the bill evenly for a date) is considered a sign of gender equality in the West, it’s a less clear symbolism in Japan. While some people may think it’s fine, and even expect to pay for half of the date, other people (particularly men) may feel quite insulted if the girl tries to pay. Similarly, some Japanese women may feel it’s in poor taste to be asked to split the bill, so when you go on a date, make sure you read the room.

11. Tone down the sarcasm.

Sarcasm can be a fun way of connecting with your date if both of you are sarcastic by nature. Bear in mind, however, that sarcasm is much less well-received in Japan than it is in the West. It’s common for sarcasm to be interpreted as rudeness, and cost you points in the eyes of your date.

How Do You Display Affection When Dating in Japan?

Finally, you want to keep in mind that Japanese people don’t always share Western views of affection.

I love you, I love you… not?

For one thing, saying “I love you” – aishiteru (愛してる)  or – is very rare. Preferring to show, rather than say it, Japanese people will often express their gratitude and appreciation of the other person by helping them, giving them a gift, and so on.

It’s rare to say “I love you” and because of that, it’s not such a big deal as it may seem in the West. Your partner may not say it, but mean it through their behavior, so if you don’t hear those three magic words, do not despair.

Chocolate is a big thing.

For Valentine’s Day and other couple celebrations, it’s customary for women to gift the people in their lives chocolate. But beware that the Japanese draw a much clearer line between their chocolates than you may do in the West.

To show affection to your significant other, you’ll do so by gifting them Honmei Choco (本命チョコ). There are other types of chocolate reserved for family members, work colleagues, children, and so on, so keep that in mind!

A month later, on White Day (March 14th), it’s the men’s turn to show their emotions. They can either do this by reciprocating the gift of chocolate, or by another romantic gesture.

For more information on celebrating these days properly and sending the right signals, check out our Ultimate Guide to Valentine's Day in Japan and our Ultimate Guide to White Day in Japan .

Naming as an act of love.

One of the most intimate displays of a relationship in Japan is calling someone by their first name. Until an intimate bond has formed, you will call your date by their last name (as will they).

Pro Tip: Don’t use your date’s first name on the very first date, lest you offend them. Let time pass, and wait for your bond to deepen.

AND WHEN THINGS MOVE ALONG...

Check out our Ultimate Guide to Private Onsen and plan a romantic evening in one of Japan's many luxurious ryokan !

Final Thoughts: Every Date is Different

There we have it - a moderate overview of dating in Japan. While all of the points above are good general rules, nothing is set in stone, and each date is different, based on the people involved. Don’t take any dating advice as the “law”, rather read the room, observe your partner and what works/doesn’t work for them.

After all, there will be nothing more off-putting for your partner than if it looks like you’re dating a handbook. Enjoy yourself on your date, and be genuine. As you would anywhere else.

Related Articles: Ultimate Guide to Ordering Food in Japanese Ultimate Guide to Shrines and Temples in Tokyo Ultimate Guide to Getting Married in Japan Top 40 Japanese Slang to Know Just a Bunch of Useful Japanese Phrases

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The best Tokyo pick up spots

Where to get your nampa on in Japan’s capital

There are two sides to nampa, the Japanese term for picking someone up. There's the hardcore nampa scene, where devotees (generally overdressed young guys with bad hair) stake out street corners in search of fresh bait, then retreat to online forums to discuss conquests and techniques in detail – often with videos. Then there's the more humdrum action that goes on in bars and clubs throughout Tokyo most nights of the week, as men and women fumble awkwardly towards a mutually – and, perchance, sexually – satisfying conclusion.

We turned to our readers to find out where they go to get busy, and the results are in. Charted below are the ten most popular Tokyo pick up spots – establishments that, according to people who live and work here, get the capital good and lucky. As with any good chart, number one got the most votes. Have a happy (and safe) hook up, ladies and gents!

10.  Heartland – CLOSED

A few years ago, Heartland might have snagged the top spot in a survey like this, but the past few years haven't been kind to this once-notorious meat market for upmarket meat. The beer's still good, though.

9.  Feria

It's one of Roppongi's premier party spots, with everything good and bad that this entails. The crowd is consistently international, and a cut above some of the other joints you'll find in the neighborhood (see below).

8.  Arty Farty

• Shinjuku-Nichome

As it nears its 20th birthday, Arty Farty doesn't seem at much risk of losing its reputation as one of Ni-chome's prime nightlife spots – and, yes, one of the best places to go if you're looking for a new beau.

7.  Alife – CLOSED

With a spacious party lounge on the second floor, a cafe on the ground floor and a large dance area down in the basement, Alife has a hedonistic atmosphere and is a haven for hardcore clubbers.

6.  Gas Panic

• Bars and pubs

Gas Panic is a Roppongi institution, where young people go to grope other young people. The chart classics and Eurobeat play at such high volume that your mating ritual needs to be physical rather than verbal.

5.  AgeHa

It's vast, the sound system is the best in town, and when the bikini girls start performing at the poolside area, it feels like the filthiest club around. Maybe that's why people love getting it on at AgeHa.

4.  Club Camelot

Though it may not look the most appealing destination from this photo, Camelot ranked highly in our sex survey. Check out the white sofas downstairs for snogging possibilities – you never know..

3.  Hub Roppongi

We've got to say we were as surprised as you probably are to find this well-known, faux Brit pub as high as third place, but what the people vote for is what the people get – in this case, a traditional British fondle.

2.  Muse

• Nishi-Azabu

One of Tokyo's better-known meat markets and a fixture on the expat nightlife scene, this three-level club features a stellar bar, cave-like areas, and billiards and ping-pong tables in the basement.

1.  Womb

It's got great lighting, a superb sound system and what's billed as 'Asia's largest mirror ball.' Oh, and it just happens to be located right in the middle of Shibuya's love hotel district. Womb: you're number one.

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Dating Apps in Japan 2024: What’s Worth It and Not?

A look into the most popular dating apps in japan.

10 dating apps to swipe right or left depending on what you’re looking for in your next relationship here in Japan.

So you’ve moved to Japan hopeful that the dating scene here will be ah-mazing and full of new excitement. You think you’ll find the perfect Japanese man for you right away and things will lead to a happy ending. While that’s a great mindset to have, it’s time to get real. Most foreign women living in Japan who want a serious relationship need to put in more legwork than they might otherwise elsewhere. Shyness combined with language and cultural barriers make dating an even more stressful situation than it typically is. L uckily, we live in an era where you can find anything online—even relationships. A quick search online will show you dozens of different deai-kei (出会い系 online dating) apps, but how do you know what will help you find who or what you’re looking for in Japan?

Having been there and done that, I decided to do a quick poll of my foreign friends to find out what dating apps in Japan worked best for them and what didn’t. 15 international women living in Japan gave their original rankings out of five stars. It’s up to you whether to swipe right or left!

One that doesn’t need an introduction. While most people are “just looking” on Tinder, if you’re actively trying, you can not only meet people to date, but also new friends, drinking buddies, networkers and activity mates. I found a whole group of men and women to check out summer festivals with, so I can speak from experience when I say that Tinder isn’t just for hanky panky.

Since Tinder began offering its global passport, it’s enabled them to better connect and communicate, which for several of the ladies was a huge bonus.

• Language: English, Japanese
• Fees: Free, special features require a monthly subscription
• Ranking: 5 stars

Bumble markets itself as an app where the woman makes the first move, and if she doesn’t message, then the match disappears after 24 hours. This app also relies on the user having a Facebook profile first to log in, which has made it a bit slow to catch on in Japan, but it is gaining in popularity because of its “women get to choose” option.

One of the women I surveyed (and who found her current Japanese boyfriend through this app) summarized it as follows: “ There are a lot of guys on there, and most of them aren’t on other dating apps as well. You don’t find as many fake profiles on Bumble as you do with other sites, and you get to control the whole ‘am I going to bother talking to him’ part, which is really nice. ”

In 2024, the app is not just for dating, but also for business opportunities, and making friends too. Within the app, you can switch from one feature to another, which makes it very versatile for the global community, and also a great way to keep in touch and build your social circle from a safe distance.

3. OkCupid Japan

Billed as “the best dating site on Earth,” OkCupid’s Japanese version is much more detail-focused than Bumble or Tinder, with the average time to fill out your profile coming in at around 45 minutes. You can of course opt to leave most of your profile empty, but based on the experiences shared with me, it isn’t recommended, because you’re most likely to remain unnoticed. According to one woman who has used it, “ OkCupid has a lot of serial daters on it, so if you use other dating apps in Japan, you may be discouraged by the dating pool overall. ”

In the 2024 dating scene, it’s still a staple, but the imbalance in users and the volume of fake profiles is staggering. It’s also said to be a hassle to sign up for too, so unless you’re really determined to use it, you’d probably have less trouble with a different app.

• Language: English, Japanese, and others
• Ranking: 2 stars

4. JapanCupid

Not to be confused with OkCupid, JapanCupid is a part of the Cupid Media Group, a niche-based dating site group, that connects users with people from around the world rather than just in their immediate area. While this makes it somewhat less appealing to users in Japan, JapanCupid is popular with those who will not be staying in Japan for the long term, and with those who are looking for someone to marry—though there are far more Japanese women on this site than there are Japanese men.

Unfortunately in 2024, not much seems to have changed, and when a different friend logged in, she was inundated with several fake profiles and soon deleted her account. “ Claiming a 20-year-old Korean pop star is really you, but you’re a 36-year-old Japanese man? No thanks. ”

• Fees: Free, special features require a monthly subscription/fees
• Ranking: 1 star

Omiai is one of the largest online dating apps in Japan that relies on your Facebook profile (or Apple ID, or phone number now) to search for your ideal match. This is another konkatsu service, so unless you’re looking for a serious relationship, Omiai might not be the site for you. There are 24 points that you can filter your results by, including nationality and income level, which some users pointed out makes this site seem more for sugar daddy searching than anything else, but overall, no one had any serious complaints about this site.

For daters in 2024 with the Japanese language skills to keep up, Omiai has somewhat rebranded itself in more of a Tinder/Instagram-friendly fashion, and strictly placed focus on it being a marriage-centered dating app . If you’re seriously looking to meet a marriage partner, this is probably your best option when it comes to dating apps in Japan.

• Language: Japanese
• Fees: Free for women, ¥1,900 per month (for the 12-month plan) for men
• Ranking: 4 stars

Tapple is a dating app where, instead of filling out a profile and searching for people, you fill out the qualifiers of what sort of man you’re interested in, and then join different groups based on your hobbies. Then, you’re shown a selection of men who share that interest and meet your criteria, and you can either like, skip, or super like their profile.

While I had some positive experiences meeting and talking to people on this app, when the time came to actually meet in person, the people that I spoke to were very hesitant to meet offline. One guy actually said he preferred to talk and date online exclusively. Other foreign female users I spoke with had similar results, so this might not be a good choice if you are seriously looking to meet someone.

Thanks to numerous updates to a more streamlined, Tinder-like service, plus TV and online commercials in 2024, Tapple has become a very competitive app, preferred by those in their 20s who are looking for a relationship that could lead to something more. Plus, the number of people who want to take things slowly and start online here make it ideal for those wanting companionship but not willing to head out on the town just yet.

• Fees: Free for women, monthly subscription fee for men (varies by number of months desired)

YYC has been around for more than 20 years now according to its website and still lists itself as Japan’s largest dating service. When you join, you are given an automatic 300 points to use to meet and match with others based on your own search parameters. The vast majority of this service’s users are young professionals. YYC is a dating site designed for people who want to combine the blogging space of LiveJournal with the influencer lifestyle of Instagram, so if you aren’t the type to frequently update and message, you might find this site to be more of a hassle than anything else. “ Casual users tend to just disappear after their free points run out, so it’s not a place for you if you aren’t ready to commit to the effort, ” said one user.

None of the ladies I spoke with still used YYC, so I gave it an honest try, and I have to say, it wasn’t all that bad, but I did find it somewhat repetitive. If your Japanese isn’t up to par, it can be a struggle to navigate as well.

• Fees: Free for women, monthly subscription fee/points system for men
• Ranking: 3 stars

Pairs is another online dating site and one that has had numerous TV and train commercials since going online. This site and its related app also uses your Facebook profile but allows you to hide your full name, enabling its users to go by initials instead. Their target audience tends to be younger Japanese men, “ so there are plenty of guys to choose from, but those that are interested in pursuing a serious relationship with a non-native Japanese speaker are few and far between, at least in my experience, ” according to a user.

“ It’s updated a bit, but nothing really major has changed about the quality of the users ,” says the same person as above in 2024. “ I still use it, and sometimes you find someone nice, but it’s more work than some of the other dating apps in Japan out there now. ”

• Fees: Free for women, monthly subscription fee for men

9. Zexy Koimusubi

Zexy Koimusubi is a dating app that is part of a popular Japanese wedding services company. The app overall works on the same principles of matching based on shared interests and uses your Facebook profile to compile this data, but otherwise, it seems to have a fairly high success rate. Whether this is due to their association with weddings and marriage already is anyone’s guess, but of the people that I know that have used this site, two married someone they met on there, and one is planning her wedding now, so make of that what you will.

“ I met my husband on this site, so of course I would recommend it to anyone serious about marriage, having kids, and staying in Japan. It does work if you’re brutally honest with yourself about what you’re looking for. If you’re still trying to figure that out, don’t bother with this app. ” (Jane, American, 31)

• Fees: initial one time ¥108 fee for women (for ID check purposes), monthly fee for men
• Ranking: 4½  stars

10 . Happy Mail

Happy Mail first began in 2001 but wasn’t a major player in the dating apps in Japan scene for a long time. According to their website, thanks to consistent efforts over the last twenty years they have the largest number of members of any dating/matching app in Japan. There are just over 25 million people on Happy Mail, looking for everything from pen pals to serious marriage partners .

Based on testimonials from male friends and a few women, it’s quite similar to Pairs but has more of the immediacy of Tinder in terms of matching, so it all comes down to what or how you want to go about dating in 2024 whether this app is what will work for you.

• Fees: Free for women (plus a 120 coin present as some services require points), points/pay as you go fees for men

Before subscribing to “serious” dating apps in Japan , keep in mind that most of them are likely to require you to submit a photo of an official ID before using their services. This is because they are quite literally trying to find you a suitable husband. If that’s your goal, don’t mind the screening! Good luck in finding the best for yourself, ladies!

Have you ever used a dating app or site in Japan? Share your experiences in the comments.  

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Isshoni: find travel companions in Japan

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The Ultimate LGBTQ Guide to Tokyo

C ompared to any other city in Japan, Tokyo shines as a destination filled with art, culture, nightlife , and all things queer. While the Japanese government still does not recognize gay marriage, many vibrant communities exist that support and celebrate LGBTQ people and their accomplishments. Additionally, the country remains one of the safest places in the world for both tourists and locals alike, making it a welcoming destination for queer travelers .

Tokyo mixes centuries-old traditions with modern, fast-paced technology. Neighborhoods such as Harajuku display avant-garde street fashion right next to old Shinto shrines that ancient emperors once frequented. During the day, visitors can spend hours visiting museums in Ueno Park, immersing in the busy youth culture in Shibuya, or strolling the outdoor markets in Asakusa. At night, standing bars and yakitori stalls popular among the after-work crowd open all across the city, and izakayas offer all-you-can-drink specials on anything from beer to plum wine.

For the LGBTQ crowd, there is no better part of the city than Ni-Chome. This energetic neighborhood is located in Shinjuku, Tokyo’s busiest area, which is marked by sky-high neon buildings and pulsating crowds of people. Ni-Chome has everything from saunas to taco stands, and all things in between. It has bars for drag shows, bars for bears, and bars for queers of all kinds to come dance and drink together.

Bars and nightlife

Photo: Dragon MEN /Facebook

Dragon Men might be more of a dive bar than a polished night club, but every weekend it draws queer customers of all kinds with its upbeat music and cheap drinks. The clientele is mostly made up of men, but allies and other LGBTQ partiers are more than welcome to join the fun. The venue occasionally hosts all-you-can-drink specials or discount days, but the price of alcohol is reasonable regardless of the day. If you’re looking to dance and make some friends, Dragon Men is one of the best places in Ni-Chome to go.

Where: 2-11-4, Shinjuku City

Arty Farty is known for its large crowds of friendly partiers and great music. LGBTQ customers of all kinds can enter and enjoy a night out of drinking and dancing. The club is open every day from 8:00 PM and stays open until 4:00 AM on all days except for Friday and Saturday, where the hours extend one extra hour. Entrance to Arty Farty gives access to two separate places, Arty Farty and the Annex, which is a calmer, more laid-back cocktail bar for customers seeking a brief respite from the energy of the club.

Where: 2−11−7, Shinjuku City

Photo: Gold Finger /Facebook

Gold Finger

Gold Finger is a small and intimate bar intended for women seeking women but allows all LGBTQ customers to enter on every night except Saturday. Expect free popcorn and karaoke while visiting here. Every month it has special parties with DJs, dancing, and unique themed events. If you’re planning ahead, customers who register for parties in advance can receive a special discount. While there are countless venues for women seeking women throughout Ni-Chome, Gold Finger is without a doubt the most well-known.

Where: 2-12-11, Shinjuku City

An energetic bar that is open to all orientations, Kamari is run by former model and current LGBTQ activist, Ayako Ichinose, and focuses on creating a welcoming and friendly environment. The small space allows for an easy flow of conversation, whether with old friends or new. The bar is usually open from 8:00 PM to 3:00 AM but extends hours on Saturday until 5:00 AM the following day. For an easy transportation option, Shinjuku-sanchome Station is located only a few minutes from the venue.

Where: 1F, 2-18-10, Shinjuku City

Shinjuku Dialogue

A cafe and bar that is just as focused on social activism as it is on the beverages, Shinjuku Dialogue prides itself on the inclusion of all types of people. While located closer to neighboring Shinjuku-sanchome than Ni-Chome, the cafe is still easily accessible and welcoming to a queer crowd. Shinjuku Dialogue is more than just a place to drink; it is a shop focused on discussion and making change. The store holds monthly events and discussions, such as a forum on intersex issues in Japan, and a part of every drink order is donated to a charitable cause of the customer’s choice.

Where: 3-1-32, Shinjuku City

Restaurants and cafes

Photo: Savvapanf Photo /Shutterstock

Dorobune is one of a few locations in Ni-Chome that caters specifically to queer women. No men are allowed, but women can bring their dogs if they wish. The restaurant serves okonomiyaki , a savory Japanese dish that is often compared to a pancake or pizza and can be filled with a variety of different ingredients. The umeshu , a sweet Japanese plum wine, and traditional sake are the standard drinks to order here. For advance reservations or customers looking to hold a banquet or party at the restaurant, different menu options are available. The venue is closed on Mondays and special holidays.

Where: 7-3-305, Shinjuku City

Photo: Rainbow Burritos /Facebook

Rainbow Burritos

Rainbow Burritos is a queer-run Mexican restaurant located in Ni-Chome. It specializes solely in burritos and offers a daily choice between chicken, beef, and a rotating veggie selection. It is a great destination for queer travelers who prefer quieter evenings yet still wish to be immersed in local queer culture. The restaurant is located in the same area as all the other bars and nightlife venues, making it a good place to start off at for an evening of partying. It also hosts monthly events for the community as an additional way of supporting local LGBTQ culture.

Japanese citizens of all ages and backgrounds enjoy onsens — the art of bathing and relaxing in natural hot springs while naked. At Donyoku, the clothes stay on, but customers can still soak their feet in hot spring water while sipping on a steaming cup of tea or coffee. The cafe is located in the heart of Ni-Chome and happily flaunts its LGBTQ support with a giant Pride flag that hangs from the front window. The cafe also has hammock seats and serves a wide variety of food, such as bahn mi and shaved ice, in addition to drinks.

Where: 2-7-3, Shinjuku City

Ni-Chome is undoubtedly known for its nightlife scene, with hundreds of bars, clubs, and midnight events. However, the neighborhood still has its share of daytime facilities to visit. Check is a sex-friendly, queer venue located in central Ni-Chome that sells fetish items, erotic films, and other sensual paraphernalia. It’s a good location for browsing, exploring the queer sex culture in Tokyo, or picking up a few new toys that couldn’t fit in your luggage.

Where: Kurihara Building 1F, 2-18-8, Shinjuku City

Accommodation

Photo: アパホテルズ＆リゾーツ（APA Hotels&Resorts) /Facebook

APA Hotel is a nationwide brand in Japan that provides a high standard for service regardless of location. This branch of APA is centrally located in Kabukicho, the part of Shinjuku with a lively nightlife scene. Shinjuku Station is a short walk away, as well as Ni-Chome. The hotel rooms are neat and well-kept, and many offer views of the city.

Where: 1-20-2 Kabukicho, Shinjuku

Photo: Hotel Gracery Shinjuku – ホテルグレイスリー新宿 /Facebook

Hotel Gracery Shinjuku

Hotel Gracery is located in the heart of Shinjuku. The hotel is queer-friendly and offers views of the city below. If you’re lucky, some rooms even look out at Toho Cinemas’ famous Godzilla head, which peeks out from Shinjuku’s skyline. The rooms are spacious and the hotel itself is a five-minute walk from Shinjuku Station, Tokyo’s largest train station, making for easy access to the rest of the city.

Where: 1-19-1 Kabukicho, Shinjuku

Photo: Mr. JK /Shutterstock

Tokyo Gay Night Tour and the Tokyo Lesbian Night Tour

As many of the destinations in Ni-Chome are separated by sexual preference, there are two distinct queer nightlife tours offered: one for gay men and another for lesbian women. Both the gay and lesbian night tours are operated by the same company and last roughly three hours from start to finish. The tours select three establishments to visit and locations can be changed according to guests’ tastes and interests.

LGBTQ Tokyo Past and Present

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