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Colleen Ballinger's remaining ‘Miranda Sings' tour dates canceled amid controversy

Colleen ballinger's remaining tour dates as miranda sings have been canceled amid the growing controversy surrounding the youtuber., by hayley santaflorentina • published july 11, 2023 • updated on july 12, 2023 at 5:11 pm.

Amid growing controversy, the remaining live shows on Colleen Ballinger 's Miranda Sings tour have been canceled .

When purchasing on Ticketmaster , shows in Boise, Minneapolis, Ann Arbor, Kansas City, and Philadelphia now note, "Unfortunately, the Event Organizer has had to cancel your event."

An additional five shows in Salt Lake City, St. Louis, Omaha, Wichita and Midwest City—which allowed for tickets to be purchased directly on the venues' websites rather than just Ticketmaster—have either been removed completely or are shown as canceled "due to unforeseen circumstances."

E! News has reached out to Ballinger's team for comment but has yet to hear back.

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These cancelations come in the wake of allegations made against the YouTuber , who first created her satirical Miranda Sings character in 2008. The 36-year-old was first accused of grooming and forming inappropriate relationships with underage fans in 2020 and then again this past June, the latter claims Ballinger responded to with a 10-minute song posted to YouTube during which she denied any grooming claims.

Since then, she has also been accused of sharing Trisha Paytas' NSFW pictures with minors , which Paytas said Ballinger denied when the two spoke privately, and most recently, performing in blackface. Ballinger's team has since clarified she was wearing green face paint while performing as Elphaba from "Wicked" during one of her shows.

And now the content creator's "Oversharing" podcast with Paytas, which launched in May, has also been canceled after just three episodes .

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"This is all very embarrassing," Paytas said in a July 9 YouTube video . "It's very embarrassing at the end of the day, I don't get embarrassed by many things, like obviously. The podcast ending after three episodes is embarrassing."

"When I say I've never wanted a chapter in my life to be over faster than this," she continued, "Even though it was a very small chapter, I mean it."

For a complete summary and timeline of the allegations made against Ballinger, keep reading.

When Colleen Ballinger created the character Miranda Sings as a way to poke fun at teens hoping to be discovered on the Internet, the theater-obsessed, annoying AF alter ego actually turned her into a YouTube sensation.

Soon, the vocal performance major had amassed 10.7 million subscribers and landed a Netflix original series titled "Haters Back Off."

The persona was meant to be a joke between the classically trained singer and her friends, with Ballinger admitting she never thought the videos would take off.

"I had begun by posting some videos of my own performances, and then I started seeing these links from girls who would sit in their bedroom and sing into the camera," Ballinger explained to Broadway World in 2010 of Miranda Sings' origin. "I thought it was so stupid, because I didn't think anybody got famous off of YouTube."

Ballinger, now 36, and fellow YouTuber Joshua David Evans, now 39, begin dating after he watched one of her Miranda Sings clips and pursued her.

"He saw one of my videos, and he thought, 'There's got to be more to this,'" Ballinger told ABC News in 2015. "So he found videos of myself with my sister on my Facebook page.'" Evans proposed in 2014, with their engagement video garnering 2.4 million views. "There's just a lot of eyes," Evans acknowledged to ABC News. There's a lot of people who are interested in different parts of your life."

October 2016

A year after their 2014 vows, Ballinger and Evans announced they were getting a divorce, each posting a video to their individual YouTube accounts to address their breakup.

"You've watched us date, you've watched us get engaged, you've watched us get married," Ballinger said in her message. "We've shown you everything because we wanted to, and I don't regret any of that, but, you know, we chose to not share with you the hard parts of our relationship. And there were a lot of hard parts of our relationship."

In his own video, Evans stated, "I want it to be known that I am not choosing this divorce. I don't want this divorce. I want her, but I truly believe she thinks she is making the right decision right now."

December 2018

Ballinger revealed in a YouTube video recap of her year that she secretly married Erik Stocklin, the actor cast as Miranda's love interest in her "Haters Back Off" TV series.

The couple welcomed their first child, Flynn Timothy Stocklin, that month, and twins Wesley Koy Stocklin and Maisy Joanne Stocklin followed in November 2021. In a YouTube video, the influencer explained that the babies were born more than a month earlier than expected and that she had to have an emergency C-section.

"I'm okay. The babies are both okay," she shared. "They're very little and they're gonna be living in the NICU for a while probably."

April 28, 2020

Irish Content creator Adam McIntyre—who first began running a fan account for Miranda Sings in 2013 when he was just 10 years old—posted a video called "colleen ballinger, stop lying" in which he accused Ballinger of putting him in uncomfortable situations when he was a minor. Insisting that Ballinger had begun bad-mouthing him after a series of tweets he'd posted to her Miranda Sings Twitter account received backlash, McIntyre specifically called out an instance in which she sent him lingerie during a livestream.

Ballinger recorded an apology vlog in response to McIntyre's video, acknowledging, among other things, that the underwear incident was "completely stupid" and admitting, "I should never have sent that."

She had been unboxing items that had been sent to her, she explained, and she and her friend were making fun of the underwear and McIntyre asked for it to be sent to him, which she did as a joke. "I don't know what part of my brain was missing at the time that I thought, 'Oh, this is a normal, silly thing to do,'" she continued. "But I am not a monster."

Ballinger continued making content both for her Miranda Sings channel and as a family vlogger.

June 4, 2023

In a since-deleted video titled "why I left the colleen ballinger fandom…", YouTuber KodeeRants shared screenshots of an alleged text exchange between Ballinger and her followers, accusing the comedian of forming inappropriate and exploitative relationships with underage fans.

Per NBC News , the unverified group text was named "Colleeny's Weenies," with the performer allegedly asking her fans their "favorite position" during one conversation.

KodeeRants has since deleted their YouTube and Twitter accounts and NBC News was unable to verify the screenshots.

On June 7, McIntyre responded with a series of videos on his own YouTube channel, recalling a time the then-31-year-old planned to spend the day with him in Dublin ahead of a June 8, 2018 show. He said they only ended up meeting for five minutes. He also claimed Ballinger grooms her fans emotionally. Ballinger has yet to directly respond to his claims.

June 28, 2023

Despite sharing that her team advised her to not publicly comment on the allegations of grooming and forming inappropriate relationships with underage fans, Ballinger broke her silence in a musical vlog.

While playing the ukulele and singing, Ballinger compared the accusations to a "toxic gossip train" headed for "manipulation station" while the rest of the internet "tie me to the tracks and harass me for my past." As she put it, "the only thing I've ever groomed is my two Persian cats. I'm not a groomer. I'm just a loser who didn't understand I shouldn't respond to fans."

Explaining through song, she said that she was attempting "to be besties with everybody" by sending messages to fans earlier in her career. Though she added there were "times in the DMs when I would overshare details of my life—which was really weird of me—and I haven't done that in years because I changed my behavior and took accountability."

McIntyre, now 22, took to Twitter shortly after Ballinger posted her video to react to the grooming allegations and her musical response.

"im glad her video did ONE thing," he tweeted June 28," show you all EXACTLY the type of evil woman she is, that a lot of us have experienced over the past few years behind the scenes, the mask has slipped…everyone meet the REAL colleen ballinger."

as much as colleen discredited & made fun of me, im glad her video did ONE thing, show you all EXACTLY the type of evil woman she is, that a lot of us have experienced over the past few years behind the scenes, the mask has slipped…everyone meet the REAL colleen ballinger. — adam mcintyre (@theadammcintyre) June 28, 2023

June 30, 2023

After Ballinger issued her statement via song, her ex-husband Evans shared his thoughts on the controversy.

"This behavior was my reality anytime I spoke up & disagreed with her actions & rhetoric during 2009-2016," the actor tweeted on June 28. "I was gaslit too. I was made to feel like I was always the problem. Any pain I felt was an inconvenience and was belittled."

This behavior was my reality anytime I spoke up & disagreed with her actions & rhetoric during 2009-2016. I was gaslit too. I was made to feel like I was always the problem. Any pain I felt was an inconvenience and was belittled. Every ounce of what you’re feeling, I understand. — Joshua David Evans🎈 (@JoshuaDtown) June 28, 2023

The former YouTuber, who split from Ballinger after just over a year of marriage, then posted a follow-up, clarifying his intention for speaking out.

"I have no desire to use this as a catalyst for a YouTube comeback," Evans wrote. "It's not a safe place for me. I'm past that. My voice is only here to help validate those that are hurting, nothing more. I have no need to make any money off of this. That is gross & not in my heart, whatsoever."

July 3, 2023

Trisha Paytas, a fellow YouTube star who co-hosts the "Oversharing" podcast with Ballinger, was pulled into the controversy after one of Ballinger's former fans alleged that she had sent NSFW photos and videos from Paytas' OnlyFans account to him

Johnny Silvestri posted several unverified screenshots to his Twitter on July 3 of a few of the interactions between him and Ballinger, going on to claim that she would host "viewing parties" to make fun of Paytas.

In a July 3 video, Paytas responded to Ballinger's alleged behavior, saying she does "not condone, at all—sending unsolicited nudes to anybody, sex worker or not."

"I think using someone's nudes as a way to hurt them, make fun of them, make light of them, be mean, is the lowest form of human," Paytas continued. "These weren't a long time ago. This is someone well into their 30s who just gave birth, sending nudes. And a month prior, I was in [Ballinger's] house, meeting her newborn and doing a Mukbang with her."

Paytas then explained she reached out to Ballinger over the photo allegations, but that she denied them.

"I did ask her about these a couple of weeks ago," Paytas claimed. "She assured me that she had never sent photos of me, [and] that this one fan who was underage at the time would send photos to her."

Paytas concluded her video by saying, "I will never speak on Colleen again. She just does not exist to me anymore." Ballinger has not publicly responded to Paytas' video.

July 5, 2023

After YouTuber Paige Christie posted a clip of Ballinger performing Beyoncé's "Single Ladies" as Miranda Sings with dark paint smeared on her face, Ballinger's team responded.

According to law firm Berk Brettler, Ballinger had actually painted her face green to look like "Wicked's" Elphaba while performing tracks from the hit musical.

"She painted her face green like the witch," the law firm said in a statement to NBC News . "After that number, she went right into 'Single Ladies' (while still wearing the green makeup). At that time, she closed all her shows with that Beyoncé number—it was one of her most popular bits."

This was not the first time Ballinger faced accusations of racist behavior. In the same 2020 video she used to address McIntyre's claims, the content creator apologized for employing "racial stereotypes" in a decade-old video in which she and her sister pretended to be Latinx women.

"It is not funny, and it is completely hurtful," Ballinger said at the time. "I am so ashamed and embarrassed that I ever thought this was okay."

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It's the best show ever!!!! It was hilarious and promoted kindness! Miranda also known as Colleen, is extremely talented and big-hearted! She is an incredible singer, comedian and she can dance too! She poured her heart out to all of her fans and during her VIP meet and greet she gave so much of herself to everyone she met! My nine-year-old daughter says she is the kindest person she has ever met!!!! I would go back to her show 1 million times... she had us all laughing so hard! As a mother, Miranda is a great role model and she made my daughter's world go round when she (Miranda) complimented my daughter on her beautiful eyes! Thank you is just not enough... and words can not explain how much respect and admiration I have for Colleen B.! She is simply awesome... #mirandasingsphoenix #mirandasings

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Last night, was one to remember! For our daughter's 12th birthday, we had got for her a meet and greet experience with Miranda!! She dressed the part, and was so excited, she was actually shaking!! :-)

Colleen/Miranda was truly a delight to meet! Having this experience validated that she is a real person, who is so kind!

As my daughter was having her photo taken, I stepped in to just say how I appreciated that she portrays such a confident in her self kind of girl/woman... Within our world, there are so many "haters" ~ she validates and give strength and joy to all who watched~

"Back off Haters!"

We are thrilled that she and family will be filming in Vancouver!! We hope to hear more about the Netflix series...and can't wait to watch!!

Treva and Kathryn Marton

it was sooo amazing!! one of the best nights of my life honestly!! sooo great!! josh and colleen and her family where so great and miranda was hilarious. will definitley be going if she ever comes back. highly recommend!!

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Miranda Sings

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Colleen Ballinger is a multi-hyphenate; actor, comedian, trained vocalist, writer, and executive producer. She is best known for portraying her character, ‘Miranda Sings,’ a personality that is the polar opposite of Ms.Ballinger. Colleen has amassed over 50 Million followers across her social media and passed 4 billion views on YouTube. She can currently be seen as ‘Miranda’ on the Netflix Original series, HATERS BACK OFF, which she created and executive-produced. Her one-hour special, “Miranda Sings Live…Your Welcome” is also available on Netflix. Colleen has appeared in Jerry Seinfeld’s COMEDIANS IN CARS GETTING COFFEE, RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET, THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JIMMY FALLON, ANGRY BIRDS 2, and ESCAPE THE NIGHT. Ballinger is also a New York Times #1 Bestselling Author with two books, SELF-HELP and MY DIARRHEA. Colleen’s dream of starring on Broadway came true with her 2019 debut as ‘Dawn’ in the hit musical WAITRESS, and she is currently on tour with her new show, “Who Wants My Kid?”

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Colleen Ballinger's Remaining Miranda Sings Tour Dates Canceled Amid Controversy

Colleen ballinger's remaining tour dates as miranda sings have been canceled amid the growing controversy surrounding the youtuber..

Amid growing controversy, the remaining live shows on Colleen Ballinger 's Miranda Sings tour have been canceled .

When purchasing on Ticketmaster , shows in Boise, Minneapolis, Ann Arbor, Kansas City, and Philadelphia now note, "Unfortunately, the Event Organizer has had to cancel your event."

E! News has reached out to Colleen's team for comment but has yet to hear back.

These cancelations come in the wake of allegations made against the YouTuber , who first created her satirical Miranda Sings character in 2008. The 36-year-old was first accused of grooming and forming inappropriate relationships with underage fans in 2020 and then again this past June, the latter claims Colleen responded to with a 10-minute song posted to YouTube during which she denied any grooming claims.

Since then, she has also been accused of sharing Trisha Paytas ' NSFW pictures with minors , which Trisha said Colleen denied when the two spoke privately, and most recently, performing in blackface. Colleen's team has since clarified she was wearing green face paint while performing as Elphaba from Wicked during one of her shows.

And now the content creator's Oversharing podcast with Trisha, which launched in May, has also been canceled after just three episodes .

"This is all very embarrassing," Trisha said in a July 9 YouTube video . "It's very embarrassing at the end of the day, I don't get embarrassed by many things, like obviously. The podcast ending after three episodes is embarrassing."

"When I say I've never wanted a chapter in my life to be over faster than this," she continued, "Even though it was a very small chapter, I mean it."

For a complete summary and timeline of the allegations made against Colleen, keep reading.

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Colleen Ballinger Tour Dates, Podcast Canceled Amid Accusations of Inappropriate Relationships With Underage Fans

By Todd Spangler

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The 11 remaining dates on Colleen Ballinger ‘s Miranda Sings live tour have been canceled, and the “Oversharing” podcast she co-hosted with YouTube creator Trisha Paytas has come to an end.

The cancellations come after Ballinger, the YouTuber and performer who rose to fame with the awkward, lipstick-smeared Miranda Sings character, has faced accusations that she engaged in inappropriate conduct with young fans several years ago.

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Separately, Paytas, a fellow YouTuber and former friend of Ballinger’s, announced that their “Oversharing” podcast would end after three episodes. “At the end of the day, I don’t get embarrassed by many things,” Paytas said in the July 8 video. “The podcast ending after three episodes is embarrassing. Us doing all this is embarrassing.” In an earlier video, Paytas criticized Ballinger for sending nude photos of Paytas (from Paytas’ OnlyFans account) to some Miranda Sings fans. “I think it’s the most disgusting thing and, above all else, illegal,” Paytas said in the July 3 video .

Reps for Ballinger did not respond to a request for comment.

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What to Know About the Controversy Around YouTuber Colleen Ballinger

Colleen Ballinger as Miranda Sings at the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards

Y ouTuber Colleen Ballinger, who is best known for her awkward, controversial character Miranda Sings, has recently come under renewed scrutiny for what some fans have said were inappropriate conversations and on-stage interactions beginning in the early 2010s when they were minors. Multiple fans have posted screenshots of conversations that they say demonstrate that Ballinger, now 36, raised mature subjects like virginity and sexual positions or manipulated them to help her defend against any sort of online criticism that has been levied against her.

In separate conversations with TIME, three former fans detailed their experiences with Ballinger and reflected on how the aftermath of their relationships with her has affected them in their adult lives. In a video response posted on June 28, several weeks after fans began coming forward, Ballinger addressed the controversy.

The recent criticism echoes an online dustup that emerged in 2020 when YouTuber Adam McIntyre shared that he felt he had been used and manipulated by Ballinger from age 13. In a YouTube video, McIntyre accused Ballinger, 20 years his senior, of sharing inappropriate personal details with him and using content he came up with for her YouTube channel and Twitter account without paying him. After McIntyre posted his video, Ballinger publicly apologized, but many of her fans ostracized him online by removing him from group chats and ending their longstanding friendships with him.

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Fans who are speaking up now say that the way McIntyre was treated by the Ballinger fandom dissuaded them from sharing their own stories at the time. That is, until early June when a YouTuber named KodeeRants uploaded a video, which was later deleted, in which they say that back in 2020, Ballinger sent them screenshots of her conversations with McIntyre that Ballinger felt cleared her name and successfully persuaded Kodee to make a video defending her back.

This caused some fans to reconsider the experiences they had with Ballinger and determine, in hindsight, that they felt they were inappropriate. Several have since come forward on social media, including one named Johnny Silvestri, who says he had been in group video calls beginning at age 15 with other then-underage fans, as well as with Ballinger, her ex-husband Joshua David Evans, and sometimes her brother Trent Ballinger (her family members were frequent guests in her vlogs, and many fans formed what they saw as friendships with her siblings). Becky (who prefers not to share her last name) said she had an experience on-stage at a Miranda Sings show she felt was inappropriate.

Ballinger did not respond to multiple requests for comment from TIME. On June 28, she spoke publicly for the first time since former fans began speaking up. In a video posted to her vlog channel (not her main channels) titled “hi.,” Ballinger says her team advised her not to respond to the allegations, but that they never told her she couldn’t sing. The creator then begins strumming a ukulele and singing a song about the “toxic gossip train” and how people “made up rumors for clout.” Ballinger also says “I’m not a groomer, I’m just a loser,” adding that the only thing she’s ever groomed were her cats.

The response to her video, which racked up more than 2 million views in less than 24 hours, was swift and negative. One users on Twitter called it the “ worst apology video .” Many criticized her decision to sing the apology and play a ukulele because they felt it minimized the allegations levied against her.

Colleen Ballinger really thought singing “I’m not a groomer I’m just a loser” was a cute way to respond to the very SERIOUS allegations that’ve been levied against her and…it’s beyond sick. pic.twitter.com/0Push2Pjww — Franchesca Ramsey (@chescaleigh) June 28, 2023

Evans, meanwhile, posted an apology to Silvestri on Twitter and wrote in an emailed statement to TIME that his voice was “taken from [him] back in 2016-2020 after years of online harassment and threats that came as a result of false accusations and extremely manipulative embellishments from my ex-wife.” He goes on to say that while he understands he should not have had conversations with Silvestri when the latter was a child, Evans feels that many of Silvestri’s accusations are “misleading and inaccurate.”

ZocDoc, a sponsor on Ballinger’s podcast RELAX! , which she co-hosts with her current husband Erik Stocklin, confirmed to TIME they have cut ties with Ballinger. Another sponsor, OneSkin, told TMZ that they no longer have a professional relationship with the YouTuber, saying, “We were made aware of this previously and have decided to cease the relationship completely. This behavior is appalling, and we do not condone or support it in any form.”

In addition to Ballinger, TIME contacted Kodee and reached out multiple times to Ballinger’s friend, Kory DeSoto, who has also come under fire for participating in a 2020 incident in which he and Ballinger sent lingerie to McIntyre. None have responded to requests for comment.

It’s helpful to go back to the beginning to understand how we got to this moment. Here’s everything you need to know about the controversy.

Who is Colleen Ballinger a.k.a. Miranda Sings?

Ballinger has billed herself as a family-friendly YouTuber for more than a decade. Her first and primary channel , which consists of content she makes with her kids, family, and friends, has more than 8.6 million subscribers. But she truly rose to popularity with another channel dedicated to her fictional character, Miranda Sings—a disheveled adult child with poorly applied red lipstick who aspires to become a star. She’s said in the past that the character is a satirization of YouTube musicians and theater performers who think they’re more talented than they are. The Miranda Sings channel, which launched in 2008 and hit its stride by 2012, has amassed over 10 million subscribers. Across the two channels, her videos have been viewed over 4.2 billion times . She also had a Netflix series, Haters Back Off , from 2016-2017.

Like many other content creators, Ballinger has faced controversy in the past , including for a 2006 video in which she and her sister pretended to be Latinx women, drawing upon racial stereotypes , and another a Twitter stunt in which she “came out” as a Meghan Trainor fan, which led some to say that she was making light of the coming-out process for LGBTQ individuals. By and large, though, her dedicated fans accepted her apologies , allowing her to sustain her popularity.

Who is Adam McIntyre and what are his accusations against Ballinger?

In 2020, McIntyre became the first known ex-fan to speak up about his experiences with Ballinger in a video he uploaded to YouTube titled, “Colleen Ballinger, stop lying.” In it, he says that from December 2017 to March 2020, he wrote content for the Miranda Sings character and did not receive payment. He says that he would send her ideas for videos and tweets, that he was given the password to the Miranda Sings Twitter account, and told Ballinger about his idea for Miranda to “come out” as a Meghan Trainor fan. She was hesitant, as screenshots of the conversation in his video show, but agreed to let him upload the “coming out” post. However, shortly after the post was uploaded, she started receiving criticism online, with fans accusing her of “making fun” of coming out. She later tweeted out an apology .

pic.twitter.com/SGIEWwOHf9 — Colleen Ballinger🎗 (@ColleenB123) March 27, 2020

McIntyre shared screenshots of his conversation with Ballinger at the time, in which he says he believes she was trying to “guilt” him because she said, “everyone thinks I’m homophobic.” He apologized privately and logged out of the account. In his video, McIntyre also shared screenshots of a conversation with Ballinger in which she asked McIntyre to be her “social media intern” and told him that if he performed “well,” then she would officially hire him “part-time for an hourly rate.” However, following the Trainor Twitter debacle, he says he was never compensated.

In McIntyre’s video, he also discussed how beginning when he was 13, Ballinger fostered a close relationship with him that went beyond the typical parasocial relationship between fans and celebrities, a relationship in which one party puts effort into the relationship while the other is unaware of their existence. In the video, he explained this happened largely via a Twitter group chat with Ballinger and in private messages.

While it’s common for fans to have parasocial relationships with content creators online, it’s less common for those creators to go out of their way to reciprocate those relationships with fans beyond a rare response to an online comment or brief meet-and-greet. Ballinger’s case has drawn attention in part due to the age gap between her and her fans as well as McIntyre’s allegation that the relationship was nurtured through constant communication.

McIntyre said in his 2020 video that Ballinger and her friend, Kory DeSoto (who has since deleted his Twitter account), mailed him lingerie that DeSoto had worn over his clothes during a livestream that Ballinger hosted with DeSoto when McIntyre was 13. In resurfaced clips of the livestream , Ballinger and DeSoto could be heard laughing about how “funny” it would be as they envisioned his parents’ reaction.

side by side showing in clip one, what colleen included in her apology video (an edited version of how her sending me lingerie went, to manipulate the narrative that i originally asked for them) and then the second clip being the unedited clip. you are an evil woman @colleenb123 pic.twitter.com/3REmtqvW0I — adam mcintyre (@theadammcintyre) June 8, 2023

According to McIntyre, Ballinger also divulged private information about her previous relationship with Evans, and allegedly asked McIntyre to find gossip about Evans online. After he uploaded his video calling out her actions, Ballinger uploaded her own video taking ownership of those behaviors. She said she shouldn’t have sent him lingerie, given him access to her Twitter account, or had conversations with him online. This and Kodee’s video defending Ballinger prompted many Ballinger fans to attack McIntyre on Twitter. But after McIntyre’s video was released, Ballinger responded to tweets accusing her of being a “groomer,” denying the allegations. Grooming is defined by the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children as a kind of abuse by which “someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them.”

Earlier this month, McIntyre uploaded five videos to YouTube that discuss his own experiences and address those of additional former fans who have come forward with experiences they say they had with Ballinger and her family . In a conversation with TIME, he said that dealing with the fallout from his original video in 2020 was difficult and still affects him as an adult. “It’s completely ruined how I look at friendships,” McIntyre says. “When all my friends, either in real life or that I’ve known online for six years, left me, it made me not want to trust people because I felt that they would leave me.”

Why are fans calling out Ballinger’s past behavior now?

When McIntyre posted his video three years ago, many Ballinger fans harassed him. Now, the tide has begun to turn on Ballinger as more fans speak out. The floodgates were reopened by the video posted by YouTuber KodeeRants on June 4 titled “Why I Left The Colleen Ballinger Fandom.” In the video, the creator says that they were contacted by Ballinger and DeSoto after McIntyre posted his video in 2020. Because KodeeRants says in the video that they felt they had formed a bond with Ballinger online, the creator felt the need to defend Ballinger and discredit McIntyre. They decided to make their new video because they had reevaluated the situation and now think that what Ballinger asked them to do was harmful.

Following Kodee’s video, McIntyre uploaded a tearful video on June 7 titled “I Was Right About Colleen Ballinger,” in which he speaks about Kodee’s video and provides context for some of the evidence they share, including screenshots from the group chat in which Ballinger allegedly made inappropriate remarks. The two creators get on a video call toward the end of the video. McIntyre explains that the Ballinger fans had a Twitter group chat called “The Weenies,” which McIntyre was a part of and frequently interacted with as a teenager. One screenshot appears to show Ballinger asking him, “Are you a virgin?” and “What’s your [favorite] position?”

Silvestri began to share his experiences on Twitter on June 7. He tells TIME that he was 15 years old when he first started chatting with Ballinger and Evans online in 2012. He became a fan of Miranda Sings and began posting about the character on Twitter to get Ballinger’s attention. She hosted private video chat rooms on apps like Skype and Oovoo, then migrated the group to a more public platform called TinyChat as her fandom grew. Silvestri said he was in a group call with people whose ages ranged from 14 to 18.

He tells TIME that these conversations were “inappropriate” and included “a lot of trauma dumping” from Ballinger and Evans. He says topics ranged from puberty and sexual subjects to Ballinger and Evans’ romantic relationship, including whether he was going to propose to her, whether she would dump him, and his jealousy around her financial success. “They eventually started treating it like a game, which is disturbing,” he continued. “[Ballinger and Evans] would instigate, they would egg us on… and we were always pit against each other.”

Silvestri claims that he was paid little for his work on the Miranda Sings tour as an assistant from July 11 to Sept. 22., 2018. He says he was paid “a little bit over $3,500” for two months of work. He said in a tweet that he worked “12+ hour days.” He posted photos of checks that he received from “Miranda Sings Inc.,” which show him getting paid $3,175 in one check and $480 in another.

In a TikTok video posted on June 14, Becky, a 21-year-old former fan, came forward about her experience being “embarrassed” on stage at a Miranda Sings show when she was 16. She has commented on a screenshot of a video she is in that has been circulating on TikTok, in which Ballinger performs a stunt that involves Becky, then a teenager, spreading her legs wide in front of a large audience. Becky’s video telling the story in her own words has racked up 14 million views.

In an interview with TIME, Becky says that she had been a fan of Ballinger’s since she was 12. She says that Ballinger has segments in her shows where she calls people up on stage, and one of them is a “yoga challenge.” This involved Becky laying on her back as Ballinger, in her role as Miranda, spread Becky’s legs, as a fart sound was played. She describes being “terrified” that she wasn’t covered enough. She tells TIME that she remembers being “in shock” when she got off stage. “There was still a little bit of almost an excitement level because I have been so close to her, and she had been somebody that I’ve looked up to for so long,” says Becky. “But I was also feeling ashamed of myself.” Becky says she kept her feelings to herself because of Ballinger’s “toxic” fans, who she believed would be angry with her if she said anything negative about Ballinger or Miranda.

@noitsbecks #stitch with @ImJustZander #colleenballinger #colleenballingerallegations #mirandasings #ballingerfamily my experience with @Colleen Ballinger ♬ original sound - becky

Becky shares that about seven months ago, while watching TikToks, a video about a Miranda Sings show came up, and it prompted her to make a post about her experience in the r/ColleenBallingerSnark subreddit, where users congregate to “snark,” or speak negatively, about popular public figures. Becky says that when she posted about this, she was met with a wave of support and that led her to speak up again when McIntyre was vindicated by Kodee.

What is Ballinger up to now?

In May, Ballinger started a podcast with YouTuber Trisha Paytas called Oversharing with Colleen and Trisha . In McIntyre’s latest video, he shared a clip someone sent to him of the podcast being live-streamed on YouTube. In the video, it appears that viewers’ comments asking Ballinger to address McIntyre’s and Kodee’s videos are being deleted in real-time. Paytas has also been pressed by fans to release a statement about the situation, but she has not spoken publicly on the matter.

Other YouTubers who Ballinger has worked with in the past have released public statements online. Beauty YouTuber Jeffree Starr recently spoke about Ballinger on a TikTok live and said that she is “sick,” and he has “never been a fan.” Another YouTuber named Tyler Oakley uploaded a lengthy statement to Discord in which he named Ballinger along with other YouTubers who have faced criticism, saying, “As I’ve learned more about inappropriate behavior by influencers, I’ve consciously disconnected myself from those who participate in it.”

tyler oakley about colleen ballinger: pic.twitter.com/OAm1gx7iTe — adam mcintyre (@theadammcintyre) June 16, 2023

Ballinger has been on tour in the U.S. this spring as Miranda Sings and has over a dozen tour dates scheduled between June and August. The tour website says the show is “open to all ages and is rated PG13 due to some adult references and expletives that appear briefly on a screen.

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Write to Moises Mendez II at [email protected]

Here’s Everything That Colleen Ballinger’s Former Fans, Friends, And Employees Have Said About Her Alleged Inappropriate Behavior Over The Past Few Weeks

In just a matter of weeks, the once-esteemed YouTube personality known for her Miranda Sings alter ego has faced growing accusations of inappropriate conduct with minors, racist commentary, and sharing unsolicited nude photos of Trisha Paytas with her fans.

BuzzFeed Staff

Warning: This article contains discussion of grooming, inappropriate conduct, and racist commentary.

If you’ve been on social media at all over the past couple of weeks, you’re likely aware of the growing controversy surrounding colleen ballinger ..

For anyone who isn’t in the loop, Colleen, 36, is a YouTuber best known for her alter ego Miranda Sings. Her fanbase has always primarily consisted of young kids and teenagers, and in 2020, Colleen faced allegations of misconduct from several of these former fans.

Perhaps the most shocking allegation came from a fan named Adam McIntyre, who said he was sent a pair of underwear from Colleen when he was 13. She later wound up confirming that she had sent him underwear in a wide-ranging video titled “addressing everything,” though claimed that it was simply a “joke” and nothing “creepy.” She did, however, admit that the move was “completely stupid.”

Elsewhere during her video, Colleen apologized for several clips that had resurfaced from over a decade prior, all of which had sparked fresh backlash across social media. In one, she invoked racial stereotypes by imitating a Latinx character with her sister, Rachel Ballinger. In another, she body-shamed an overweight woman who’d been sitting next to her on a flight.

Colleen explained that as a “sheltered teenager,” she’d been extremely “ignorant” and “culturally insensitive” at the time that these clips were filmed. However, she maintained that she’d learned from her mistakes, and, for the most part, her apology was well-received .

But three years later, Colleen has found herself at the center of several controversies once again after various new claims about her alleged past behavior were made by her former fans, friends, and employees. Here’s a complete breakdown of everything that has unfolded.

June 24: The HuffPost Report

A report published by the Huffington Post highlighted several allegations made by former fans of Colleen regarding misconduct and inappropriate behavior. Adam McIntyre, now 20, told the outlet that Colleen was in a group chat called “weenies” with himself and other teenage fans. He alleged that she would ask him inappropriate questions about his sex life in this chat, and that she’d often “trauma dump” on him and the others about her divorce from YouTuber Joshua Evans, which occurred in 2016.

Not long after these allegations were made, several clips from past Miranda Sings YouTube videos and live shows began resurfacing across social media as users critiqued their alleged inappropriate nature. One of these clips in particular saw a young fan being brought onstage by Miranda for a “yoga challenge” at a live show. The fan, who was wearing a short romper with no pants, was lying on her back before having her legs spread by Miranda as part of the “challenge” while a loud fart noise played over the speakers.

June 28: Colleen Responds with a 10-Minute Ukulele Song

Colleen broke her silence on the growing controversy by releasing a 10-minute ukulele song to her YouTube page on June 28.

In the now-infamous track, Colleen admitted that she did used to “overshare” details about her personal life with her younger fans in group chats, though denied that it was ever “creepy.” Instead, she said that she was just a “loser” who wanted to “be besties” with everyone.

Closeup of Colleen Ballinger playing the ukulele

Colleen later accused her former fans of making up “lies and rumors” about her for “clout,” before boldly stating: “The only thing I’ve ever groomed is my two Persian cats.” She also seemingly briefly made reference to the aforementioned interaction she’d had with the fan onstage for the “yoga challenge” at her live show, though appeared to make light of the entire thing, singing: “I’m not a predator, even though a lot of you think so because five years ago I made a fart joke.”

Many internet users across YouTube comments and Twitter were left appalled at Colleen’s decision to sing about , and seemingly trivialize such serious allegations , and accused her of “ invalidating ” and “ gaslighting ” those who had spoken out.

One Twitter user who was particularly upset was Adam McIntyre, the first person to make claims against Colleen to HuffPost. In his tweet , Adam described feeling “discredited” and “made fun of” by the video.

July 1: A Former Employee Speaks Out

View this photo on Instagram

Things took yet another turn when April Korto Quioh, a Black former employee on Colleen’s 2016 Netflix series Haters Back Off! , publicly alleged that the YouTuber had displayed racist behavior on set and pitched disturbing content for the series’ scripts.

April, who was a writers’ assistant, show runner’s assistant, and writers’ PA, claimed that Colleen referred to the use of “POC background actors” in the show as “distracting.” She also seemingly alleged that she heard Colleen using the N-word on set, writing in a newsletter post : “I recall overhearing her once brag that a creator was being ‘canceled’ for saying the n-word (and if you think she went with ‘N-word’ instead of hitting that hard ‘r,’ then you haven’t been paying attention) and that she would never be stupid enough to get caught doing something like that.”

April further claimed that Colleen was intent on including plenty of “incestual innuendo” in the show’s scripts, allegedly working in storylines that featured Miranda and her uncle Jim being caught in “compromising positions.” She alleged, “It all felt deeply wrong — she would show us photos of the packed rows of smiling children who had attended her show the night before, and in the same breath, spend hours trying to think of a way to show Miranda and Uncle Jim all but having actual sex on screen.”

“While I cannot speak to the specific allegations against Colleen Ballinger — I stand with every single one of the children and young adults who have bravely shared their experiences in the past few weeks,” she added elsewhere. Colleen has not responded to any of these allegations made by April.

July 1: JoJo Siwa

On the same day that April’s claims were made public, a compilation of Colleen’s past interactions with now-20-year-old JoJo Siwa gained fresh traction on TikTok and left several viewers feeling “uncomfortable.”

One of the clips showed then-29-year-old Colleen posing as Miranda and asking JoJo, who was 13 at the time, if she’d ever “taken the pants off and seen what’s inside.” Colleen later stated that JoJo was “a naughty little girl” who kept “twerking and hurting her tookie,” which she’d previously suggested meant her crotch area.

In other videos, Miranda and JoJo have played a game of Never Have I Ever that centered on subjects like kissing, crushes, and body parts; floated on a large inflatable banana together in a swimming pool while fully clothed; and had a “slime war” that left their chests stuck together by the gooey substance.

Miranda Sings and JoJo Siwa stuck together with slime

The resurfaced compilation of Colleen and JoJo’s past interactions left many TikTok users calling out the adult and labeling the friendship “disturbing,” “weird,” and “inappropriate.” Colleen hasn’t yet responded to the compilation.

July 3: Trisha Paytas

Days later, former fans of colleen publicly alleged that she’d previously sent them explicit nude photos and videos of youtuber trisha paytas., johnny silvestri, now 27, claimed on twitter that colleen had sent him unsolicited naked photos of trisha when he was 22. this appeared to be the case in screenshots of alleged text exchanges that johnny had had with colleen, which he posted on his account ..

Johnny also claimed that he’d received messages from Colleen that suggested she’d held “viewing parties” with her friends to watch and make fun of Trisha’s NSFW content. Meanwhile, Adam McIntyre later alleged that Colleen had also sent him naked photos of Trisha when he was a minor.

What made these allegations even more shocking was the fact that Trisha and Colleen — who have been publicly friendly for years — launched a podcast together just this May titled Oversharing with Colleen Ballinger & Trisha Paytas , and have been uploading episodes as recently as June 6.

Not long after Johnny and Adam’s tweets were shared, Trisha responded to the controversy with a 21-minute YouTube video titled “colleen.” In the video, she claimed that there were “multiple times” that Colleen had sent her fans explicit nude photos and videos of Trisha — most of which, she clarified, were “behind a paywall that requires someone to be 18 and over.”

“I think that’s so inhumane, I think that’s so disgusting for anyone,” Trisha said, before alleging: “These weren’t a long time ago. This is someone well into their 30s, just gave birth, sending nudes. And a month prior, I was in her house, meeting her child... and doing a Mukbang with her.”

Later in the video, Trisha claimed that Colleen had denied all the allegations when she confronted her about them.

“I did ask her about these a couple of weeks ago,” Trisha alleged. “She assured me that she had never sent photos of me, [and] that this one fan who was underage at the time would send photos to her.”

“[Colleen] was like, ‘No, he was a fan, he sent photos to me, and he was obsessed with you… and once in a while, I’d respond to him.’ That’s what she told me a couple of weeks ago,” Trisha claimed.

Colleen’s representatives did not respond to BuzzFeed's request for comment at the time.

July 5: The First Miranda Sings Live Show Is Canceled

Amid the growing controversy, one of Miranda Sings’s live shows, which was scheduled to take place in Missouri on August 10, was suddenly canceled.

Per the website MetroTix , the event was canceled due to “unforeseen circumstances,” and ticket-holders were promised full, automatic refunds. Fans speculated that the venue had been the ones to pull the show in response to the backlash against Colleen after noticing that she’s still advertising the show on her Miranda Sings tour website , and has yet to publicly address the cancellation.

"Due to unforeseen circumstances, the Miranda Sings featuring Colleen Ballinger show has been cancelled."

July 8: “How To Sing Like a Black Woman”

Another old video of the YouTuber posing as Miranda resurfaced online; this time she was singing “like a Black woman,” as the title of the video explained.

In the resurfaced clip, Colleen — as Miranda — tells her viewers that in order to sing like a “big Black woman,” you should sing “really loud,” before demonstrating by singing a line from Jennifer Hudson ’s “And I Am Tellin' You I’m Not Going.”

The resurfaced clip left social media users accusing Colleen of invoking microaggressions and racially-charged stereotypes in the name of “comedy,” which prompted a wider discussion around how long her controversial content has flown under the radar. It has since led to further compilation videos showing racially insensitive behavior. Colleen has not responded to the video or the discourse it prompted.

July 8: Colleen and Trisha’s Podcast Is Axed

Trisha confirmed on July 8 that her and Colleen’s aforementioned podcast, Oversharing with Colleen Ballinger & Trisha Paytas , has come to an end after just three episodes.

Sharing a 16-minute video to her YouTube page, Trisha described the end of the podcast as “embarrassing,” before admitting that she “cried” and simply couldn’t “grasp” what had unfolded between herself and Colleen.

July 10: The Entire Miranda Sings Tour Is Canceled

Less than a week after Miranda Sings’s Missouri show was axed, news broke that the entirety of the tour had been canceled, too.

Colleen had 11 shows left over the course of 2023, spanning from Idaho to North Carolina. The events were canceled without any official statement from Colleen or her team.

Legal representatives for Colleen Ballinger did not respond to BuzzFeed's request for comment.

Topics in this article.

Colleen Ballinger
Trisha Paytas

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Miranda ‘Sings’ her way through…

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Miranda ‘sings’ her way through pregnancy, tour.

Right On! PR

Miranda Sings, left, is the creation of comedian Colleen Ballinger, right.

Miranda ?Sings? her way through pregnancy, tour

Miranda Sings may be comedian Colleen Ballinger’s alter ego, but the two have more in common than you think.

For instance, they both will perform at the Santander Performing Arts Center Friday night. And they are both pregnant.

Ballinger announced her pregnancy via her YouTube channel, showing all the different ways that her family members were informed. But if Ballinger is pregnant, that means Miranda is also with child.

Ballinger has said she’ll use the pregnancy to enhance the comedy because the bigger she gets, the bigger Miranda will also get.

Miranda also announced the pregnancy on her YouTube channel via the video “Broken Pregnancy Test.”

It’s just one of the ways that Ballinger and her alter ego are similar.

There are more, she said.

“I pull a lot from my childhood,” Ballinger said. “I was a bit of an oddball. I was homeschooled for a few years and I was always socially awkward, so I put that into Miranda.”

There are parts of Miranda that she envies, too.

“I love that she loves who she is,” Ballinger said. “It’s an admirable quality to be who you truly are. It’s a youthful, beautiful way of thinking that a lot of young kids have.”

In fact, she said, although Miranda went viral in 2008 and put Ballinger on both the social media and comedy maps, she likely would have developed the character nonetheless.

“I would have kept doing her for family and friends,” she said. “Because that’s the reason I created her.”

She said she wasn’t trying to come up with a YouTube sensation.

“So Miranda would still exist in some form if she never went viral,” Ballinger said. “I never thought I’d get famous. I’ve always done a lot of weird characters.”

Ballinger is trying something new this tour, which coincides with the publishing of Miranda’s book, “My Diarrhe,” which officially came out July 10. She’ll do a full half of the show as Colleen and the other half as Miranda.

“I’ve always kind of had me at the beginning of the show,” she said. “But this time it will be longer. I’ve never done anything like this before.”

As Colleen, she said she’ll share some self-deprecating humor as well as songs she’s written.

“So it’s stand-up comedy,” she said.

Then Miranda takes over with her trademark baggy clothes, garish lipstick and somewhat misplaced self-confidence.

And once Miranda is at the microphone you never really know what she’ll say.

“I work really hard to make it a show that is enjoyable for everyone,” she said, adding that her audience has grown since her two seasons on Netflix with “ Haters Back Off .” “I want the kids to come, but I want their grandparents to come and enjoy it too. There’s lot of humor, but there is also humor that goes over the kids’ heads and the parents laugh at that too.”

Although “Haters Back Off” wasn’t renewed for a third season, Miranda continues to find her way on YouTube, and Ballinger said she’s got a few more surprises up her sleeve.

“I’m writing a lot with my brother,” she said. “And I’ve got a new character that I’ve never done anything like before.”

Ballinger said she isn’t yet sure how the new character will be introduced but she hasn’t done too badly with Miranda Sings and trusting her gut.

“The big difference between me and (current YouTubers) is that it wasn’t a job then,” she said. “It wasn’t something that you could do. People would make fun of it, and of course now it’s a real job and one that a lot of people want. The reason I had success back in my day is because we weren’t doing it to be famous or rich, we were doing it because we were passionate. We didn’t care that it looks stupid.”

That passion has continued through a couple of books, the Netflix show, tours, television appearances and now an engagement (to Eric Stocklin, who played Miranda’s boyfriend Patrick Mooney on “Haters Back Off”) and pregnancy.

“I am so passionate and on fire for what I do,” she said. “I get to be the CEO and make videos. The fact that I’m passionate is what made me successful, but it feels like fun. To me, it’s just fun.”

Contact Tracy Rasmussen: [email protected].

You might also like: The Magpie Salute brings a familiar sound with a fresh approach

Find all of Miranda’s content, including her pregnancy announcement videos, at Youtube.com/channel/UC1OFDlfdRb6ma1ZGZd07gWA .

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The effervescent and zany Miranda Sings is set to embark on a tour of 15 cities, kicking off on the 10th of June in the grandiose Denver Paramount Theatre. Born and raised in Tacoma, Washington, Miranda Sings (aka Colleen Ballinger) has become a household name in the world of comedy and music. Miranda Sings debuted on YouTube back in 2008 and has since amassed a massive following, with over 10 million subscribers and counting. Her quirky personality and unapologetic attitude have won over fans from all walks of life. In addition to her online presence, Miranda has also released two albums: "Self-Titled" in 2017 and "Who Wants My Kid?" in 2019. Check out Miranda Sings tour dates here at Mirandasings.store. Fans can expect to hear hits from both albums and more during Miranda's upcoming tour. Some of the songs that may make an appearance on the concert set list are "Lipstick," "Where My Baes At?" and "Defying Gravity." Tickets for the Miranda Sings Concert 2023 are selling fast. Tickets for Miranda Sings' tour will go on sale on the 1st of March, 2023, with prices ranging from $45 to $150. Fans can purchase tickets at the venues or online. Miranda is known for her distinct retro-inspired fashion sense, and at her concerts, she often sports bright red lipstick and a bold outfit. The Miranda Sings ticket prices range from affordable to quite costly. The tour will wrap up on the 6th of October, 2023, with Miranda's last concert taking place in the charming Albany Hart Theatre At The Egg. Fans who miss out on the tour will surely be kicking themselves for not securing a ticket to witness this hilarious and talented performer live on stage. Obtain your Miranda Sings 2023 tickets now.

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Colleen Ballinger under fire again after older video of her performing with a painted face resurfaces

Colleen Ballinger arrives at the "Wonder Park" Los Angeles Premiere held at the Regency Village Theatre in Westwood, CA on Sunday, March 10, 2019.

The online backlash toward Colleen Ballinger continued to escalate Wednesday after a Twitter user went viral for resurfacing old video of the YouTube star performing to Beyoncé's “Single Ladies” in face paint that people said looked like blackface.

In an email statement on Thursday, the law firm Berk Brettler, which represents Ballinger, told NBC News that she was wearing green face paint during the performance.

The firm provided a longer video of the performance, which shows Ballinger performing the song “As Long As You’re Mine” from “Wicked” with Oliver Tompsett, a star from the show. Ballinger had painted her face green, like the witch Elphaba from the musical.

"She painted her face green like the witch. After that number, she went right into Single Ladies (while still wearing the green makeup). At that time, she closed all her shows with that Beyoncé number — it was one of her most popular bits," the law firm said.

The video clip that went viral shows Ballinger, who is known for her satirical online persona, Miranda Sings, in a black leotard singing off-key to the song while awkwardly dancing barefoot onstage with two backup singers. Her face has paint smeared on it. Some online correctly suggested the paint is actually green. Others expressed outrage , convinced it was blackface. There were also those who said that regardless of the color, “she should have known better than to do something that could even be potentially misconstrued that way.”

A representative for Ballinger did not immediately respond to a request for comment Wednesday.

The video of the "Single Ladies" performance was first shared in February 2018 on Ballinger’s Miranda Sings YouTube channel, which has 10.7 million subscribers. It remains viewable but is unlisted , and it doesn’t show what was performed onstage before or after “Single Ladies.”

By Wednesday evening, “Blackface” was trending across Twitter.

Paige Christie, the social media influencer who posted the video , wrote in the caption, “I’m gonna need someone to explain the black on her face …”

Christie and other viewers suggested the performance was posted as an unlisted YouTube link available to those who purchased her 2018 “My Diarrhe” and who scanned a QR code that was shared below text that reads “some of my west end preformenses.”

NBC News was unable to confirm whether the book featured a QR code to the unlisted YouTube link.

It’s the latest controversy surrounding Ballinger, 36, who is considered one of YouTube’s original stars. She has amassed more than 22 million subscribers across different YouTube channels. She also had a Netflix show that ran two seasons, and a comedy special is available to stream on the platform.

In the past few weeks, Ballinger has faced a wave of backlash following allegations that she engaged in inappropriate and exploitive relationships with underage fans.

In 2020, allegations about Ballinger’s behavior were made public when YouTuber Adam McIntyre made a video claiming she formed an inappropriate personal friendship with him when he was 13 to 16 years old, which included her sending him lingerie as a joke. She responded to some of McIntyre’s allegations in a video titled “ addressing everything .”

Last month, McIntyre’s allegations resurfaced when KodeeRants, another YouTube creator, made a video alleging that Ballinger privately shared screenshots of messages with McIntyre in a group chat called “Colleeny’s Weenies.” KodeeRants has deleted the videos. In the purported screenshots, Ballinger asks about the group’s “favorite position” and suggests McIntyre include a question in a “Q&A” on his channel about whether or not the then-teen was a virgin.

Last week, Ballinger shared a video titled “hi,” featuring her singing an original song in which she addresse s the accusations . In the 10-minute video , she strums on a ukulele and addresses what she calls “the facts."

“A lot of people are saying some things about me that aren’t quite true. Doesn’t matter if it’s true, though, just as long as it’s entertaining to you, right?” Ballinger sings in the video, which was posted to her Colleen Vlogs channel.

In 2020, Ballinger issued an apology after an older video in which she and her sister pretend to be Latinx women resurfaced, E! News reported . She said she deleted the video because they didn’t want anyone to be “hurt” by it.

“It is not funny, and it is completely hurtful. I am so ashamed and embarrassed that I ever thought this was okay,” she said at the time, according to E!. “I was a sheltered teenager who was stupid and ignorant and clearly extremely culturally insensitive.”

Ballinger is on a Miranda Sings tour, which runs through the fall.

is culture and trends editor for NBC News Digital.

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The Controversy Around Colleen Ballinger, a.k.a. Miranda Sings, Explained

In 2016, Miranda Sings was borderline inescapable . A character created by Colleen Ballinger in 2008, Miranda Sings is a parody of a teenage girl with an annoying (on purpose) personality, bad red lipstick, and a smug, crooked smile. It was simple enough for Ballinger, then a 21-year-old student at Azusa Pacific, a private Christian university, to transform into Miranda Sings. All she needed was a crumpled blue button shirt, red sweatpants hiked to her waist, and a signature, yet unplaceable, accent. And not liking Miranda Sings was always part of the brand. But now, former fans of the YouTuber and 36-year-old mother of three are more than annoyed. In the midst of her national tour as Miranda Sings , Ballinger is facing multiple accusations of inappropriate relationships with minors and bullying. One of her tour stops has been canceled “ due to unforeseen circumstances ,” and more past racially insensitive material is coming to light.

Early in her career, Ballinger, who majored in vocal performance, said that she created her Miranda Sings character to mock other videos she saw of actual teenagers singing in their rooms in hopes of being discovered on YouTube. “They were terrible,” she said in a 2011 interview with Seth Rudetsky for his Playbill YouTube show, Obsessed . “But they were so cocky. On their YouTube pages, in their profiles, they’d be like ‘I’m doing this to become famous.’”

Now that Ballinger herself is famous with almost 9 million followers on her personal YouTube channel and close to 11 million on her Miranda Sings channel — although her popularity has largely waned — she’s maintained a legacy, both as herself and her most popular character, by regularly posting YouTube, TikTok, and a new podcast co-hosted with another controversial internet figure, Trisha Paytas (who has since said she is “embarrassed to be associated with” Ballinger).

Accusations of inappropriate behavior by Ballinger date back to an April 28, 2020, video by Adam McIntyre, an ex-fan and YouTuber. McIntyre has claimed that Ballinger interacted inappropriately with him when he was a minor, a claim that Ballinger addressed in an apology video. However, more allegations have since surfaced, which she responded to on June 28, 2023 in the form of a 10 minute ukulele song (yes, that’s real) . Here’s a breakdown of everything we know so far about the controversy around Ballinger.

What were the first allegations against Colleen Ballinger?

On April 28, 2020, a 20-year-old YouTuber from Derry, Ireland, named Adam McIntyre uploaded a video titled “colleen ballinger, stop lying ” to address recent drama he had with Ballinger. McIntyre started running a fan account for Miranda Sings in 2013, when he was just 10 years old, and had since developed an online friendship with Ballinger. In the video, he says just a month prior, on March 26, 2020, he was given control of the official Miranda Sings Twitter account to post preapproved original content. “I have a present for you today. I’ve never done this with anyone but I’m trusting you,” McIntyre claimed Ballinger messaged him on Instagram on March 26, 2020 . “Right now I’m considering you my social media intern.” After he posted a satirical tweet he posted on the Miranda Sings account about her coming out as a Meghan Trainor fan received backlash , Ballinger issued an apology and deleted the post, as well as everything else McIntyre had posted. As a result, McIntyre claims Ballinger ignored him, bad-mouthed him, and caused him to lose the community of friends he had made through running his fan account and the Miranda Sings account. In the video, he holds up lingerie that he says Ballinger sent to him, which his mother took from him “’cause she was so shocked.” (McIntyre will come up again soon, as he’ll release 12 more videos describing Ballinger’s behavior and their interactions.)

Did Colleen Ballinger respond to the initial allegations against her?

Around the same time McIntyre shared his story about the lingerie, Ballinger answered for other bad behavior, including a racist video she made mocking Latinas , a fatphobic comment she made about a woman on an airplane, and a video where she talks about abusing her childhood dog . She apologized for all of these videos in a video titled “addressing everything,” released May 12, 2020. She also seemed to address McIntyre’s claim that she sent him lingerie: “No, I should have never sent a fan underwear, how stupid am I? No, I definitely should have never given him access to my Twitter account, and no, I shouldn’t have talked to him as often as I did,” she said. “But, I am not a monster and I am not a groomer.” She said that McIntyre wanted to move on, and so did she. So, Ballinger kept making videos, both as Miranda and as a family-channel vlogger, while McIntyre began making videos for his own channel, which now has 232,000 subscribers. The matter was scarcely discussed after 2020, until Kodee Tyler Dahl brought the conversation to 2023.

Why have allegations against Ballinger resurfaced?

On June 4, 2023, Kodee Tyler Dahl posted a now-deleted video titled “why I left the colleen ballinger fandom …” In the video, Dahl says Ballinger reached out to them in 2020 after McIntyre posted his video. Dahl, 33, claimed they were planning on making a video on their own drama channel, KodeeRants , siding with McIntyre, until Ballinger reached out. “I wanted to reach out to you privately and in confidence and let you know why I’m staying silent,” Dahl claims Ballinger wrote in a private message on Twitter. In the video, Dahl says Ballinger’s message made them feel important, saying “I was going to be her knight in shining armor.” Dahl started to become less entrenched in the fandom when they learned about previous jokes Ballinger had made regarding race, weight, and sexual assault. But the bulk of the new allegations come from a group message on Twitter called “colleeny’s weenies group chat.”

Wait, what is “colleeny’s weenies group chat”?

“Colleeny’s weenies” was a group chat on Twitter reserved for Ballinger’s inner circle of fans — what members have said were mostly minors, at the time — to vent, talk about the fandom, and send memes with Ballinger herself. In one message to the group, McIntyre, who was around 15 at the time, asked the group for questions to be used in a YouTube Q&A. Dahl’s alleged screenshot appears to show that Ballinger, who was in her early 30s, responded “Are you a Virgin?” and also asked McIntyre what his favorite sex position was. In another alleged screenshot, Adam tells the chat his “ass looks good today” and Ballinger appears to respond “pics adam.” Ballinger has yet to comment on these screenshots. In Ballinger’s 2023 response, she did not directly comment on the screenshots. Dahl also agreed with McIntyre’s claims that Ballinger would “trauma dump” on the group of tweens she called friends, especially when she was getting her divorce from Joshua David Evans.

In his June 7, 2023, video, McIntyre says Ballinger would promise special things, including a trip to the National Wax Museum, in exchange for his loyalty. The 15-year-old and 31-year-old had planned to spend the day together in Dublin before her June 8, 2018, show. However, in the video, McIntyre says that when the day came, she was being unkind and flaky to the point that even his parents were apprehensive about them meeting. He says they ended up meeting for only five minutes. He still cites this as an example of emotional whiplash that he said had become all too common in their dynamic. Ballinger has yet to directly respond to these claims and did not respond when asked for comment.

Though people have been doxxing him and sending death threats, to the point where he claims to have filed a police report , McIntyre said he isn’t backing down. Since Dahl’s video was posted, McIntyre has made 12 YouTube videos on the controversy. In a recent video, he claims Ballinger grooms her fans emotionally.

On June 4, 2023, Dahl’s “why I left the colleen ballinger fandom …” video had less than 1,000 views, but still ignited conversation about Ballinger’s behavior. Ballinger did not respond to the accusations in the video.

So, Colleen Ballinger has been accused of her own inappropriate behavior, but what is happening with Miranda Sings?

On June 13, 2023, a former Miranda Sings fan with the TikTok username @noitsbecks described an experience she had at a 2019 Miranda Sings show where she said she was left feeling humiliated onstage. It was well known that Ballinger would bring up audience members for various segments of the show, usually seeking out a specific type of person to fulfill different roles in her show. She scouted girls wearing short dresses, crop tops, or anything Miranda would consider racy, so she could make jokes about it during the show. So, Becky chose to dress for the Miranda gaze and wore a romper. “I was kind of trying to dress skimpy, so that I would be called up onstage,” Becky said in a TikTok video posted on June 13, 2023. She also tweeted about the incident. Instead of being chosen for the porn bit , she was chosen for the yoga bit.

Pause. What is a “porn bit” and what is a “yoga bit”?

These names of the portion of the show are extreme to elicit a reaction from the audience, but it’s still a bit weird. Both the porn bit and yoga bit required audience volunteers. For the porn bit, it was usually a young girl wearing something that showed skin. So think spaghetti straps, skirts, crop tops — basically anything that would get you dress-coded in a strict public school. She would also bring up a fan in red sweatpants and full coverage top — the Miranda Sings uniform — to compare the two outfits. The girl showing even the slightest bit of skin was “porn” and the Miranda Sings clone was not. For the yoga bit, Miranda and an audience volunteer copied bizarre-looking, difficult yoga-inspired poses. At the show Becky attended, she was chosen to come on stage for the yoga bit, and she said the experience left her feeling unsafe in front of a large audience of people. Becky is not the only former fan who has come forward to talk about their uncomfortable Miranda Sings tour experiences as minors.

Similar to Becky, a person named Grace posted a video to TikTok about seeing the Miranda Sings tour when she was 14. In the video, the 14-year-old has on a black skirt, white shirt, and green jacket and a 31-year-old Ballinger, as Miranda, declares that “all it takes is a little breeze and I’ll see all the bits.” Another portion of the show had Miranda going on “dates” with audience members during a “ search for a bae” segment. A portion of this segment she would repeat was putting a bag of cheese balls in the front of her pants, and inviting the audience member to reach in and grab a handful of cheese balls. One infamous clip of a young boy named James participating in this bit during a 2016 London show has resurfaced, amongst other photos and videos of similar occurrences in multiple cities and over the span of a couple years. Ballinger has not directly responded to the allegations by Becky, Grace, or anyone else alleging inappropriate behavior during any Miranda Sings tour show.

What are Kory DeSoto and Trent Ballinger accused of?

An 18-year-old former fan named Oliver claims they had inappropriate interactions with Colleen’s brother Trent Ballinger, mostly over Twitter direct message and later via text. Oliver claims they were 13 to 14 at the time, while Trent was in his 30s. Oliver said the conversations centered around their sexuality.

DeSoto and Ballinger met as freshmen at Azusa Pacific University. He eventually ended up working for Ballinger, and even lived with her for a time. He was widely known in the fandom, and even has his own online presence and fanbase. Some of his fans created a group chat, named “kory’s klit.” Members of the group, mostly minors, claim that DeSoto did not name the group chat, but he was an active participant in it. Some members of the group chat claim he was modeling similar strange and inappropriate behavior to Ballinger — trauma dumping, bullying, taunting fans, complaining about Ballinger, and talking about sex, drugs, and alcohol. One leaked message also appears to show that DeSoto would threaten to block people if they shared info about the group chat. A Reddit group, r/ColleenBallingerSnark claims DeSoto started scrubbing various social-media accounts once allegations about himself and Ballinger started to spread on social media. Controversy struck. One post claimed that he had deleted 80 videos and listed 75 of the titles of those videos, which included “SEXY WALL TWERKING” and “Sex Advice: Cosmo Corner.” DeSoto deleted his Twitter around June 11, 2023.

Another former fan and employee of Ballinger’s, Johnny, came out with a video with similar allegations of bullying and being paid and treated poorly during his time on tour with Ballinger, Evans, and DeSoto. In this, he claims that DeSoto was a bully. Evans issued a public apology to Johnny . Ballinger’s response did not specifically respond to Johnny’s claims and DeSoto has yet to respond entirely.

Has Colleen Ballinger/ Miranda Sings released an apology?

Ballinger posted a ten-minute video, titled “hi,” on June 28, 2023, where she denied the allegations in song while accompanying herself on the ukulele. After looking dejected for ten seconds, she launches into a speak-sung monologue, in which she condemns the internet for boarding the “toxic gossip train, chugging down the tracks of misinformation.” In this video, she declares that her team advised her to not speak on the allegations against her, but said nothing about singing . This video has a decidedly different tone than her 2020 response. Yes, she admits to messaging fans, but says it was in a “loser” way because, as she put it, “the only thing I’ve ever groomed is my two Persian cats.” She claims to have made jokes in poor taste and bad decisions, but sings that her intentions were not malicious, despite what “millions of people” have decided. “I know that you wanted me to say that I was 100 percent in the wrong / Well, I’m sorry I’m not going to take that route of admitting to lies and rumors that you made up for clout,” she sings. She also states that Miranda Sings is PG-13-rated content and blames parents for bringing their kids to her shows as it is not her responsibility to cater to a younger audience: “That’s why you won’t find my videos on the YouTube Kids app.” The message of the video is best described with one of Ballinger’s lyrical denials: “I’m not a groomer / I’m just a loser.” Multiple times in the video, including a long chorus near the end in which she rhymes “human” with “human,” she states that she is not a horrible human, but a human who made a mistake and doesn’t deserve hate. The video/song ends with Ballinger resigning both the chorus and herself: “Well, what do I know? Fuck me, right?” Vulture reached out to Ballinger for comment.

Previous to the video, her podcast with Trisha Paytas has lost sponsorship from OneSkin and ZocDoc, according to TMZ. “We were made aware of this previously and have decided to cease the relationship completely. This behavior is appalling and we do not condone or support it in any form,” OneSkin said in a statement to TMZ. As of publishing, she has lost 30,000 followers since June 15 . Ballinger’s June 28 video on her vlog channel has been her only response, besides an impromptu speech at a recent tour stop, where she claimed “there were so many things to say,” but decided to “not say those things.” One person reportedly booed at the end of the show, and one twitter user claims they spent $3 on a ticket and attended just to support McIntyre .

Ballinger’s August 10 tour stop in St. Louis, Missouri, was canceled on July 5 due to “unforeseen circumstances,” per the venue. Currently, Ballinger has six other shows set before August 10. Vulture reached out to the concert promoter for additional comment.

Have there been any further accusations?

Yes. Ballinger has been accused of body shaming Trisha Paytas and texting unsolicited nudes of Paytas to at least two former fans — including Adam McIntyre, who confirmed in a July 4 video that he was 14 years old at the time. In a 21-minute video titled “colleen,” Paytas addressed Ballinger’s alleged messages , calling them “disgusting” and “illegal.” Referencing a fan’s description , she claimed Ballinger held “viewing parties of my adult content to make fun of me.” According to Paytas, Ballinger “vehemently denied” ever sending any photos of Paytas, instead claiming that an underage fan sent the photos and everything was being taken “out of context.” Paytas said she is embarrassed to be associated with Ballinger. She further noted that her sexual content is paywalled to people over age 18 and criticized the negative impact that Ballinger’s alleged actions could have on perceptions of sex workers. “I will never speak on Colleen again,” Paytas concluded. “She just does not exist to me anymore.” Ballinger has not publicly responded to Paytas’s video.

Meanwhile, April Quioh, a television writer and former writer’s assistant on Ballinger’s short-lived Netflix show Haters Back Off , wrote about her experience on the show in her newsletter . Quioh described her time as writer’s assistant as “so, so uncomfortable” due in part to Ballinger’s demand that the show include “incestual innuendo” involving a character named Uncle Jim. (Uncle Jim, part of Miranda Sings “lore,” has an implied sexual relationship with Miranda). “She often pitched stories in which Miranda and Uncle Jim would be caught in compromising positions or stomach-churning moments of intimacy that could always be easily explained away by a clueless Miranda,” Quioh wrote.

Quioh also wrote about racist behavior from Ballinger, including Ballinger’s “insistence that we used limited POC background actors as the show took place in Washington.” While filming in an Asian food market dressed as a bodega, Ballinger “demanded assurance that all the ‘Asian shit’ would be removed before filming,” according to Quioh. Ballinger repeatedly crossed professional boundaries with Quioh and the rest of the crew, per Quioh. “She had a knack for making ‘funny,’ biting comments about the people around her and since we all had her to thank for our jobs, we were forced to just go with it,” Quioh wrote. “She saw no issue with commenting on my hair, or my clothes, or asking about my personal life. Her lack of boundaries was remarkable.” Ballinger has not responded to the accusations from Quioh.

On July 5, 2023, YouTuber Paige Christie posted a clip of Ballinger (as Miranda) allegedly in blackface , pretending to be Beyoncé while performing “Single Ladies” in 2009. Legal representation for Ballinger denied she was doing blackface in a statement to Vulture. A full video shared by Variety shows Ballinger in Elphaba-green face paint performing “As Long As You’re Mine” from Wicked with Oliver Tompsett, a member of the original West End cast, directly before going into her “Single Ladies” performance.

This post has been updated.

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Miranda Lambert returns with same fury as 'Gunpower & Lead' on new single 'Wranglers'

Miranda lambert's latest single, "wranglers," arrives on may 3, 2024. it's her first new music since signing with republic records six months ago..

Miranda Lambert's latest single, "Wranglers," arrives on May 3.

The three-time Grammy-winning, seven-time Country Music Association Female Vocalist of the Year and five-time Academy of Country Music Album of the Year winner's 41st year on Earth finds her in greater control of her artistic and creative direction than ever.

As of November 2023 , she's been announced as having moved from her 18-year home at Sony Nashville to becoming a Republic Records-signed artist and Big Loud Texas imprint co-founder alongside frequent collaborator and singer-songwriter Jon Randall.

'Wranglers' is about taking power back

Via a press statement, Lambert notes that "Wranglers," her first new music via Republic Records, is the tale of an easily identifiable female protagonist "taking her power back" by getting "a little revenge on someone that did us wrong or hurt us."

Recent social media posts by Lambert have alluded to prior songs in her catalog of a similar ilk, including 2007's "Gunpowder & Lead" and 2011's "Mama's Broken Heart."

"Music is and always will be the thing that drives me, but having a new home has given me a hunger I didn't realize I still had inside me. This song feels like it could be on the same record as 'Gunpowder & Lead'; it has that same fury," Lambert says.

"Miranda Lambert's legacy as both a consummate storyteller and legendary performer speaks for itself. Her new music is spectacular and we are thrilled and honored to welcome her to Republic Records in partnership with Big Loud," says Republic Records founder and chairman Monte Lipman.

"We're honored Miranda Lambert has entrusted us with this next chapter of her career," adds Republic President and COO Jim Roppo. "As she puts the final touches on her fantastic new body of work, it has all the hallmarks of her signature sound, yet she continues to push herself as a songwriter, producer and performer. We're all at the beginning of a very special moment, and we're grateful to be on this journey with her."

On recording new music

In November, Lambert noted that her label moved related directly to her adventuresome desire to "constantly (look) for the next challenge and a new way to stretch my creativity."

Six months later, about that creative challenge, she adds the following: "Being in Texas with Jon Randall, recording where I cut my teeth as a young artist, felt like coming home. I thought about the women — and men — who've lived, loved and found power in my music, and I wanted to get back to the root of those spaces.

"Signing with Republic has inspired me to find the sweet spot for me and all the people like me. I can't wait for everyone to hear 'Wranglers' and the rest of this record."

Recent concerts

Lambert has recently wrapped her twice-extended, 48-show Velvet Rodeo residency at the Bakkt Theater inside the Planet Hollywood Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. She will also play at Stagecoach Festival in Indio, California, on April 27. This will be followed by a three-night stand at the iconic Whitewater Amphitheater in New Braunfels, Texas, and concerts from coast to coast.

With tour dates running throughout July, August and September, Lambert is also headlining festivals including Rock the Country, Calgary Stampede, Under the Big Sky and more.

For more information on upcoming shows, new music and all things Miranda Lambert, visit www.MirandaLambert.com .

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Laufey, Gen Z’s Pop Jazz Icon, Sings for the Anxious Generation

The gen z ‘it girl’ singer on the painful push and pull of young love..

This transcript was created using speech recognition software. While it has been reviewed by human transcribers, it may contain errors. Please review the episode audio before quoting from this transcript and email [email protected] with any questions.

Love now and for always.

Did you fall in love?

Just tell her I love her.

Love is stronger than anything.

[SIGHS]: For the love.

And I love you more than anything.

(SINGING) What is love?

Here’s to love.

From “The New York Times,” I’m Anna Martin. This is “Modern Love,” and today I’m talking to singer songwriter Laufey.

(SINGING) Don’t you notice how

I get quiet when there’s no one else around

You might think from the warm, mature tone in her voice, the jazz and bossa nova influence, that Laufey’s from another generation, but she’s only 25 years old.

(SINGING) Look at me

I’m as hopeless as a kitten

She got her start in the most Gen Z way possible — on TikTok. During the pandemic, Laufey started posting videos of herself playing guitar, asking her followers what they wanted to hear from her.

Does anybody else feel like everyone around them is falling in love? I wrote a song about it.

Her viral videos led to her debut album, called “Everything I Know About Love,” then a second record called “Bewitched,” which she won a Grammy for this year. And now, she’s on a nationwide tour. So even though Laufey’s music sounds so nostalgic, it’s clearly of the moment. Laufey is speaking to her mostly young fans about experiences they’re likely going through right now — first love, first heartbreak, feeling like you’re someone’s second pick. And through her music, Laufey sang, I’m right here. I’m with you.

(SINGING) Everybody’s falling in love And I’m falling behind

Today, Laufey reads an essay called “An Anxious Person Tries to Be Chill,” by Coco Mellors. And Laufey opens up about how anxiety manifests in her own relationships and how she turns that anxiety into art.

(SINGING) Stepped outside and burned my skin

My life won’t go my way

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Laufey, welcome to “Modern Love.”

Thank you so much for having me. I’m so excited to be here.

Laufey, throughout your career, you’ve cultivated these really direct relationships with your fans. You talk with them on TikTok. You respond to them on Instagram. And recently, you’ve been connecting with them in a much more literary way. You’re doing a book club. What are you reading right now?

Well, we are reading “The Midnight Library” by Matt Haig. Last month, we read “Circe” by Madeline Miller. It’s a really fun way to connect with the fans kind of in a different way and have storytelling as a way to connect us all together.

What makes a good story for you? That’s a big question, I know.

Big question. I think there’s a level of suspense and release to a good story. There’s some sort of unexpected twist and a release. I mean, it sounds simple, but a happy ending, right, or some sort of ending that makes sense. [LAUGHS]

Does that kind of narrative apply to your songwriting as well?

Oh, absolutely. I talk about tension and release all the time, especially in chords, right? If you hear a chord that sounds almost wrong and you move one note, and then it just resolves, that’s what we talk about as tension and release in music, and I’m all about tension and release.

Yeah, I mean, these ideas of release, of suspense, they all feel very related to the “Modern Love” essay you chose to read today. It’s by Coco Mellors. Can you tell me what it’s about?

She’s talking about falling in love with this neighbor who doesn’t really care about her and, I guess, this overarching theme of being anxiously attached. And we kind of visit her past and what has built up to this anxious attachment style. And then we kind of follow her through as she finds a more secure love.

Yeah, this piece has a lot to do with attachment theory, which I feel like everyone kind of knows at this point. But just a refresher, it divides people into three categories based on how we relate to romantic partners. There’s anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and secure attachment. And the author of this essay is definitely anxious. She’s experiencing that tension that I’m sure so many people can relate to. It’s that stress that comes when you like someone so much more than they like you.

I was going to say, I think when somebody doesn’t give us quite enough, it forms this addiction, almost, because then when we get it, we have this satisfying sense of relief. And then, of course, they drop out again, but then you’re aching for that sense of, oh, he does like me, or, oh, he will sleep with me, or he’s going to love me. And so, I think that’s kind of what we’re always itching for, that sense of love, even though it’s not really love. It’s just breadcrumbing you, almost, if that makes sense.

It does make sense. This essay begins with the author, Coco Mellors, hanging on, basically, for dear life to a guy who just wants something — the dreaded word — “casual.” Do you want to go ahead and read the essay for us?

“An Anxious Person Tries to Be Chill.”

“The year after I stopped drinking, I fell in love with my neighbor. I was 27, working as a copywriter, and living in a studio apartment on Gay Street in the West Village. He lived across the street in a larger apartment that had beautiful morning light and a mouse infestation.

One afternoon, he found me sitting on his stoop, smoking a cigarette, and sat down, looking like a young Paul Newman. We talked for a long time, during which I learned that he owned a local restaurant and had recently broken up with his girlfriend. Eventually, we headed up to his apartment, where we kissed until it felt like it was only us and the mice in his walls still awake in the whole city.

By the time he walked me back to my building, it was past midnight, and I had already decided that our wedding should be right there on Gay Street. I was calculating what kind of city permits that would require when he placed a hand on my shoulder. ‘I really like you,’ he said, ‘but the restaurant keeps me pretty busy, and I just want to be clear that I’m not looking for a relationship right now.’

I looked up at him under the yellow glow of the street lamps and did what so many hopeful single people have done before me. I told a lie, wishing it were true. ‘I’m not looking for anything serious either,’ I said. His face softened. ‘That’s great. So we can just keep it chill?’ I smiled. ‘I’m a very chill person. You’ll see.’

He would not see. What followed was a two-year tug of war. He could not commit, and I could not accept it. I tried every tool in my arsenal to get him to be my boyfriend. Nothing could change the fact that we didn’t want the same thing. Instead of freeing ourselves from this mismatch, one of us would eventually leave our light on, knowing the other would see it from the street below and send a text to come up.

I was repeating a familiar pattern. I grew up chasing my father’s love, a man who, like my neighbor, could be affectionate or absent depending on the day. Now, I was pursuing my neighbor with the same fervor. The more space he wanted, the closer I longed to be. I pretended to have no needs, then felt distraught when he didn’t meet them. I would get high off of his attention, then crash when he withdrew.

I would later learn this dynamic is called an anxious avoidant relationship. At the time, I only knew it hurt. And for the first time in my adult life, I didn’t have alcohol to numb me. So I went to an ashram upstate and prayed for the obsession to lift. I changed his name in my phone to Prosecco, so I would remember how emotionally hungover I felt after seeing him.

I went to a weekly meditation group led by a Buddhist teacher and, at the risk of sounding dramatic, changed my life forever. He taught me that anxious and avoidant people often connect quickly and powerfully, but the relationships are a challenge at best and doomed at worst. ‘You need to be with someone secure,’ he said. ‘You mean boring.’ He smiled. ‘Security isn’t boring. You’ll see.’

Eventually it was obsessing over my neighbor that grew boring. I stopped leaving my light on all night, got some proper sleep, found a therapist, and became open to the possibility of meeting someone else. That someone was Henry, a friend of a friend I met at a film screening. He had freckles all over his face and a big, unselfconscious smile.

He was obsessed with being outdoors, loved to cook, and was a moderate drinker.

By contrast, I considered a trip to Central Park hiking, got my meals — sushi, cupcakes, pre-cut fruit — at the Gourmet Deli, and wasn’t moderate at anything. I liked him instantly, but I didn’t fantasize about marrying him.

For one of our early dates, Henry made reservations at three restaurants and let me pick which one to go to. On another, we saw a documentary about the evils of salmon farming. In the following months, we met up once or twice a week to eat, go to the theater, or see an exhibition. There was no waiting up late for him, no ‘will he, won’t he show up.’

I was used to downing a person like a shot, but with Henry, I sipped. He surprised me with his juggling skills, and later, about his role as the peacekeeper between his older brother and younger sister. Later, he told me about his friend who was killed in a hit and run during the first year of university, the shock and the grief of it. Each new thing I learned felt precious.

Still, I was weary. Where was the high, the excitement? I thought falling for someone should be like having an orgasm and a heart attack at once. ‘Shouldn’t it be more difficult than this?’ I asked my therapist. ‘In real life, good things are allowed to be easy,’ she said. ‘Trust it.’

A few months into seeing each other, I gave Henry a book of illustrated animal facts, expecting him to appreciate it as a thoughtful, if not particularly noteworthy, gesture. ‘This is the best gift ever,’ he said. He went through the book page by page, wondrously repeating the best facts aloud. ‘Hummingbirds flap their wings up to 200 times a second.’

Henry didn’t need things to be dramatic to feel alive because he paid attention to the small details that make life feel miraculous. His capacity for delight, his seemingly boundless sense of wonder was one of the first things I loved about him. I just didn’t know it at the time.

My earlier experiences of falling in love had felt like being stuffed in a barrel and thrown off a waterfall, a blind tumble, both euphoric and terrifying. Falling in love with Henry felt like being carried along a smooth river to sea.

It wasn’t all smooth, of course. I was still me, after all, still anxious. For the first few months, every morning that Henry left my apartment to return to his place, I would scramble out of bed and insist on walking him the one block to the subway. His departure stirred some vague panic in me, triggering the childhood fear of abandonment, of love walking out the door.

Of course, I’d never admitted that to anyone I had dated, until, one day, when Henry turned to me outside the subway entrance, gave me a funny smile, and said, ‘Why do you always want to walk me? I sense it’s important to you, but I’m not sure why.’

My first instinct was to lie, wishing it were true. Instead, I took a deep breath. ‘Actually, I have this thing when we separate where I get —’ I fluttered a hand over my chest — ‘really anxious. I think I’m afraid you won’t come back.’

Henry gave me a long look, and my heart dropped. I waited for him to dive headfirst down the subway stairs away from me. ‘I see,’ he said, taking my hand. ‘Would it make you feel less anxious if we walked around the block together one more time?’

I could have laughed with relief. I could have pressed my palms into my eyes and cried like a child. But I kept myself together and nodded. We walked once more around the block, and then he got on the subway, and I went about my day.

A year later, we moved in together. Six months after that, we got married. Today, we live in a house in Los Angeles with a small garden regularly frequented by hummingbirds. ‘Up to 200 flaps a second,’ Henry likes to remind me. ‘Isn’t that remarkable?’ ‘It is.’”

Man, if I had a nickel for every time I needed to go to an ashram upstate to get rid of a crush — am I right?

[LAUGHS]: I’m like seeing a bit of myself in this — not that I’ve gone to an ashram, but now I kind of want to.

[LAUGHS]: When we come back, how Laufey’s first ever date and first ever ghosting became the creative spark that kicked off her career. Stay with us.

So, Laufey, you just read Coco Mellor’s “Modern Love” essay, and you said that you saw yourself in her story. Tell me what parts resonated with you.

I think this feeling of anxious attachment and avoidant also I think I’ve definitely felt versions of. Sometimes the further I get into secure relationships, I expect something to go wrong.

Are you saying that you identify as slightly anxiously attached?

I think so. I thought I wasn’t, but I think I am.

[LAUGHS]: I mean, how has that showed up in your dating life?

I’ve kind of blocked out boys and dating when I was younger. I don’t know why. I guess I was just like, I’ve got to focus on school and music. And I was just so embarrassed. I was so embarrassed.

But it wasn’t until I moved to the States and moved to — I went to university in Boston that I kind of allowed myself to open up and be a young woman and date for the first time. And I remember the first time I started going on dates with this guy, and my first thought was, oh, my god. Does everybody feel like this? Because I felt insane.

[LAUGHS]: Oh!

I felt insane. And this first guy was definitely like this push and pull. Like, he didn’t really care that much. But I remember I would receive a text from him. I was like, oh, my god. This is like a movie! And then he ended up ghosting me, and I was so —

— hurt. I was so sad. And every single feeling I was feeling, whether it was the excitement after a date or the anxiety about receiving a text or the hurt of being ghosted, the only thought I had throughout the whole thing was, does everybody feel like this? Because I feel insane.

[LAUGHS]: I know exactly what you mean. The first time I felt a real connection, I remember riding the train and looking at the other people on the train and thinking, have all of you felt this way, too? Because it feels like a medical event. Like, I’m not OK.

No, I genuinely felt — it feels like a medical event. I remember I’d look out at the people — this is so dramatic. I had a dorm room that looked over Boston. And I’d like look down at the people and be like, so everybody goes through this?

[LAUGHS]: Wait, I love that. You’re looking at all these people and you’re like, every single one of you has experienced this, too?

Every single one of you has experienced a version of this. And it’s true, and that’s why my first song I released was called “Street by Street.”

I wrote it as I looked out — it’s so cute. It’s like my first little baby song. But I looked out on the street and saw the people. And I was like, I’m gonna reclaim this city because this boy had ruined the city for me. And that was the first song I wrote.

I absolutely want to play this song, but first, I have to ask, like, does this mean that Boston is ruined for you forever? You can never return to that city again?

No, it’s OK. I’ve reclaimed it.

I’ve made my triumphant return. I love Boston.

OK, that’s a big relief for your Boston fans. Let’s play the song that let you reclaim an entire city. It’s called “Street by Street.”

(SINGING) Step by step

Brick by brick

I’m reclaiming what’s mine

This city is way too small to give away to just one guy

What is it about the potential of a relationship, a crush, a situationship, as some people call it, that’s so creatively inspiring to you?

The songs we listened to growing up are often about this deep heartbreak or falling deeply in love. My experience has been everything in between, the confusion in between, the, “oh, does he love me today, or he won’t love me tomorrow.”

So as I became a writer and started illustrating these feelings through song, I think I really zeroed in on these feelings that I felt like hadn’t been represented in songs as much because those are the lyrics, those are the songs that you hear, and you’re like, wow. She feels like that, and I feel like that. So maybe I’m not that crazy. It’s validating. Even reading what Coco wrote, reading that is very validating. Someone else feels that way.

Yeah, I mean, Coco’s piece reminds me of how I felt in my own relationships, the toxic ones, but also the healthy ones. I always feel some amount of anxiety. And I know that my friends do, too.

I think a lot of women do feel anxiously attached, right? And then, the fear that comes along with it is being crazy, right? It’s like when Coco is seeing Henry away at the subway station, and she tells him I’m scared you won’t come back. She knows that it’s irrational, but she’s still scared that he’s gonna think she’s crazy and then he’s not gonna come back.

Right, but it’s like she’s not being crazy. She points to her addiction, her relationship with her father, all these things that influence her anxious attachment style. And throughout the piece, she’s working really hard to get herself to a secure place and embrace her connection with Henry, the guy who loves hummingbirds. But in the back of her mind, she has this fear that a stable relationship will be boring. Have you ever had that same fear?

Yeah, I’m also deep on the TikTok that talks about safe love being boring.

So I see it all the time. I mean, in my experience with the safe love I’ve received, it isn’t boring. I see why people think that. I think a lot of women don’t recognize safe love because it’s boring in comparison to the push and pull of the guy that’s never going to give you enough. But — this is so cheesy, but safe love is joyous. It’s happy, you know?

I don’t think that’s cheesy. Do you think that’s cheesy? I think that’s real.

Safe love is stable. Let’s use that word instead. It’s stable. So, yeah, you don’t have as much of the tension, the tension and release. But it’s stable and it’s beautiful.

In your experience, is that type of love harder to write a song about? We spoke about the sort of creative inspiration of the more toxic type of love, but what about the secure type?

It is harder to write about. It is. Once you do write about it, it is the most beautiful product, but there are less questions. In my songwriting, it’s a lot of questions being answered, a lot of them about love as well. And when you have a secure type of love, you’re not thinking all the time, like, oh, my god, do you love me? Or why are you doing this? Why did this happen? Why are you looking at her that way? There are no questions. It’s secure. So I definitely think it’s harder.

Do you ever worry that a safe relationship wouldn’t give you enough material for your art?

[CHUCKLING]

No, although a lot of — oh, my god. I’ve seen so many TikToks and tweets where people are like, oh, Laufey can never get in a relationship or else we’ll —

— stop getting songs. We’ll stop getting albums. And I’m like, hey! Please. I’m like, don’t you wish me happiness?

[LAUGHS]: OK, we’re gonna prove all those fans wrong. Is there a song of yours that we can point to that’s about a secure relationship?

Well, the first love song I wrote, called “Best Friend.” I’d never been in love before, and I wanted to write a love song. And I thought about the most secure type of love I’ve ever had in my life. And that is the love I have for my twin sister, and then the love my mother and father have for each other. And I asked my mother, how do when you’ve found the one? And my mother was like, well, your father is my best friend. So I wrote a song called “Best Friend.”

Aw. I mean, this song, I love it because it’s really an ode to secure relationships of all different types. Let’s go out on that song, Laufey. This is “Best Friend.”

(SINGING) I have never tolerated someone for so long

I’ve never laughed so much

I haven’t written a sad song

There’s no one else I’d rather fall asleep with

And dream with

You’re my best friend in the world

Laufey, thank you so much for this conversation. It was such a blast to talk to you.

Thank you. I’ve had so much fun. I literally could talk about love and relationships. It is something — it really is the one thing that everybody goes through, and nobody really has the answer to. And I love trying to get to the bottom of it. And I know that I will never get to the bottom of it.

[SCATTING]:

Next week, I talk with model and writer Emily Ratajkowski. After her very public divorce, Emily’s now on a mission to shift negative assumptions people may have about her relationship status, starting with her wedding ring.

I basically took the diamonds that were in the original ring and made them into two different rings, which I kind of playfully called divorce rings. I really liked the idea of a woman not having to be ashamed of leaving a relationship, but even just like of having a past.

“Modern Love” is produced by Julia Botero, Christina Djossa, Reva Goldberg, Davis Land, and Emily Lang. It’s edited by our executive producer Jen Poyant, Reva Goldberg, and Davis Land. The “Modern Love” theme music is by Dan Powell. Original music by Dan Powell, Pat McCusker, and Rowan Niemisto.

This episode was mixed by Daniel Ramirez. Our show is recorded by Maddy Masiello. Digital production by Mahima Chablani and Nell Gallogly. The “Modern Love” column is edited by Daniel Jones. Miya Lee is the editor of “Modern Love” projects. I’m Anna Martin. Thanks for listening.

April 24, 2024 • 28:31 Laufey, Gen Z’s Pop Jazz Icon, Sings for the Anxious Generation
April 17, 2024 • 35:54 Why John Magaro of ‘Past Lives’ Could Never Love a Picky Eater
April 10, 2024 • 29:18 Esther Perel on What the Other Woman Knows
April 3, 2024 • 27:31 The Second Best Way to Get Divorced, According to Maya Hawke
March 27, 2024 • 32:38 How to Be Real With Your Kids
March 20, 2024 • 32:14 Why Samin Nosrat Is Now ‘Fully YOLO’
March 13, 2024 • 32:32 Brittany Howard Sings Through the Pangs of New Love
March 6, 2024 • 33:21 Novelist Celeste Ng on the Big Power of Little Things
February 28, 2024 • 37:46 Three Powerful Lessons About Love
February 23, 2024 • 33:45 Modern Love at the Movies: Our Favorite Oscar-Worthy Love Stories
February 21, 2024 • 25:21 A Politics Reporter Walks Into a Singles Mixer
February 14, 2024 • 28:39 Un-Marry Me!

Hosted by Anna Martin

Produced by Julia Botero , Christina Djossa , Reva Goldberg , Emily Lang and Davis Land

Edited by Jen Poyant

Engineered by Daniel Ramirez

Original music by Dan Powell and Pat McCusker

Listen and follow Modern Love Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music

‘the songs we listen to growing up are often about this deep heartbreak, or falling deeply in love. my experience has been everything in between, the confusion in between.’.

Laufey, the singer, shown from the shoulders up in a pink top with black dots on it. She is against an illustration that includes drawings of birds and people in costumes.

Laufey, the 25-year-old singer-songwriter, has risen to prominence by taking the trials of today’s dating world — casual relationships, no labels and seemingly endless swiping on apps — and turning them into timeless love songs.

Today, Laufey reads Coco Mellors’s essay, “ An Anxious Person Tries to Be Chill ,” which is about a woman trying to work through her deep-seated relationship anxieties and attachment issues in an on-again, off-again situationship. Laufey says she, too, has been an anxious partner. While she thinks a toxic relationship, like the one in the essay, can make for a great love song, she now knows secure relationships can make beautiful music, too.

Links to transcripts of episodes generally appear on these pages within a week.

Modern Love is hosted by Anna Martin and produced by Julia Botero, Reva Goldberg, Emily Lang and Christina Djossa. The show is edited by Davis Land and Jen Poyant, our executive producer. The show is mixed by Daniel Ramirez and recorded by Maddy Masiello and Nick Pitman. It features original music by Pat McCusker and Dan Powell. Our theme music is by Dan Powell.

Special thanks to Larissa Anderson, Kate LoPresti, Lisa Tobin, Daniel Jones, Miya Lee, Mahima Chablani, Nell Gallogly, Jeffrey Miranda, Isabella Anderson, Reyna Desai, Renan Borelli, Nina Lassam and Julia Simon.

Thoughts? Email us at [email protected] . Want more from Modern Love ? Read past stories . Watch the TV series and sign up for the newsletter . We also have swag at the NYT Store and two books, “ Modern Love: True Stories of Love, Loss, and Redemption ” and “ Tiny Love Stories: True Tales of Love in 100 Words or Less .”

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Here’s Everything That Colleen Ballinger’s Former Fans, Friends, And Employees Have Said About Her Alleged Inappropriate Behavior Over The Past Few Weeks

Warning: This article contains discussion of grooming, inappropriate conduct, and racist commentary.

For anyone who isn’t in the loop, Colleen, 36, is a YouTuber best known for her alter ego Miranda Sings. Her fanbase has always primarily consisted of young kids and teenagers, and in 2020, Colleen faced allegations of misconduct from several of these former fans.

Colleen explained that as a “sheltered teenager,” she’d been extremely “ignorant” and “culturally insensitive” at the time that these clips were filmed. However, she maintained that she’d learned from her mistakes, and, for the most part, her apology was well-received .

But three years later, Colleen has found herself at the center of several controversies once again after various new claims about her alleged past behavior were made by her former fans, friends, and employees. Here’s a complete breakdown of everything that has unfolded.

June 24: The HuffPost Report

June 28: Colleen Responds with a 10-Minute Ukulele Song

Colleen broke her silence on the growing controversy by releasing a 10-minute ukulele song to her YouTube page on June 28.

In the now-infamous track, Colleen admitted that she did used to “overshare” details about her personal life with her younger fans in group chats, though denied that it was ever “creepy.” Instead, she said that she was just a “loser” who wanted to “be besties” with everyone.

July 1: A Former Employee Speaks Out

Things took yet another turn when April Korto Quioh, a Black former employee on Colleen’s 2016 Netflix series Haters Back Off! , publicly alleged that the YouTuber had displayed racist behavior on set and pitched disturbing content for the series’ scripts.

July 1: JoJo Siwa

On the same day that April’s claims were made public, a compilation of Colleen’s past interactions with now-20-year-old JoJo Siwa gained fresh traction on TikTok and left several viewers feeling “uncomfortable.”

July 3: Trisha Paytas

Johnny also claimed that he’d received messages from Colleen that suggested she’d held “viewing parties” with her friends to watch and make fun of Trisha’s NSFW content. Meanwhile, Adam McIntyre later alleged that Colleen had also sent him naked photos of Trisha when he was a minor.

July 5: The First Miranda Sings Live Show Is Canceled

Amid the growing controversy, one of Miranda Sings’s live shows, which was scheduled to take place in Missouri on August 10, was suddenly canceled.

July 8: “How To Sing Like a Black Woman”

Another old video of the YouTuber posing as Miranda resurfaced online; this time she was singing “like a Black woman,” as the title of the video explained.

In the resurfaced clip, Colleen — as Miranda — tells her viewers that in order to sing like a “big Black woman,” you should sing “really loud,” before demonstrating by singing a line from Jennifer Hudson ’s “And I Am Tellin' You I’m Not Going.”

July 8: Colleen and Trisha’s Podcast Is Axed

Trisha confirmed on July 8 that her and Colleen’s aforementioned podcast, Oversharing with Colleen Ballinger & Trisha Paytas , has come to an end after just three episodes.

Sharing a 16-minute video to her YouTube page, Trisha described the end of the podcast as “embarrassing,” before admitting that she “cried” and simply couldn’t “grasp” what had unfolded between herself and Colleen.

July 10: The Entire Miranda Sings Tour Is Canceled

Less than a week after Miranda Sings’s Missouri show was axed, news broke that the entirety of the tour had been canceled, too.

Colleen had 11 shows left over the course of 2023, spanning from Idaho to North Carolina. The events were canceled without any official statement from Colleen or her team.

Legal representatives for Colleen Ballinger did not respond to BuzzFeed's request for comment.

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